Another question, if you don't mind: five speeches/rants/are-you-fucking-kidding-me-looks Obito made while being (re-)introduced to the shinobi way of life. Could be deadly serious (examining of a flawed system viewing people as tools first and foremost), or lighthearted (dealing with Konoha architecture that makes no logical sense) or anything really (those vegetables cost how much? Fuck it I'll grow my own!)
First. Grandma was reluctant to call ninjas to help with the harvest, but even she wasn’t stubborn enough to deny needing help. So with gritted teeth she wrote the demand, and with gritted teeth Tobio didn’t stop her. Now, faced with the ninja team sent by Konoha, he wishes he had. They’re young. They’re much too young to be working, much too young to bear the brand of killers on their foreheads, much too young to be sent away from their village without an adult supervising them. He tells them as much.
Second. Kakashi says Obito was 13 when he died in the war. Tobio was 13 when grandma found him, and he still remembers the pain, still hurts to this day because his hip never healed right. He is lucky to be alive, to be able to wear his scars like he does instead of having died a bloody mess of mangled flesh mixed with rocks and bones alike. That fact horrifies him. He shouldn’t have to consider himself lucky to have barely survived a war as a child. He loves children, and the thought of sending them to die, the thought of considering this to be normal - it disgusts him. He looks at Kakashi (two years younger than him and he was warring too at that time) and he just really wants to puke.
Third. The Hokage asks Obito if he is ready to be a loyal Konoha shinobi and serve the village with his life. Blond dude (Inoichi ?) is next to him, making sure he doesn’t lie. As if Obito would tell anything but the truth. He despises ninjas. (Kakashi is tensing at that, most likely already going through three different plans to break Obito out of whatever place they’ll throw him in.) Obito despises ninjas, despises the way they look at people and say “tool”, the way they send children to death, the way they kill without an ounce of regret. He won’t be loyal to that, won’t serve anything this fucked up. However - (Kakashi closes his eyes as if praying.) However, Obito is an adult, and if he has to die so that children won’t have to, then he will do it. Obito is a friend, and he will be loyal to the end to those he cherishes. He doesn’t care for the village, but he won’t throw away the people living there. Now, if he gets a chance to change the way things are run, he sure as hell won’t waste it, don’t get him wrong. He will just… wait for it, somehow. (Or create it if he has to, and the faces on the cliff seem to smile at him at that.)
Fourth. Kakashi pauses everytime he has to enter the house. It’s slight, and Tobio wouldn’t have noticed it, but Obito is trained to analyse everything he sees, and his eyesight has always been better than most. When he confronts Kakashi about it, he already knows he isn’t going to like what he hears. By the time he manages to get the whole story out of Kakashi, he wants to set the village on fire. Who allowed Kakashi to come back to this house ? He can say the tatami mats have changed all he wants, Obito knows some things don’t disappear that easily. Hell, Obito still flinches every time he has to go underground, and he can’t even remember why. Kakashi remembers, remembers every single thing he went through, and no one ever thought to help him in any way. The next time he sees Sakura for his monthly checkup, he tells her as much (in as little details as he can, because Kakashi really wouldn’t like him talking about that stuff), and she frowns.
Fifth. Naruto has the most blinding smile, eats like he’s never going to eat again, and he calls Kakashi’s books garbage. All good points in Obito’s book. When Obito gets pulled aside by Kakashi and Jiraiya (the garbage author and incidentally also one of the strongest ninjas currently alive, somehow) to talk about the demon inside Naruto and how it almost killed Jiraiya… Obito has to remind himself that no, setting the village on fire is still not a good idea, no matter how much he wants it. (He is only allowed in the know because he and Kakashi work better as a team after all, he should be thankful for that.) A demon. In a child. And when he asks details about it (later, when Kakashi and him are at home and he can get angry all he wants), it only gets worse. Naruto eats like he’s never going to eat again, and Obito isn’t so sure it’s because he is a growing teen anymore. He doesn’t even know who to curse anymore. (He can’t change Naruto’s life, but hell if he won’t find a way for it to never happen again to anyone.)
-It starts out with Alec adopting a bat
-He was on a hunt and a bat lands on his shoulder afterwards and he tries to let it go but it seems content to cuddle him
-“You’re not keeping it” everyone says
-He’s keeping it
-He names it Raphael (because he’s so clever)
-Raphael the bat is such a cuddler. Like wow this bat cuddles. And occasionally he becomes the literal incarnation of his namesake but otherwise he is RAPHAEL THE CUDDLE BAT
-“It’s going to give you rabies Alec”
-“No he won’t shush Magnus I got him his shots”
-So Raphael the bat goes out flying at night to eat and stretch his wings and one day he flies home with another bat in tow
-“NO” everyone cries
-“Yes” Alec says simply and then there were two
-He names the second bat Simon
-Real Simon is not amused
-“One of these days those bats are going to suck your blood”
-“Jace that’s ridiculous Simon and Raphael aren’t vampire bats they eat insects and fruit”
-Simon the bat is a little clumsy at times, but he usually just shakes it off. He’s very playful and is constantly messing with Raphael so he’ll play with him. Raphael the bat grumbles (do bats grumble?) but he plays with Simon
-Simon and Raphael the bats are very close and are almost never seen without the other
-And the trouble those two get into. Someone should write a book and call it The Adventures of Raphael the Cuddle Bat and his Clumsy Companion Simon
-Alec loves his bats all the same and though absolutely no one will admit it Simon and Raphael the bats have grown on them
-Somehow they came up with a peace treaty with Chairman Meow or something because the bats have not been eaten yet
-Simon and Raphael are responsible for 85% of cute bat gifs
-It’s a scientific fact
-Both bats love Alec the most, then Simon, then Clary (because when she’s there so is Simon), then everyone else.
-But seriously these bats love Alec like what is he doing is he secretly using magic to make them love him???
-He clicks his tongue and most of the time they come. They answer to name (which can get awkward when both Real Simon and Bat Simon are in the same room). Once they brought him a dead grasshopper.
-Alec lowkey ships his bats
-Everyone lowkey ships his bats
-The bats lowkey ship his bats
I tag @raphaelsantiagosavedhimself because we all know by now to tag her in the Saphael things (does this count as Saphael? I think it does)