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You know that moment when you see that a fanfic hasn’t been updated in years, but you think to yourself, “Pssshhh I just won’t get invested in it.” and then you get to the last chapter and you’re just like wHY DO I TREAT MYSELF THIS WAY ??!!?!

More Humans are Weird

Because this hash tag is SO FUN and thought-provoking. 

GENDER: 
No one can keep up with humans and gender. There are no easy signs to tell who is what, not clothing, not body morphology, not how they paint themselves or their grooming or vestigal hair. The humans themselves argue about how many genders there are. Eventually they quit trying and refer to all humans as ‘they’. Most humans are fine with that, even compliment them on their support (?) and progressive views (??). A few humans are offended, but are shouted down by their other humans. The other beings of the galaxy officially give up. 

SEX: 
Some humans want to have sex all the time. Others barely can stand to be touched at all, even casually. Some will have sex with their own gender, which does not produce offspring and is confusing to many. Some will have sex only with certain people, some will have sex with anyone. SOME will have sex with other species, occasionally challenging their own safety and everyone else’s. None of this is considered strange. Anyone saying it is strange is again shouted down and shamed into silence. The other beings of the galaxy officially give up. 

CATS: 
Humans adopt small predators as pets and kiss their “widdle faces” and giggle over their clawed toes (???) and fuss and are thrilled when the predators sleep with them (isn’t that UNSAFE? IT IS FULL OF POINTY BITS) and often sport scratches and bite marks inflicted when the animal was ‘playing’. 
“When were these ‘cats’ domesticated?”
“Oh, we never really domesticated them. We just let them move into the house with us. Aren’t they CUUUUUTE? Come here, baby.” -kissy noises-
The other beings of the galaxy again give up. 

RELIGION: 
Wars fought. Millions - probably billions, through history - killed. Crew members huffy with each other. Various holidays celebrated, none of which make sense, some of them celebrating events that are physically impossible and could not have happened. All for something that can’t be proved. 
The other beings of the galaxy would think this was all an elaborate prank if it wasn’t for the body count. 

GERMS: 
Humans get INFECTED and act as if it is a personal affront, and cuss about it. They confine themselves to quarters so they don’t infect the rest of the crew - very kind, in that respect - and otherwise wrap themselves in bedding and bitch about it for three days while doing their work by remote - “It’s fine, just a cold.” followed by horrifying noises they call ‘coughing’ and ‘sneezing’ -  and HOW. HOW DO THEY EVEN. 
The other beings of the galaxy, for whom infection is always life-threatening, boggle from a safe distance. With respirators on. 

ALPHA PREDATOR…? 
They come from a death planet, these naked apes with no armor, no fangs, no speed. They have the ability to conquer the galaxy, if they only agreed with each other long enough that it was their goal. Instead they poke their noses into other death worlds, ‘exploring’, they call it, adopting horrifying creatures and making friends with other predatory beings, brewing poisonous beverages from whatever they can scrounge, which they then drink for fun. The rest of the galaxy is relieved. If humans had an attention span, they would truly be in trouble. 

No one wants to know what a ‘shark’ is. Humans seem to be afraid of them, and if it frightens the humans, the rest of the galaxy is, to a being, terrified. 

I get that TAZ fanartists love, and I mean fucking LOVE to draw Garfield the Deals Warlock as the actual lasagna cat, but consider this alternative: Plain-clothes Griffin in a pair of Groucho Marx glasses.

I mean, think about it for a minute. Really, properly think about it.

Did you think about it? Good. Welcome to Hash tag Team Garfield the Deals Warlock is Plain-Clothes Griffin In a Pair of Groucho Marx Glasses.

