sweet jesus and all that is holy

iconic vines sentence meme .

​❛ suck a motherfucking dick . ❜

​❛ i thought you were bae , turns out you were just fam . ❜

​❛ i thought you were american . ❜

​❛ is that a weed !? ❜

​❛ i won’t hesitate bitch ! ❜

​❛ chipotle is my life . ❜

​❛ turn off the flash you fucking moron ! ❜

​❛ kiss my ass bitch motherfucker ! ❜

​❛ is that a police !? ❜

​❛ i’m calling the weed ! ❜

​❛ done & done , let me pull the table out of my ass . ❜

​❛ merry crisis ! ❜

​❛ i don’t have enough money for chicken nugget . ❜

​❛ i’m ready to die anytime , any place , for any reason . ❜

​❛ hey guys , we’re unboxing this cheese stick today . ❜

​❛ i aint never gonna stop loving you , bitch .  ❜

​❛ this is the comedy police ! that joke’s too funny ! ❜

​❛ i’m not going back to jail ! ❜

​❛ what the fuck ? $599 for a fucking playground ? that looks like a piece of shit . ❜

​❛ FUCK YOUR TEA ! ❜

​❛ the feminists are taking over ! ❜

​❛ I GOT TWO FREE TACOS ! ❜

​❛ and they were roommates ! ❜

​❛ i’m not your friend ! ❜

​❛ there’s no saving this sweet piece of ass . ❜

​❛ hi welcome to chili’s ! ❜

​❛ yeah tip of the penis to you too . ❜

​❛ this is why mom doesn’t FUCKING love you ! ❜

​❛ welcome to bible study , we’re all children of jesus . ❜

​❛ aw fuck , i can’t believe you’ve done this . ❜

​❛ YO HOLY SHIT HE DEAD ! ❜

​❛ this is the dollar store , how good can it be ? ❜

​❛ step back , i think i’m gonna vomit ! ❜

​❛ oh sorry , i didn’t see ya there , i was too busy blocking out the haters . ❜

​❛ shut up ! your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos ! ❜

​❛ I’LL TAKE A NAP HERE ! ❜

​❛ i hate to do this but i specifically asked for no mustard and you just brought me a bottle of mustard on a plate . ❜

​❛ how are we gonna win if we fucking die ? ❜

​❛ why the fuck would i say printer ? ❜

​❛ the benefits of killing him would be that i’d be pushed way less . ❜

​❛ but it pays off, because i dont even have time to think about dying . ❜

anonymous asked:

What the ever living shit Spidey, I just had an all-dressed potato chip for the first time and now I'm concerned. What other shit are you crazy canucks hiding from us?

STRAP IN, ANON.  WE’RE GOING FOR A RIDE THROUGH THE GREAT WHITE NORTH.

Real poutine!  A mix of fresh cut fries, specifically spiced poutine gravy and cheese curds.

Hawkins Cheezies!  You like Cheetos?  Well buckle up because Cheezies are better in every way.  They’re crunchier, more cheesy, made with corn and don’t look/taste artificial.

Smarties!  Think M&M’s but bigger and with a harder shell more solid chocolate inside.  In fact, most Canadian chocolate is different (better) as it is smoother, sweeter and creamier.  Which leads us too…

Coffee Crisp!  Foam coffee filling between wafers and covered in chocolate.  

And Aero bars!  Super sweet, Canadian milk chocolate, aerated with little bubbles so the bar feels like it was made out of a chocolate cloud!  

Fudgee-O’s!  Made by the same company, think Oreos but with a fudge icing inside!

Hickory Sticks, goddamnit!  Slivers of hickory smoked potato chip slivers.

Tourtiere.  Spiced meat pies!  Pork or beef, nothing quite compares.  Crisp on the outside, savory on the inside.  The best meat pies.  Period.

Kraft Peanut Butter.  Apparently Kraft doesn’t make this peanut butter for you Americans.  Probably for the best, since it’d put all other peanut butter brands out of business.  Also, LOOKIT THE CUTE BEARS.

Tim Hortons, sweet baby Jesus.  From donuts to timbits to bagels to coffee, you can’t go wrong with this chain.  I cannot even begin to describe what you’re missing out on if you haven’t had their coffee or donuts.  Rows upon rows of donuts of all assortments, with the smell of brewed coffee in the air.  Holy shit.

Oh and the annual Roll Up the Rim to Win.  Which beats the crap out of whatever monopoly scam McDonalds pulls.

CANADA.  HELL YEAH.

Make Believe

Characters:  Dean x Reader

Summary:  Dean and reader pose as a couple to lure a vampire

Word Count:  2540

Warnings:  Smut, language, near death situation

As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

Originally posted by winsmut

Make Believe

We were in the middle of this hunt when Mary called. We couldn’t exactly walk out on this, so Sam had volunteered to help Mary while Dean and I stay behind to finish the job.

Which led to the situation that I’m now in. It’s not so much a situation as a ‘how the holy fuck did it end up like this’ type of scenario. At the moment, as I sit in the Impala at the edge of a secluded forest with Dean, I wish that Dean had gone and Sam had stayed.

Not that it wouldn’t have been weird with Sam. It would have been weird, just a different kind of weird. Normal weird, not weird-weird. Sure, Sam is six plus feet of handsome, but the relationship I have with him is more sibling-ish. I just don’t have those kinds of feelings for Sam - the kind where my heart races a bit faster when he’s near and my girly bits get all tingly. Dean, on the other hand, has that effect on me. My relationship with Dean is strictly platonic, but that doesn’t mean a girl can’t dream. And boy, do I ever dream. The man is fucking sex on bow-legs. Can you blame a girl?

