taco locos

anonymous asked:

Modern speeds diet consists entirely of doritos locos tacos and red bull

speedwagon voice: jonathan get me some fucking tacos you bitch, gamers like me need our nutrients

why the fuck do people always remind you that taco bell isn’t real mexican food like do you not think that i know that like do you think i go to taco bell because i think the 16 year old white guy behind the window just made me authentic mexican cuisine two minutes before i pulled to the second window no do you know why i go to taco bell it’s because it’s 1:30am and my life is terrible so i order a coke and five dorito loco tacos and shove them down my face in the parking lot

Just because someone is generous doesn't mean you can take advantage of them.

Background: both my parents are ophthalmologists (eye surgeon) and they practice at a private clinic together. To comply with rule #6 I won’t mention in which country this takes place but keep in mind this isn’t in the states or Canada.

Five years ago my parents took over a private clinic. The doctor that was practicing there previously had treated his nurses horribly (e.g., yelling and throwing things at the nurses when they make a mistake, calling them all sorts of awful names even in front of patients). However, my parents are not the kind of people who can do that.

So when my parents took over the clinic, they gave the nurses a raise, were flexible with their schedule, and treated them humanely. Not to generalize an entire country but for an employer to treat their employees with kindness is not very common here.

Here’s where the problem started. The nurses, instead of appreciating my parents’ generosity, they thought it would be okay to try and take advantage of this situation. They would show up late, come up with excuses to skip their shift and complain when my parents don’t pay them for their personal days, and they would talk down to my parents.

My parents never tolerated this kind of behaviour in the first place. Whenever the nurses behaved like this, they would sit them down and remind them that they should be treating my parents with respect not only because my parents are their superior but because they’re all adults. They would behave well for a few months and then the same thing would happen again. My parents have already replaced two of them so it’s not like they’re under the illusion that they have job security.

*Soapbox alert*: What bothers me most is that these nurses behaved perfectly well when they were being treated like animals by the previous doctor. And I would be more understanding if they were young but these nurses are in their mid-forties to mid-fifties.

Anyway, August is when most businesses take their summer vacation which basically means employees get a three or four day weekend but very rarely more than four. And surprise surprise, one of the nurses last week were complaining about not receiving a six-day-long paid vacation. She’s claiming that’s how much nurses receive at other clinics (which they don’t) and that it’s illegal for my parents to not allow them to do so (it’s not). And it’s not like we’re prohibiting her from using up her personal days to extend her long weekend.

I think that was the last straw for my mother. She spoke to our lawyer to double check what we’re allowed to do. Here’s a rough translation of what my mom said to that nurse yesterday in front of all the other nurses:

“We pay you above average for a private clinic nurse and we’ve been more than reasonable to your complaints and requests. There’s nothing else I can do to make the work environment here any safer and more peaceful. Despite never having done anything illegal nor violating any part of our contract, you think it’s appropriate to act like we’re taking advantage of you? Fine, let’s play by the ‘law’.”

  • Her contract needs to be renewed at the end of September. Her pay will be decreased to the legally required minimum wage.
  • The premium healthcare we provide for our employees that we’re not legally obligated to pay for? Her’s will be reduced to the basic plan.
  • Nurses are paid by the hour and there’s no minimum number of hours legally required in the contract so we already cut her shifts by half.

The workforce in this country is incredibly competitive so given her age, it is very unlikely she’ll be able to find another job as a nurse. Even if she did, she would have to leave my parents on good terms; as in she can’t badmouth us or cause chaos right before quitting otherwise her license could easily be taken away and all it takes is for my parents to blacklist her in the doctors’ association and no doctor in this country will ever hire her.

Her husband owns a construction firm that does pretty well so it’s not like the contract revisions will put her family out in the streets or anything. Still, I know this kind of makes us look like monsters but my parents rarely take such drastic measures. As their child, it was super satisfying to see them finally defend themselves.

(There are multiple updates from the author)

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Questions the MBTI types have for ENTP

INFP- Why are you so loud? It’s hard to find the perfect picture for this Yuri on Ice aesthetic board with you yelling about aliens all the time…

INFJ- Why haven’t you called the doctor yet? You were supposed to call three weeks ago! You are a very special friend to me, so your health is of the utmost importance…

INTP- Which should I read first: the Satanic Bible or Essential Astrophysics?

INTJ- Do you ever shut the fuck up? That was rhetorical, you have proven time and time again that you do not.

ISFP- Have you fed your fish today? If you kill another fish, I will never forgive you.

ISFJ- Will you please start writing your paper? It really stresses me out to watch you struggle to write 13 pages in 5 hours…

ISTP- Wanna get high?

ISTJ- How are you even alive right now? I watched you consume 16 shots of tequila and 6 Doritos Locos Tacos last night. That’s more tacos and shots than I’ve had in my entire life.

ENFP- Do you want to go to the reptile store with me to pick out a new pet? I’m not sure what I’m going to get, but I have a five gallon tank full of sand and I’m particular to the name Phillis.

