tadris

Mird and the Dildos

[Context: Mird, our Elven Cleric, is back in his hometown. There is a vendor and while our Rogue Elf Tadris and Assassin Dragonborn Jackson go around looking for weapons and bothering the wildlife, he jumps on the chance of getting weapons.]

Mird: I buy 3 DILDOS!
Everyone else: WHAT?
DM: That’s fair. 40 gold pieces.
Mird: Good.
DM: All of the dildos are neon pink, and you clutch them like your life depends on it. The merchant seems content with his money and leaves.
Mird: I put them in my inner pockets.
DM: You shove all three dildos in your ass.
Tadris, OOC: [LAUGHING]
Mird, OOC: NO!
DM, OOC: ALL OF THEM!
Mird, OOC: NO, IN MY CLOAK!
DM: ROLL FOR MOVEMENT!
Tadris, OOC: Don’t miss your pockets!
Mird: 18!
DM: He puts them in his pockets.
Tadris, OOC: Awww.
Jackson, OOC: I have nothing to do with this.