Jim Henson’s home state banned
Sesame Street from public television in
1970. Mississippi’s State Commission for
Educational Television was “very much
opposed” to the series, and they refused
to show it “because it uses a highly
integrated cast of children.” SourceSource 2
So, old folklore tells us that vampires have an innate compulsion to count small objects and that you can thwart them by hurling handfuls of rice at them so that they have to stop and count it. Millet or poppy seeds were placed on the ground at the grave site of a presumed vampire, in order to keep the vampire occupied all night counting.
So there’s the obvious link to the Count from Sesame Street, who loves to count, but I also have a theory about why he resides on Sesame Street in the first place. It would make sense for the street to have derived its name from a bakery or factory that once processed buns with a lot of tiny sesame seeds. What if, hundreds of years ago, the Count was chasing a potential victim who led him down Sesame Street, where he’d be forced to stop and count the sesame seeds, a task that took him years as they kept producing more baked goods. Even after the namesake bakery closed, the Count found the neighborhood environment so welcoming that he decided to stick around.
Echoes of this dark history persist in the lyrics of a traditional ballad still sung in the area: “Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away” refers to the only time safe to venture outside without encountering a vampire. “On my way to where the air is sweet” refers to the bakery that once produced the street’s famous sesame buns. It ends with a plaintive cry for sanctuary: “Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?”
At 11:11 I wished for wings
I asked the sky to swallow me up
I turned to the wind and the clouds and the rain
To sweep me away from here, to save my sense of self
To destroy me, take me apart piece by piece
I looked at my watch and it was 11:12
I’m thinking about how happy I am with you, how happy I am to love a person like you and how happy I am to be loved by you. I feel so alive since the day we started to be like this. Thank you for entering my life unexpectedly and made it possible for me to fall in love again. You turned my life from a black and white motions of picture into a sky covered by a rainbow filled with colors. You managed to sweep away all the negative clouds surrounding my gloomy heart. You made everything beautiful in my life right now, it was all possible because of you that’s why I want to thank you. I hope you would never leave me because they might come back if that ever happened. I love you more than you think you do. I love you for who you are, for all the things you don’t know you can do. I love all the aspects I see that creates you as a being. I can be anything or everything, but all I know is that I cannot live without you. I don’t know if I’m capable of losing you, I will never give up on you because I can’t stand watching you love somebody else. I don’t want someone to make you smile more than I can. That smile of yours is only meant for me and those eyes of yours are only meant to see me. You’re only mine, this may sound selfish but who cares? Mine is mine, so you’re mine. You belong to me and nobody can steal you away from me. Our paths has crossed and that means we were made and meant for each other. I will fight for you in the very end, remember that whatever happens is I won’t give up on you and us. If you asked me why I fall in love with you, I don’t have an answer for that. I don’t why and I can’t explain it. It just happened. I think words are not enough to express what I felt or to describe them to you. I just felt it, I felt in my heart that I love you wholeheartedly. I just found myself smiling unconsciously when I thought of you and when I’m about to go to sleep. So, why do I love you? I just do. I just love all the things about you and all the things you do. Every time I see you, I say to myself that you’re God’s blessing for me. And, you know what? I don’t want a happy ending with you. I don’t want years. I want a happy eternity with you. I want this love we share for eternity, I don’t want any of this to end. I want them to last for a lifetime. I’ll always love you, no matter how many oceans there are between us. No matter how steep and wreck the hill we’re about to take. Just hold me in your arms and never let me go, I want to spend an eternity with you. I just want you; all your flaws, mistakes, laughs, sarcasm, smiles and jokes. Everything. I just want you. I love you for the first time and I still love you the last time. I will love you until the end of time. And, you aren’t a part of my life. Because you are already my life. I don’t know what will happen if I lost you, it’ll mean that I lost my life. It’s like living, but not actually living my life. Everything would be meaningless. I love you so much. I love you so much that I will cling onto any and every piece of you that I can.
