sword lasers

The science of StarStarStar.
  • Trek: This is science-fiction, but we want our science to at least sound plausible. Therefore, most of the time, our scientific explanations will be rooted in scientific fact or at the very least solid, generally accepted theory.
  • Gate: We're about half and half. We try to make it plausible sometimes, but usually you just have to technobabble your way through it.
  • Wars: This man has a laser sword. Why does he have a laser sword? Because laser swords are cool. This is all the explanation you need.

I’ve always wanted to know what Darth Vader was thinking when he found out about Leia during RoTJ because he doesn’t even really react to this information? Was he mentally doing cartwheels? Was he internally screaming? Did he somehow already know? Had he just accepted that his life was just so ridiculous that “yeah of course there’s another one. Obviously. I don’t know why I expected my laser sword duel to the death with my long lost magic son to go any differently” Was he already thinking about the comically menacing gang of bounty hunters he would have to assemble to go find her? Was he wondering what her favorite color was and if she wanted a planet for herself or if he should just start her out with a moon or two? I have so many questions. 

kylo ren stans are REACHING so hard about the title in connection w him don’t you get tired sometimes of just making shit up??? pulling stuff out of thin air??? the man isn’t even a sith let alone a jedi….he burned that bridge when he literally murdered the other jedi padawans but okay it’s all about mr. fucking pointy red laser sword

It’s hard to imagine George Lucas having any secret agenda for Star Wars, unless the whole thing was secretly a piece of performance art to teach us a lesson about stopping while you’re ahead. What many people don’t realize, however, is that Lucas actually has some pretty strong political opinions, and he wanted them reflected in his films. For example, the classic anti-war film Apocalypse Now was originally his idea, and he wanted to film it during the actual Vietnam War. As in, with real bullets flying at his real, bearded face.

No studio wanted to be responsible for Lucas’ headless cadaver, so the film ended up with Francis Ford Coppola while Lucas went to direct another, almost as politically charged film … called Star Wars.

Unwilling to give up fully on his anti-Vietnam sentiment just because he was doing a movie about spacemen fighting with laser swords, Lucas modeled Star Wars’ central conflict around what he saw as the realities of Vietnam – namely, “a large technological empire going after a small group of freedom fighters.” Yep, he basically saw the Empire as a stand-in for America, while the rebellion was just the inevitable result of the overextension of its powers. So Princess Leia was … Ho Chi Minh, we guess?

All of this subversive anti-Vietnam sentiment culminated in what’s considered the most childish movie of the original trilogy, Return Of The Jedi. The film features a small group of technologically inferior, vegetation-dwelling guerrilla fighters who manage to defeat an empire against the odds. Yes, the Ewoks are a stand-in for the Viet Cong.

6 Famous Movies You Probably Didn’t Notice Are Propaganda

takes a deep breath ROGUE ONE WAS ALL ABOUT HOPE FOR THE FUTURE AND ALSO PERSONAL REDEMPTION JUST LIKE THE REST OF STAR WARS AS A COLLECTIVE BODY OF MEDIA AND HOW ANYONE CAN LOOK AT ALL THAT AND DECIDE THAT KYLO “I’M BEING TORN APART” REN, GRANDSON OF ANAKIN “MASSACRED CHILDREN WITH A LASER SWORD AND CO-RAN AN EVIL FACIST DICTATORSHIP FOR 20 YEARS AND STILL CAME BACK TO THE LIGHT” SKYWALKER ISN’T GONNA GET IN ON THAT ACTION IS FUCKING BEYOND ME

