t1m3

3

GC: TH1S 1S TH3 TH1RD T1M3 TH1S MONTH YOUV3 H4D TO DR4G M3 OUT OF MY QU13T L1TTL3 “34RTH C4N” TO 4TT3ND TO YOUR BRO’S SH3N4N1G4NS

TG: stop complaining wont you like teleport back into your bed when were done

GC: 1TS PR3TTY D1STR4CT1NG H4V1NG 4 FUTUR3 S3LF R3PL4C3 YOUR M3MOR13S WH1L3 YOUR3 TRY1NG TO SL33P, D4V3

TG: its pretty distracting getting decapitated while fetching grubsauce for your sandwich

2

“you know who i hate? vriska. not in the pitch way either, she’s just the worst troll i’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. full offense to you.”

“MM Y34H W3′R3 H4NG1NG OUT TOMORROW 4ND PL3NTY MOR3 T1M3S 4FT3R TH4T”


ghhgh pitch teradia is… my weakness… terezi listens to aradia badmouth everyone until the setting gets too pale and then she drops a bomb on aradia to piss her off… im gay

Very Short Fanfics Part Whatever+1

An extremely serious work of Neprezi for blurds/eptified.

NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor rolls to seduce the dragon!

VRISKA: Not this again!

TEREZI: OK4Y F1N3

TEREZI: BUT W3 H4V3 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S

TEREZI: 4BOUT HOW 1F TH3 POUNC3LLOR ROLLS TO S3DUC3 TH1NGS 1T 1S OUT OF CH4R4CT3R FOR H3R TO ROLL TO S3DUC3 TH3N SH3 G3TS 4 P3N4LTY TO S41D ROLL 3QU4L 3X4CTLY TO TH3 V4LU3 OF TH3 ROLL?

NEPETA: :33 < yeah but you’re making that rule up!

ROSE: Alas, it is in the rule book.

TEREZI: 4LL 1’M S4Y1NG 1S, 1F YOU W4NT TO S3DUC3 TH3 DR4GON, YOU H4V3 TO 4CTU4LLY ROL3-PL4Y 1T! TH3 POUNC3LLOR 4ND H3R P4RTY H4V3 B33N PURSU1NG TH3 W1LY DR4GON WHO S4T ON TH3 C1TY OF LL4NKHM3OWR FOR M4NY LONG MONTHS NOW, SURV1V3D COUNTL3SS TR4PS 4ND T4UNTS! TH3 DR4GON H4S 3V3N STOL3N 4W4Y (4ND P4RT14LLY-34T3N) TH3 PR1NC3SS TO WHOM TH3 POUNC3LLOR H4S SWORN H3R LOY4LTY FOR 4LL T1M3!

TEREZI: T3LL M3, POUNC3LLOR - DO YOU R34LLY W1SH TO 3ND YOUR LONG STRUGGL3 4G41NST TH1S M4J3ST1C B34ST W1TH 4 JOK1NG “ROLL TO S3DUC3?”

VRISKA: Yeah, can we please quit screwing around and get something done, for once????????

NEPETA: :33 < …all right, then! i WILL role-play it! the pouncellor will seduce her old rival with the very fiercest of furvor!

TEREZI: NOW TH4T 1S WH4T 1 L1K3 TO H34R!

VRISKA: Oh, my god.

TEREZI: SO: HOW W1LL TH3 POUNC3LLOR PL4Y TH1S? 1 R3M1ND H3R TH4T H3R R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH TH3 K1DN4PP3D C4TK1N PR1NC3SS (PL4Y3D BY 4 C3RT41N 4BS3NT NON-F3L1NO1D PR1NC3SS WHO H4S UNW1S3LY SK1PP3D TH3 P4ST TWO S3SS1ONS) W4S V3RG1NG ON TH3 BL4CK B3FOR3 TH3 DR4GON C4RR13D H3R 4W4Y TO H3R L41R!

TEREZI: W1LL TH3 POUNC3LLOR M3R3LY TOY W1TH TH3 DR4GON’S BL4CK 4FF3CT1ONS WH1L3 R3M41N1NG LOY4L TO TH3 PR1NC3SS? OR 4R3 H3R F33L1NGS FOR TH3 B34ST G3NU1N3?

VRISKA: Oh my godddddddd…

NEPETA: :33 < hmm… rose, can your guy shapeshift me?

ROSE: Given a live sacrifice of appropriate “narrative weight,” the wizard *could* transform the pouncellor into a dragon. However, he is willing to take so drastic a step only for the sake of true hate or love - not merely to avoid a confrontation.

