Now I break the wait of you guys! Here goes the first part of the series. Hope you all will enjoy and give me the feedbacks.
‘So yeah I still have a soft corner for him.
I closed my diary as a sigh left my lips. I ran my fingers on the Worn out leather covering the hard cover of diary. My journal was my best friend. No doubt I had friends as in person too but none of them were close to me as my journal. Wherever I go, whatever I do, my journal never left me. Someone said right anyways. ‘Books are our best friends with no demands and no complaints.’
I set my glasses down on the side table. I rubbed the bridge of my nose which ached due to the plastic of the glasses. Rubbing my eye with the back of my hand i glanced at the clock which showed 10:30 pm. Late enough. Yawning I turned the lights off before drifting to sleep.
“Love!!!!! Cmon!” Harry chirped as he perched upon me shaking my shoulders. We were having a descent walk in the wintery weather of London when, Harry decided to start a play fight of snow out of nowhere. He rolled some snow and threw it at me with such a force that it ended up aiming for my eye. I laid there with my hands covering my face.
“Baby please lemme see it?” Harry asked softly lifting my hand up. He gasped when instead of crying I smushed a ball of snow directly on his face. Shrieking and giggling I stood up and started running with Harry chasing behind me. I was so in love with Harry that it physical hurt me sometimes.
After a few minutes of running i stopped, I turned around to look for Harry but he was no were in sight. I waddled further searching for him. Sighing, I walked back home but suddenly heard kissing noises coming from a tree a bit further left to me. I scrunched my eyebrows and walked slowly to the tree. My heart paced loudly as I saw Harry Sucking off a girl’s face.
I cried out and ran as far as my leg took me. This isn’t happening. How could this be true?!!
I woke up panting as sweat beads covered my forehead. I read the time. 5:45 am. Taking a deep breath I step out of the nice warm comfort of my bed. I shuddered as my bare feet hit the cold tiles of my bathroom.
I turned the knob of shower and felt the warm water hit my shoulder blades. These dreams have been haunting me since I and Harry broke up three years ago. They don’t come everyday. But time to time they happen. I never thought that my life would turn out to be like this. My life wasn’t very fair in the past. Thinking what happened just causes pain so i prefer to rather not think about it.
After finishing my shower, I got dressed in some sweatpants and a comfy baggy t-shirt. It’s never satisfying weather in the States during winters. Everything’s a mixture of greys and blues. To me it’s very depressing. Decided to hit up my day with some warm waffles and hot chocolate, I took a seat on the couch and turned the T.V on.
I didn’t realised when I fell asleep. I woke up like an hour or so, greeted by sunlight flashing on my face. I took a breath of relief when saw the sun. I missed it. At least now we’d have some colours. I sat up from my laying positing and stretched out my arms a bit. I padded to my kitchen and filled myself a glass of water. I peeked out of window. It was a lovely day.
I wrapped my coat more tightly around me as the cold wind hit my face. I decided to take chip for a walk. Oh, chip is my husky. He indeed needed a stroll down the park too.
After a few minutes of walking I decided to stop by and rest on the green bench. The coldness of the metal made me shiver. Though the sun shone at top of my head, winters were winters. Bitchy & cold. I smiled as few kids in front of me swayed on the swing. Their giggles reminded me of my childhood, how my dad used to push me on the swing. ‘High’ ‘high’ I sang. Last year only my dad left my hand. It was an accident.
My dad was my life. He was with me at every moment just like my journal. But, he had to leave I suppose.
I sniffled remembering the moments I had with him. I felt a little tap on my knee as I kept my gaze on the kids in front of me. I tilted my head down and saw a little cutie staring at me with big green eyes. I smiled as she lifted her arms and mumbled 'up’ 'up.’
I lifted her off the ground and settled on my lap.
“Hey there gorgeous.” I cooed holding her little hands in mine.
“Oh. You’re cold” I said with an 'O’ face making her giggle. I rubbed her hands in mine blowing on them. Gladly I’d chip tied up to the arm rest of the bench. I kissed her cheek taking in her baby scent. She was so chubby and cute that I couldn’t help but give her raspberry kisses. Her giggles were like the medicine to my aching life. I felt spiritually attracted to her.
“Snow!!!!! Snow!!!! Where yeh poppet?” A sound echoed making baby’s head turn in the direction from where the voice was coming.
A lady, who aged around 50 came rushing and took baby, who’s name I suppose was snow, from me.
“Oh Jesus. Where were yeh sweet?” She Asked snow in her thigh British accent who wasn’t answered back by snow because she didn’t know how speak till, I guess.
“Uh. She crawled to me.” I smiled to the lady who returned it politely.
“I-I’m y/n” I said reaching for her hand which she shook.
“I’m Beth and this is snow.” She said waving snow’s hand at me. I giggled when she flashed me her teething smile.