right now the impression rogue one gave me is that it was a more “realistic story” if something like this is possible in a universe with space monks and laser swords. it’s clear intention is to show a different side of the rebellion, a more rough and tough side, cause of course it’s a war. don’t let the cool jedi characters or aliens or jokes fool you into thinking people aren’t out there literally giving their lives for a cause, for hope they won’t have to live in a fascist government, and their children too. rogue one is brutal, it doesn’t get any soft for your confort; the characters have their flaws and their stories - so different yet they converge into something good: the rogue one team. they’re there because that’s the only thing they have, because they want to help, because they want to have a second chance, because they believe in something with such faith that they’re willing to risk their lives for it. everytime they did a reference to something i jumped outta my seat of excitement, it felt so good to feel like i’m in the star wars universe again (not that TFA didnt do it, its cuz its been a long time) and i loved the characters and got attached to them and got so fucking sad everytime someone died. yet, i couldn’t help but to feel proud of  them. they helped save, everyone in their own way, millions and millions of lives. they’re the biggest mf heroes i’ve seen this year. rogue one is a reminder that war demands sacrifice, that isn’t something 100% always right, that we don’t need to go that far to see something like this - we live in a planet where there’s war in a lot of places. even tho i’m devastated they died, i feel warm inside somehow. anyways this movie got me fuckin emotional and i’m back in star wars hell

I got caught up in reading a bunch of the SW novels (read the Catalyst novel, you guys, it’s DELIGHTFUL and I think it really helped get me ready for Rogue One!), so this week I’m doing another compliation set on a theme: STAR WARS MODERN AUS.

NO WAIT COME BACK!! I had a hell of a time getting into them at first, I mean, what’s Star Wars without the laser swords and aliens and space ships and people being space monks?? But then I realized, oh, it’s a chance for these assholes to maybe be happy in a different universe or a chance to examine them from another angle. I wouldn’t suggest starting here, get your fill of more canon-based fic first, then come back when you’re hungry for more of this kind of thing, because it’s pretty amazing when you’re in the right headspace for it! (Fic recs every Wednesday.)

STAR WARS FIC RECS:
Dear Fellow Traveler by Glare, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, human au, 17.4k
   When strangers Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker both miss their flight, they become unlikely partners in the quest to get home. A modern road trip AU.
Plot Twist by skywalkersamidala, obi-wan/anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, human au, 10.1k
   The supposed love triangle between Mr. Skywalker, Ms. Amidala, and Mr. Kenobi is all their students (and even their fellow teachers) can talk about. The only thing is, no one at Coruscant High School can figure out exactly which of them are together.
Negotiation by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cast, nsfw, modern au, serial killer au, 30.4k wip
   Over a year ago, Coruscant Police Detective Anakin Skywalker vanished without a trace while hunting the prolific serial killer known within the media as “The Negotiator”.
i could teach you (but i’d have to charge) by pdotschuy, obi-wan/anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, modern au, school au, 7.1k wip
   ( aka: that high school teachers au that literally no one was going to ask for, but needed to be done. featuring: anakin and ahsoka terrorizing the entire school, the clones as secretaries, and obi-wan, who definitely deserves a raise. let’s not even talk about dooku. )
A Sky Full of Stars by rubberbird, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 15.7k wip
   True love never did run smooth.
the comfort of this house by FoxGlade, obi-wan/anakin/padme & luke & leia & cast, 3.9k
   seven excerpts from a life where everything went right
Master by ARightCharlie (nerddowell), obi-wan/anakin & padme & quinlan, NSFW, human au, dom/sub, 6.6k
   “You know, it’s not kind to play with your food,” Quin told Obi-Wan as he glanced between his friend and the undergrad Obi-Wan was currently toying with.
let me photograph you in this light by QueenWithABeeThrone, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & padme & han & luke & leia, human au, 14.4k
   Obi-wan Kenobi and eight things he learns about Anakin Skywalker after Anakin comes to work for him. (alternatively: Obi-wan and Anakin make it work, amidst vigilantes, terrible tea, and kidnapping attempts.)
ghost coast by bloodonyrsundress, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & padme & barris & cast, NSFW, human au, supernatural au, 19.6k wip
   chapter six features more magic hand-wavey garbage, a supernatural #squad meeting in a graveyard, and ambiguous sandwiches.
In Color by Glare, obi-wan/anakin/padme & qui-gon & shmi, modern au, soulmate au, 13k wip
   Anakin Skywalker is six years old the first time he marks on his skin with intent. His classmates whisper to one another about soulmates on the jungle gym at recess or over toys during free time. They smear colorful paints on their skin and delight when, sometimes, there’s an answer. First graders do not understand the intricacies of the concept, but they know that soulmates are a good thing to have. Another person, who is a perfect match to you. What more could a lonely child want?