Plot: After finding yourself in the
same situation day after day, a stranger with a camera happens to change
up everything with just a snap of a button and a lot of
(gif to rightful owner)
“You’re Way Too Sentimental For Me.”
description totally fits Min Yoongi.”
were the words that dear Hoseok had managed to choke out right almost
ironically before the devil himself decided that today was the day
that I would go straight to hell. Out of all the bars in this town,
out of every bar in the world, he decided that it was a bright
idea to come to this one.
you actually think you can talk to me, I will scream.” I
threatened. “And I scream really, really loud.”
after I spotted the man I fantasized about getting hit by a car on
several occasions in several different ways, it seemed as though all
my bad karma was coming back to bite me right in the ass because
Taehyung and Yoongigot up from the table and walked over to
where Hoseok and I were sitting.
Y/N, I know you two haven’t met before, so I wanted to introduce
you to a close friend of mine.” Taehyung had a smile almost
brighter than the damn sun as he offered introductions between Yoongi
and I. “Yoongi, this is Y/N. Y/N this is Min Yoongi.” He clasped
his hands together as if he waiting for us to bow or shake hands or
something along those lines – something I was definitely not
willing to comply to.
flash of recognition erupted through his eyes when they landed on me,
though he managed to keep a straight face that was unreadable. After
giving a long stare that seemed to last for minutes he gave a small
smile before turning back to Taehyung. His outfit of black was a
shocking contrast to his blonde hair that I had come to hate so much,
and his soft brown eyes seemed to dare me to rip them right out his
sockets. “We’ve met before,” he laughed lightly, “she’s a
real charmer from I could tell.”
wanted to reach out and strangle the smugness out of his voice. This
whole thing seemed to be too good to be true, and I considered
dousing myself in Hoseok’s ice water to see if I could manage wake
up from this nightmare happening right before my eyes. I clenched my
hands into tight fists to try and calm down my increasing heart rate
and reminded myself that ripping the hair out of his scalp would only
cause problems that my paycheck probably wouldn’t cover.
down across from us, he graciously patted the spot next to him to
motion for Taehyung to join him without even asking us if it was okay
– which of course, wasn’t. Did he even know boundaries? “Here
to finish me off?” He mocked, lacing his fingers together to form a
seat for his chin.
how do you two know each other?” Taehyung curiously looked between
us quickly, trying to fit non-existent puzzle pieces together in his
head. “Yoongi doesn’t live here and Y/N never goes out of her
gives?” I gasped as Hoseok slyly agreed with the comment,
chuckling. “I’m not a fucking hermit, I have a life. I’m out
with you guys and someone I’d gladly shove a fork down their
didn’t live here, mind you.” Yoongi corrected, ignoring my
comment, as he reached out to grab his drink. His eyes never left me,
and I felt almost cornered as they burned holes into me, making me
more nervous than I should have been. Maybe it was just me, but it
seemed as though everyone’s main concern was to see how many times
they could point out the lack of social activities I attended.
happened between you guys?” Taehyung continued to push and
concerned now dripped from his voice. “Did you guys date before or
choked on his drink as my jaw dropped in horror. How could anyone
assume that I would date someone as egotistical as this brat that
sat right before me? “Hell no. She’s got about as much charm as a
slug.” He spat out, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.
worked the muscles in the jaw, trying to distract myself from biting
his hand off. Taehyung visibly stiffened beside him and his eyes
widened while Hoseok’s energy shifted from light and happy to dark
and guarded almost instantly. The table had a cloud of awkward engulf
the conversation and everyone went silent, not knowing how to react
or what to say next.
know, I love it when people insult me. It means I don’t have to
play the nice guy anymore.” I shook my head in repulsion and began
to gather my things, “I need to go the bathroom, so if you would
please excuse me.” I didn’t know if I was going to come back or
not, since the mood had been spoiled and I really didn’t
want to see or converse with Yoongi. I could be spending my time
finishing a book I’d been meaning to, or doing the dishes that was
higher than the Eiffel Tower, or literally anything else than
sitting here in a sweaty bar trying not to have a violent outrage
because some spoiled dick was trying to see if he could push my
wait Y/N… don’t leave.” Taehyung suddenly spoke up before I had
the chance to walk away. His pleading eyes met mine and guilt spread
throughout me like wild fire. “We never get to see you.”
heart dropped into my stomach and what little pride I had left went
running out the front door. It was true, I never got to see any of my
friends. I was usually too busy working or trying to catch up on
sleep to have any time to myself let alone friends or a fun outing,
and the little time I did have was spent walking around the stupid
parks to clear my mind.
