swords & spells

Sword and Shield Graveyard/Spirit Jewelry

I am a graveyard witch and I work with spirits/ghosts daily. I’ve been doing this for over a decade and though I consider myself experienced, safety is still my top priority.

And it should be yours as well.

Therefore, I decided to share (most of) the enchanting ritual I did for my iron graveyard jewelry.
Or, my “sword and shield”, as I like to call them. They are enchanted to work as a sword (the ring) that provides “offensive” protection, and a “shield” (the pendant/necklace) that provides defensive protection.

I use this potent version of protection because I work with spirits so often off my own property and can be more vulnerable when not in my own house.

If you want to learn how to enchant a piece of jewelry to protect you when working with spirits, you’re in the right place!

Keep reading

The Butlers

Context: the group consists of myself (Tiefling Rogue), a Half-Elf Warlock, a Drow Elf Bard, and a Half-Orc Fighter. We are currently in combat with some corrupt town guards; three of them, plus the guard captain. Now during this fight, the following all happen:

  • I take a page from Assassin’s Creed, climbing a building before the fight begins and just taking shots at them with my crossbow, constantly passing stealth checks to avoid being seen, and I eventually kill one guard by rolling maximum damage with a bonus
  • Our Fighter, due to having a total AC of 19, tanks every single hit while dueling with the captain, and eventually does enough damage that the captain takes himself out with a nat 1 by accidentally hitting himself in the head with the hilt of his own sword
  • Our Warlock casts spells from a distance, before eventually using Witch Bolt - which he refers to as “Emperor Palpatine lightning hands” - to outright disintegrate a guard
  • Our Bard keeps casting Vicious Mockery to make the guards shoot at him rather than run for reinforcements, casts plenty of buffs and debuffs, and also rolls a nat 20 to get himself back up immediately after being knocked prone
  • During all this, the Bard is the only one on our team to take any damage, and any attempts to send the guards for reinforcements (which was apparently supposed to be the primary difficulty of this battle) are consistently thwarted by Vicious Mockery, well-aimed crossbow bolts, Thaumaturgy distractions, and nat 20 counters to disengagement attempts

One guard remains, already damaged, and he freezes up after witnessing all this, screaming at us, “What are you guys?!

It’s my turn, and I see my chance. I successfully roll to jump off the rooftop, causing the guy to look up at me as I jump down, land right on him, and hold my dagger to his throat when he’s on the ground prone. I then proclaim…

“We are the Butlers. Because we clean up.”

Our Warlock, without missing a beat: “I facepalm in response.”

And thus I slit that guard’s throat to the sound of my allies laughing. My attempts to get the group officially named “The Butlers” have been moderately unsuccessful, but I will not give in.

beauty and the beast sentence meme

feel free to change the starters and things to fit your muse!

  • “who could ever learn to love a beast?”
  • “well, it’s my favorite! far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!”
  • “here’s where she meets prince charming. but she won’t discover that it’s him ‘til chapter three.”
  • “my father is not crazy! he’s a genius!”
  • “i’m not really sure i fit in here. there’s no one i can really talk to.”
  • “oh _____, have a heart!”
  • “you know, there’s not a girl in town who wouldn’t love to be in your shoes.”
  • “is he gone?”
  • “for once, it might be grand to have someone understand. i want so much more than they’ve got planned.”
  • “______, there’s a girl in the castle!”
  • “take me instead.”
  • “please spare my daughter! please!”
  • “told you she was pretty, _____. didn’t i?”
  • “cheer up, child. it’ll turn out alright in the end, you’ll see.”
  • “try to be patient. the girl has lost her father and her freedom all in one day.”
  • “it’s no use. she’s so beautiful and I’m…well, look at me!”
  • “please attempt to be a gentleman.”
  • “i don’t wanna get to know him! i don’t wanna have anything to do with him!”
  • “she’ll never see me as anything but a monster.”
  • “promise or no promise, i can’t stay here another minute!”
  • “by the way, thank you for saving my life.”
  • “true, that he’s no prince charming. but there’s something in him that i simply didn’t see.”
  • “i’ll tell you when you’re older.”
  • “could you read it again?”
  • “you don’t have time to be timid!”
  • “and when the moment is right, you confess your love!”
  • “are you happy here with me?”
  • “you mean…i’m free?”
  • “after all this time, he’s finally learned to love.”
  • “______, why’d you go away? don’t you like us anymore?”
  • “if it’s a fight they want, we’ll be ready for them!”
  • “what’s the matter, ______? too kind and gentle to fight back?”
  • “at least i got to see you one last time.”
  • “are they gonna live happily ever after, ______?”
  • Cal: *goes to starbucks*
  • Cal: *orders*
  • Barista: And a name for the order?
  • Cal: Tiberias with an a
  • Barista: Okay! Got it.
  • Cal: *gets drink*
  • Cal: *sees name*
  • Cal: WHO THE FUCK IS AIBERIUS
2

During our last side game, Galerna cast “Light” on her Shield of Returning!  I thought it was super cool, so I wanted to draw it.  

