And just while I am apparently venting about personal shit with no mental filter, one of the things that has been really getting to me over the last few weeks is everyone complimenting me on my drastic weight loss, and whenever I try to articulate how god awful sick I was to lose 20lbs in six weeks, people either laugh and say “wow maybe I’ll try that diet” or “well you look better for it” like thanks Mabel, I hope you get sick enough to lose muscle mass too.

Today was the first day when we met up with friends, and when I was asked how I lost all the weight, the person responded with “oh my god, are you okay now?” 

Like that, that right there is the appropriate response to finding out your friend was throwing up everything except water for six weeks. Not “contrats on being skinny”.

Healthy =/= thin. I’ve got friends who weigh double my current body weight who are healthier than me and will likely outlive my chronically sick ass by several years if not decades. Like God damn, y’all, tf is wrong with people.

I am haunted.
Haunted by the ghost of the woman I was too afraid to become. 
And I’m the one who killed her. 

I smothered her.
Left her gasping and screaming for air underneath the same white sheets that I rest upon every night. 
You’ll see no blood. 
You’ll no evidence of a struggle. 
Her body rots between the cracks in my ribcage. 
This is where I hold her prisoner. 

There was no funeral. 
No “goodbye”. 
Just my silent mourning. 
I wear black in the bags under my eyes. 
This haunting is exhausting. 
This haunting is unlike any other. 

You see, my hands are her hands 
and maybe this is why everyone I touch 
remains unmoved. 
Maybe this is why everything I write 
becomes an elegy. 

To her: I’m sorry. But you never had a chance. 
To her: I’m sorry for letting you rot before you ever had the chance to bloom. 
Here lies she whose face haunts me everywhere I turn.
—  a personal elegy

anonymous asked:

Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know there's a real shitty, homophobic/transphobic dude going around reblogging posts just to say nasty things and I also see him talking shit about McHanzo and McGenji. He went out of his way to comment on someone's McHanzo fan art to talk about McSombra so if you see him just block him. I'm 100% sure he's baiting.

Thanks for the heads up, friend!

To our followers and anyone else at risk of being targeted by this asshole, please be alert and don’t engage with any trolls you come across, seeing as that he’s only trying to rile people up.

griffphandor  asked:

So I'm kinda new to the phandom (watched my first vid about 3 months ago) any advice for me? And suggest more phan blogs to follow thanks.

aa welcome !! i’d try to make as many friends as possible and be super nice to everyone! occasionally theres drama which is a bit yikes but if you can, stay out of it. as for gaining followers, try to post content, whether its igfs or edits or just funny text posts, stay active, and talk to ppl ! there are so so many nice people i lov. 

heres some of my faves (in no order bc im a mess):

@@phtl @goldan @flowersphil @glowinghowell @donthavetobebrave @lesterp @lcssamazingphil @japhanz @amazingphilz @doinganap @ratinof  @huphilpuffs @danslester @dantichrist @furryphil @dailybooth @fuckinlester @nihilist-toothpaste @cafephan @goincrazyfast @danielbear @rebloggingphan @2k17rebrand @phandum @boncasphan @dansucc @bondange @forgetfullittleguy @dnpsb @danschode @princessdan @phiru @fondan @pseudophan @pugjumper @dadinof @themostfuniveverhad @astronautdan @prettydan @philester @prettyphil @cringe-attacks @sharkdan @dangoghs @howelloddle @boncasphan @redhowell


Found this very good video again!

I’m not quite sure how I feel about the God discourse going around right now… All I know is that I’m skeptical at best and I’m agreeing with @wingedkingdoms on just about everything they’ve said on this so far.

Just stay safe everyone, okay? Take care of yourself and remember to be kind.