‘Cause if I wasn’t a fat kid in high school, I would have never listened to punk rock. And if I knew how to throw a football, I would have never played any music. And if never got my heart broken, I would sing “blah blah fucking nothing.” And if you didn’t fuck my ex-girlfriend, I would still owe you three-thousand dollars. And if I never lived in that van I wouldn’t have met Chris or Steve or Alex or James or Middagh. And if I never worked in a basement I would have never quit my job. And if I had a big emo band or dropped out of college, I would have never met you, man.