Here’s the thing about this particular vampire - he’s got a bit of a twisted fetish. His tastes run into the kinky. He likes to take his victims mid-coitus. Doing the nasty. Knocking boots. The horizontal Mambo. He’s a real piece of work. Like I said, he’s a kinky son of a bitch.

His modus operandi is to kill the male and snatch the female. We haven’t quite figured out what he does with the girls, but our best guess is he turns them. And keeps them for his own amusement, if you catch my drift.

But I’m getting off course here. Right now my gut is swirling with butterflies, my heart pounding loudly enough that this vampire can probably hear it a mile off. In just a moment, I’m going to be making out with Dean. Sure, it’s for the greater good, I volunteer as tribute, blah blah blah. I know it’s not real, it’s just for show, but I’m nervous as hell. I’m staring at his lips and he’s giving me that cocky as hell smirk, you know the one I’m talking about. His tongue darts out to lick his lower lip and I practically swoon. I’m like Scarlet fucking O’hara, I’ve got a case of the vapors. I might actually pass out.  

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Request! How would the RFA react to an MC that looks delicate innocent and all that, but then shES A TOTAL MEMESTER *dabs* AND SWEARS LIKE A SAILOR 24/7

lololol this is so me except I’m neither delicate nor innocent looking I’m just abnormally quiet but look I will swear just to put emphasis on other swear words ok

also pretend that in the chats, MC acts ‘normally’ I guess, since she wanted to make a good impression. But now that she’s gotten more comfortable with the RFA, it’s time to let loose. 

also also sorry not sorry for my cringey memeing

also also also (really sorry) I think swearing like a sailor and knowing good insults are part of the same package so…tah

-Sevensity


Yoosung:

  • AW BABY
  • at first, he thinks you’re an actual angel
  • you’re sweet, and pure, and so incredibly precious, you’re probably the most gent-
  • “Ay it’s my bitch- I mean boy, Yoosung!”
  • Did she…did she just call me her bitch?
  • not that he really minds though whoops 
  • This boy is s hOOK
  • When he grew up, he was the kid that thought “heck” was a terrible word
  • and now the love of his life just said the big ‘b’ word/?//???
  • MC the boy will cry actually he’s kinda scared that his mom is going to jump out from beneath a table holding a bible
  • Without realizing it, he’ll cover your mouth with his hand to ‘prevent’ you from saying any other bad words
  • then he realizes what he’s done and just sort of goes ah I hate myself
  • proceeds to curl up into a ball of solid misery
  • you: ಠ_ಠ
  • telling him memes just freaks him the fuck out because who is this person????
  • Yoosung hates surprises tbh
  • He calms down a bit once you revert to your chat room self, but this is only to lessen the blow, and you’ll gradually release your own beast all in due time
  • he’s fine with memes, not fine with swearing
  • but seriously when you guys live together he has a heart attack every time you stub your toe because you just yell profanities at the top of your lungs
  • “HOLY JESUS SWEET MOTHERFUCKER ” 
  • “o h  f O R THE LOVE OF SATAN’S FIERY BALLSACK10/10 for creativity
  • your neighbors are like uhm is she ok I don’t think she’s ok
  • meanwhile Yoosung is sobbing on the floor
  • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Zen:

  • Actually with Zen, it’s a little while before you openly started to swear and meme-out in front of him, since you are a bit afraid of his fans’ reactions
  • But at some point, Zen is acting with a really shitty excuse of a human being
  • This guy has some sort of god-complex (also he wears khaki pants and keeps screaming about death and ruling the world) which just makes you want him in his pretty face
  • As they wrap up a scene, he begins to complain about everything that went ‘wrong’, and proceeds to storm away after his tantrum
  • He shoves people out of the way, and Zen tugs you to the side before the shit kid can touch you
  • But you can’t keep your cool, and just-
  • “Woah excUSE me, fucking douche canoe coming through.”
  • You feel Zen’s fingers just freeze around your arm
  • Did those words really come out of your sweet little mouth? 
  • Starts to wonder how else your mouth can amaze him *wink wonk* jfc this kinky piece of shit is too much for me
  • Basically after that incident, you don’t hold back anymore
  • Although Zen doesn’t get used to it for a while after-all your words and appearance are so completely different, he secretly loves it when you swear
  • Especially when you mention body parts 
  • Specifically when you mention his body parts
  • He thinks he could handle any other surprise you throw at him
  • You prove him wrong during an RFA get-together one day, where you all go to visit Jaehee’s cafe together since she just began to sell new things I like to believe they have their happy endings no matter what route you choose see sometimes I can be optimistic
  • You buy one of the fresh baguettes, eye it for a moment, then your tongue darts out and-
  • “Babe, just what are you doing?” you hear Zen’s concerned voice
  • Everyone is looking at you
  • Meekly, you reply “I lik the bred.”
  • Seven doubles up in laughter, since he’s basically the only one who gets it this nerd
  • Zen thinks you’re ill
  • You have to explain to him that it’s from a meme, and horror dawns on his face
  • “I’m dating a female version of Seven.”
  • But it’s fine, he loves you anyways, and insists you teach him about the world of memes so he can try to understand your references
  • Though it’s like teaching the average mom how to use a computer
  • No matter how many times you explain, he just doesn’t get it

