People hold hands? Psh I can't relate, I throw hands like a real man.
[puts on fake glasses] It's time to read some hoes.
Me actually liking someone? Sounds fake, I just like the validation that I'm not complete trash.
I'm internally screaming right now because the one day I decide to wear makeup I keep crying. My eyelashes are clumping together and I cannot. I refuse.
Do you ever see the sun and you're like ... Man, I'd love to punch it because same. I want to punch the sun so hard. My only chance to be fist-kissed by a hottie.
I feel bad that I don't recycle. I just can't be inspired to do it because I still feel terrible about life after doing so. [throws water bottle in recycling bin] Oh look, I still have depression!
I want to have a flowery aesthetic... I need a group of friends that are always willing to take pictures of frolicking through flower fields.
I love the fact that no one really knows anything about me, but it also makes me kind of sad at the same time. What is my legacy besides being the mysterious and hot one?
The only person in this world who will never break my heart is education connection lady. She's still in 2009 singing about her education experience and I refuse to believe anything different.
I've spent 10 hours of my life listening to the education connection song. If I don't make it to college, then I may as well just die.
Other people around me are always like "I LOVE YOU! OMG, I LOVE YOU!" Meanwhile I'm just eating my imaginary popcorn thinking about how much I hate everyone.
I'm eating five hour old chicken nuggets and I'm sad. I don't think I'll finish them... I have to throw them away... This is probably the worst thing I've ever done in my life.
Crows and ravens are not bad omens, as much as people may want you to think they are.
If corvids are following you, they’re there to protect you.
If bad things happen when corvids are your guardians, those things were made to make you stronger.
They won’t let anything get to you that you aren’t strong enough to handle.
They will lead you into liminal spaces, but they will not lead you back out. Enter only if you are sure you can find your way back out again.
Crow Girls will play games with you, and they may hurt you, but they mean no harm. They do not know their own strength. Treat them with kindness, but also with playfulness, and they will reward you in kind.
Owls are wisdom, but they are also folly.
They will try to lead you down the wrong path, not out of malice, but as a test to your convictions. Stick to your morals and you will find loyalty.
Owls will protect you during the Thirteenth Hour, but only insofar as you are of use to them. Be sure you can offer enough to keep their protection for that long.
Owls will bend those laws you understand, and break those you don’t.
They are regal for as long as you revere them.
Only when they are humbled are they truly wise. They are not humbled easily.
Parrots are shits, but they can be controlled.
They will eat your balcony and crap on your car and cheat with your wife.
If you give them enough shiny things, they’ll eat and shit and fornicate somewhere else.
If you give them more than enough they’ll let you pick where that is.
If you give them nothing, you’d better get used to five a.m wake-up calls.
Gulls are dirty, scrappy creatures.
Gulls will fight you in the Woolworth’s car park at three in the morning, but only if there’s a cashier taking a smoke break by the bins and a clear sky overhead.
If you win, you become part of their cabal.
If you lose, they get claim over your gizzards. They can collect at any time.
Becoming a Gull gets you protection by the colony from all dangers, and gives you privileges. Be certain you need them before fighting.
Fighting without certainty that you need the colony ensures your loss.
Doves are lies wrapped in decadence.
Pigeons are the only truthful doves, but their words are wrapped in riddles.
When you hear a dove speak, assume the opposite is true, if you can understand what is being said in the first place.
Doves will give you gifts, but each will only be valuable to one person in the world. If you are very, very lucky, you’ll be given one that means something to you.
Doves watch over the spirit, but do not protect it. They are there only for information.
Doves are bad at their jobs.
Swans are evil.
No matter what, do not let a swan into your home.
If you find yourself stalked by swans, they will coerce you into something.
They will trick you using any means necessary. They are vengeful and do not forget a grudge, do not forgive a slight.
Swans will lure you with pretty words and promises of riches and love. Beware the shiny plumage; beneath lies the sharp beak, powerful talons.
Do not follow the swan song, do not dance with the swan, for it will steal you away to the Other, and you will not find your way home.
Eyyyyyyyyyyy here’s something that I’m never ever going to finish because I’m a lazy fuck and forgot to write down the plot and i forgot it… soo unless i remember this is all that I got for this comic.