ENFJ- Did you use a condom last night? I can’t believe you hooked up with that guy, he could have been a murderer…

ENTP- How are you so perfect, you beautiful bastard?

ENTJ- Why the fuck are your dishes in the sink again? I know you don’t mind living in filth, but you don’t have to subject the rest of us to your bullshit.

ESFP- Want to try to go to that edm concert tonight? It’s been sold out for weeks, but I know the bouncer and I think we could flirt our way in…

ESFJ- Are you being sarcastic? I mean I don’t think you think I’m a “stupid fucking bitch” for making you cookies, but I just want to be sure…

ESTP- Dude, you wanna jump in the pool from the roof? I was about to do it, but I feel like if you do it too, it will be less dangerous.

ESTJ- Can you please try to be on time for our lunch tomorrow? I have a job interview at 12:30 which will probably last 30 minutes and I’ve scheduled a study session for myself at 1:30, so we have exactly 30 minutes to complete our socialization and food. I also picked out an outfit for you and laid it on your bed, so you have no excuse!

Trying to order off the menu at a KFC/Taco Bell is like being the heroine in a Gothic novel.

No one ever really seeks out the KFC/Taco Bell. One just… finds oneself there. Maybe it’s the only nearby refuge from foul and stormy weather. Maybe you’ve been lost in a strange part of the country. Maybe you were desperate to escape the monotony of your own pantry and too hungry to notice anything strange until it’s too late.

Gothic novels are all about duality and contrast. Life and death… light and dark… nature and human creation… desire and horror… things familiar and foreign… reason and madness… and Taco Bell and KFC, this Frankensteinian beast patched together of elements that were never meant to be brought together.

Colonel Sanders’ white-bearded face looks down reassuringly from the sign, like the friendly elderly housekeeper who invariably greets the heroine of a Gothic novel, giving no hint to the incomprehensible horrors within the edifice. KFC is familiar but bland, so soon your eye creeps to the jumbled right-hand side of the menu. This is your point of no return.

Just as the heroine steps into the forbidden wing of a creaking mansion and finds herself lost in a strange and complicated labyrinth of shadowy chambers, so too do you realize that the Taco Bell side of the menu is maddeningly complex. Unlike the simple KFC side, with its clear letters and large photographs of food, Taco Bell’s menu is swarming with tiny white words like clouds of flies buzzing ominously in shadowy corners.

And these words… they seem at first recognizable yet are meaningless as a coded message smeared on a wall in blood.

Gothic literature is awash in repetition– recurring nightmares, Poe’s raven repeating ‘nevermore’–creating an eerie sense of entrapment and deja vu. Your eyes blur as they scroll through the increasingly meaningless words before you: “Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Beefy Nacho Griller. XL Grilled Stuft Burrito. Beefy FRITOS Burrito. Crunchwrap Supreme. Doritos Locos Tacos. Beef Gordita Supreme.”

Words seem to lose their meaning. You thought you knew what Mexican food was. Tacos, burritos, … yet this is something beyond the scope of your fragile human mind. What is an enchirito? What is a Meximelt? WHAT, in the name of all that is holy, is a Gordita? That word is ever-present as the beating of a telltale heart, yet still utterly without meaning. The sparse pictures accompanying the menu do nothing to answer your questions.

This is when you realize that the listless cover of “New Soul” droning throughout the restaurant is neither in English nor Spanish, but some unfamiliar language. Korean, maybe? Why?

“What do you want?” asks the dead-eyed cashier, yet all you want is to escape back into nature and out of this ungodly artifice masquerading as a restaurant. You hear an unfamiliar voice chanting unfamiliar words, and only barely register that it is yours.

You stand and wait for your food. What language is that song in? Italian, maybe? What is this color scheme? It’s neither Taco Bell’s nor KFC’s. The decor is reminiscent of the waiting room in a doctor’s office where all of the doctors are sinister clowns.

At last, you receive your order and stumble outside into the fresh air. You feel like the sailor in the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, tormented by so many horrors that you can no longer fully relate to the outside world. You are finally free… yet you know that whatever unknown horror you consumed will continue to haunt you before long. Or at least will haunt your digestive system.

Look at the menu in the comments below if you don’t believe me.

  • lance, sitting upside down on the couch: you know, sometimes i get really mad about taco bell. i mean, its not that i dont like them as a business or their food or anything. i just dont like their slogan. whenever i see it i read it as all spanish and in my brain i pronounce it as <i>livé más</i> but i realize that doesnt make sense so im all like 'what?! oh yeah. its <i>taco bell.'</i> and then im angry because ive just been fooled. do you know how many times ive been fooled by taco bell? its a lot. youd think i would learn but i just forget and im fooled. over and over. i just get so mad about it. why not make the slogan <i>vive más?</i> or just 'live more' yknow? why bother the confusion of cramming in two different languages into one slogan? they should make me the head of advertising because i got a lot of ideas. it would be the best marketing campaign youve ever seen <i>by far</i>. first order of business would be to fix their shitty slogan real fast. then i would change locos tacos to tacos locos, because theyre basically saying the english equivalent of 'tacos crazy'. anyways yeah im sick of being fooled.
  • keith, sitting next to him, reading a magazine with his legs crossed and not listening: mhm thats great babe

darksakura94  asked:

Well... How are you, guys? How is your actual relation with Stan's gang? And Clyde, Token, Jimmy...? Sorry if anything is "inentendible"? I'm Spanish jeje..