Jaehee:

  • Ok first off lemme just say rip Baehee
  • When she sees you for the first time, she is glad to see how sweet you look; your tender smile and innocent eyes wash away her stress and fatigue
  • That is, until you promptly grab her hand and say, “Damn, I’ve really hooked myself one bitchin’ fine-ass lady.”
  • Excuse me w h a t???????
  • Jaehee is physically unable to process what you just said
  • MC is that really you?!?!?!
  • “Jumin can really be a such dickhead sometimes. I’ve always wanted to say that to you,” you continue, scratching your head.
  • good job MC you just done gone and b r o k e the bae
  • How can someone so innocent-looking have such a foul vocabulary?
  • She thought the swearing was shocking enough
  • But boy was she not prepared for the memes
  • As soon as you two spot Seven, you just proceed to dab the fuck out and narrowly miss hitting Jaehee square in the face with your hand
  • oh no, she thinks
  • Seven reaches into his pocket and pulls out a few HB chips
  • seems like Dat Boi stashed a bag in big suit
  • “Bröther may i have some öats?” you say
  • on nO, she thinks again
  • “Sorry bröther, I’ve already begun eating the öats.”
  • “I have very few öats bröther, I must procure yours.”
  • Oh NO JUST WHAT DID I SIGN UP FOR??
  • Jaehee promptly collapses from the shock and let’s just say that it takes a while for her to recover 
  • She has you limit your swearing to when you’re alone together, if at all possible
  • But she cannot hold back your occasional meme streams while working at the coffee shop

Jumin:

  • When Jumin first hears you swearing, a puzzled look flashes across his face, but there’s no grand reaction
  • He just accepts it as part of who you are, and thinks it’s an interesting part of ‘commoner language’
  • There’s a business meeting with some dudes whom you despise, mostly because of their lewd comments directed towards you, which Jumin merely brushes away
  • You walk up to your babe during a break
  • “That guy is an absolute fucking asshole, it’s a pity that you have to do business with such an obnoxious smelly ballsack.”
  • “Um princess he’s still here.”
  • said obnoxious smelly ballsack is fuming, starts cussing right back at you
  • You summon up all your hate for him and hiss “Cash me outside, howbow dah?”
  • Everyone in the room: ?????????
  • “MC what language was that just now?”
  • “The language of memes.”
  • *asks Seven what this language is*
  • "Can you please teach me how to speak it?”
  • Jumin’s very first meme, hear me out, is not about his gayness
  • It’s the heavy breathing cat
  • and oh my god does he spam it
  • So much that Zen just basically stops taking part in any chat that involves Jumin
  • The Memeing Ways Part 2: How to Keep a Meme Relevant by Saeyoung Choi
  • and actually, surprisingly enough, Jumin also becomes a memer
  • also becomes a meme himself


Seven:

  • Apart from the mutual memeing in the chats, Seven considered you to be more of a demure, down-to-fuck earth kind of girl, and this idea was only strengthened when he saw your sweet looking face
  • As soon as you spot the tomato in the crowd at the RFA party, you dart over to his side and say
  • “Well just fucking bend me over sideways and fuck me twice there are so many people?!”
  • Seven blinks at you
  • A slow grin spreads across his face as he realizes o h he’s been deceived
  • *pretends to be shot in the chest*
  • “Hmmmmmm watcha saayyy,” you sing, slowly backing away
  • Seven is gonna die he loves you so much???? like what she’s also into memes????
  • Adores your cussing, and y’all nerds start to make up your own insults, even if they really don’t make any sense to other people
  • His personal favorites are “white crayola” and “factory edition Vanderwood″
  • You guys order your very own none pizza with left beef, but it tastes to bad
  • #firstworldproblems
  • You start making memes of each other
  • MEMES ALL DAY EVERY DAY
  • NEED I REALLY SAY MORE? ? ???

imagine all your faves having a group chat dedicated to gushing about you (you’re unaware of course) . There are candid pictures of you smiling, laughing etc. and below the pictures texts saying things like, “OMG MY QUEEN/KING”,  “I HaVE A S C E N D E D”, “the pure angel’, or “I will protec with my life”.

 One of your faves takes a selfie with you and post it to the group chat with the text under it reading, “I would like to thank not only god but also Jesus for this moment” (it’s funnier if this fave is a demon/villain).

Your most stoic fave takes a picture of you stretching, captioning it only with, “they strech” 

Or 

‘holy shit y/n just did the thing’

‘???’

*posts a picture of you adjusting glasses, biting your lip, raking  hand through your hair, etc* THE THING

‘I can die happy now thank you’

Score! // Zach Dempsey.

For some reason I had to repost this because the formatting was strange :/ But here it is! My first requested imagine. @zachdempsyy requested so I hope you like it and I hope it’s not too basic :) Happy reading! 💖

Warnings: Cursing

Zach x Reader

The car came to a slow stop as I parked Zach’s car. I glanced over to the passenger seat looked at my royally fucked up boyfriend, sleeping. I tapped on his nose.

“Zach, wake up we’re here… babe?” I spoke softly.

This is one of the reasons I don’t get drunk. Notice I said ‘get drunk’. I’ll drink a little now and then but the activity of getting heavily drunk just doesn’t sound all that fun to me, making me completely different from all my friends including Zach.

