t:e

Dear everyone,

I think I might be on the verge of depression. I hate everything about myself and I just don’t feel anything about anything else except like 4 people who mean more to me than anything and my cat. I ate a piece of pizza today after I was supposed to be back on the strict diet after vacation. I know it isn’t true but I feel like I ruined any bit of progress I’ve made. I had to get my own insurance and I have a really high deductible and now I’m terrified that if I go to the doctor they will make me go to the hospital again and the cost would ruin my life. But I need to change my anxiety meds because they are too expensive too. But I will not go on depression meds because I don’t believe they will fix any of my problems, they will only add more side effects and more variables to my problems and doctor’s appointments I can’t afford. I cry all the time and my house is a disaster and I really really just want someone to fix everything for me but I’m a grown adult and need to deal with it myself. All my friends are getting married and getting promotions and owning houses and I just have a mountain of debt I’m pretending doesn’t exist, rent and a car payment I can barely afford now with this bullshit insurance and I’m just trapped. I got fat, I got kicked out of college, I’m barely scraping by, and now there is a looming threat of a fucking insurance deductible if I got hurt or sick. I’m so lost and I hate myself and my life only has like 3 good things and I know half of this is mental illness I just can’t afford to treat. I want my mom. I want a hug. I want to lose the 60lbs I’ve gained. I want to not be unsure about every aspect of my life. I want to be better. 

I’m sorry. I pretend to be strong but I’m not. 

dear b,

you drive me absolutely up the wall. I shouldn’t feel like this about anybody, I’m a stone cold bitch who doesn’t need anybody to feel ok.

but you’re different. you walk by and I’m immediately thinking of little kids- our kids- sitting like ducks in a row at church on Sunday and all the little old ladies talking about how they watched us grow up and get together. I see you coming home after a long day teaching and me from my last appointment and cooking dinner together. I see jam sessions where you drum sing at the top of your lungs to mumford and sons songs while i play guitar. I see my dad walking me down the aisle. 

and it’s stupid, i know. this will never work out. but that can’t stop a girl from dreaming right? your ambiguous expression of feelings doesn’t help either

please make it clear how you feel, I need to know

-e

Dear E, 

Wow. I love you, but honestly there are some things that C and J have told me you’ve done that I don’t know how to respond to. You’ve been the most amazing friend and roommate, but lately, all our friends are leaving you. They don’t want to be friends with you any more. I don’t know what to do about that. It scares me that there’s a chance I would have to pick sides. That’s the last thing I want to do. 

But first, I want to talk to you about what you did. You hooked up with my best friend. He came to visit me at school, and you hooked up with him while I was in class. And the worst part about the whole fucking thing? You never told me about it. What kind of friend does that? I had to hear from C. She told me all about it. And to make matters worse, apparently T walked in on y'all and no one fucking told me. 

What kind of a friend starts “dating” their roommate’s best friend from high school and doesn’t tell the roommate about it? Like, at all? In all honestly, I thought you had more class than that. 

The thing about it is, is that I never imagined that I would have to hear the entire story from him. He has been my best friend and neighbor since kindergarten, and he had to be the one that told me y'all are “dating.” And it breaks my heart that you didn’t think you could trust me enough to tell me about it. 

We were supposed to be friends forever. Roommates don’t keep big secrets from each other. Especially when they tell the rest of their friend group. 

Here’s hoping I can figure this all out in the next eleven days. 

Always, 

~L

E,

você odeia multidões,
dorme regularmente todos os dias
e fica feliz com coisas pequenininhas.
você repete seu seriado favorito
mas se diz cansar rápido do habitual.
você tem voz grave
e é confuso e inconstante
assim como os dias são para a terra
e eu te aceito sendo de sol ou tempestade.
você não fala muito,
prefere escutar
e eu que quase nunca quero abandonar o meu silêncio,
escutaria você e todos os seus porquês,
porque se os outros repertórios são ruins,
o seu eu quero gravar pra poder ouvir repetidamente.
você é desorganizado
e perde as coisas bem debaixo do seu nariz.
você é irritante e às vezes até insuportável
mas na minha lista de prós e contras até isso vira um pró.
você ama cafuné
e tem o cabelo bagunçadinho,
o que é quase um convite pra bagunçar ainda mais.
você lê poesia mesmo sendo o poema não escrito que me encanta.
você é cheio de alergias,
ama sorvete de flocos
e odeia bolo com frutas cristalizadas.
você ouve Nirvana
e queria ser um super herói.
você tem um sorriso que emana paz
e um nervosismo bonitinho de não saber explicar as coisas.
você que existe
e tua existência que me afeta de uma maneira linda.
obrigada.


“você não é de onde vem,
você é pra onde vai
e eu gostaria de ir junto.”

I want to be someone u can be proud of & happy with. I want to be someone who brings u up & supports u when ur down. I want to be the best version of myself by ur side.

8

URBAN DECAY MOONDUST PALETTE - FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Can we say BLING?!

I must admit when I first saw a visual of the new Urban Decay Moondust palette my heart started going a hundred miles a minute. Sparkle - yass!

Now most of us associate Moondusts with glitter. Shades that are meant for pressing over other shadows to add a little gleam and glamour. Not stuff to use on their own. But they CAN be used on their own. What I’ve done here is just to apply them wet. No primer, no other shadows beneath. 

And they rock.

If you plan to use them in a more subtle way, just dab on with a finger. These shadows are formulated with silicone in the base, and designed to stick to skin, not brushes, when dry. So don’t complain about there being no pigmentation if you try to dust them on with a dry brush. Damp, these are incredible foiled shades with plenty of duochromatic magic. Every shade has a different color shift when it hits the light. Right click each image and “open image in new tab” to see everything in higher res.

I STILL think this is a palette made for “accessorizing” other shadows in your collection. Pop 1 or 2 shades on when you wear a neutral or matte smoky look. Kapow. But if you want to wear these shades all on their own go right ahead! 

Gurrrl… you know they’ll see you bling from the moon.

Shades used:

Vega - inner half of lids

Galaxy - outer half of lids

Lightyear - center of lids

Specter - inner corners

Magnetic - lower lash line

The Moondust palette will be available in Singapore from 1 Sep for SG$80.