“Nice to meet you and snow too” I said leaning forward to peck snow’s cheek.
“Nice to meet you too” Beth replied before turning around to walk away.
“Stop!” I blurred out and walked to her.
“I-I live nearby. Please visit at your leisure. I’d like to spend some more time with snow.” I said hopefully. The lady smiled and nodded and looked at snow who was smiling at me.
“That’d be lovely! I’m sure snow would like it too” she cooed as I gave her my address before returning home.
— Harry’s POV
“Beth….?” I asked as I closed the door behind me. I had to sneakily visit my daughter month to month because I didn’t wanted anyone to find out that i had a baby. It wasn’t very easy but I had to keep the baby away from the media for her sake.
“Hey Harry!” The Old lady chirped as she appeared from the kitchen wiping her hands. She was Snow’s nanny and the only person whom I had trust on.
“You came early.” She said hanging my coat on beside some other coats.
“had days off. How’s she doing?” I asked plopping down on couch.
“All good. Made a friend today.” She giggled as she went back in kitchen.
“Friend? Baby’s growing up fast huh?” I chuckled removing my watch from my wrist.
“Yeah. Her name is y/n. She happened to be our neighbour.” Beth said. The rattling of utensils filled the house as my heart stopped. Y/n. She was here. But then I thought that there could be more y/n in the world too. So I shrugged it off. Though the feelings for her never lessened. Though her name still made me shiver. Though I still loved her.
//Mod T here! The ECHO project, while long and arduous, was definitely a ton of fun! I made some wonderful friends and really had an amazing time contributing to this beautiful piece.
Now, of course, I went a little crazy and made many, many poses–so many, in fact, that not all of them made it in! Here is the full list of poses that were created, some of which made it into the video.
I owe a very, very big thank you to two people–first, @myebi for working with me to line every single pose you see here (ah, the woe of being a traditional artist), and @namelessokami for putting up with me for ages and ages and lining those hands sweet jesus you beautiful being helping me with the initial colors as well as providing me with undying support with every single multi-faceted and hard-to-manage part of this many-layered piece. Seriously, friend??? THANK YOU??? Couldn’t have done this without you.
Also, a special thank-you goes to @techcat for being so gosh-darn amazing and putting this together!!!
ALSO, ANOTHER ROUND OF THANK-YOU’S TO MY WAIFU, @myebi, FOR COLLABORATING WITH ME ON THIS BEAUTIFUL PART OF THE CREDITS:
THIS GAL TOOK MY RIDICULOUS INITIAL SKETCH AND MADE A WORK OF ART
PRAISE H E R
The idea behind Gaster and Aster’s outfit was to mirror the necklaces they wear as a sign of their love. Aster’s colors were reflective of Gaster’s crystal necklace, whereas Gaster wears the bright and bombastic colors of the sun necklace around Aster’s neck. Once again, thank you to all who helped me, and congrats to everyone who worked on this beautiful project!
1: Full name: Isaac Nial Lacey (we don’t speak of my middle name)
2: Age: 16
3: 3 Fears: Spiders, heights and the dark
4: 3 things I love: My boyfriend, food and tea
5: 4 turns on: Dicks, cuteness, awesome personality, sweets (what, you can’t deny, sweets are hot af XD)
6: 4 turns off: Douchey deodorant, non emo, vagina (I’m gay and I have no filter me saying this is a given)
7: My best friend: I don’t really have any friends
8: Sexual orientation: Gay
9: My best first date: Haven’t been on a date (I plan on taking my boyfriend on one when I visit him/he visits me)
10: How tall am I: 176 cm
11: What do I miss: friends
12: What time was I born: 7:32 (I think it was am)
13: Favourite color: Purple
14: Do I have a crush: On my boyfriend yeah
15: Favourite quote: *shrugs* I dunno
16: Favourite place: My bedroom
17: Favourite food: ummm if I had to pick I’d say pizza
18: Do I use sarcasm: nooooo I would never (what do you think)
19: What am I listening to right now: the sounds in my head
20: First thing I notice in new person: their eyes
21: Shoe size: 8 in new Zealand
22: Eye color: my eyes are kinda weird, they’re green/blue with a yellow/brown/gold/orange kinda ring around my pupil
23: Hair color: I’m not sure, light af brown or dark blonde I dunno
24: Favourite style of clothing: anything emo
25: Ever done a prank call? Nope because fuck that, one I would be terrible and 2 it’s scary as fuuuuck
27: Meaning behind my URL: It’s my fucking name
28: Favourite movie: Don’t have one
29: Favourite song: Ummmmm
30: Favourite band: I have way too many
31: How I feel right now: Depressed as fuck
32: Someone I love: My boyfriend Jacob
33: My current relationship status: Taken
34: My relationship with my parents: I think it’s bad, they seem to think it’s good
35: Favourite holiday: Ummmm christmas I think maybe, I get to eat a LOT at christmas
36: Tattoos and piercing i have: I don’t have any, I do want to get a small tattoo one day though maybe
37: Tattoos and piercing i want: Small rainbow coloured rose
38: The reason I joined Tumblr: writing stuff
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: Well considering he tried to rape me I think that’s a solid yes
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: Yusss from my boyfriend all the time, he’s so sweet
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: I doubt it
42: When did I last hold hands?: Yesterday, I had to babysit my one year old brother and he dragged me outside by my hand
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? It depends, I multi task so it can take ages but also not take long