This night was pretty fun though. Jessica threw an amazing party and i’m not going to lie it was a blast. The more Zach drank the more protective he became. Holding me by my waist almost the entire night. If it wasn’t that I was sitting on his lap playing with his hair. He didn’t let me out of his sight at all tonight. Which was ironic considering he was the one under the influence.

I took one last look at my sleeping beauty before shaking him awake. His eyes slowly opened and he turned his head in my direction.

“Holy mother of sweet baby Jesus… you’re beautiful.” He slurred with a flirtatious wink attached. I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Let’s get inside Dempsey.” I said, kissing his cheek before I exited the car. I walked to the other side of the car to let him out. But before I could open the door he beat me to it.

“Honestly (Y/N), I’m not even that fucked up.” He said confidently, crossing his muscular arms over his broad chest. Sassy Zach is my favorite Zach.

“If you believe so, I want to see you walk yourself to the door.” I said raising an eyebrow, tapping my foot repeatedly with my hands on my hip.

He smirked at me then scoffed. “Bet.”

He got up and tried to put one foot in front of the other, but he tripped. I tried to grab him before he could hit the concrete, but my tiny body couldn’t hold us both up so it ended with both of us on the cold ground.

I groaned as my ass hit the ground. Zach was silent. I looked over at him and he was just staring at the sidewalk.

“Does this mean I lost the bet?” He questioned with a pout on his face. I chuckled and nodded my head, getting up off the ground and helping him up.

“Yes baby, you lost the bet.” I said. I took his arm and placed it around my shoulder to support him on our way to the door. Both my parents weren’t home, instead they were in Vegas celebrating their anniversary. I honestly don’t know how this would fan out if they were home. They would kill me if I brought a drunk boy into our house.

I closed the car door with my foot and walked Zach to the door, which felt like forever. As we were walking he kept whispering things into my ear.

“You’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever laid my eyes on.” He slurred.

I got my keys out of my bag and unlocked the door to my house. “Thank you, baby.”

We walked inside and I brought him to my room. A familiar place to him.

“Lay right here and i’ll get you some water alright babe?” I said. I didn’t really give him time to answer before I made my way to the kitchen. I got the drunken boy some crackers and water. I walked back to to my room and laughed and what I saw. Zach was sprawled across my bed in just his underwear with my teddy bear held against his chest.

“You’re probably wondering why i’m in the nuuuudeeeeeee.” He slurred. “Well it was very hot in here – not as hot as you though.” He stated with another flirtatious wink. I just laughed and gave the water and crackers to him. I walked over to my closet and slipped out my tight dress into one of his oversized t-shirts. I could feel his gaze in my direction. I turned around to look at him and he quickly looked away as if I would punish him for looking.

“Drink your water baby.” I said sitting on my bed and rubbing his chest. His eyes widened as if I did something out of the ordinary.

“Listen… you’re stunning. A goddess in fact. And I don’t mind that you’re calling me baby and rubbing on me, but won’t your boyfriend get angry? I don’t want to get my ass beat.”

I giggled and placed a kiss on his lips. “You are my boyfriend Einstein.” I stated. His eyes went wide once again.

“ME? Your boyfriend?” He questioned pointing to himself.

I nodded. “Yes indeed, you Zachary Shan-Yung Dempsey are my boyfriend.” I stated proudly.

His eyes closed with pleasure as he sighed happily.

“Score.” He whispered as he lazily fist-bumped the air.

I smiled at his action and laid beside him.

The rest of the night was filled with endless cuddles and more flirting from Zach. Who constantly kept forgetting he was mine and I was his.

——-

I felt like this sucked but I hope you guys liked it. I’m trying to get a hang of this writing thing because i’m not the best at it but as time goes on i’ll get better… right? Lmao. My requests are still open if you guys want anything specific.

(gif isn’t mine and it’s not even related to what I wrote about lmao)

Originally posted by ron-weasleys

Being intimate with cw!Peter Parker would include

Originally posted by quent1nn


the playlist of the songs that you and Peter make out to

  • being very awkward and clumsy because neither of you are well experienced
  • always making out to music
  • him throwing rocks at your window at midniiiiiight (plz tell me if u understood this reference)
  • and climbing all the way up to your room just to find out that your parents aren’t at home
  • seeing you half-asleep in his shirt (which you’ve stolen from him)
  • him letting out a small whine/moan because you look so beautiful and angelic and at the same time hot and tempting
  • caressing your cheeks with his soft hands and gently kissing you
  • at first his kisses are slow but soon his hands leave your face and are placed firmly on the back of your neck
  • licking you lower lip with his tongue, asking for entrance
  • tugging on his curls
  • small moans leaving his mouth
  • making out to alex turner
  • “i-i adore you angel”
  • sucking on his lower lip
  • “please do that again”
  • him sitting on your bed and you sitting on his lap
  • grinding your hips in sync
  • him leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck
  • hickeys all over your collarbones
  • and then “past lives” bu borns comes on
  • and with his newly found confidence peter pins you to the bed
  • “you’re so beautiful angel”
  • “i can’t believe you’re mine”
  • whispering sweet nothings to each other
  • gently massaging your thighs with his hands
  • helping him out of his clothes
  • “are y-you sure you want this”

GOD I NEED HOLY WATER FORGIVE ME JESUS FOE I HAVE SINNED

*Clears throat

IF I SEE ONE MORE THING SEXUALIZING UNDERAGED IDOLS I WILL COME TO ALL OF YOUR HOUSES AND POUR HOLY WATER ON YOUR HEADS CAUSE YOU NEED JESUS CHRIST!

