So I was laying in bed listening to music and for a minute or two, I thought about him. Every day I tell myself I shouldn’t think about him because I know he isn’t thinking about me but for a second, I did. And in that second, I’ll be honest, my heart hurt and I cried a bit. I thought loving someone and being in love with them was meant to feel good and great, not used and abused. I thought the feelings I had shared, was going to be reciprocated exactly the same way, maybe more if I was lucky. Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t. In my mind I know I can let go and forget, change my number, leave the country, run away and start somewhere new but in my heart, I know I could never do the simplest of just letting go. I feel like a tower of Jenga, where the more blocks you pull out, the more I’m likely to fall apart. On the outside, I’m good at pretending; at watching everyone around me think my life is simple and okay, little do they know is my life is definitely not simple and definitely not okay. And it’s okay to not be okay, I understand that. I’m content with that. Tbh, I just wish it was simple.. and I know it never will be. Why couldn’t me loving you be enough for you to love me back?