swim meets

Trapped at a swim meet. Hour for warmups and then four hours for the session, of which my son will swim a total of 10 minutes or so.

I never want to complain about this because my parents sat through track meets that had a similar schedule. But dang if it isn’t uncomfortable and boring most of the time. Trying to stretch my sore foot against the glass while I wait.

MAJOR swimmer problems....

These definitely needed to be addressed.

•having to take a piss right before getting up on the block

•heaters broken

•wet swimsuits (oh gawd…)

•waking up at some ungodly hour all in the name of swimming

•the stench of chlorine is stuck to you. 24/7/365

•400 IMs

•tangled hair

•broken goggles

•broken swim caps

•faded/stretched suits

•getting water up your nose

•the 12 days of Christmas

•no breathers

•getting water in your lungs right when you need to breathe

•tired all day afterward

•swim life = no life

•holiday practices

•going to a competition and the water is colder than a witch’s tit

Compliments swimmers will never get. And if they do, they are blessed…
•”Your hair looks great!”

•”You smell really good!”

Swimmer Problems

I miss the smell of chlorine. I miss the excitement of jumping off the block, and busting your ass your last lap. The adrenaline of being anchor. The early morning practices, weekend practices, and after class practices. The team carb dinners. The red circles around your eyes from your goggles, and the red line across your foreheard from your cap. making new friends at the city meet every year at the end if the season. coming home and taking a shower, only to continue to smell like chlorine. Getting up in the morning not even trying to get dressed, and end up pretty much wearing your pajamas to school. The numbness in your legs and arms. The 5 second breaths at each wall, only to bust your ass to the other side as fast you can without slowing down. That bitch of a 100 fly, and the 200 IM. Knowing you beat the person next to you only by 1/10 of a second. People think swimming isnt a real sport. Lets see you try.

things i say during swim meets

“oooh, who be this boy??”

“omg, is my event next?”

“wheres my towel?”

“what time is it?”

“oh. my. gawd. look at him. he looks like he was sent from heaven.”

“shit. we lost.”

“can you cap me?”

“ohmigosh, i’m so nervous!”

“i’m so tired.”

“don’t drop that thun thun thun”