YOON SAN HA FROM ASTRO IS 17, JUST BECAUSE HE IS TALL DON’T MEAN A DARN THING!

MARK AND HAECHAN FROM NCT 127 ARE 17 & 16!

SOMI IS FREAKING UNDERAGED, SHE MAY LOOK OLDER BUT SHE IS 15/16 YEARS OLD!

LEE WOOJIN FROM PRODUCE 101 IS 14/15! MANY OTHER MEMBERS OF PRODUCE 101 ARE 16 OR 17 YEARS OLD!

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY SWEET LITTLE NCT DREAM BABIES! (BUT THEIR AGE RANGE IS BETWEEN 17 AND 15)

BUT THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE, B A B I E S!

QUIT SEXUALIZING THEM!

Originally posted by sanhapup

Originally posted by nctuhohahyes

Originally posted by sejunq

Originally posted by the-kpop-fanboy

Originally posted by jhopesforhead

4

So I was on twitter, scrolling through the #鉤貫レム Tag and came across these inner CD covers for the Ever Sweet series and boy are they the most hilarious things I’ve seen X’D

Here’s a rough translation to what each cover says (too bad I couldn’t find Roen and Mage’s, I would’ve liked to read theirs too :“) )

Rem’s cover

Question (left) : If Rem looks at you with an expression like this as he requests for a hug , what will you do?

Choices (right):
Your answer is?
1) Reject him completely
2) Ignore him and leave right away
3) Just hug him right then and there!✔️

Rem’s answer : Y-You were given such choices yet you still chose to hug me……? You’re… Really kind….

( WTF COULD EVEN RESIST THAT LOOK? CERTAINLY NOT ME )


Lindo’s cover

Question (left) : Lindo is waiting for you with Open arms. What will you do?

Choices (right):
Your answer is?
1) Run into his arms
2) Embrace him gently
3) RUN ✔️

Lindo’s answer: What is even wrong with these choices that they’re giving you?! Hold on! Why aren’t you listening to me like how you used to?!

(Not gonna lie, I was ROFL when I read this X’‘DD There there Lindo)


Urie’s cover

Question (left) : Urie managed to kiss you. What will you do?

Choices (right):
Your answer is?
1) Kiss him back
2) Get all flustered and refrain from the kiss
3) Tackle him with force ✔

Urie’s answer: Oof ! For you to use such force that it could be felt in the pit of my stomach, it must be an act of your passionate love for me , my beloved butterfly…

(Honestly, LMAO, Urie got KO-ed lol)

Shiki’s cover

Question (left) : Shiki’s face is blushing red, it looks like he’s anticipating for something. What will you do?

Choices (right):
Your answer is?
1) Slap him
2) Kabe-don him
3) Sprinkle holy water all over him ✔️

Shiki’s answer: Fufu, as expected of you, you do know me well. I would’ve gladly welcomed whichever choice you made though. Especially the ones that involves me being hurt by you ……ufufufu.

(*Sprinkles holy water on him non-stop* Y'ALL NEED JESUS)

We honestly need more of these www

Something Sweet (Edmund Pevensie smut)

I mean this one is kind of old, and I’d like to think my writing has gotten slightly better since. But yo you guys are just here for the filth who cares about my below average writing skills right? Also modern au I guess.

—–

Edmund, stop it,“ I hissed under my breath, discreetly shifting his hand off my thigh. For the fifth time. The entirety of dinner, I could feel his hand sliding higher up my leg, dangerously close to my underwear when he sneaked his way underneath my skirt. We were currently waiting for dessert, and I was paranoid that his brother and sisters would realise what was happening.

His fingers danced across my inner thigh, ever so slightly brushing against my covered slit. I stiffened.

“Why should I?” Edmund replied almost inaudibly, making out that he was brushing some hair out of my face with his other hand so as not to arise suspicion when he leaned in closer to whisper in my ear. “You’re already so wet for me,”

I bit my lip, clenching my thighs, but in response I felt his hand push them apart again.

“Anyway, I told him to stick it where the sun don’t shine and he hasn’t bothered me since,” Susan laughed, wrapping up a story that I’d only half been paying attention to. I smiled politely.

Edmund’s fingers slipped underneath my panties, and I knew I was screwed.

“At least you won’t have to put up with him and his drunk mates anymore,” I commented, desperately trying to keep my voice steady.

Conversation gradually shifted to focus on Lucy, and so I had less reason to speak, which was probably for the best because Edmund had started rubbing slow circles on my clit and if I wasn’t careful I was going to give the game away.

I clutched Edmund’s wrist, begging him to stop moving. I looked at him with pleading eyes but he just smirked, slipping one finger inside of me.

I gasped audibly, and quickly tried to play it off as a cough. I think Lucy and Susan bought it because they continued to talk, but I could feel Peter glancing between Edmund and I, scrutinising us. He definitely suspected something.

Edmund added another finger inside of me, and curled them upwards. I felt my body jump, and sank my teeth into my bottom lip. I was praying to God I didn’t look too flustered.

“So, how have things been with you two?” Peter asked, indicating his brother and me. We had been dating for about four months after we met at a college party, and I’d met his siblings a few times. They had been very welcoming and I liked them all immediately.

“Really good, actually,” Edmund said smoothly. You’d never be able to guess that he currently had two fingers curling inside me as he rubbed small but fast circles on my clit.