Since I’m not the greatest at colouring glowing things, I decided to commission @gummygumbeat to take care of it for me. Here’s what he came up with!

Thanks Ricardo!! :D

- @adriana-likes-tea

Tropes I shamelessly love:

- Flawed hero to villain to reluctant/anguished hero redemption arc

- Time Loops/Groundhog Day scenarios

- Person A is super broken and person B saves them, only for person B to be revealed as a lot more fucked up than previously realized and person A actually helped save them all along

- Hurt/Comfort in soooo many forms

- Tortured character thinks it’s a hallucination/cruel dream when they’re finally rescued and says shit they probably would never admit in their right mind

- TIME TRAVEL FUCKS UP EVERYTHING

- Character A leaps in front of a sword/arrow/spell/bullet meant for Character B (bonus points if they’re mortally wounded and die in Character B’s arms)

- Unexpected character giving The Shovel Talk™ to everyone’s bemusement

- Old person/people pseudo-adopt super dangerous protagonist who is hiding out; protagonist becomes ridiculously protective of new found family

- Villain sacrifices self in final act of good, earning redemption through death

- Hero sacrifices self because they’re a reckless semi-self-destructive idiot, but somehow survives the attempt

- Villain draws a hard moral line: “Shit, I’m evil but I’m not THAT evil!” and sides with heroes against worse villainy

- Someone gets a dog.

If I hold her in my arms now, it will be a premeditated gesture, calculated, without spontaneity. I’m going to embrace her, not because I have any desire to, but because I feel that it’s necessary. I don’t feel any emotion.

In which Geralt understands me on a deep and fundamental level. 

Heal What Has Been Hurt

A spell to speed healing

So this has probably been done to death, but here you go.

(Also, if the injury is bad enough to need stitches or worse, don’t be a fool, go to the hospital first!)

What you’ll need!

  • Your lovely voice
  • A  length of cloth, enough to wrap around the wound a couple of times (preferably yellow or gold, or purple with the sun’s flower embroidered on it)

 Easy peasy

Step 1.

Clean and bandage the injury and apply whatever medicines you would normally. And make sure your cloth is clean as well.

Step 2.

Ground and center yourself, or prepare for the spell how you normally would. Take the cloth and wind it around the injury. (Loosely! It’s not a tourniquet, don’t cause any further damage!)

Step 3.

Start to sing the song.

The lyrics are as follows:

“Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine

Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fates’ design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine…

What once was mine”

And here’s a link for those who want to hear it

As you sing, visualize the words as golden light, coming from your lips or your hands, and wrapping themselves around the cloth, filling it with healing energy. Repeat the song until you feel like the cloth is practically dripping.  

As you repeat the last lyric, visualize the light being absorbed into the injury. Then unwrap the cloth and set it aside.

Step 4.

Repeat as often as you’d like until the wound is healed. Clean the cloth in between each session.

And Viola! One healing spell!

Follow-up on the live-action Beauty and the Beast thing.

Out of curiosity, I’ve been listening to the soundtrack for the movie on YouTube.

Oh, my God, you guys.

It’s so bad.

The actual production of the music is all well and good, but the writing… They’re using most of the lyrics and most of the script from the original movie, but every so often, they pepper in all these little changes in the words, just because they can, and it, like, actively damages the point.

This is going to be really nitpicky, but fuck it. I will pick some nits.

Here’s an example, a small conversation that happens within the song “Belle.”

Original version:

DUDE:
Good morning, Belle!

BELLE:
Good morning, monsieur.

DUDE:
Where you off to?

BELLE:
The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story about a beanstalk and an ogre and–

DUDE:
Uh, that’s nice. [to his wife, off-screen:] Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up!

Live-action version:

DUDE:
Good morning, Belle!

BELLE:
Good morning, Monsieur Jean. Have you lost something again?

DUDE:
Well, I believe I have. Problem is, I can’t remember what. Oh, well. I’m sure it’ll come to me. Where are you off to?

BELLE:
To return this book to Pere Robert. It’s about two lovers in fair Verona.

DUDE:
…Sounds boring.

This is… Ugh, there are just so many kind of insignificant but also really, really fucking obnoxious changes happening here.

