and the sadness is so deep in his chest, burning behind his ribs, that nobody can reach it - can only sit through it, wait it out.
these times, isak doesn’t know what to do. doesn’t really know what to do ever, but especially these times. he stands wringing his hands nervously together at the edge of the bed of his lifeless boyfriend, lip bitten in between his own teeth.
even’s chest barely lifts with each inhale. like that much movement alone takes so much effort that it hurts down to the heart of his bones. and isak, just, he- doesn’t know how to help, what to say, how to say it. doesn’t know any way to soothe - other than with touch.
so, that’s what he does.
he sighs out a knot of air from his lungs, and crawls onto the end of the bed, just tiptoes his body up up up over the length of his flopped-out boyfriend. he fits their legs and hips and tummies together, and he settles there.
a warm weight, a solid weight, a safe weight.
even blinks up at him, his eyes an empty whirlpool-blue. confused.
“you’re not alone,” isak whispers. with his fingers shaking and achingly gentle, he combs even’s hair back from his forehead. out of his eyes, behind his ears. he dusts him in kisses. everywhere. all over his face. the tip of his nose, the apples of his cheeks, the scrunch of his eyebrows.
doesn’t know what to say or how to say it, but as if every brush of his lips could take some of the hurt away.
he promises, tilting their foreheads together, “i’m here. with you. you are not alone.”
and even blinks and he breathes and he believes him.
y'all are wild Dan Howell Isn’t! straight! he’s been saying this for a while and y'all are like “oh he’s JOKING” when he literally talked about being attracted to the same gender oh my god this is what happens when you have too much heteronormativity