When we got back home, I was going to kill him for doing this to me.

“She recently moved into my dormitory with me, which has been, ah, interesting, to say the least,” he continued, glancing down at me in amusement. I remained silent, knowing that if I did attempt to say anything, I would end up moaning aloud.

Susan rolled her eyes at his insinuation.

Edmund leaned in again to whisper in my ear. He wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore, and I felt my face flush. I could feel Peter’s eyes on me.

“Shhhhh,” he murmured, his voice slightly raspy. “Don’t let them know,”

I bucked my hips up ever so slightly. God, his touch felt incredible and his pace never faltered.

“What did Edmund just say that made you go so red, Y/N?” Lucy asked in a teasing tone.

I nearly choked. Not only had Edmund increased the speed at which he was touching me, but how was I supposed to explain what he had just told me?

“He was just being a sap,” I managed, feeling my thighs trembling. Yeah, I was close. I gripped the table cloth as subtly as possible. “He told me that I look very beautiful tonight and that he’s so lucky to have me,”

Lucy snorted. “I had no idea my brother had such a romantic side,” she laughed.

Fuck, I was going to come. I was going to come right then and there.

I was so close. Edmund could feel me clenching around his fingers and he could tell by my desperate look that I wasn’t going to be able to keep quiet.

He brushed his lips against my cheek, quickly turning it into an actual kiss and I felt my orgasm rush through me.

I was thankful for it. Pleasure surged through my lower regions and I arched my back slightly, soft whimpers escaping into Edmund’s mouth as he kissed me. His plan had worked - his lips against mine had muffled most of the sounds.

“Save it for the bedroom, Ed,” Susan griped, looking kind of weirded out. Edmund broke the kiss and smiled at me. I could still feel the aftershocks rippling through me.

Peter glanced between Ed and I again. He’d had his suspicions before, and now he could see me clearly trying to catch my breath. It was fucking obvious what had happened.

“Your dessert, ladies and gentlemen,” the waiter announced, hovering over us with a tray. He placed a plate of strawberries at the centre of the table, along with a mini chocolate fountain. We all thanked him and he left. I’d never been to a restaurant this extravagant before.

Edmund slowly removed his fingers from inside me. He brought them up to the chocolate fountain and let a thin layer of liquid chocolate coat the tips, before bringing them to his mouth as he made eye contact with me.

“Mmm,” he moaned lowly, licking the combination of chocolate and - sweet holy jesus - me off his fingers. “So sweet,”

Fuck, that was hot.

“Honestly Edmund, they’re called table manners,” Susan reprimanded.

Edmund ignored her and touched the fountain again, this time letting me taste the chocolate. It was warm and sticky and very very sweet as his fingers slipped past my lips and into my mouth.

“I thought they were romantic at first but now it’s weird,” said Lucy.

“Yep,” agreed Susan.

“Edmund, when you’ve finished feeding your girlfriend, do you mind if I have a word?” asked Peter casually, picking up a strawberry.

I froze.

Yeah, he definitely knew.

The First Time In Forever - Two

Part one is in my masterlist!

Spencer x reader

“You coming?”

A pair of fingers snapped in front of your face and you blinked, refocusing your attention on Penelope.

“Y/N! What is with you recently? Are you coming to lunch with me and Derek or not?” she asked you, following where your gaze had been and squinting her eyes at the subject.

“No I’ll stay here… I’ve got paperwork to be catching up on.”

“So it’s nothing to do with the fact that Spencer is staying behind too?”

“Huh? What? No… Course not.”

She grinned and you felt your cheeks flush.

“Sure, sure. You sure you two haven’t started to go a little bit Dawson and Joey? Because I’ve noticed the long lingering looks, and if I’ve noticed then you can sure as hell bet that Derek has.”

“Dawson and Joey?” you screwed up your face, trying not watch Spencer over her shoulder. He was chewing absent mindedly on the end of his pen and my God, the actions were doing something to your insides.

“You know.. Two best friends, falling in love with each other…. ”

His lips pursed around the pen and you could see that he was sucking it in and out of his mouth slowly.

“Y/N! You’re not helping your case here…”

“What!? No!….. I was always a Pacey girl anyway.”

She grinned at you again, nodding her head and saying her goodbyes, leaving you to your files and your salad that you’d bought in.

It had been three weeks since the incident, as you now referred to it as. The incident involving your colleague and best friend giving you your first orgasm and you repaying him by sucking his cock into your mouth…

Things had been….weird. For you at least. He’d stayed over, you passing out in the your bed after the mutual leakage of bodily fluids. The next morning had been okay too. You’d gone for breakfast and everything had been normal and NOT strange. And then you’d got to work on Monday and had found yourself looking at Spencer when no one else was, admiring his butt in his close fitting pants, enjoying the sound of his voice as he rambled. Then you found yourself getting increasingly distracted by his mouth. A mouth you’d never realised was so prettily perfect before. A mouth that had been on your chest and could have so easily been between your legs.

To an extent you guessed Penelope was right. You had developed what appeared to be a crush on Spencer Reid. Was it that you found him genuinly alluring or was it just because he’d given you your first earth shattering, knee trembling, sticky clear fluid moment? Who knew… But whatever it was, it was frustrating the hell out of you. Because you struggled to be normal around him. Yet he didn’t seem to be that affected by it. He acted as if he hadn’t had his fingers in your most intimate areas, as if his hands hadn’t tangled in your hair as your slid your lips up and down his cock. His very nicely sized cock….. Oh fuck, don’t start thinking about it.

“Got any plans for the weekend, Y/N?”

You jumped, dropping the fork you’d been using into your salad box. You’d been daydreaming again.

“Fuck!” Glancing up, you saw the object of your daydreams perching on the edge of your desk, his hands twiddling with the end of his tie.

His hands, his fingers…. Don’t look at his fingers Y/N. Don’t do it.

“Someone’s a big jumpy today,” he commented.

“Sorry…. Late night.” Yes, late night. Spent replicating his actions from that night and definitely NOT imagining that it was him doing it rather than you.

Spencer smirked as if he knew and then you had a sudden flashback to the conversation you’d had about what people did when they were unable to sleep. Your cheeks burned again, something that rarely happened before but over these last three weeks, seemed to happen a lot.

“NOT that sort of late night….” Lies, all lies.

“How’s that… Erm… Coming anyway?” He asked, his lips still twitching upwards into that smile of his. The smile that up until recently you just thought was sweet but now made your lady parts tingle.

“It’s coming fine, thank you very much,” you muttered, looking around to check that no one was in ear shot.

“Just fine? Fine doesn’t sound very good Y/N….”

“Fine is fine.”

“Alright. Well, just remember what I said. I’m happy to help again.”

He turned to walk away and you called his name, a sudden idea forming in your brain. A terrible one, which as the words left your mouth your brain was screaming at you, “liar liar, pants on fire.”

“Spencer…. Alright. Fine isn’t good. Fine is terrible.”

His eyes flickered to yours and his tongue quickly poked out and swiped over his bottom lip.

Ugh.

“So…. Do you want me to come over for another… lesson?”

“Erm…..only if you want to. I’ll…. I’ll pay you back again?”

“Y/N this isn’t like you’re borrowing money off me… You don’t have to ‘pay me back’ everytime. You’re my best friend and I like being able to help you with something. Regardless of what it is.”

You opened your mouth to speak but he continued, “But…. I’m definitely not going to argue. For someone so inexperienced at um….. DIY, you sure know how to…… handle the tools?” Spencer looked both amused and horrified at the euphemism that had come out of his mouth and you laughed.

“Well, I did tell you I was an expert at handling other certain tools… It’s just some that I find tricky to deal with. Which is a shame because they wielded amazing results last time they were used correctly.”

Seriously now. When the hell did you start flirting with Spencer Reid? Oh it was such a good job the others had gone out for lunch.

“Amazing results…. ” he raised his eyebrows at you.

“Don’t let that go to your head, Reid.”

“Well it’s hard not to. I mean, I knew I was good. But amazing…..”

“What I want to know, is how did sweet little Spencer Reid, who rarely is seen talking to girls outside of his work colleagues, how did he get so good at something like that?”

Just continue to boost his ego some more…Why not eh. It made his eyes shine and that made him look prettier than he already was.

“Eidetic memory. Being able to read 20,000 words per minute. Think of all the things that I’ve read over my lifetime, all of the techniques. Girls don’t tend to go for the geeky genius, unless he’s really really good at something. So I just made it so I was really really good at that something.”

He’d moved closer again now and his voice had dropped to a deliciously sexy low tone.

“Well then….. I guess, I guess it’s a shame for those talents to go unused for long periods of time.” You words came out in a croak, and you were now feeling uncomfortably warm.

“Such a shame…. So, shall I come round at eight thirty? Maybe watch a film and drink some wine before…. ”

Before. Oh god.

You nodded, not sure if you’d be able to form a coherent sentence and mentally running through all the things you’d need to do at home first.

He grinned again. “I’ll see you later then Y/N. Maybe this time, you’ll let me use some other….. Implements.” He licked his lips before turning away and walking off.

Sweet holy Jesus. This was not good. But it was good. But it wasn’t.

Not only had you lied to him about not being able to replicate what he’d shown you, but you were fairly certain you’d have a damp patch in your underwear from just thinking about what that last comment of his implied.

Spencer was your colleague and one of your best friends. But right now, you really really REALLY wanted to have him fuck you seven ways from Sunday.

Oh Lord.

So like?? With this whole pastor / imp au going on??
Forgive me I know 0 about religion and how it works but like
What if Tweek’s part of Damiens horde and he was assigned to posses / steal the soul of someone in Craig’s congregation. To do so means to attatch himself to the human, so Tweek has to go to Craig’s sermons every Sunday.
And he’s like. K. That priest is p hot lol. Until Craig starts getting all passionate and loud about Jesus then Tweek’s like. “This dude really wants to fuck his savior in the ass. Talk about daddy problems.”
But over the course of Craig overseeing Tweek’s host’s possession and exercism, Tweek starts to realize this over zealous pastor is the definition of sweet. And he just kind of??? Starts feeling bad for even inconveniencing him LOL. Like: this is a Tuesday night and here you are flicking holy water on a puking girls face ‘cause of me. Hey man I’m sorry I’ll just — leave. Go home and do whatever priests do on weeknights, my bad.
He can’t even bring himself to fight Craig for the girl because he doesn’t wanna have to hurt him pfft.
Which naturally gets him in trouble with Damien, who decides he needs to get rid of said priest to set things straight. Which causes some EPIC DEMON BATTLES and it’s all over some pastor who has literally 0 idea. I mean- imagine Craig just walking into the church and pews start getting thrown across the room, and he is so SCARED and CONFUSED, clutching to his bible and screaming verses into the seemingly empty room.
Long story short Craig, a righteous man of God, is unwittingly being hunted down by the son of the devil, whilst his “guardian angel” just happens to be an AWOL demon of the damned.
Gayness and more EPIC DEMON BATTLES ensue.

I MEAN imagine when Craig first meets Tweek,and starts just beating him over the head with a bible.

anonymous asked:

can i get sincerely three hcs for them dating someone sweet and innocent and positive? your blog is lovely

I’m going to assume you didn’t mean poly!sincerely three, if you did, I’m so sorry and you can request again and I’ll do it! ALSO VVVV SORRY FOR NOT POSTING, MY BAD! thank you vv much!!

Connor

•wELL, THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.

•T A I N T T H E M

•One thing he loves is to make obviously dirty jokes, it’s just sooo funny to him that you don’t understand. Dude, he learned this stuff when he was in middle school.

•Treats you like your his child ,,,, wait no.

•He doesn’t try to teach you dirty jokes, you’ll eventually understand them, I mean, you’re dating Connor, you’ll get used to them.

•You’re so sweet and positive, honey, no, they’re stealing your wallet, don’t just watch them do it.

•Honestly needs you in his life. You are so positive and keep him pushing.

•but you do get annoying in how positive you are, don’t get me wrong. You’re just so optimistic??? I guess you both change each other’s views a bit.

Jared

•oh wow, this is great.

•you’re polar opposites?? he’s so dirty minded while you don’t even know what dirty means.

•Unlike Connor, he definitely will teach you every dirty joke and dirty word he can. Evan tries to stop him but really can’t.

•You walk into school one day, repeating the word “clit.” Zoe had to stop you and tell you to stop, bc your teacher was literally less than 10 feet ahead of you. (Jared didn’t tell you the meaning of that word ;)))

•if you try to tell him something positive, he’ll immediately turn his pessimistic ways on you, and there is no way that you are going to compete with Jared and his negativity.

•People think you’re too sweet for Jared but you do damage control on all of Jared’s pranks and jokes, so they aren’t going to stop you.

Evan

•holy Jesus, it’s like watching two kindergarteners. or maybe two cult leaders.

•You are so sure of him and so positive, it kind of helps him a ton. You just give him so much hope???

•Dangerously innocent, nothing dirty is going to get done until late into the relationship with him. You both don’t know how to pursue anything and are too too nervous

•literally such a sweet couple that it hurts?? you both lift each other up a ton??? it’s great.

•You write him positive, sweet notes and it honestly melts his heart so much. You’re so nice and sweet, and just wow, wowwie, wow wow.

•You drop everything to help him sometimes, which he tells you not to btw, stop, it’s fine, but you still do it, and help him with whatever.

•You’re both alway one for constant “I love you”’s

Calm down - the teaspoon girl pt 2

A witch turns Y/N into a teaspoon sized woman, and Sam and Dean has to make sure she doesn’t get squashed – and find a cure.

Word count: 1617

Had to break this into parts: it’s been too long since I posted a story. Part three isn’t too far away.

Please let me know what you think – and remember that I’m not English. Also let me know if you want on – or off – my tag list.


From part one:

A tiny object on the floor caught Sam’s eye. Just a doll, but… he bent down to pick it up. It was warm and floppy, and… yeah. This was definitely on the weirder edge of the spectrum.

Coming closer, Dean squinted at the thing in Sam’s hand. “Is that…?”

“Uh-huh.”

Sam picked her up and held her in his hand. Barely ten centimetres long, she weighed no more than a small cookie. He shuddered. How was he going to do this without squeezing her to death? Surely she would be crushed in his giant hands. Gently, he turned her over. She was completely still, but limp, her hair spreading out over his fingers: there were no signs that this was a grown, living woman. Except of course the fact that she had a pulse, and was warm to the touch.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Heeey darling, do u have some hc about Zoro's first kiss with his s/o??? I'm reeeeeally interested! <3 <3

Hey there darling, here have some ♥ 

  • Zoro’s mind during it all: “Oh jesus fuck, good lord, holy christ...”
  • I think his s/o would have tried to initiate a kiss a few times already but everytime Zoro would awkwardly bitch out
  • like one time he swiped one of his Katana’s between their faces and said with a blushing face: “So uhm can I tell you a story about Dragon swords?
  • But once he realizes it’s time for the kiss he’ll be as sweet as he can
  • The kiss would be dry, but very gentle and Zoro’s s/o would prolly feel Zoro’s hot cheeks, and Zoro would cup their face with one hand probably
  • a sweet, awkward first kiss haha

Holy. Shit.

What the fuck?!

SERIOUSLY! What is this show? It started so sweet, so silly and fun, so wholesome; then came the feels. Then the plot. Now this? Are we sure this is a children’s show? Are we positive? 

That was positively horrifying. The crewniverse has a way with body horror, huh? Jesus. I’m so shaken. The vocal work. The music. The imagery. Just…no.

What does this mean going forward? What’s the point of all this? Are these fusion experiments what Peridot meant by the cluster? Maybe? Are we at least going to see her soon and get some answers? I…I don’t think I can properly sum this episode up. I’m at a loss.

10/10 ★, star for emphasis. My #2 episode of the series overall. Holy shit.

Next episode soon. I hope it’s light hearted; I need another break. Please.

See ya then! ~

8

I want to thank all the Gods and baby Jesus: James Mason edition.