fifteen times a day

1. i remember late nights, tour life, dim lights
and you in my pants.

2. i remember all the fear and sorrow every time
you left, but how you always came back. this time i
don’t think you are.

3. i’m sleeping with my wife but i’m always wanting

4. i remember bedroom floors and smashing doors, roses
on my porch and you inside my core.

5. i remember +44 and how your heart stopped beating
when i told you it wasn’t about that at all. (it was).

6. cool kids, parking lots, girls we wanted to kiss
when it was actually just you.

7. i remember climbing up that lamp post because i couldn’t
believe how hot you were with your smirk and that lip ring.

8. i remember that time we almost got caught kissing
in an interview and how i made you promise me to not do
that again and then i was angry for the next three days.

9. matt is only a fraction. you are the universe.

10. i remember rooftops when we were young and how you
taught me about space and i remember thinking “lucky
for him he’s cute”.

11. i remember saving you, staying with you, holding on to
you, breathing for you.

12. my wife doesn’t look me in the eyes anymore.

13. i remember your warm breath in the summer afternoons -
how it smelled of beer and sex.

14. i remember a time when you would call me every day
and complain about the distance and how you never wanted
to be an anomaly.

15. i go through taking off your clothes in my head
every night but they sit too tight and it you slip through
my hands.

this time, where are you, houston?

a playlist for former friends (those ones that you love but god, you’re still pissed as hell)

i’m lost without you - blink 182 // kissing you goodbye - the used // mr. brightside - the killers // go to hell - go radio // cough it out - the front bottoms // yesterday’s feelings - the used // miss missing you - fall out boy // after midnight - blink 182 // always - panic! at the disco // restless heart syndrome - green day // without the bitter, the sweet isn’t as sweet - mayday parade // dammit - blink 182