And I don’t want a never ending life
I just wanna be alive while I’m here

3

Trump tried to go after Sweden last night telling the world that we are living in some apocalyptic war zone after letting in a lot of refugees (Sweden has taken in about 100 000 during the last two years and we currently have a population of ten million. Only Germany has accepted more in Europe.) and let me tell you I am hella proud of that!! And so many other swedes are too. Almost every politician, journalist, etc has taken it upon themselves to make sure that this doesn’t go unnoticed. People are pissed. Trump was never popular in Sweden but if there is something swedes are good at it is being passive aggressive and holding a grudge (see the very ironic hash tag #lastnightinsweden). He will not get away with this. Just letting all you americans know that you’re not alone, we’re in this together. And together we are strong. In the words of Sweden’s former prime minister, America “don’t mourn, organize!”.

spirit-folk replied to your post “I need to find more people who ship Horaven and Ashe cos Listen Im…”

my lil au is rly innocent but instead of Ashe sleeping outside after getting wasted with xin, she quietly snuck inside trying not to wake up horaven and crawled into bed with him and cuddled him like the big bear heater he would most definitely be and like he totally pretended to be asleep but was just !!!! the whole time

WIP / Master List Thing

Suggestions / Prompts / Questions / Just to chat ily

Originally posted by raptorwhisperer

CHARACTER SPECIFIC RESPONSES/STORIES:

ADA Rafael Barba (Law & Order SVU) Requests/Stories | HERE
Trujillo, Nevada Ramirez (Trouble In The Heights) Requests/Stories | HERE
Dr. Frederick Chilton (Hannibal) Requests/Stories | HERE
Jonas Nightingale (Leap Of Faith- Musical) Requests/Stories | HERE

Johnny (Tick Tick Boom) only has 1 so: - Reflecting on Change
Philip Salon (Taboo) - The Waiting Room

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hey girl can you do one where the reader gets a lot of twitter hate and so they get really insecure and josh has to convince her he loves her no matter what? thanks so much, i love your work and you so much

JOSH DUN IMAGINE

triggers: hate messages, self hate (idk it’s not bad promise) 

You know that you shouldn’t be scrolling through the hash tag “joshdeservesbetter” but you are, because you’re curious and because it’s trending. You also know that your eyes are watering but you’re on the tour bus and there is no way in hell you’re letting yourself cry in front of the guys. Another push of the refresh button, another new slew of tweets full of hate. The past few hours had consisted of scrolling through the comments written to tear you down. They seemed to be doing their job, however, because here you were with a sinking feeling in your chest as you read yet another hateful tweet. Were you really this awful? This annoying?  This fat? Was your acne really that bad?  Did your face bother people that much?

You can feel Josh watching you from the corner of your eye but he isn’t saying anything so you continue along your journey of self-inflicted torture. You’re another 5 tweets down when one particularly popular tweet catches your eye.  It reads: ‘Josh’s natural light gets duller when Y/N’s at his side’ And that’s it.  That’s what makes the tears fall. Do they think you don’t know this? You know you don’t deserve Josh. For God sakes you weren’t even dating when you first realized this. This is what keeps you up at night, knowing the person that you love deserves so much than you.

All those menacing thoughts were going through your head when a voice starts speaking, “Y/N, what’s wrong?” Tyler asks.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just missing home, I guess.” God you were an awful liar. Hopefully this doesn’t sound like total bullshit coming out of your mouth.

“I’m sorry, I know it can get rough.” he replies.

“Yeah, it can,” you cough awkwardly before standing up, “I’m just gonna go clean up a bit, yeah?” You don’t even wait for a response from Tyler before you’re rushing past him.  You needed to get out of there.

You had your eyes on the bathroom when you could hear someone approaching behind you.

“I know you don’t just miss home,” Josh says.  He reaches out his hand and delicately brushes a stray strand of hair out of your face.  You rub your running nose with the sleeve of your sweatshirt and look down at your feet.  

“I do, I’m fine though-“ you lie.  

But Josh knows better.  He snakes his arm through yours and drags you to the back of the bus where the bunks are located.  He sits on his, and all but pulls you down next to him.

“I saw you glued to your phone, talk to me,” he urges.