TEREZI: LOOKS L1K3 YOU’LL N33D TO B34T BOTH TH3 W1Z4RD *4ND* TH3 DR4GON’S P3RC3PT1ON CH3CKS 1F TH3 POUNC3LLOR 1NT3NDS TO TR1FL3 W1TH TH3 B34ST’S STR4NG3 BLOODL3SS H34RT! 1S TH3 LOY4L 4DV1S3R TO TH3 QU33N OF TH3 C4TK1N D3V1OUS 3NOUGH TO D3C31V3 3V3N H3R FR13NDS 1N SUCH 4 W4Y?

NEPETA: :33 < the pouncellor’s intentions are pure! it is her heartfelt intention to capture the dragon’s bloodpusher, which i assume is in a box somewhere nearby, and carve her name into it!

TEREZI: THE DR4GON WOULD B3 D33PLY MOV3D COULD SH3 H34R TH1S!

NEPETA: :33 < - but the dragon did kidnap the princess, so maybe the shape-shift step isn’t even necessary? i don’t know, how big actually is the dragon?

TEREZI: 4NT1C1P4T1NG SUCH 4 CONC3RN, 1 H4V3 PR3P4R3D 4 D3T41L3D 1M4G3 SHOW1NG SC4L3

VRISKA: OH MY GOD I AM LEAVING

ROSE: The wizard is fully prepared to sacrifice the Marquise for this scheme. Or really, pretty much any scheme.

VRISKA: The HELL he will!!!!!!!!

Here's how I want it to go
  • John: Terezi i'm really honored that you're trying to do the weird hate flirting thing but I am just not interested! Honestly i'm just not sure i'm capable of feeling that way although i'm very sure by now that you're a very despicable person
  • Terezi: WOW JOHN YOU H4V3 R34LLY OUTDON3 YOURS3LF TH1S T1M3 W1TH YOUR BL4T4NTLY F4LS3 CL41MS TH4T YOU C4NT F33L QU4DR4NTS!
  • Terezi: F1GUR3 1, D4V3 4ND K4RK4T, SHOWS TH4T HUM4NS 4R3 1N F4CT C4P4BL3 OF B31NG 1N QU4DR4NT R3L4T1ONSH1PS W1TH TROLLS
  • Terezi: F1GUR3 2, TH3 3NT1R3 CONC3PT OF TROLL S3R3ND1P1TY, SHOWS TH4T ROM4NC3 1S NOT 1N 4NY W4Y OPT1ON4L
  • Terezi: 4ND F1GUR3 3, YOU, SHOWS TH4T HUM4NS 4R3 C4P4BL3 OF B31NG BOTH 1GNOR4NT 4ND D3C31TFUL SO 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD R3CONS1D3R YOUR 4RGUM3NT-
  • John: no Terezi that's not what i mean!! just because you have a fancy slideshow doesn't mean you're right about everyone feeling quadrants! Lots of people don't! I mean, until I met roxy today I had never once wanted to date or get married to anyone or do any of that stuff!
  • Roxy: :o
  • Terezi: W3LL TH4NK YOU FOR TH4T F4SC1N4T1NG LOOK 1NTO YOUR GROSS HUM4N FLUSH3D R3L4T1ONSH1P 4ND YOUR 3V3N MOR3 UNPL34S4NT FL4W3D 4N4LYS1S OF YOUR NON3X1ST4NT QU4DR4NT H1STORY BUT MY PO1NT CONT1NU3S TO ST4ND! ON3 P3RSON F41L1NG TO F1LL H1S QU4DR4NTS DO3S NOT 4CTU4LLY M34N TH4T-
  • Rose: Actually, I think you'll find that your analysis of John being ignorant and deceitful is not completely based in fact. As I understand it a small but significant minority of humans actually don't experience the feelings associated with desiring a romantic partner.
  • John: wait, what?
  • Rose: Based on what I learned from online communities before the untimely end of our planet, it seems that plenty of people experienced romantic attraction rarely, only under specific circumstances, or never at all.
  • Terezi: Y3AH BUT-
  • Rose: I see no reason why that couldn't be the case for trolls as well.
  • Terezi: *has repeatedly gotten into relationships and then realized that she was miserable*
  • Terezi: *tends to flirt automatically without thinking about it and then has to really quickly find a way to salvage the situations*
  • Terezi: *once rewrote the fabric of time and space to prevent herself from dating because the resulting relationships were so bad for her*
  • Terezi: HUH.
  • John: *has spent most of his life trying not to think about romance (and sex)*
  • John: *generally just feels uncomfortable when people flirt with him*
  • John: *had literally never been romantically attracted to anyone before Roxy*
  • John: huh.