I want to let the fandom grieve, but I have to speak out because I hate the thought that this fandom’s disrespect for Louis’s family may have made this past year any more difficult than it already was. Dan mentioned Freddie in Jay’s obituary. People denying that he is Louis’s son absolutely need to stop. Please. Now is the time to respect what Louis’s family have chosen to share with us, to stop speculating about private matters.
It’s so clear at this point that any secret knowledge people claim to have cannot reflect a true understanding of a private situation, that things we don’t understand probably have explanations that we are not entitled to. But even if you continue to insist that you know the private realities of Louis or any of the boys’ lives, please stop denying that Freddie is Louis’s son.
These sad events show how important it is to be respectful of what we are shown, since we have no way of knowing what else might be happening. Jay wasn’t able to share photos of her grandson without being attacked by part of the fandom. Look at the responses she got when she requested a drawing of Freddie. People feel empowered to do that because rejecting what we are told, even about something as extreme as Louis’s own child, is normalized in this fandom. People say these things because they are told people KNOW what is happening behind the scenes. But we obviously don’t know, sowe should not talk about these intimate, private situations in a way that encourages this type of invasive, disrespectful, appalling behavior.
Danielle came with Louis to visit his family over Thanksgiving. Even if you somehow can’t fully accept that they are dating, please at the very least accept that she is an important person in Louis’s life. She is not someone he hates. She is not someone who is just forcing him to be seen with her. She’s the person who supports Louis in difficult times. Do not demean her, do not belittle that. Do not assume you know how Louis feels and use it as an excuse to spread hatred and negativity.
I desperately want people to be able to accept that Freddie is Louis’s son. I want it to be as easy as possible for people to do that. I know there’s a lot of confusion about Briana’s pregnancy,
and I am happy to point people to information and explanations. However, even if you still have questions, we need to accept that Briana is involved in this private, important part of Louis’s life and that nothing positive will come from stalking (cyber or otherwise), insulting, and encouraging hatred against her. We do not, and should not, know the details of their relationship or their custody arrangement. Co-parenting is complicated and difficult, and fans cannot possibly understand a situation from the outside. People mocked Briana (and Louis) for possibly flying Freddie to the UK in economy class. Now it turns out it was a genuine emergency and that there might be limited infant seating available. Presumably there are also reasons we don’t understand behind the choices about where to swap custody of Freddie or what Freddie is photographed wearing and all of the million other things that Larries have attacked Briana and Louis over.
Even if you do not feel confident that what we see of Louis’s life is the “full story,” even if you think we’re being manipulated, even if you don’t fully believe what we are shown, please do not think you can come up with a version that is more likely to be real. Insisting that Danielle is not Louis’s girlfriend or that Briana is not the mother of Louis’s child can only be based on speculation about what is happening behind the scenes. It should be more clear than ever that we do not have enough information to do that. We can’t insist on some made up version of Louis’s private life. We need to think about if we’re being respectful based on what we are told is happening, because that is all we know.
Just as this fandom is now stepping up to support Louis as best we can in his grief, we should have been there to support him in his joy over the birth of his child, in Jay’s joy over her first grandchild. If you think the things we say can have any positive impact, then you must recognize the risk of our words having a negative impact as well, and the importance of always being as positive and respectful as we can.
I find absolutely disturbing that people have been abusing me and my friends and other larries since Friday because these people think it’s the “right thing to do” and that Jay and Louis would want that.
Jay has never, to my knowledge, expressed that she hated larries. In fact, she followed many of them and tweeted them. She also really enjoyed project home and project no control and you bet she knew who started them. but that’s beside the point. This isn’t about us. Jay was never a hateful person. she was always appreciative of all the fans, and didn’t discriminate between larries or non larries. It didn’t matter, as long as you were kind. She has always loved the fanbase and our support for Louis and the boys.
In the last year, she never expressed that she hated larries (or anyone, for that matter). When she was getting hate at the beginning of the year (i absolutely forgot why and who was sending hate), she replied to someone saying sorry for the hate by saying “it doesn’t really matter babe”. Then, about people who were mean about Freddie, she said “it is a nuisance, but nothing will take Louis out of the bubble he is in”. Read those words. Again. And again. Jay never let nasty comments get to her. Because she knows what is important and what is the truth and she doesn’t care about what strangers say.
And then there’s you, spending all your time harassing larries, since January and since her passing, because you have the audacity to try and make people believe larries are at fault for her bad health, that she was “silenced” about Freddie because of them, that she deleted pictures of him and that they made Louis and her suffer more through a terrible illness. It’s extremely manipulative, and it’s false. There are a lot of bad fans around who also could be blame for a lot of things, like stalkers and hackers or paps. We could also blame them for making Louis’ life worse by invading his privacy when he was already going through a rough time. But we don’t.
I do not condone the nasty tweets she and her family got. I really don’t. I spoke out against them before. My friends and I never tweeted them mean things. Most larries didn’t. There is a lot of nasty people constantly sending Jay messages about her, her kids, her husband. There has always been nasty people. You might find all of us disgusting for our opinions, that’s ok, but most of us never sent anyone hate.
It is BEYOND fucked up that some of you think abusing bloggers on tumblr who never interacted with any of them and blame them for Jay’s illness is the “right thing to do”. If there’s one thing I know about Jay is that she loved her family fiercely. And she was very proud of them. Her last pictures and tweets are all about her children. Jay has always been kind and generous and above the hateful comments she received. You have no idea why she stopped mentioning Freddie or deleted pictures of him. No one knows. And you can’t go around blaming other people, a lot of which are teenagers, for that and make them feel guilty about someone’s illness because it’s simply not true. Jay loved her family more than anything. And nothing would’ve stopped her.
I know we are all very sad, but no one is responsible for what happened to Jay and attributing blame is not going to make this situation any better. Cancer is a terrible disease that always seem to take the best of us.
You all talk about how we should strive to be more like Jay, and sending nasty anonymous hate or stalking blogs is not how you do it. Neither is boycotting charities and fan projects because they are ran by larries. If you really wanna be more like her you would listen to her and stop caring about what other people have to say.
Again, whether you are a larrie or not, whether you sent hate to any of them for any reason, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty, because no one knew what was happening and it is not your fault.
The right thing to do after her passing is not to fight each other, but to spread love and hope, like she always did.
Words can’t express my feelings right now. Grieving doesn’t seem right as I didn’t know Jay personally, but saying that I feel sorry for all her loved ones doesn’t either because it doesn’t express the sentiment I want to convey. I’ve been around a lot of people who lost a parent either when they were young or just starting adulthood, and I’m still not sure what’s worse. Both are horrible experiences and I can only find gratitude in the fact that Jay raised beautiful children who will support each other through this all. I don’t want to make this a post about “I know what you’re going through.” or anything of that sort.
I only want to say that I respect Jay for all she’s done for her family, and just people in general as she seemed like a wonderful human being, and I respect any decision made by their family no matter what it is. I hope you all find some peace with each other.