(AND MORE)full details + all recs under the cut! 

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Sometimes I try really hard to talk myself out of such intense feelings about Anakin Skywalker, like, SELF, HE CHOSE TO MURDER A ROOM FULL OF CHILDREN WITH HIS LASER SWORD and all those other really horrible decisions he made, he is responsible for those choices and all that shit he did for 20+ years, but also I just think of how intensely he cared and how much he probably low key wanted to die for all those 20 years but nobody who could kill him would do it already and how he was the shining star that fell so far, how he was so beautiful and that beauty was ruined by his fall, how he loved so passionately and he genuinely wanted to do good and he’s such a disaster, he’s so awkward and obsessive and whiny and need and so emotional and he really did try and he spent so long feeling like he wasn’t doing anything right, he wasn’t the Jedi he was supposed to be, he wasn’t the husband he was supposed to be, he wasn’t the best friend he was supposed to be, he lived with such awful demons and they consumed him and he made his own choices and yet, in the end, he still wanted to do good, he wanted to come back, and I understand why Obi-Wan accepted him again, because he’s Anakin Skywalker, he was so full of light and life, he just shone to look at, that so many of his faults stemmed from being haunted and he was adorable and charming in his awkwardness and I, too, have forgiven him for murdering the Jedi and the roomful of children with his laser sword because there’s not a single bone in Anakin’s body that’s capable of not 100% feeling everything he feels, including the desire to finally come home again.

the new star wars trilogy could have done pretty much anything but it’s giving us a totally unhinged emotional mess of a villain shrouded in mysticism and violence and old world religious themes aimed in the direction of an #iconic redemption arc via a fixation on the heroine who is kind and beautiful but also got to be FUCKING BRUTAL and SCARED and MYSTERIOUSLY GOOD AT THINGS, and they are locked in a crazy narrative triangle of beauty and space magic and laser swords with THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE a force-sensitive runaway storm trooper whose loyalty to his friends and desire to do the right thing could move galaxies, all of them tied together by this all-consuming hunger to belong

anyway totally crazy how they wrote the new star wars trilogy for Me Specifically and no one else. really wild

I waver between being so angry vs so disgusted vs so incredibly sad and heartsick, I just cannot believe that this is the world we live in, and I’m terrified of what’s to come.  It feels so hard to find any reason to get up and keep fighting, what’s the point, when this is where we ended up, but every hour I get a smidgen of it back, every hour I get a little bit more sure that we can’t just lie down.  I don’t usually talk about politics on this blog (partly to due with separating my life, partly because of how my anxiety works) and I’m still going to keep this primarily as a space for being escapism when I need it, because I can’t let my fear and disgust and anger overwhelm me, I need to have a buffer against those feelings to get back up again.

Some do need that space, some do need to look at cute animal gifs or magical girls or space monks with laser swords, to not collapse out of sheer despair. The push for a better world just got a lot harder, but that doesn’t mean giving up on it and sometimes that means I need good things to remind me why I keep voting, why I keep caring, why this world is still worth it.  I have so much anger about all of this and I’m going to use it irl, I hope that others take this and remember it (because, goddamn, apparently nobody fucking remembered 2000) and use it and keep going, but if you need a brief break, sometimes it’s okay to go look at Skyrim gifs or talk about which fictional characters you want to fight each other and/or kiss.