TWEEK: Oh, we can answer this easy! I’ll grab some paper.
CRAIG: Shit, gonna get all artistic huh?
TWEEK: Shut up, dude. I’m a great drawer.

TWEEK: Okay so, Stan’s gang are all kinda dicks. I had my fill of them when I had to be part of their group..
CRAIG: They all still owe me 100$..
TWEEK: Yeah, overall theyre just kinda bad news.
CRAIG: Why’d you color in Kyle with the white crayon?
TWEEK: Because he’s literally that white, dude.

TWEEK: Clyde is a pretty cool guy to have around. He’s stupid, but it’s like how a dog is stupid. It’s an endearing kind of stupid.
CRAIG: I bet him he couldn’t eat 20 doritos locos tacos in one sitting and that night he called me and I had to comfort him while he was on the toilet.
TWEEK: Gross, omfg-

TWEEK: Token is really chill but also has no chill whatsoever.
CRAIG: He tried to lecture me on the importance of investing and tried to explain the stock market.
TWEEK: He means well.

TWEEK: Fuck– Dude?! Why’d you draw dicks all over Jimmy’s page?!
CRAIG: Because Jimmy’s a hoe. And hoes need dicks.
TWEEK: Ugh.. Jimmy’s really funny! He and Craig act like they don’t get along but we’re all friends. It’s like that whole best friend deal where you’re dicks to eachother but not for reals.

TWEEK: I added Kevin in too cause he’s been hanging out with us a lot lately!
CRAIG: Jimmy actually brought him into the group. He helped Jimmy with manual labor things around his house that kinda require the use of legs.
TWEEK: Yeah! And he’s a really cool and shy person! He made snacks for last weeks movie night and they were fucking amazing!

Fast Food Under 400 Calories

Alright suckers since I often refer back to posts of mine when I can’t remember how much something is, I’m just going to collect my findings here so I don’t find myself hungry, irritable, and under pressure in the drive thru lane…this weekend and in the future. We only do fast food about once a month, so HECK NO I’m not going to skip it when I have the chance!!! Get outta here with that suggestion. Also I’m not ordering apple slices at Burger King, I’m just not gonna do it.

I cross-checked the calorie counts of every single one of these items and always went with the higher estimation, but if you notice discrepancies let me know. My waist depends upon it. 


Meal Option 1: Small chili, Value fries: 400 calories. 

Meal Option 2: 4 piece chicken nuggets, Value fries: 400 calories.

Meal Option 3: 6 piece chicken nuggets, 1 packet honey mustard sauce, 1 packet BBQ sauce: 395 calories.

Meal Option 4: Plain baked potato, 2 butter spreads: 370 calories.

One item orders: Crispy Chicken Sandwich: 350 calories. Jr. Hamburger: 240 calories. Large chili: 250 calories. 

Burger King

Meal Option 1: Hamburger, Value onion rings: 380 calories.

Meal Option 2: 6 piece chicken nuggets, BBQ sauce: 320 calories.

One item orders: Chicken fries: 379 calories. (ugh, found SO much discrepancy on the calories on this one. 379 was the max I found, but doubt this would be worth it, especially without dipping sauce.) Classic hot dog: 310 calories.

Taco Bell

Meal Option 1: Two fresco crunchy beef or chicken tacos, side of black beans: 370 calories.

Meal Option 2: Two doritos locos tacos with beef and no cheese, side of seasoned rice: 400 calories.

Meal Option 3: Double decker beef taco no cheese, side of black beans: 370 calories.

Meal Option 4: Veggie power bowl no cheese, refried beans, no dressing: 360 calories.

One item orders: Bean Burrito (no cheese, add guac) 380 calories. (YES!!!) 


Meal Option 1: 6 inch veggie sub on white bread, fat free sweet onion dressing and mustard: 280 calories.

Meal Option 2: 6 inch turkey breast sub on white bread, avocado, lettuce, pickles and onions, lite mayo and mustard. 370 calories.

Meal Option 3: Salad with tuna, avocado. Sweet onion dressing. 350 calories.


Meal Option 1: There is no option here, I always get the same thing and I am THRILLED that it’s under 400: Classic roast beef sandwich with arby’s sauce: 370 calories.


Meal Option 1: Hamburger happy meal with diet drink. 370 calories.

“Meal” Option 2: Medium fries, ketchup packet. 360 calories.

Meal Option 3: McDouble no cheese no bun, small fries. 410 calories.

One item orders: McChicken sandwich. (370 calories) Filet o’ fish with no cheese. (360 calories) 

I hate McDonalds.

I’ll probably continue adding to this, but these are the only places I imagine we’d stop at on the road. Taco Bell FTW, huh?