forsythe pendleton ‘jughead’ jones ♡ To someone on the outside, peering in, it would’ve looked like there were four people in that booth. But I was there, and I can tell you. Really, there were only three. A blonde girl, a raven-haired girl, and the luckiest red-headed boy in the universe. For one shining moment, w e w e r e j u s t k i d s.
ransom and holster get married the summer before their senior year
they decide not to change their names
birkholtz-oluransi is way too long for a jersey
so is oluransi-birkholtz obviously
also, two players with the same last name on the same line who are both captains? too confusing.
ransom has to fill out med school entrance exams and there are never enough boxes that he’d be able to put birkholtz-oluransi
sometimes he has to be O L U R A N S, J U S T I N
they obviously got married at niagara falls. they send pics to the grouptext and post them all over facebook
they forget to mention the marriage part
they’re so excited about all the other stuff they did that they just. forget
there are pictures from the actual wedding on the actual boat that goes under the falls
but they don’t send any of the ceremony just of them being incredibly happy, which is, honestly, not out of the ordinary
they asked the whole team to come up but they never explicitly said Come To Niagara Falls For Our Actual Wedding, just ‘hey you guys should all come up !!’
they wear their rings but after holster got a weird bruise on his hand from the ring when his hand got trapped between his body and the boards in their first practice, they wear them on necklaces
everyone knew they were gonna live together after graduation
the first time the guys realize they’re together, like a couple, never mind married is when they post a pic, kissing, showing off their rings, captioned ‘so grateful we get to be together for the rest of their lives’
the team is like CONGRATS BROS!!!!
the guys all think r&h have just gotten engaged
but no one says the words ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ or ‘wedding’
so ransom and holster are like ‘thanks!!’ and they don’t say ‘it’s our first anniversary’ because they think everyone already knows that
bitty is internally like ‘do they know their rings are on the wrong hand!!! do i tell them????!!!!???’
eventually the guys are like ‘damn this is a long-ass engagement’
whiskey and tango have gotten together gotten married and adopted a child and ransom and holster are still engaged
chowder and farmer have three children and farmer got a master’s, a phd, and the first authorship on the discovery of a new kind of whale and ransom and holster are still engaged
they must be waiting until ransom’s got a solid position in his hospital and holtz is out of the nhl (it’s gotten better with lgbt athletes, what with jack and kent and a couple others, but it’s still not great, and holster’s good but not a wunderkind like jack or kent, so his being publicly gay might be messy)
the guys don’t actually figure out that ransom and holster are married until ten years after the fact
r&h invite everybody out to seattle for their tenth anniversary
everyone goes even though they’re like ‘uh. anniversaries are usually for weddings not engagements. but whatever these are our bros and we support them’
shitty gives them a bunch of tin and tells them to appropriate WASP marriage culture (bc, u know, one is Black, one is Jewish, neither of them are married)
lardo’s like ‘also it’s your ninth?? shitty’s getting tenth reunion emails, our tenth reunion and thus your tenth anniversary won’t be until next summer’
tango’s just like ‘are you guys ever gonna get married??’
ransom and holster are very confused
uh guys??? you know we’re married right?
i mean we’re not as Married TM as jack and bitty or god forbid chowder and farmer but… we are. definitely married
we’ve been married for a decade
we call each other our husbands
everyone: ‘WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED????’
‘i mean…. it’s in the title….. it’s our tenth anniversary…. so……. ten years ago’
bitty, shocked and horrified: ‘you didn”T INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING????????’
rans: ‘bro we did’
bitty: ‘you most certainly did not!’
holtz: ‘we invited all you guys?’
everyone: ‘lies, we never got invited to any wedding’
‘we invited everyone up to niagara over the summer? nobody came which was kind of a bummer honestly’
lardo, who has been silently rethinking life: ‘but that means you would have been married our entire senior year’
holster: ‘you are not wrong’
ransom: ‘why did you think all the married students housing applications kept being delivered to the haus’
dex: ‘nursey and i were pretty sure it was because of chowder’
chowder: ‘i didn’t get married THAT early’
ransom and holster are forced to resort to pulling out their actual legal marriage certificates
both of them
from two countries
shitty needs to sit down and reevaluate his entire life
bitty is mortified that he never made them a wedding cake or a marriage pie or anything
whiskey walks in late to the discussion because he was changing his and tango’s daughter’s diaper
he silently hands over a card. it just says ‘happy ten years. niagara has never seen a stronger love’
whiskey has been fully aware that ransom and holster were married.
for a decade.
he was actually their legal witness.
because he was the only one who shOWED UP THAT WEEKEND
he wasn’t even on the team
he still doesn’t know how he got added to the grouptext
he just showed up because he thought it was some kind of team bonding thing
his cousin john said he should go, said it would be ‘narratively entertaining’
tl;dr: ransom and holster got married and managed to accidentally not tell anyone on smh for ten entire years
concept: when reggie is being an asshole and is saying that archie and jughead killed jason together and they deny it, he goes on to say that they’re probably fucking each other too.
jughead and archie look at each other and burst out laughing (like they used to) because “jughead? fucking someone?” and they remember when he first came out as ace to archie. all is well in that moment.
Thank you. Thank you for being kind to me and talking about life with me. You are so sweet and kind and you could not ever realize how much I needed that today.
After dinner I left my house with my dog, music blasting. I went to the neighborhood park to cry. This whole week has been awful and I just feel like everyone in this world has something against me. I went to go into the dog park and you were there.
You and your perfectly trained golden retriever, we talked, and talked. We talked about dogs and school and life. You must be in your sixteys and I’m in my teens, but our age difference only pulled us together. You talked of a boy who once took you to your homecoming dance and I admitted to you how terrified I was to go to my first.
I left the dog park with a smile on my face. I went home and sat on my back porch with my dog eating ice cream. I let things go.
I am happy. Thank you for helping me realize that there are more important things in life than stupid boys and people who make you feel worthless.