t 47 airspeeder

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Incom UT-60D U-Wing Starfighter/Support Craft

Never officially released, a so-called “lost shipment” of Incom U-Wings was acquired by the Rebel Alliance thanks to careful shipping and record manipulation. In these ships, the Rebels gained valuable craft to use for lightning-fast troop insertion and evacuation from hotzones. 

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Don’t buy this millionaire’s terrible Star Wars house.

This $15 million mansion has a special Star Wars room, complete with a bed designed to look like one of The Empire Strikes Back’s snowspeeders.

It’s terrible.

The Incom T-47 airspeeder was originally a civilian craft, designed to carry industrial cargo with its hardy tow rope before being pressed into service and retrofitted with twin laser cannons by a Rebel Alliance desperate for military hardware. This bed is shiny, gleaming, new, and bristling with guns. It houses six cannons — an obviously unbelievable amount of weaponry to fuse to a single ship without shields or a hyperdrive. The repulsorlift-powered T-47 isn’t even capable of breaking atmosphere.

It makes an attempt to keep the craft’s distinctive wedge shape, but loses its forward depression, and totally jettisons the cockpit’s large viewing ports. Are we meant to believe that Rogue Squadron ace Zev Senesca flew this bed across Hoth to find Luke Skywalker and Han Solo after their night inside a tauntaun? Where on the bed did noted joker Wes Janson sit to fire his tow cable at invading AT-ATs from General Veers’ Imperial ground army? There’s not even a functioning tow cable in the same room, let alone on the bed. There’s not even a gunner seat. That’s how low we’ve sunk.

How too, in Hoth’s unforgiving climate, has this bed stayed so shiny? Other snowspeeders are battered and old; this one is bright silver, a paint job at odds with the red-and-white scheme favored by other squadrons. Can we really believe that Hoth was protected by a squadron of these beds, pilots cushioned by mattresses and at least five pillows while their comrades were shoved into uncomfortable bucket seats? What self-respecting child could sleep in such a travesty.

The probe droid on the wall behind, I’ll admit, is relatively accurate in design, but it certainly shouldn’t be half the size of the speeder. And I suppose the combined squash and basketball court, home gym, 11 bathrooms, two outdoor pizza ovens, and opulent Playboy Mansion-esque swimming pool grotto are also acceptable, if you like that kind of thing. But the bed — this failure of a bed — is a definite dealbreaker.