Y/N, come on, we miss you. Just stay a little while longer and hang
out with us for once. We know your dumb excuses.” Hoseok pipped up
finally as he grabbed onto my wrist, tugging at it lightly. I sighed
inwardly and hesitantly slumped back down into my seat, giving up.
but I really do have to leave soon. I have to work in the morning and
all that adult jazz.” I forced a smile to plant itself onto my
face, planning to keep it there the rest of the night that I knew was
going to be very, very long.
the most awkward and agonizing night I had ever experienced in my
life, I thought that that would be the last time I would ever have to
see Min Yoongi again. I was actually glad that I had basically no
social life because, hey, if I wasn’t out of the house that meant
that I wouldn’t see him. No Yoongi equaled no unnecessary stress,
meaning no unnecessary early wrinkles or gray hairs.
let’s say I was wrong.
seemed everywhere I went he was somehow there, almost as if he was
stalking me like I was his next meal… or the next girl he kidnapped
and murdered in his basement. If I bought groceries we ended up
bumping into each other in the same aisle, and if I happened to go to
the movies well, I guess he was in the mood for a show too. But it
didn’t just stop there, oh no… I found him lurking outside of my
apartment building one night. That was the final straw with
me, and I was honestly surprised with my supply of hay I had for the
what the fuck?” I questioned lowly, walking up to where he was
leaning against the concrete wall. I was only just now returning from
my shift, but it would have been a beautiful night out if it wasn’t
ruined by a special someone who just loved to follow me
turned his head and scoffed, “What do you mean, ‘what the fuck’?
I should be asking you that.” Rolling his eyes, he turned
his attention back to his phone.
would you do that? This is my apartment, you know, and I find
it just a little weird that you seem to be loitering right outside of
where I live.” I crossed my arms, already wanting this conversation
sorry sweetheart, but I didn’t actually know that. So don’t
give an attitude because I already have one of my own, thanks.” He
formed a tight smile and roughly shoved his phone in pocket.
one more snarky remark from starting World War III, I really hope you
know that buddy.” Sighing, I rubbed my hand down my face. Why did
this always have to happen at the most inconvenient time? All I
wanted was to continue my happy little life I was living and never
have to deal with Yoongi ever again. I must have done something
incredibly stupid and bad in my past life to deserve the torture I
was getting now.
wish you’d just stop and realize how loud you are being since I
would like to confirm that I don’t care. That, and the fact that
it’s almost one in the morning Y/N.” He mumbled, tiredly leaning
his head back to look up.
didn’t really want to mutter back a response, so I also turned my
attention upwards. It really was a beautiful night – even if he had
to be here. The planets and stars twinkled brightly in the cloudless
abyss, and the only wind was a slight breeze enough to keep it from
being deadly silent. The weather here was rarely like this, so it was
an amazing break from constant cloud cover and wind that would sweep
away a small child. I wanted to bask in the beauty of it, and would
have if it wasn’t almost almost one.
did you say?” I spat out. Was it actually almost one in the
morning? How had my shift lasted that long? Sure I spent some time
afterwards helping clean up but I couldn’t have wasted almost two
whole hours. The place was trashed, but could it really have been
hoarder level? Inwardly cringing, I cursed my boss for having me come
back into shop in (now) almost six hours.
said it’s almost -”
I heard you. I gotta go.” I rustled through my bag for my keys as I
hap-haphazardly toppled up the steps to the building, leaving Yoongi
behind, alone with his thoughts and the night sky.
scrunched up his nose, “I think this coffee is a little too
I think that’s just you.”
