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I try to look angry in the mirror and it comes off as sadness. I think that’s my default expression, as opposed to vacant or apathetic. My face just goes right to sad. I don’t know when that happened.

            Hi. Hello….                                             Ako na lang kaya?

                            Nandito naman ako, ah?

Ako na lang kase.                   Sana ako na lang.               Sige na kase.

                         Try mo lang.                         Malay mo magwork.

    Please?                              Ayaw mo pa rin?

                       Okay lang, sanay na ko.               

                                                                    Basta maghihintay ako…. Ha?

Since I joined tumblr, I simply expressed all my feelings through blogging: Happiness, sadness, anger. I didn’t know how to show them on the outside, so I took a keyboard and write down what I have inside. Converting my feelings into words, and that was that. The empty sheet was my greatest confidence. Nothing more. But now, I have you by my side. I can express everything, and you receives it completely. With that, I can’t blog like I did before. However, I believe, I’m doing better.

Normal lang na ipaglaban mo ang pag-ibig mo. Pero hindi tama na sabihin mong hindi ka susuko. Dapat alam mo kung kelan ka dapat na sumuko. Dahil kung hindi, wala nang matitira para sa sarili mo.

I know that I’m not completely over you. I still see your face everytime I close my eyes, you always cross my mind and invade my dreams. But don’t worry, I know this craziness won’t last forever. Soon, hearing your name, seeing your pictures, even talking to you will no longer affect me. ;)

Kapag nagmahal ka, wag mong pagsisihan ang mga bagay na ginawa mo para sa kanya. Kahit na parang wala lang ito sa kanya. Ang pagsisihan mo ay ‘yung mga bagay na hindi mo nagawa habang pinapakita mong mahal mo sya. Baka kase 'yun pa yung kulang na hinahanap nya.

I have this song in my mind that automatically plays whenever I think of you. But the thing is, I really don’t know the title, artist or the exact lyrics. I just heard this song a week ago. So I just keep on humming along to it. it’s really frustrating that I can’t even Google it. >.< It’s like na~nanana~nana~naa…. Oh God, why am I doing this :|

I’ll assume you like me too. That’s the only thing I can fancy for now. You haven’t told me anything yet. I’m clueless (I chose to be clueless). Still, I don’t want to lose this feeling. And I can’t imagine myself liking someone else like this. Don’t worry, I’m okay. I just need a little hope. That’s all. 

These thoughts makes me happy, for a while. At least, I’m happy. And… it’s because of you. I made all these thoughts because of you… It’s always you.

Sana hindi ko na lang sinabi.

Ganun pala talaga. Kahit gaano ka pa kahanda. Kahit naisip mo na lahat ng posibleng mangyari kapag sinabi mo ang mga salitang ‘yun, kung hindi mo naman maririnig 'yung inaaasahan mong sagot. Masakit pa rin. Ang akala ko kapag nasabi ko na yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya, giginhawa na yung pakiramdam ko kahit ano pang maging tugon nya. Mali pala ako.

Parang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Yung pakiramdam na hawak ni kamatayan yung puso mo, tapos unti-uning humihigpit. Unti-unti kang pinapatay. Ganun yung pakiramdam sa dibdib.

Sakit na hindi mo talaga matitiis.

Sana hindi ko na lang sinabi.

'di sana, okay pa tayo ngayon. Sana walang nagbago. Kahit, magkaibigan lang tayo.

Alam mong online sya. Alam mo rin na alam nyang online ka. Pero hindi kayo naguusap.

Pakiramdaman? Kung sino unang pumansin, talo?

Eh gusto ko lang naman kase maramdaman na kahit hindi pa ako nakakapag-Hi sayo, napansin mo na ako. Na mas nauna yung Hi mo. Na kilala mo pa ko. Na kinakamusta mo ‘ko. Ganun din ba yung gusto mo?

Eh, paano kung ayaw mo nang makinig sa puso mo? Dahil ilang beses ka nang pinaasa at sinaktan nito. Kahit sa utak mo, kase ilang beses ka na ring nagsisi at nanghinayang dahil sa pagsunod dito.

Sino na ang pakikinggan mo?