Josh’s arm winds around your waist, fingers resting gently on your side. Normally you wouldn’t mind the feeling, but not now that you had gained weight. You could feel Josh’s fingers digging into the fat on your side and it disgusted you. No doubt it disgusted Josh as well. You squirmed in Josh’s grasp; trying to move his hand away as tears filled your eyes once again. In response to your sudden embarrassment, you bury your face into the crook of his neck, and allowed the tears to flow freely down your cheeks and into the hollow of Josh’s collarbones.

Josh slipped his hand underneath the hem of your shirt, fingertips gently pushing down the waistband of both your sweatpants and underwear to expose your hipbone fully. In a gentle pattern, his thumb started rubbing circles on the exposed skin. What used to be a comforting gesture was now nothing short of uncomfortable.

“Stop.” You murmured softly, your voice thick with tears. Immediately, Josh could tell that something was wrong, just in the tone of your voice.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked gently, but his voice gave away just how concerned he was.

“Josh, do you think I’m… fat?” you asked softly, not daring to look into his eyes. You nervously played with the hem of your shirt, picking at a loose thread.

“What?” Josh said, sounding almost too shocked. Like an act.  “Are you serious?  What’s this about?”

“Just answer the question,” you pleaded.  You had to know.

“No, love, I don’t think you’re fat.”  Josh turned on the bed to face you, reaching for your hands as you tried to pull away.  “Now tell me why you’re asking.”

“No reason,” you mutter. “Just wondering.”

Josh shook his head, knowing you were lying to him. ”No, there must be a reason. You can tell me. You know you can tell me anything.”

Your fake smile fell to the frown you had been suppressing. You opened your mouth, but nothing came out except for a strangled sob as the dam finally broke loose and tears streamed down your face at full fledge. Josh had this uncanny ability to break down all of your walls, no matter how strong you tried to build them up.

Strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into Josh’s lap.  Josh hated seeing you cry, simply hated it. And when you wouldn’t tell him what was wrong, but started crying, he was worried even more. “Baby,” he whispered, drawing small patterns on your back to try to calm you down, “C’mon, talk to me.”

“The fans—“ you choked out, “they’ve been saying things.” You managed to say in between sobs.

”Babe, what did the fans say?” he asked softly.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, handing it to Josh, not muttering a word. The Twitter app had been left open, all Josh had to do was unlock your phone and the source of all your tears would be there for him to see.

‘@joshuadun you realize you’re like, proper famous now, right? you can get any girl you want… #joshdeservesbetter’

‘#joshdeservesbetter than kissing a butterface before bed every night’

‘#joshdeservesbetter than EVERYTHING Y/N IS’

‘just don’t understand how someone like @joshuadun ends up with someone like Y/N #joshdeservesbetter’

‘#joshdeservesbetter than someone unable to keep up with their body’

Josh brought a hand up to cover over his mouth, closing the phone and setting it on the end table. Those were just the first few tweets as he scrolled down, he wasn’t able to read beyond that.

“See, Josh? I told y-you I was awful!” you cried.

“No, baby, you’re not. Those aren’t real fans. Those are fake fans.” he said, “They’re only trying to tear you down.”

“Not a single one of those things are true, you’re beautiful and funny, and smart and talented and you deserve so much.”

You felt your chest tighten as Josh began rocking you back and forth.  You needed to get out of there, you felt suffocated by Josh’s words, filled with love.  You knew you didn’t deserve to breathe them in. You started to pull away, but Josh tightens his hold.

“I know you’re not going to believe a single word I say right now, and that’s okay,” he whispers.  “But I’m going to keep saying them until you do.  Y/F/N, you are a beautiful, beautiful person. And I want you to just try to believe me when I say this to you. Everything those people are saying, it’s fake. You are not fat, baby, not by any means.  You’re perfect.”

You looked up at Josh, wiping away the stubborn tears that had still refused to leave your eyes. “Really?” you asked, biting your lip in a way that drove Josh absolutely insane.

“Really babe.” That answer must have been enough for you, because you finally smiled, and ducked your head, blush spreading across your cheeks.

“I’ll try,” you mutter, letting your head fall back against Josh’s chest.  His hand ran tenderly up and down the back of your spine, and you realized it didn’t make you squirm.  “I’ll try to believe you.”