the following day after the stargazing incident, Yoongi had found the
diner I worked at and made himself right at home. I guess I couldn’t
blame the guy, since the only other restaurant in this whole town was
half torn down and risked giving the customers food poisoning on a
daily basis. At least this place was sanitary and the food wasn’t
as far as I know,” he set the mug down and cocked an eyebrow up,
groaned, leaning forward to hit my head on the table we were seated
at. It was towards the end of the workday and I was willing to do
anything to just get a few minutes of a break – even going
as far as pretending I wanted to talk with Yoongi. No one else
was in here – big surprise – and my only other options were
either cleaning the bathroom or moping the floor since I was only a
waitress. I now regretted not taking up a cooking class or taking the
offer to be a cashier.
know Y/N, we really need to talk about your life choices.” I lifted
my head, mustering up the dirtiest look I could come up with.
why would that be?” I asked, uninterested. “I really don’t need
your judgment, nor do I care about it.”
I’m saying is that it’s amazing that you actually took a job
here.” He taunted, daring to give me a smug smile. “Is the pay
really that good?”
returned the look, “I hope one day you accidentally choke on all
that shit you talk.”
could have sworn I was having a conversation with an adult here, not
some bratty pre-teen.”
step off your damn high horse already Min Yoongi,” I seethed, “the
worst thing you can do is stare.”
keep thinking that I care… that’s weird.” He actually had the
audacity to laugh at me. Suddenly the bathrooms didn’t seem like
such a bad place to be, either way I’d be dealing with shit.
Slumping his shoulder down after a small bout of chuckles, he sighed
deeply. “Just thought I’d offer my opinion on something that
a shitty way of showing you ‘care’.” I rolled my eyes, counting
the minutes I had left before I could leave in my head. “Why are
you even interested in my job? I thought you just said that
you could care less.”
I’m interested about you.”
caught me off guard. My eyes widened slightly as my body was
physically taken aback by this bold statement that came out of
nowhere. “What the hell does that mean?”
mouth straightened out in annoyance, “It means that if I had
to be stuck in a room with nothing and no one but you, I wouldn’t
totally want to commit suicide or homicide.” If this was a
joke, he was an amazing actor because this would be the last thing
I would ever expect out of him.
me with some ear plugs and eight cups of coffee and I could say the
He splayed his hand out across at me, “You actually have a form of
self-respect. Most girls who speak to me let me step all over them
without even stopping a second to think about the things I say to
them. Frankly it truly bores me.”
I tried to put the pieces together as he yawned into his fist, “I
don’t bore you, because I actually know when someone’s being a
dick or not?” He responded with a simple nod before taking another
sip of coffee. I found it funny that the most confusing thing in this
whole conversation was that he was drinking caffeine at almost ten at
my head, I dismissed my thoughts and pushed forward with the
awkward conversation, “That has got to be probably the worst
pick-up line I’ve ever heard.”
thought that was a pick-up line?” He mused, “Sweetheart the
amount of alcohol I would need to even consider actually
sleeping with you would kill me.” My jaw dropped. “But I do have
to say that the only unflattering thing about you happens to be your
the Yoongi I knew. I had to be
honest, his remarks confused me. Throw me down and then lowkey
flatter me? This had to be the worst method of flirting I had
experienced in my life, and now it happened to be the last
time I’d ever have
to hear it
Yoongi,” I rubbed
my eyes, “I don’t need to explain myself to anybody, especially
not you. My personal life really
should phase or concern you in any way.
Please ask yourself who you are to me.” I looked up at him, and it
almost made me laugh with the way he was at a loss for words, “See?
Nobody.” I stood up, actually wanting to return to work for once.
Stop.” I turned my head to see him frown. “Sorry.”
slumped back down into the seat, “You know, insincere apologies are
but it’s the best I got.” He responded with
a smile that barely showed his teeth.
“I know I’m a dick,” he began slowly, “but you’re also a
dick so I thought we could actually somehow get along. I just moved
here and the only guy I get along with is Taehyung, so
I’d hope you understand that I’d like to broaden my horizon.”
I’m really not the most sociable person,
you heard Taehyung chew my
head off the other night.” I laughed.
don’t you get out much though?” He questioned, “I mean, I know
you have a job that probably works you to death but on your days off
all you do is slump around?”
bit my lip since that’s basically all I did. “Well, I guess I
study?” I instantly
regretted opening up about my private life to him, because his face
lit up and I could see the questions swarming around in his head.
what? We’re already out of school and it doesn’t exactly look
like you’re going to college.”
saving up.” I muttered under my breath, but it was loud enough so
that he could hear me.
are you gonna go for?”
