swimmer-problems

me at swim practice
  • me: wait, what are we doing
  • me: oh, distance butterfly sets, yay!
  • me: oh shit there's the wall better do a flip turn
  • me: oh wait im doing butterfly
  • me: that was the shittiest butterfly turn ive ever done
  • me: coach is going to yell at me
  • me: what
  • me: i should not have eaten that sandwich before practice
  • me: oh my god im going to throw up
  • me: false alarm
  • coach: *muffled yelling*
  • me: wait what?!
  • me: oh he's not talking to me
  • me: just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming,swimming
  • me: i love that movie
  • me: i want to go home
  • me: my arm hurts
  • me: oh yay, 100x100s
  • me: oh my god, i have 99 more of these to do
  • me: and flip and push off the wall and streamline
  • me: ready set breathe
  • me: fuck i just inhaled water
  • me: ok i should think of a motivational song
  • me: weeeeeeeeeeeeee are never, ever, ever, getting back together!
  • me: shit no i hate you taylor swift you bitch get your whiny ass music away from me
  • me: ok, um
  • me: dammit i just forgot every song that ive ever heard in my entire life
  • me: oh, flipturn!
  • me: ow, fuck, just kneed myself in the face
  • me: yes alright here's my favorite song
  • me: what's the next line
  • me: ow just ran into the lane line
  • me: um, excuse me bitch, if you wish to pass me, tap my feet and i'll move over. do not grab my ankle and pull me down like a fucking carnivorous siren from those greek myths. bitch
  • me: oh just got lapped
  • me: look how many fucks i do not give
  • me: im hungry
  • me: what time is it
  • me: im probably sweating really hard right now
  • me: ow, just got kicked by someone in the other lane
  • me: whoops, sorry, didnt mean to touch you there, i swear
  • me: oh my god are we done
  • me: praise the lord
  • me: adios until tomorrow, bitches

I wanted to take a moment to call out this tumblr user.

“Swimming is gay.”

1. The most decorated Olympian of all time in the history of ever is a swimmer and a fucking great athlete while at it.

2. Rugby hasn’t been at the Olympics since 1924.

3. I swim 6,000 meters A DAY. A FUCKING DAY.That’s four miles of swimming. Which is like running sixteen miles. So nigga please.

4. The group above me does 8,000 meters a day. College does 10,000, and Michael Phelps does 20,000 meters a day.

5. My dryland, (FUCKING WARMUP) is three miles of running with abs in between each lap.

6. The most decorated Olympian of all time is a swimmer.

7. Gay? A sport makes you gay? What makes you gay is liking dick. I guess the fucking whole fucking Olympic team is gay now because they won thirty one medals and sixteen gold.

8. The US medal count at the Olympics this year was 104. Swimming accounted for thirty one of those. Without swimming we would have lost to China. FUCK COMMUNISM.

9. I’m gay for wearing a speedo every day of my life? I’m gay. I’M SORRY I’M TOO FUCKING HOT FOR CLOTHING AND A SPEEDO FITS ME WELL.

10. I don’t know a group of people who work as hard in both their sport, school, and everything they do in life. Oh and never complain.

So no, swimming isn’t gay. I IMPLORE you to join me at a practice this summer. You’ll die. Now maybe this was a joke, and I am not calling this person out specifically, but I literally see this everywhere. If you think that, there’s a little unfollow button at the top of my page.

Goodnight and fuck all of you who think that swimming is neither hard, or makes you a homosexual. Every sport is hard in its own right.

MAJOR swimmer problems....

These definitely needed to be addressed.

•having to take a piss right before getting up on the block

•heaters broken

•wet swimsuits (oh gawd…)

•waking up at some ungodly hour all in the name of swimming

•the stench of chlorine is stuck to you. 24/7/365

•400 IMs

•tangled hair

•broken goggles

•broken swim caps

•faded/stretched suits

•getting water up your nose

•the 12 days of Christmas

•no breathers

•getting water in your lungs right when you need to breathe

•tired all day afterward

•swim life = no life

•holiday practices

•going to a competition and the water is colder than a witch’s tit

Compliments swimmers will never get. And if they do, they are blessed…
•”Your hair looks great!”

•”You smell really good!”

Me At Swim Practice
  • Me: I LOVE the smell of chlorine
  • me: it's kinda hot in here
  • me: i don't want to change
  • me: now im cold
  • me: ohhhh cold suit....COLD SUIT
  • me: i really should have hung my suit up last night....
  • me: drag? NOT doing that today
  • me: *brain enters routine mode and puts on drag* welp...looks like i am wearing drag today...
  • me: that water looks cold
  • me: i dont want to get in
  • me: time to pretend like my goggles are being difficult
  • me: lets look at the warm up to kill time
  • me: 200IM.....hmmm dont wanna do that
  • me: wait why is everyone else actually getting in
  • me: what the hell we had an agreement
  • me: come on guys i thought we were protesting
  • me: well i suppose i should probably get in now....
  • me: maybe the water isnt that cold
  • me: NO I WAS WRONG THIS IS FUCKING ANTARCTICA
  • me: okayokay sprint this first 100 and maybe i'll warm up a bit
  • me: BAD IDEA BAD IDEAAAA
  • me: wait guys, we ARE protesting?
  • me: i hate you all
  • me: distance set.....no
  • me: i hate swimming
  • me: oh my god i cant breathe
  • me: i think im dying
  • me: SPLASHSPLASHSPLASHSPLASH
  • me: oh shit,.....fly set
  • me: I AM SO GOOD AT FLY I LOVE THIS
  • me: SOMEONE CALL THE SQUAD IM DYING
  • me: LIFEGUARD CANT YOU SEE IM DROWNING HERE?
  • me: what? practice is already over? but....i wanna keep swimming
  • me: oh my gosh its too cold
  • me: why the hell do i swim
  • me: god fucking dammit....