t:bi

i am so, so sick of seeing “support bi girls uwu” and “bi girls are cute and valid” plastered everywhere with ZERO (0) support for bi boys

so bi boys, if you spent your whole life thinking you were 100% straight but now want to explore being with other dudes, go for it.

if you thought you were gay and worry about being rejected by the LGBT community for trying out het relationships, there are a whole bunch of bi people like myself who will rally behind you.

if you’ve been taught by family members, conservative friends, or the media that kissing another guy, or having sex with another guy, or proposing to another guy is gross/wrong/sinful, fuck ‘em. there is nothing gross or wrong about men loving other men, period.

bi boys, whether you’ve known you’re bi all your life or are just now figuring it out – you are loved.

Bisexual vs. Pansexual

Tumblr, can we stop pretending that using the label “bisexual” makes people transphobic? When we boil it all down to the basics, bisexual basically means “cool with both male and female genitals.”

And before anyone jumps in and waves around intersex individuals like a defense, those who are born with ambiguous genitalia make up an estimated 0.05-0.06% of the general population. (x) With that being said, a bisexual person (again, someone who is sexually attracted to male and female genitalia) would also then likely have no problem with an ambiguous set that is somewhere between the two.

I feel that since a lot of tumblr users are younger and likely not yet sexually active, they tend to forget that sexual encounters do ultimately require people who are comfortable and aroused by the genitals of the other person(s) involved. So, as a result, we come up with terms like “pansexual” to include the multitude of binary and nonbinary genders when really, whether we like it or not, those individuals generally will have one of two possible sets of human sexual organs. Being okay with both or any combination thereof is ultimately what is known as being a bisexual.

My dear lgbt+ children, 

Many messages i get on this blog are things like “My family says homophobic things but i’m still in the closet, i don’t know what to do”,

My best friend uses transphobic slurs but how do i tell her that it hurts me without telling her i am trans? I can’t come out yet” 

or other variants of “How to react to lgbt+-phobia when still in the closet?”. 

I’ve been planning to write a letter that answers this question for a while now - but to be honest, i postponed it because it’s a difficult situation to be in and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. There’s not the one golden perfect solution to it. 

Instead, i’ll suggest several different possible solutions as you know your own situation and your family member/friend/the person better than i do. 

Without further bla bla, here’s the list: 

Possible ways to react to lgbt+-phobia when you’re in the closet: 

Example: Person says “I would never date a bi girl, they’re cheaters” 

Educate neutrally: “Bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, it has nothing to do with faithfulness”, state a neutral fact that dismantles the lgbt+phobic statement without talking about yourself at all

May work best if: the person is indeed just uneducated about lgbt+ topics (rather than downright hateful), is okay with being proven wrong, is not overly suspicious of why you defend lgbt+ people (in case them finding out you are lgbt+ would put you in danger)

Play the “good straight ally” card: “That’s not true, one of my friends is bi and she would never cheat”, out yourself as a supporter rather than a member of the lgbt+ community 

May work best if: the person doesn’t know all your friends/you can easily make up a friend, the person is one of those people who stop being hateful as soon as their victim has a face 

Ignore and change the topic: “Talking about cheating, have you seen the movie You’ve got mail? It’s a romantic comedy, Sarah said it’s really cute but i didn’t watch it yet.”, say nothing in response to the lgbt+-phobia and try to steer the conversation to nicer topics

May work best if: they are too deep down in their hateful views for any of the above strategies to work, defending lgbt+ people would put you in danger

Avoid the person: This is less of a instant response but more a long-term solution that can only work in some cases. Break off the friendship (maybe gently and slowly by spending less and less time with the person). 

Only works if: you don’t depend on them (sadly this doesn’t work with parents you still live with or co-workers in a job you can’t quit)

May be necessary if: their lgbt+ phobia negatively impacts your mental health

Agree and silently think “F*ck you”: “Yeah, i understand!”, just agree and keep your thoughts to yourself

This is a painful thing to do and can certainly negatively impact your mental health but it may be necessary if: them finding out or even getting suspicious puts you in danger

Do you have any other advice? Feel free to add your thoughts/experiences to this post! 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom