sweet arse

Dangerous Obsession.

Request from anon:An imagine where the Avengers (from CACW) and Y/N go out to a restaurant. Hydra wants to eliminate her so they send Rumlow undercover to poison her drink. She is also Bucky’s girlfriend and Rumlow has an obsession with her but also wants to kill her because she is with Bucky. Anyway once she gets poisoned Bucky gets angry and holds Y/N while help comes. While the others find out it was Rumlow and go after him. But things end well so it’s all good. Sorry this is long but thank you!

The Avengers x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Words: 2,109

Warnings: Violence, language, angst, mention of injury and threat to life. Think that’s everything!

Disclaimer: First GIF was made by me any others used were not so all credit goes to their creators <3

Clouds of perfume hung in the air of your room as you finished getting yourself ready for the dinner you had all been invited to. You weren’t entirely convinced that it was a good idea for the whole Avengers team to be heading out of the tower but when Tony was paying how could you refuse?

“Doll I hate to sound like an old ma-“

“Buck you are an old man.”

Your boyfriend sent a playful scowl in your direction as he sat on the edge of the bed you shared before grabbing one of the pillows and launching it at you. With quick reflexes you caught the item before it could hit you and you poked your tongue out at him in a smug way.

“Anyway as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…is there a reason as to why you are drowning yourself in that perfume?”

You immediately stopped spraying once he spoke, pursing your lips slightly, before placing the bottle down onto your dresser.

Keep reading

If Jamie and Claire could text: Bears and Wolves edition (When Jamie kills the bear in Drums of Autumn)
  • Claire: Jesus Christ jamie shouldn't you come to bed?
  • Claire: I want to put more salve on you
  • Jamie: aye soon
  • Claire: Jamie you got slashed by a BEAR
  • Jamie: aye it hurts but i'll do
  • Jamie: dinna want to be rude.
  • Jamie: Nacognaweto and the other lads are verra amiable, though we barely can understand one another
  • Jamie: but hey, guess what?
  • Jamie: they've taken to calling me...
  • Jamie: ready?
  • Jamie: ***BEARRRRR KILLERRRRRRR***
  • Jamie: now
  • Jamie: I'm no' one for self adulation on the whole
  • Jamie: ....but that's a braw name, that
  • Jamie: ye can call me that in bed anytime ye like ;)
  • Claire: of COURSE, darling
  • Claire: and you can call me ***Wolfslayer*** while you're at it
  • Jamie: ;D
  • Jamie: when ye kill yourself a wolf, mnd, let me know, and i'll get it painted on a crest for ye
  • Claire: ....
  • Claire: are you serious right now?
  • Jamie: of course!
  • Jamie: Auntie Jocasta could recommend a fine painter, I'm sure
  • Claire: NO, you arse
  • Claire: about the WOLF
  • Jamie: ... not following?
  • Claire: JAMIE...
  • Claire: come on
  • Jamie: what
  • Claire: ...SERIOUSLY??
  • Jamie: WHAT??
  • Claire: I HAVE killed a wolf
  • Jamie: ????
  • Jamie: no ye havena
  • Claire: **flails**
  • Claire: I certainly THE FUCK DID
  • Jamie: dinna be daft
  • Jamie: must ha been a dream ye had?
  • Claire: !!!!!!!
  • Claire: ummmMMMMMMMMMMMMM?????
  • Claire: I THINK I'D KNOW BLOODY WELL KNOW BETTER THAN YOU
  • Claire: SINCE IT WAS ME THAT KILLED IT????
  • Jamie: when, praytell?
  • Claire: pejrntpiuw4nr[gpiwng rpqiuebgr'on
  • Claire: when I got dumped out of Wentworth?
  • Claire: And it was snowing??
  • Claire: and I got attacked by a wolf???
  • Claire: and didn't have any weapons????
  • Claire: so I got it to bite my arm?????
  • Claire: and then got it round the throat??????
  • Claire: AND SNAPPED ITS NASTY NECK???????????
  • Claire: WITH MY OWN GD BARE HANDS??????????????????????
  • Jamie: whoa
  • Claire: ////YEAH////// YOU'D BETTER FCKING BELIEVE IT WAS WHOA
  • Claire: "whoa"
  • Claire: jesus h roosevelt christ
  • Claire: get NO credit
  • Claire: NO credit at all
  • Claire: istg if I had a cock there would be songs sung about it already
  • Claire: #YES ALL MEN
  • Jamie: WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THIS??????
  • Claire: (well)
  • Claire: (to be fair it was at the abbey and you were very sick and troubled)
  • Claire: but i TOLD YOU the story, dammit!!
  • Claire: don't you remember??
  • Claire: mcrannoch sent me the pelt?
  • Jamie: !!! OH AYE !!!!
  • Jamie: but I just thought it was one he killed himself and just sent the fur as a gift
  • Claire: t y p i c a l
  • Jamie: but TRULY ssnch
  • Jamie: that's the most badarse thing i've ever heard in my entire life
  • Jamie: my wife the wolfslayer
  • Jamie: oOo
  • Jamie: just got chills
  • Jamie: and a cockstand
  • Claire: well that's something
  • Jamie: no really
  • Claire: oh i believe you
  • Jamie: ....a wee scrawny sassenach
  • Claire: HEY NOW!!
  • Jamie: killed a WOLF
  • Jamie: like
  • Jamie: a REAL LIVE WOLF.....BAREHANDED?????
  • Jamie: HELL
  • Jamie: TO
  • Jamie: THE
  • Jamie: YESsssss
  • Jamie: that's MY wife!
  • Claire: well you're late to the party but you've come in style
  • Claire: thank you darling
  • Claire: terrifying at the time
  • Claire: but yes, pretty bloody awesome in retrospect
  • Jamie: ye bet your sweet plump arse it is
  • Jamie: OOOOO!!!
  • Claire: ...cockstand?
  • Jamie: no
  • Jamie: (i mean yes but)
  • Jamie: .....can we get matching tattoos?
  • Jamie: wolfslayer and bearkiller?
  • Claire: ....
  • Claire: sure why not
  • Jamie: coolest damn wife of all damn time
Escape: the wedding plans

“CAMERAS!” Jenny screamed, and cuffed Jamie round the head.  He was sitting across from her desk, sipping on a coffee, waiting for her to come back from closing her office door.  He hadn’t seen it coming, so she got in a few blows before he reacted.  Coffee splashed on his hand, burning him.  He jumped up and shied away from her.  

“Jenny!  I’m no’ twelve!  Quit hittin’ me!” Jamie snarled, reaching for a cloth to wipe his hand.  

“Ye forgot THE CAMERAS!” she insisted. 

Dabbing at his hand, Jamie looked confused.  Then, shocked.  Then, he blushed red to the tips of his ears.  

“A Dhia,” he breathed.  “Cameras.”

“Aye.  Security brought it to my attention this morning.”  She pulled out her chair, and sat down, lamenting.  “Jamie!  What were ye thinkin’?”

“Who knows?” he asked, panicked.

“Just Head of Security.  Thank God he was on the night shift last night.   The regular guy called in sick.”  Jenny took a sip from her mug.  “I’m going back in a bit to check that he’s deleted it.  I’ve threatened to fire him if it gets out.”  

Jamie sat down heavily.  “Claire will kill me.”

“Claire?”  Jenny leaned on her desk, fire in her eyes.  “I’m ready to geld ye, ye stupid fool!  What in HELL possessed ye?”

Jamie’s hands fluttered as he tried to figure out where to start.  “We came here to taste whisky.”  He still couldn’t meet her eyes.  “To serve at the weddin’,” he mumbled.  

“Mary, Michael and Bride, Jamie!  So ye thought ye’d practice for the honeymoon while ye were at it?”  


“Whisky makin’ dates back to the monks of the 15th Century. Did ye know that?” 

“No, I didn’t.” Claire smiled, interested.  She absorbed the old world feeling in the entry way.  

“Uisge beatha,” Jamie said.  “Water of Life.  It was corrupted to ‘usky’ in the 18th Century, which eventually became Whisky.” 

He took her hand, and walked her through the Distillery showing her where the barley is first steeped in water, then spread out on the malting floors to germinate.  He mentioned how it had to be turned regularly, so she bent down to grab a handful and let it flow through her fingers. Her sweet, round arse bent before him.  

That was the spark.  

He explained how the ‘green’ malt went to the kiln for drying and how peat was added to the fire to impart flavour.  She wrinkled her cute nose at the smell, and he laughed.  

The fire in his belly burned a little hotter.

He showed her the grinder, and the mash house.  He spoke to her of the pure Scottish water and let her taste the wort.  It was sweet, and she licked her lips while she voiced her pleasure at the taste. 

Her tongue fanned the flames.  

They walked slowly to the fermentation area, holding hands, while he explained how they added the yeast, which produced the alcohol by feeding on the sugars.

He felt the warmth of her fingers caressing his.  

Then, he led her up the stairs to the Pot Stills.  He explained how the shape of the pots affected the character of the whisky, and how these stills had been in his family for generations.  She walked up to the shining copper and trailed her fingers down the long, narrow cylinder where it met the wide curvature. She had laughed, and said, “Very sexy looking stills, Mr. Fraser.”  

The fire had exploded in his gut with the heat heading downwards. 

He showed her the distillation process and pointed out the path the amber liquid took on it’s journey.  He’d stood behind her, one hand on her hip, the other pointing.  She leaned back a little, to rest herself against his chest.  She was listening, but that move afforded him a view down her blouse to the curve of her breasts. 

His breath came a little short, and he stuttered a bit.   

He took her to the whisky library and pured them samples in tulip shaped glasses.  He talked to her of maturation, how the whisky became smoother, gained flavour, and developed its golden colour, same as her eyes.  He told her that by law it needed to be matured for at least 3 years, but some lay in their oak casks for up to 15 years or longer.  He spoke to her of blending, and what made Fraser Distillery distinct.  They tasted quite a few. Then, a few more.  Finally, they narrowed down their choice.  

Then, he took her into the barrel room.  

Feeling very giddy, and a little drunk, Claire wanted to mark the blend in the cask that they would have for the wedding.  

And when she leaned over the barrel laughing about taking it home, he couldn’t help himself.  A button had popped open on her blouse, and her breasts were swinging free. The jeans hugged her arse tight as she draped herself over the cask, and all he could think of was pulling down the denim, bending her over, and finding as much pleasure inside of her as he could.  

So he did.

He’d stepped forward, pulled her up abruptly to face him, and grabbed her zipper.  He’d driven his hands inside, and made short work of her jeans.  He lifted her on top of the barrel without thought for how uncomfortable it might be. She was just the right height.  Kissing her hard while she fumbled with his belt, he whipped his zipper down, and she drove her hand inside his trousers.  It was all the encouragement he needed.  She pushed down his pants, locked her legs around him as he grabbed a handful of her hair, and they pushed together.  She was more brazen with a few drinks in her, more playful, rougher.  She bit his lip, dragged her teeth across his jaw, and whispered her desires in his ear, hot and breathy.  He groaned at her suggestions, gripped her hips, and let his lips taste every inch of skin he could reach without leaving her.  

It was spontaneous, and dirty, and so very, very good.  


“I’m so sorry, Claire.”  He sounded so contrite.  She couldn’t help but giggle. Just a little.

He was standing behind her, and looked over her shoulder to see her face.  He couldn’t believe she was laughing.  He shook his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  “It’s no’ funny, Sassenach.  Jenny was livid.”  

Claire couldn’t help herself.  She tried to hold it in, but a snort escaped her. Jamie broke then, too.  

When he’d returned to his office there was a sealed manila envelope with his name written on it. Inside was a disc, and a note.  The note read, “I’ve deleted everything.  Couldn’t help but wonder if you’d want to see for yourself so I made a copy first.  I know if it were me, I’d be curious.  Don’t tell Jenny.”  It was signed by the Head of Security, Angus More.  

While they watched the grainy black and white footage being broadcast on his laptop, there was no mistaking who it was and what they were doing.  

“Thank God there’s no sound,” Claire chuckled.  

“Aye.  Small mercy, that.”  Jamie wrapped his arms around Claire as the disc came to an abrupt end.  “Are ye no’ mad?”

“Mad, no.  Mortified, yes.” Claire turned in his arms and placed her hands on his shoulders.  “I can’t face your sister.  Ever.”

He nodded, serious for a moment.  Then a sly grin took over his face as he admitted, “Neither can I, mo nighean donn.”

Claire thought for a moment.  “What happens to the barrel?  When the whisky is out of it, I mean.”

“It gets used again.  Why?”  Jamie settled his hands on her hips.  

“I want it.  Here.  In our home.  We’ll stand it upright, and use it as a tabletop or something.  I just want the memory.”  She bit her lip, and looked up at him tentatively.   

Jamie made an amused sound.  “I’ll see to the bottling, and bring it home myself.”  Resting his forehead on hers, he kissed her gently.  

“Do ye think for a time,” he whispered against her lips, “maybe we could leave it on its side?”  

Speed Dating - Learning to Ride

Well! This didn’t get put out on Friday like I’d hoped, but here it is anyway! My wonderful friends @diversemediums and @outlandishchridhe helped me polish this up quite a bit and they’re amazing. This is most of 12 pages, so it’ll be under a cut. But this odd little AU is a lot of fun to write, so I hope you guys enjoy it! @outlanderedandoverhere there’s a bit of dialogue I used that you and I had talked about. Hope you like it ;)

Catch up on their Dinner Date and the Drabble leading up to this chapter!

Keep reading

If (Modern) Jamie and Claire could text: Target Tampon Run Edition (for @anoutlandishidea)
  • Jamie: have a question
  • Claire: have an answer
  • Claire: probably
  • Jamie: ye always do
  • Jamie: what are yr thoughts on menstrual cups?
  • Claire: P(T*&T(^R*&#TRP*&#TGPR:IWEHFVFOC*&I
  • Claire: PIWUEGWOEUBGWIUEBGPWEGB
  • Claire: _DYING_
  • Jamie: it's a simple question ssnch
  • Jamie: for or against?
  • Jamie: waiting...
  • Claire: sry
  • Claire: i'm laugh n so hard cant tpe
  • Jamie : i have full faith in ye
  • Claire: okay okay
  • Claire: um...well...
  • Claire: What is...'never used one but they seem practical enough?'
  • Claire: I guess?
  • Jamie: good, i agree, thanks MND,
  • Jamie: see ye in a bit
  • Claire: WAIT WAIT WAIT, I THINK THE FUCK *NOT*!
  • Jamie: huh? i AM going to be home shortly
  • Claire: oh, come ON
  • Claire: you can't just drop a menstrual bomb and then saunter off without another word!
  • Jamie: I'm in the Target, lots to buy
  • Claire: WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU URGENTLY NEED MY INPUT ON FEMININE PRODUCTS???
  • Jamie: well ye start your courses tomorrow, aye?
  • CLaire: (I shouldn't be surprised but damn me, it gets me every time)
  • Claire: IF YOU SAY IT, IT MUST BE TRUE
  • Jamie: aye
  • Jamie: 10:47 am. Be ready
  • Claire: JHRCCCCC, like a weatherman
  • Jamie: but anyhow, we'll be leaving for Auntie Jocasta's camper Gathering-stravanza in the morning
  • Jamie: and as it'll be Monday before we return
  • Jamie: it seemed wise to stock up
  • Claire: you are absurd
  • Claire: and a very useful man to have around
  • Claire: thank you, darling
  • Claire: ...but wait, what's the cup business?
  • Jamie: WELL, YE SEE
  • Claire: oh lord
  • Jamie: since Brianna AND Lizzie AND Marsali have all been in the house these last few days
  • Jamie: i'm expecting somewhat of a collective epidemic
  • Jamie: so, I thought it best to be prepared for an outbreak, since we'll be out in the mountains
  • Claire: supremely practical
  • Jamie: but tampons are j(*(&^(*^%(&^$(&(*_)*ing expensive
  • Jamie: and buying enough for four grown women was just more than i could bear
  • Jamie: and so the wee cup seemed an ingenious solution.
  • Jamie: so i've got four in the cart
  • Jamie: all set
  • Claire: CACCCCKKKKLLLLLLLLINNNNNGGGGGG
  • Jamie: ?
  • Jamie: Why?
  • Jamie: makes sense, aye?
  • Claire: wel
  • Claire: YES
  • Jamie: so....?
  • Claire: I will pay GOOD MONEY
  • Claire: for the pleasure of watching you explaining to YOUR DAUGHTERS why EXACTLY you were thinking about their menstrual health economies
  • Claire: I will pay DOUBLE to see you actually explain the FUNCTION
  • Claire: poor lizzie probably would FAINT from shock
  • Jamie: they're smart lasses, they dinna need an explanation. I"ll just leave them out for them
  • Claire: [o4htnpqeubrg[q9834htbpqieybgriaeurj
  • Jamie: SSNCH YE MUST STOP THAT
  • Claire: YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE THEM ABOUT
  • Claire: AS LITTLE UNEXPLAINED GIFTS??
  • Claire: LIKE FATHER CHRISTMAS???
  • Claire: FATHER...LADY BUSINESS??
  • Jamie: ye're laughing now
  • Claire: YOU BET YOUR SWEET GINGER ARSE I AMMMM
  • Jamie: but i'll be keeping a ledger of the savings over time
  • Claire: No no no non orijgnpqeirg
  • Claire: IT IS TOOOOO MUCHHHHHH
  • Jamie: and we'll just see, wont we?
  • Claire: JAMIE
  • Claire: JAMIE YOU'RE DESTROYING ME
  • Jamie: oh,wait...
  • Claire: I CANNNAAAAAAAA
  • Jamie: son of a BANNOCK
  • Claire: what?
  • Jamie: I canna get these
  • Claire: WHAT??
  • Claire: NO!! YOU CAn'T BACK OUT NOW!!!
  • Claire: THE COST SAVINGS, JAMIE!!!! THE SAVINGSS!!!!
  • Claire: (honestly dying over here)(screenshotting this to everyone i know)
  • Jamie: because I've just looked at the product name and it's called
  • Jamie: ughjjih it just makes me want to gag
  • Claire: what?
  • Claire: Pussy Pot?
  • Claire: Blood Bucket?
  • Jamie: dinna be crass
  • Claire: oh, so you're grossed out because it uses anatomical terms??
  • Claire: Jamie, 'VAGINA' is a perfectly natural
  • Jamie: HUSH
  • Jamie: I'm fashed because it's called a
  • Jamie: 'Diva Cup'
  • Claire: ....so?
  • Jamie: SO??
  • Jamie: that's the most patronizing garbage of a name i've ever heard!
  • Jamie: why does a practical contraption for managing a woman's courses need to be loaded wi' the implication of being SASSY and OVERBEARING and such?
  • Jamie: it's most often used in a sexist, disparaging context to criticize strong women
  • Jamie: and so to put it on a useful product such as this is just
  • Jamie: eirjngpqirbg
  • Jamie: it's revolting
  • Claire: I ....
  • Claire: have never loved you more than I do right now.
  • Claire: How about we order a generic brand on Amazon?
  • Jamie: they have other brands?
  • Claire: yep!
  • Claire: whole selection of NONPATRONIZING VAGINA VASES
  • Jamie: see, I kent you were a practical woman, too, ssnch
  • Jamie: I'll start the spreadsheet when i get home
  • Claire: i don't doubt you will
A Wild Night in Vegas -- Part 18.3

Alrightie darlings! The final installment of chapter 18! Thanks for sticking with us! I’m pretty sure @outlandishchridhe and I had this part written before Fergus had even been born. It’s been sitting in our ‘written ideas’ doc for AGES and now we can FINALLY share it with you!! Buckle up because it’s a steamy one!

Catch up on 18.1 HERE and 18.2 HERE

Previously…

She let out a deep breath of relief and leaned against him. He put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close, glad they’d talked this out.


“It’s so quiet,” she whispered, afraid to break the spell.

“It is,” he replied equally as soft. “I could give Murtagh a ring and get him back if ye miss the noise s’much,” he continued, laughing softly, knowing without looking that the look on his wife’s face would be one of disdain.

Her head lifted and she pulled his face so she could look through her lashes at him. She had the most beautiful eyes, like the depths of the ocean, mysterious and fathomless.

“Perhaps another time. I think I owe him a proper apology, but I’m enjoying our time alone.”

“Aye,” he said, hooking one finger under her chin, stopping her from laying her head back on his shoulder. “So am I.”

Keep reading

If Jamie and Claire could text: Sleeping outside her door edition
  • Claire: doing okay out there?
  • Claire: How's
  • Claire: *how's the blanket?
  • Jamie: nice and toasty
  • Jamie: thanks again
  • Claire: thank YOU
  • Claire: still can't believe you're sleeping on the cold hard floor for my sake
  • Jamie: it's my pleasure, ssnch
  • Jamie: truly
  • Claire : 😊
  • Claire: are you *sure* you don't want to come in?
  • Jamie: notonebit
  • Claire: what?
  • Jamie: what?
  • Jamie: go watch this video of kittens
  • Jamie: right now
  • Jamie: dinna scroll up
  • Jamie: just watch the video
  • Jamie: and forget what an arse I am
  • Claire: 😊
  • Claire: never
  • Claire: you're a *sweet* arse at least
  • Jamie: /your/sweetarse
  • Claire: WHAT
  • Jamie: WHAT
  • Jamie: LOOK KITTENS AND OTTERS PLAYING TAG GO WATCH IMMEDIATEL
  • Jamie: **after you delete all texts from me
  • Claire: **knowing smile**
  • Jamie: Christ claire I'm sorry dna ken what's got into me tonight. Shouldn't have said
  • Claire: !!!!
  • Claire: OMG
  • Jamie: shit
  • Jamie: can Ye forgive
  • Claire: no no no lookit their lil paws when they tag each other!!
  • Jamie: 😊😊😊😊😊
  • Jamie: thattagirl
  • Claire: OMG HERES ONE OF WEASELS PLAYING SHINTY
  • <<< three hours later > >>
  • Jamie: think we should go to sleep?
  • Claire: nahhhhhhh
  • Jamie: 😊
  • Claire: cuz I just found a vid of 18 y.o. DOUGAL MACKENZIE doing DRUNK KARAOKE
  • Jamie: godiloveyou
  • Claire: _what_
  • Jamie: LOVE *KARAOKE
  • Jamie: LETS HAVE THAT LINK
If Jamie and Claire could text: (Ship-bound-and-Horny in Voyager Edition) [[Book Spoilers]]
  • Claire: 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
  • Claire: 🚓🚓🚓🚓🚓🚓
  • Claire: ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
  • Jamie: ...
  • Jamie: what n gods name is all that nonsense
  • Claire: ****RED ALERT*****
  • Claire: LOCATION FR SEMI-PRIVATE BONING SPOTTED
  • Jamie: !!!!
  • Jamie: WHERE
  • Jamie: ...semi?
  • Jamie: doesnamatter i'm in
  • Jamie: where
  • Jamie: WHERE WOMAN??
  • Claire: kitchen storeroom
  • Claire: cook taking a nap
  • Claire: get down here STAT
  • Jamie: stat?
  • Claire: JUST GET YOUR SWEET ARSE IN GEAR, GINGERFRUIT
  • Jamie: runningfstasi can
  • Jamie: had to get the foul pelican out of th
  • Claire: wait
  • Claire: ...
  • Claire: UNGHHHHHHHHHH
  • Claire: belay that
  • Jamie: huh?
  • Jamie: whats that mean?
  • Claire: [[sends Chloe face]]
  • Claire: we're on a damn ship and you don't even
  • Claire: it means _NEVER MIND_
  • Claire: Boning spot plans foiled
  • Jamie: IFRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
  • Claire: cook couldn't sleep and came back
  • Claire: if only he were gotten out of the way...
  • Claire: hit in back of head with dirk handle perhaps
  • Jamie: ...ssnch
  • Jamie: fr gds sake woman
  • Claire: oh
  • Claire: ahaha
  • Claire: my foolish wee brain was being /silly/
  • Claire: SHAME ON ME for thinking you'd be willing to go to
  • Claire: MIGHTY
  • Claire: GREAT
  • Claire: LENGTHS
  • Claire: to be able to get ur 🐓inside me right now
  • Jamie: 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
  • Jamie: must ye be a damnable tease abt it
  • Claire: ...
  • Claire: *YOU* MADE THIS BED JAMIE
  • Claire: and now we bothhave to NOT(NOTSLEEP)INIT
  • Jamie: BLAME FERGUS
  • Jamie: HE's the one thatbrought it all about
  • Claire: POPPYCOCK
  • Claire: //FERGUS// didn't impose sexual lockdown for a bloody two month sea voyage
  • Claire: bc he is a RATIONAL HUMAN BEING
  • Jamie: what else would ye;ve had me do??
  • Jamie: let the wee shite bed her????
  • Claire: YYYYYYYYYEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
  • Jamie: frfckssake
  • Claire: they're probably sneaking about **just** like we're trying to
  • Jamie: oh christ
  • Claire: you just *had* to go be such a //DAD// about it
  • Jamie: and thats a BAD thing, aye??
  • Claire: DAD RUINS EVERYTHING 👎
  • Claire: NO FUN FOR ANYONE 👴🏻
  • Claire: AND HIS JOKES AREN'T FUNNY 🖕
  • Jamie: ...
  • Claire: ...
  • Jamie: ...
  • Claire:
  • Jamie: ...
  • Claire: ...
  • Claire: ...sorry love
  • Claire: I get cranky when i
  • Claire: well
  • Jamie: me too
  • Claire: #droughtlander IRL
  • Jamie: definitely wish I hadna insisted they
  • Claire: 💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡
  • Jamie: ???
  • Claire: YOU
  • Claire: ME
  • Claire: LARRRRGE BLANKET
  • Claire: ////CROW'S NEST////
  • Claire: "OH ARENT THE FRASERS SO VERY KIND TO OFFER TO BE ON WATCH DUTY ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL NIGHT"
  • Jamie: ...twill be a bit cramped aye?
  • Claire: twill be a bloody long way to Jamaica aye?
  • Jamie: FORTY-SEVEN SECONDS. I'LL BRING WINE
An Ideal Sister Chapter 1

Altertale version fanfiction by @arstudios2000

Original comic, An Ideal Brother, by VanGold (link to cover page): http://vangold.deviantart.com/art/An-Ideal-Brother-Cover-647300614

Chapter 1: Eureka

“Can you keep a promise?” 

Toriel looked up at Sans. She was sitting on his lap, with a ham and cheese hotpocket in her hand. Sans himself was holding a pepperoni hotpocket. He still had that smile on his a face, that smile which Toriel liked to see. But the expression of his eyes were sad.

“Keep a promise?” Toriel repeated, looking at the skeleton’s face. “Of course I keep all my promises! My word is worth its weight in my brother’s tea! Which would be something if it weigh anything, instead of being an abstract concept….” She mumbled.

It had happened just this morning, without warning, that Toriel and the one behind the big door to the Ruins were once again passing jokes between each other, when the voice on the other side had grown silent. Toriel got curious as to what happened, when the door opened on it’s own, and she was beheld the sight of a tall, 6 foot 9 inches skeleton, dressed in dark robes, staring down at her. Toriel was momentarily fazed to her spot at his intimidating height, when the skeleton suddenly said, “Pepperoni or ham and cheese?”

After a while, the two were now here, with Toriel sitting on his lap, eating hot pockets, passing more jokes, and laughing more than they had in a while, when Sans suddenly asked her if she could keep a promise.

“But can you keep it?” Sans asked again. He kept look into Toriel’s eyes, looking for one thing: reliance.

“Well….” Toriel said, deep in thought, “I’m really picky about my promises. Though any gentleman who likes knock-knock jokes has good chances. After all, that really makes you….a –door-able.”

Sans chuckled, causing Toriel to shake in her seat on his lap, and said, “Well, Tori, then I guess I can trust you with this promise….”

In Alterswap…

“Can you keep a promise?” King Sans asked. Toriel was sitting close to him on the bench that was placed within the walls of the castle. Toriel looked up at the Skeleton King’s eyes, her own shining brightly with glee, and said, “KEEPING A PROMISE? OFF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY! I, THE TERRIFIC TORI, AM, AFTER ALL, THE GREATEST MASTER OF PROMISE KEEPING THERE IS IN THE UNDERGROUND! THAT….THAT IS OF COURSE….AS LONG AS…IT…DOESN’T ENDANGER PEOPLE. I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVIL STUFF…..”

King Sans gave a deep sigh.

It had just happened this morning that Toriel had gone training once again, leaving her brother at his sentry post (asleep. What a lazy goat!) when she reached Alphys. Alphys, however, had a message for her.

“Guess what, twerp?!” She yelled excitedly, “The king has requested your presence in his castle! Looks like somebody’s noticed your talent!”
Toriel was excited, but then got a little confused.

“BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE HAVEN’T REACHED MY MAXIMUM POTENTIAL? WHY WOULD HE WANT ME NOW?”

“To be honest, I really have no idea…” Alphys explained, while her tail smacked the ground, and then she buffed her speech, “BUT WHO CARES?! THE KING HIMSELF REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE!! WHAT ARE YOU STANDING AROUND FOR?!”

Toriel was caught off guard by this burst, saluted her captain, and ran off, and then hid behind some bushes. She looked around. No one in sight.

Weeks ago, she had seen her brother ‘use one of his shortcuts’….and disappear. After he came home, she had immediately burst upon him and demanded an explanation as to how his shortcuts work. Totally busted, Asgore knew he had to explain what his shortcuts actually were; teleportation. Toriel had been amazed by learning this, and asked her brother if he could teach her how to ‘shortcut.’

Now, Toriel would finally see the effects of her shortcut training. She pictured the castle entrance, and with all her will, wanting herself to be there, she snapped her fingers.

And found herself there. She could teleport. Her excitement had never been higher. And now here she was, in the presence of His Majesty, King Sans, right next to him on a bench.

“Well….you see…this isn’t easy on me either….” King Sans said, “….but in these past few months, after I….met you at Snowdin…(Toriel remembered the day she met the tall skeleton wearing a cloak to conceal himself. She had immediately been interested in the stranger) and these meetings we’ve had ever since…I’m sorry if this is too much for you…” he said sadly, bowing his head.

“NO NO YOUR MAJESTY!” Toriel said, raising her hands, “YOU CAN TELL ME! I SWEAR! I WILL ACCOMPLISH IT NO MATTER WHAT!”
“Well…in that case….listen carefully…”

In Alterfell

“Could you keep a promise?”

Toriel looked at the door. Did this guy actually just ask for a promise?
“A promise, eh? Yeah,” she said, “I can definitely keep my promises. I even  have kept this other one lately, see? I’ve had for a long time, and I still do today. And I hate myself for that.”

“Gee, that’s rough.” The voice behind the door said. (Unlike Altertale and Alterswap Toriels, Alterfell Toriel was unfortunate enough as to not have met the one behind the door yet…)

“Hmph. Keeping promises is probably the worst habit I have. Way worse than that ‘rabbit’ I still have to show to you.”

A chuckle came from behind the door. Toriel giggled. That was a good (bad) one.

“Sooo…yeah. Count yer sweet arse on me to keep yer promise, buddy. So spit it out. And this is the only time I’ll allow you, by the way, heh….”

There was a moment of silence, and then the voice said, “All right, listen…”

I’m all ears, dear…”


End of Chapter 1

Hope you like it! And be sure to read the original ‘An Ideal Brother.’

Crash into Me (Ch.2)

(Juice x OC Janna)

@chaosmieu & @juiceboxxortiz 😘😘

Originally posted by soaimagines

(Gif not mine)

One handed she followed Jax and Chibs to Juice’s place. When she parked the guys came over and helped pry Juice free from her hand and brought him into the house.

Settling Juice on the couch Chibs phone began to ring. “Hello?… Aye. …. On our way.” Chibs shut the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. “Jacky Boy, we gotta go kid.” He went to the kitchen and pulled a burner from the drawer.

Making their way back out they found Janna in the truck gathering her bags from the back seat. “Hey love,” Chibs called to her. “Jax and I’ve gotta go. Juicy is set up on the sofa. I’ll be back later to check in on ya.” Pulling out the phone he started punching numbers into it. “Here take this my numbers innit. Call if you need anything darlin.”

With that they were gone leaving a confused Janna standing in the driveway.

Grabbing the rest of her stuff she made her way into the house. Preparing herself for a disaster. She was instead pleasantly surprised to find the place very clean, right down to the freshly vacuumed rug that sat in the middle of the hard wood floor.

Setting her things to the side she made her way to the kitchen and plugged the phone in as it was low when Chibs gave it to her. Noticing a radio on the counter she turned it on and let the music drift through the space. Deciding that food would maybe be a good thing to have when he woke up she opened the fridge and started cooking a real home cooked meal while Juice slept heavily on the couch.

A few hours later Juice woke to the smell of food cooking and the sound of music playing in the kitchen. Slowly he sat up and stood awkwardly on one foot and limped his way to the kitchen. Standing in the door way he tried to not be seen as Janna danced around his kitchen singing along to the radio.

Smiling at her he listened for a moment

“…Yeah I fell in love with Jack Daniel’s again. JACK DANIEL’S IF YOU PLEASE. KNOCK ME TO MY KNEES YOU’RE THE FRIEND THERE HAS EVER BEEN THAT DIDN’T DO ME WRONG. JACK DANIEL’S IF YOU PLEASE. KNOCK ME TO MY KNEES YOU CAN KILL THIS PAIN DRIVING ME INSANE SINCE MY BABY’S GONE.”

She finished with a dramatic cry. Juice started clapping at her performance causing Janna to jump in surprise. “Shit!” She squealed rushing you turn down the radio. “You scared the crap outta me. What are you doing up anyway? You shouldn’t be walking on your foot.” She scolded as she went over to help him to a chair at the table.

“Sorry. I woke up to the smell of something delicious and a woman declaring her love for another man in my kitchen.” He smiled at her blush.

“I hope you don’t mind I raided your fridge and cooked for us.”

“Not at all it smells amazing.” He said stretching his neck to try and see what was on the stove.

“Well it’s just about done. Maybe we can change your bandages while it finishes?” Janna suggested.

“Yeah that’d be great. Could you do me a favor first?” She nodded and listened carefully as he asked her to go to his room and get him a shirt and gym shorts.

Finding what he had asked for where he told her they would be Janna went to the living room to get the supplies Tara had given her to change the bandages on his leg and arm.

When she got back to the kitchen she found Juice had already gotten his shirt off and was starting to pull the wrap from his arm. “Here I’ve got it.” She said rushing over to help him.

Juice let out a hiss when she applied the burn cream to his upper arm. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” She kept saying over and over. When his arm was done Juice stood on one shaky leg to take off his heavy and tattered cargo pants. Not even caring that Janna was there he dropped the pants and any dirty thoughts she may have thought she would have at seeing him in his underwear went out the window when she saw the blood soaked gauze on his leg. The burn ran from about the middle of his calf up the side of his knee and mid way up his thigh. The icing on the cake was the black swollen blob that was his foot. “Oh my God.” Janna dropped to her knees and was fighting back tears as she slowly pulled the gauze from his leg. “Juice I am so sorry. Oh my God this is all my fault. I…”

“I’ll be ok Janna.” He reassured her. Looking up at him she saw he was smiling trying his hardest not to let the pain show so she wouldn’t feel worse than she already did.

Seeing it wasn’t working he decided to maybe change the subject. “Thanks for staying with me. I’m just gonna go ahead and apologize for anything I say while on the meds.”

At that Janna let out a snort trying hard not to laugh but the reddening of her face gave her away “Oh Fuck. What did I do?” He groaned.

“Well, first you tried to flirt with me by winking but all you kept doing was blinking at me. Then you kept calling me baby.” She laughed.

“Is that it? Please tell me that’s it because that’s not too bad.” He asked hopeful as she started to tape fresh wraps to his leg.

“Well when we got in the truck I asked if you were ok with this.” She indicated to her being in the house. “And you said of course babe then grabbed my hand tride to kiss it but more drooled on it then passed out and wouldn’t let go.”

Juice was blushing!! Actually blushing beat red and mortified at his own actions. “Jana I am sorry I really … fuck… I am so sorry.”

“Juice it’s fine really!!” She reassured him wrapping his knee and then working on his thigh. “Not gonna lie you even made me feel pretty for a minute there.” She blushed as she smoothed the tape over the top of his thigh. Juice caught a shiver when her finger tips brushed over his skin.

Juice couldn’t help but think she was pretty as she knelt infront of him picking up the supplies. He was broken from his trance by her voice. “Here.” She said.

“Huh? Oh.” He noticed her indicating to the shorts she had gotten him she held them open and helped him pull them up to his hips so they wouldn’t brush the fresh bandaging on his leg. “Thank you.” He mumbled into her hair when she stood up. She was so close having helped him dress. Catching her eye before she could move they stared at eachother a moment. “Ya know I think by now I should have gotten you more than a couple drinks.”

Janna laughed and blushed turning away attempting to distract herself from the cute funny shirtless guy with… holy crap that body… “Umm are you ready to eat? Suppers done.”

“Yes please.” He fought with his shirt for a minute while she got plates out but ultimately gave up his shoulder was sore and the tape was pulling on his arm he wasn’t fighting with a t-shirt. Not when she’d already seen him in his underwear, and hell, she’d even helped him dress like he was a damn toddler.

As she filled their plates a knock came at the door. Janna moved to open it but Juice had some how hopped over in two strides and pulled her from the door. “Are we expecting some one?” He asked in a whisper.

“Yeah. Chibs said he’d come by if he could.” She looked worried. “Why?”

“I didn’t hear a bike.” Was all he said pushing her behind him and grabbing a gun from the top of the fridge. Janna’s eyes went wide for a moment and she crowded behind Juice. As he moved closer to check who was knocking on his back door, another loud bang sounded followed by the familiar Scottish drawl.

“Juice boy! Janna Love! Open up iss me!”

Sighing in relief Janna moved around Juice and opened the door. “Hey love ya aright?” Chibs asked noting her startled face.

“Yeah ya just scared us a bit.”

Confused Chibs turned to Juice “Didn’t hear the bike and all the sudden someone’s banging on the back door.” Juice said pitting the 9mm back in its place over the refrigerator.

“Ahh sorry bout tha. Drove tha van. Is actually rainin out.”

Looking past him out the still open door Juice and Janna saw that there was no lightning or thunder but there was indeed a steady but light rain fall blanketing the early darkness of the night.

“Have you eaten?” Janna asked Chibs.

“No.”

“Would you like to stay for supper? I made plenty.”

Looking to Juice who nodded Chibs stepped in shutting the door behind him. “That be lovely darlin. Do ya need help?”

“No no go sit I’ve got it.” She shooed him to the table with Juice. They laughed as they heard her scooting a step stool around with her foot so she could reach everything in the upper cabinets.

“So how bad was I? Janna said I tried to flirt with her and failed miserably.” Chibs laughed.

“Aye tha ya did. Tha best was Tara was talking to us bout your condition and you kept trying to grab that sweet arse o hers.” He laughed harder as Juice just dropped his head in his hands.

Janna pulled them from their thoughts as she set the plates on the table and dished out drinks. Handing Chibs a beer and Juice a water. “I don’t get a beer?” He asked.

“Not with this you dont.” She placed his meds on the table next to his plate.

“Ahh lass this look amazing. What all ave we got ere?” Chibs said picking up his fork and knife.

“Baked chicken mashed potatoes green beans gravy and cornbread.” She smiled. “A southern soul food specialty.”

Digging in they all chatted about Janna and where she was from. About her family and theirs. Cautiously she asked if they wouldn’t mind filling her in on the no hospital policy and the need for Juice to have a gun over the fridge. Neither man wanted to scare her but they knew they should at least let her know a little bit.

They gave her minor details about how they were apart of the club that they kept the town safe doing what police couldn’t do when it fell outside the parameters of the law. Juice finally leveled with her saying. “Janna we try to be good guys but we’re not. We’re outlaws we do bad things but we try to do them for the right reasons.” He realised he wasn’t saying what he wanted to say so he sighed placing a gentle hand over hers. “We’re not always the good guys. But .. we’re good people and you are safe with me. With any of us.”

Janna smiled squeezing his hand. “That’s all I needed to hear.” She was fine as long as she felt safe and oddly enough she did. They continued to eat, Juice and chibs having seconds. When Janna reached for her drink to take a sip Chibs was telling a good one on Juice letting Tig be attacked by a stripper at the Jelly Bean. “I’m telling ya love all we saw was Juice side step and this strippers arse flying over his shoulder and her thighs around Ol Tiggy’s neck.” They were laughing so hard Janna missed her own mouth with her drink and spilled water all down the front of her shirt.

“Oh my God can I just not keep my drink in my damn mouth today?” She fussed at herself trying to wipe up her mess. “Did I tell you that’s what almost killed you by the way. I spilled my drink on me and took my hand off the wheel for a second and nearly killed you.” Juice was trying to help wipe up what had spilled on the table but was distracted by her shirt sticking to her chest.

Staring at her his mouth went a little dry. “Umm it’s fine really. Here.” He thought he may be able to speak to her if he wasn’t distracted and handed her his shirt that he never got on.

“Thanks” she said and stood, whipping her wet shirt over her head with out a second thought. Juice and chibs would’ve enjoyed the show had they not been met with a colorful assortment of bruises that painted up and down her side.

Grabbing her hips where she stood next to him Juice ran his fingers over the marks looking up to her when she hissed in pain. “Who did this Janna?”

“Juice it’s not..”

“WHO?!” He cut her off angry that anyone would do this to her. “I swear to God Janna…”

“I DID IT!” She blurted out.

Juice’s forehead creased in confusion and he looked to Chibs. Janna slid Juice’s dry shirt on and sat down. “I did it. It was an accident. I was at work. I pulled a little ford Fiesta onto the lift but the balance was off. When I hit the button to lift the car, it slipped. Knocked me back into one of the tall metal tool boxes. That’s also why I’m looking for work they fired me.” She looked ashamed. “It’s like I said I’m a clutz.” She laughed at herself embarrassed.

Seeing her upset Juice felt like such an ass. “Janna .. I’m …”

“Stop. Please.” She stopped him. “It’s not your fault. It just sucks. And it’s a little bit embarrassing.”

Chibs began to get a bit uncomfortable watching the two. He could tell Juice wanted to talk to her but wasn’t sure bringing it up infront of company would be appreciated. “Well I better be off now.” He stood from the table. Gathering his plate and bottle. “Do ya need any help with this lass?” He held his hand out to the left overs on the counter top.

“No thank you. I can get it. Did you want to take anything with you?”

“No need love. I’ll be back by tomorrow. Dinner was spectacular darlin thank ya.” He walked over to give her a quick hug and a peck on the forehead. “I’ll see ya Juicy.” He he nodded to his friend and went to leave. Smiling as he saw Janna fussing over Juice through the window and Juice smiling never taking his eyes from her.

“Did you take your medicine?” Janna asked as she put the last dish into the washer.

“Not yet. I didn’t wanna make an ass outta myself during dinner.” Laughing she brought him a fresh glass of water. Taking the pills she went to help him up to go to bed.

“Just take me to the couch. You can have my bed.”

“What? No Juice..”

“Janna it’s fine. Really.”

“I am not nearly killing you and kicking you out of your bed in the same day.” She stated trying again to steer him down the hall to his room. Juice stood firm though.

Janna looked up to him not realising how close they were at first. He held her gaze and leaned in “Then stay with me.” He whispered to her.

“Juice I…”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch. You’re either staying with me or alone. Either way it’s in the bed.” Brushing her hair back from her face Juice smiled. “Besides you’re gonna have to check on me throughout the night right? Makes sense to just be together.”

Janna was really hoping it was the medicine talking but had a feeling it was only helping him say what he wanted to say. “Fine.” She relented and helped him to his room. She figured she could just get him to sleep then slip out later.

What she neglected to take into account was that drugged Juice was strong and handsy. When she climbed into the bed beside him he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in close. He fell asleep almost instantly and she tried to wiggle away but like with quick sand the more she struggled the deeper she sank into the mattress and Juice held firm.

It wasn’t long before exhaustion took over and she fell asleep.