Helmet Party + Zhanna Concept
I mean, imagine…
*solly kicks open lab door*
“ENGIE, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHO I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH AS WELL… This is Zhanna, can we keep her?”
Engie falls off his chair, surprised by the sudden ambush, but swiftly rights himself, peering up at the military mercenary through his ever-present goggles… and turning his gaze to the amazonian woman standing by his side.
“Uh… ah’m delighted ta meetcha miss…?” he frowns, a little confused.
Raccoons being adopted at all hours of day and night was one thing, but bringing a woman home was new.
“I am Zhanna, sister of Misha… you call him Heavy, da? I am here to meet competitor for the Soldier, Jane.”
The frown deepens, as the Texan turns towards the other man in the room. “Now Sol, did you at least ask if she wanted ta be part o all this, or didja forget to tell her about…”
He trails off. “…is there even an us anymore?”
Soldier deflates a little, “Of course, Engie, I gave the private a full tactical briefing but i think it may not have translated correctly to communist from Pure AMERICAN!”
Engie rolls his eyes.
“Miss Zhanna it’s nice ta meet you, ah’m the team engineer, some call me Engie, but this here loudmouth and a few others call me by my given name, which is Dell.” He introduces himself. “Now ah don;t know where this rivalry idea came from, but if ya okay with sharing, we ain’t gonna have a problem.”
She narrows her eyes for a long moment, gaze sweeping up and down his form in a way that reminded the Texan of the one time he let Soldier talk him into a situation involving honey, nudity, and a once-more scandalised scout.
Finally, Zhanna nods, and gives a smiles. “Da, vil vork for me. Now I have two attractive men with which to have the fun times.”
Engie nearly chokes. God damn, she was straight forwards.
…how did Jane keep finding people like this?
“Uh, alright then. Y'all hungry?” he offers, trying to ease into the situation.
“I HAVE A BETTER IDEA, PRIVATE!” cries Soldier, already naked somehow and cracking the lid off of their last jar of honey.
“Now, Jane ah don’t think-…”
“Is good plan.” replies Zhanna, over him, already sans most of her attire.
Engie isn’t sure where to look, to be polite. “JANE… are you su-…”
“C'mon Dell… dinner and a show…” cajoles Soldier, with that damn smirk that started this all off last time.
“Please, let Zhanna help…” purrs russian goddess by him, enticingly covered in a layer of honey and reaching for the clasp to his overalls.
Engie takes a deep breath, exhales, and accepts that he has the most unusual taste in partners this universe has ever seen.
“Oh all right…” he relents, already feeling the sticky condiment being poured on his head, as other hands helpfully stole his clothes away…
He starts to laugh at the ridiculous of his life.
And that’s when the door creaks open.
“Hey, are you guys coming to dinner or wha-…aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?!?!?!?” Scout just stands there, hand on the doorknob, eyes wide, and mouth open in an unending scream.
Engie groans. “Godamnit, ah knew this was gonna happen… we need a lock for that door.”
Soldier and Zhanna look to him pleadingly, but the Texan steadfastly shakes his head. “Ah think he’s traumatised enough without you trying to get him in on the acti-… put down that honey, Zhan, or so help me…”
And thus began the great nude honey marathon around the base, as Scout tried to escape, soldier and zhanna tried to catch him, and engineer jogged steadfastly behind wondering how his life came to this.