when I was 17 the first girl I’d ever loved told me if her parents found out about how I looked at her she’d be homeless. we cried for 2 days straight, and I told about concrete counter tops. I told her about dark hardwood floors with at least three knit blankets on every couch. Our bedroom facing west because even though I love the sunrise, you look the best in our bed covered in nothing but the deep purple of sunset. The library that would smell like our books had been there longer than our home had been standing on solid foundation, stone, reliable. Sweet girl, I know they say not to make homes out of people but I don’t want anyone else’s dirty dishes on my counter. I don’t want to take the trash out for anyone else at 11pm. You’re the only person I’d race to kill a spider for in the shower. How could you ever be without a home when every time I look at you I’m building ours.
but i don’t look at her
while she informs me of
the latest date her and her boyfriend went on.
“that’s nice.” i whisper. “that’s nice.” i say more to myself.
“i really want you to meet him.”
my blood boils. she really wants me to meet him. the man that get’s to touch her in the places that used to be mine. the man who doesn’t understand that he gets to wake up to the sight of a million stars everyday. “that’s okay, i don’t need too.” my lips tremble and i start to fiddle with my fingers.
“what’s wrong? is it something i said?” she says blindly, then reaches out to grab my shaky hands.
“no.” she could throw a thousand insults at me and i’d still remain calm. she could spit on my grave and my soul would still be at peace. but the thought of her with somebody else is one that cause volcanoes to erupt in the pit of my stomach, fires to start within the balls of my fists and tsunami’s to form in the back of my eyes. “i’d love to.” we all know i wouldn’t. but that’s the closest i’ll ever be to saying ‘i love you’ to her, so i squeeze her hand in mine and let it go, picking up my phone to divert the attention from me. i miss her. i want her. but god, i need her.
Akatsuki becomes a mercenary group for hire, as they did in Road to Ninja. This is more appropriately named the “everybody comes back to life and somehow things work out AU”… but as promised, 10 Akatsuki members in the timeline of The Last! Designing is fun (esp the village flak jackets) (・∀・)
See more extensive character/AU details below the cut!:
One day you will meet a girl who will treat you with such fire and longing you won’t know what to do with it all. Someday her soul will bump right into yours, and lightning. This girl will wake you. She will shake you from your dull, chaotic universe and punch cracks in the wall until her sweet radiation can push through. You will bloom for her, emanation upon emanation of need, of down on your knees desire, of kneeling beneath star and moon, of painstaking prayer, of please-let-me-have-her-my-god-let-me-have-her. Your want will be big and your heart will be bigger, and all the planets will see it. See the way you swell for her; your all, your everything. One day this girl will love you and you will love her back, in dizzy, incomparable ways. She will carry you out of the mouth of your own longing and show you a new way, so together you can build another world, one where there is safety, where this is a story of stardust not gunpowder, where you can hold each other without fear of who might be watching. One day she will kiss you at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way, and your blood will turn to light. She’ll learn your volcanic places and adore them, make you burst and burst until you can’t speak, until you cry out, reaching for her, calling on angels. Words won’t be enough and you’ll be okay with that. She will take your face in her hands and never let you forget for an instant that you’re wanted. All your hidden aching bared for her warm eyes, all that despair turned quiet.
It will make you weep. It will make you unbreakable.
“1. forever is an awfully long time to spend by the side of a man you are pretending to love, but it seems like the time would pass in the blink of an eye by her side.
2. she brushes your hair out of your eyes and tucks it behind your ear in the most gentle fashion. she kisses your forehead and your nose and your cheeks and she touches you without using her hands. the best part about her is that she treats you like a person. her eyes are locked with yours during conversation, not glued to your chest.
3. you take her places you’ve only taken yourself and you show her parts of the world that don’t exist for anyone but you. you let her in, knowing very well that you will not come out unscathed, but you’re not afraid.
4. someone once told you that a house is a place and a home is a feeling. you never understood what that meant, much less did you understand why you felt out of place in the same building you’d lived in for the past sixteen years. when you met her, you knew she was home, and then you understood.
5. you don’t feel different in her arms. all that matters when you are with her is the two of you, not the looks you get from strangers walking by, not the feeling of fear in your chest, not the fact that you are a woman who is in love with another woman.”
five ways she’s made you feel alive