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No
45: Where am I right now? In my bedroom
46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: Not sure
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: It depends how I’m feeling if I’m honest
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No, they divorced, I live with my mum and step dad
49: Am I excited for anything?: Getting to talk to Jacob
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: No, like I said I don’t really have any friends
51: How often do I wear a fake smile? All day every day mother fucker
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: Fucking AGES ago, I don’t like human contact, my sister tries to hug me but I don’t let her (most I’ll go for is holding hands with most people)
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I wouldn’t care
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: No
55: What is something I disliked about today?: Being depressed upon waking up
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Jacob, in person anyway
57: What do I think about most?: Jacob
58: What’s my strangest talent?: I don’t really have anything I’m good at
59: Do I have any strange phobias?: *shrugs*
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind usually but I’m ok with being in front of it every once in a while
61: What was the last lie I told?: Well I told my brother (the oldest one I have that is still younger than me) that I was ok with him (I really don’t like him)
62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? It depends who with, all calls make me nervous as fuck, I mostly video call with Jacob but with anyone else regular call if I can even manage that
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: Nope
64: Do I believe in magic?: Eh
65: Do I believe in luck?: Nope
66: What’s the weather like right now?: warm outside
67: What was the last book I’ve read?: Dripping gold
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: Ew no
69: Do I have any nicknames?: Izzy and Zac, I like to go by Izzy to most people
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: *shrugs*
71: Do I spend money or save it?: *shrugs*
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: Nope
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?: ummmm not that I can see
74: Favourite animal?: Dog maybe
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: watching anime
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: *shrugs* tf kinda question is this?
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: anything by paramore
78: How can you win my heart?: buy me food
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: ‘little shit that had no friends, loved his boyfriend more than anything, is emo trash even in death’
what is being in your 30s like? how different do you feel than when you were about 23, for example? i'm just wondering as i think you have some pretty legit opinions on life and i would like to hear what you think. side note, you're really awesome, inspirational, love your blog and have been following you for a while.
I’ve wanted to answer this question so many times and I keep coming back to it and not sending off my answer. Also, thank you for the love. I’m still rocked when I hear that young women value the advice that I have to give. It inspires me right back. Trust me.
When I was 23 I had just been scouted to be a model. So I was disgustingly hopeful at the time–and awfully self conscious. I was also a baby, in the way that I was so very impressionable. I took people’s words and opinions to heart and I read very deeply into them. Everything made a mark on me. When I was 23 I was actually pretending to be 19, so instead of feeling young and full of hope I felt terribly old and constantly on the verge of expiring.
Nothing changed for a long time. I always felt like I was desperately holding onto something that could be stripped away from me at any moment. No one knew I was older; I lied to bookers, clients, models. It was a huge point of anxiety for me. I remember meeting photographer Chadwick Tyler for the first time in his Brooklyn studio, I was 26 and he was one of the first people to talk openly with me about depression and medication. That was a huge moment. I guess he was the first photographer I told my true age to. It felt like a dark confession at the time, but he seemed confused that I even gave a shit about it. He took these amazing nudes of me that I will cherish forever. In that moment I felt so embarrassed of myself. I was embarrassed that I wasn’t really 19 or 22 or ‘young’ but when I look back at those photos at 32, I think sweet Jesus Christ I was a hot babe with a body and I almost wasted it trying to compete with some teens.
The most disturbing part is, those teens I was competing with probably hated themselves and their bodies as much I did. That’s the best part about being 32. You can look back at entire decades of time and write them off in a couple of sentences. Fuck my early twenties, I didn’t know what was up. My late twenties were the best cos I stopped caring what men (and women) thought of me. I fucked around and I lived my life. I started to enjoy sex for the first time. I stopped caring if people thought I was old, if people thought I was a whore. I had a vague idea of who I was, and it really cemented around the time I was 28. Your 30s (I can only vouch for your early 30s) are a bittersweet/conflicted time. You wish you could do it again and not give so many fucks, you’re also so very fucking glad that chapter is over and you never want to go thru that shit again.
When you’re 32 you have stories, it’s a sexy time to be a woman.