Like, in the original version, Belle actually has an opinion about the book she read. She’s invested, and she jumps at the chance to talk about it.

In the live-action version, there’s literally no passion. Just, factually: “It’s about two lovers in fair Verona.” Well, thank you, SparkNotes.

Meanwhile, in the original version, Belle’s getting so worked up, but the guy just cuts her off right there because he doesn’t really care. He was just being polite. He doesn’t actually have time for her, and he truly doesn’t care to make any. He’s busy minding his bakery, all caught up in his “provincial life.”

You know, the thing Belle wants to avoid? The kind of thoughtless, shallow, workaday life she dreads the thought of having?

Because she wants adventure and whimsy and bigger, more dramatic things than just going to work or keeping house every day?

The…theme this song exists to express?

Demonstrating that concept is the entire reason this song and this exchange exist in the movie, but, somehow, the remake doesn’t seem to get that.

Instead of just being an average guy hard at work, an example of the “ordinary” person Belle doesn’t want to be, the kind of person who doesn’t have time for books or fantasy or fun conversations, he’s…some kooky whimsical dude aimlessly wandering through town for reasons he can’t remember.

That’s, like… Kind of the opposite.

Instead of being caught up in the needs of his work, he just…randomly thinks Romeo and Juliet sounds boring. Why? What’s the point?

So, then we actually get to the bookshop.

Original:

BOOK GUY:
Ah, Belle!

BELLE:
Good morning! I’ve come to return the book I borrowed.

BOOK GUY:
Finished already?

BELLE:
Oh, I couldn’t put it down! Have you got anything new?

BOOK GUY:
[laughs] Not since yesterday!

BELLE:
That’s alright! I’ll borrow…this one.

BOOK GUY:
That one? But you’ve read it twice!

BELLE:
Well, it’s my favorite! Far-off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise…

BOOK GUY:
[laughs] If you like it all that much, it’s yours!

Live-action:

BOOK GUY:
Ah, if it isn’t the only bookworm in town! So, where did you run off to this week?

BELLE:
Two cities in northern Italy. I didn’t want to come back. Have you got any new places to go?

BOOK GUY:
I’m afraid not. But you may reread any of the other ones that you’d like.

BELLE:
Your library makes our small corner of the world feel big.

BOOK GUY:
Bon voyage.

Number one, intensely tortured metaphor.

Number two, you know, in the original, the book guy didn’t have anything “new” because the last time she came in was yesterday. It illustrates how borderline obsessed she is, how much she depends on this place and the books.

But the remake doesn’t mention that. In the remake, he just randomly doesn’t happen to have anything new. Just…in general.

Number three, I love how the cartoon made for tiny little children operates with more subtlety than the teen-y live-action remake. In the original, she talks about what she likes from that specific book, and the viewer naturally picks up the impression of why these books are so important to her. In the remake, Emma Watson’s just fucking narrating the subtext to the audience.

And then we get to Gaston’s introduction.

Original:

GASTON:
She’s the one! The lucky girl I’m going to marry! The most beautiful girl in town! That makes her the best! And don’t I deserve the best?

Live-action:

GASTON:
Belle is the most beautiful girl in the village! That makes her the best.

LE FOU:
But she’s so…well read. And you’re so…athletically inclined.

GASTON:
Yes. But ever since the war, I’ve felt like I’ve been missing something.

…What?

What?

What!?

Why is this here?

The original is so clear-cut. He thinks of women like objects and feels like he’s naturally entitled, by virtue of his ~stunning manliness~, to the prettiest one.

In the remake… He’s a veteran?

He’s a veteran. Of a war. Readjusting to life at home. Pursuing Belle. Because he thinks she’ll make him feel complete again.

What the fuck am I listening to?

I mean, you know they’re not even going to commit to this. You know this is not going to be, like, an actual new take on the character. This is not going to be a totally reimagined Gaston. This line is just here. Because…why?

Because someone sitting in a boardroom somewhere said, “Gaston needs a more sympathetic motivation. Sympathetic motivations sell toys”?

Because they’re hoping for a gritty Gaston war prequel somewhere down the line?

Because the writers are just really, really, really bad at their jobs?

- Mod A.

Extreme Yang Spell

In traditional Chinese belief, what we call demons may actually be a manifestation of excessive yin energy. This can be neutralized by applying the opposing force: extremely potent yang energy. The following serve as demon/yin repellents:

  • Firecrackers
  • Mirrors
  • The crowing of a rooster
  • Swords

Reading sacred texts and philosophy books is also believed to send malevolent spirits on their merry way because these create order, in which demons (which crave chaos) cannot thrive.

(from The Element Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells by Judika Illes)