That’s a secret.” I
replied after being silent for a few seconds. I had never really
talked about me continuing school – I hadn’t even told any of my
friends about it. Maybe it was because they’d laugh at me for being
a nerd, or it could be that
everyone would insist it was
impossible since the only college remotely close was a three hour
drive from here.
are you an actual photographer, or are you going for the hipster
look?” I tried to change the subject, since I wasn’t exactly
comfortable talking about my future with what I could still
consider a stranger.
let that last remark slide
this time, but in all seriousness it’s just a hobby of mine.” He
picked up his cup again, cupping it with both hands. “I thought
about doing it for real when I was younger, but the older I got the
more I realized it’s kind of impossible.” A sad laugh emitted
were you taking a picture of that fountain?” I quickly pounced
on the opportunity. “It’s
basically just a bunch of rocks now.” The question had been on my
mind for a while now, and this could be my only chance to get to the
I only take pictures of
things I love,” he took a sip, “and that pile of rocks stood out
to sound ignorant and all,
but how did that stand
out to you?”
had the message that even old things – old, broken things – could
still be considered breathtaking.” He rolled his eyes as if the
answer was obvious.
way too sentimental for me.”
left on a good note in my opinion, and
even left me a
five dollar tip. Sadly, I had to actually scrub the bathroom and
mop the floors since my “break”
was “too long”, and it
was considered my
entire time I cleaned toilets
and dunked a broom in soapy water,
all I could think about was how I could sneak dish water into my
bosses drinks for the next two weeks to make up for me staying for
another two hours. The only good news I had was that tomorrow I
didn’t have to come in.
home I daydreamed about sleeping in and binge-watching all my
favorite TV shows to finally catch up. Even just the thought of no
alarm made my feet leave the ground. It was my first off day in a few
weeks, and I was going to spare no expense to make sure that I was to
damn well enjoy it.
was until I saw Min Yoongi outside of apartment… again.
well…” I taunted, slowing down my pace, “look who’s back
again.” He looked up at me, offering a weak smile and
a small wave. “How long
have you been standing here?”
than you’d like.” He sighed, ruffling his hair. The wind picked
up, scattering leaves and stirring up dust. The weather had said
nothing about a late night storm, but the last time the reports were
actually right made me doubtful of a nice night.
are you here again?” I wrapped my coat around me a little tighter
to try and keep myself from freezing off a limp. The temperature was
dropping way too quick and I all I could keep thinking about was
making myself a cup of hot chocolate and passing out in my living
looking for a place…” he bit his lip, “mine kind of blew up.”
Fate must have been playing with me. I don’t even know how this happened.
“Hee hee. Seems like Yoshiko-chan gets easily startled.” My face heated up. I don’t even know why my face heated up from a… I don’t even know if it’s a compliment or a tease, or whatever it should be but I’m pretty sure my face is gonna get red if I don’t get myself conditioned from the upcoming unexpected events this night.
“I-it’s Yohane!” I exclaimed as I slowly looked up the sky. Several objects filled the sky. Natural, artificial. Fireworks started to blast in the air as if the night sky was their canvas, painting it with their beautiful design of their own. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” More fireworks started to blast in the air. The stars behind the scene seems to be cooperating with the event. the clouds shrouding the celestial bodies started to sweep away as the moon above began to smile down the earth.
You smiled from the scenery. That smile is the thing that I’ve always wanted to see. A smile that would send happiness to me. A smile that is equivalent to the fireworks display.
Everything felt surreal.
As if it was like I’m dreaming. This moment right now is what I have been waiting for. These feelings inside me were waiting the whole time.
Yet me myself, my heart and my brain, refuses to let them break free and cope them.
And as long as these feelings were locked and kept inside me, it will gradually start to hurt myself over time.
Why does my heart refuse to show the things I want to?
“Yeah… It’s beautiful.” I want to hold your hands. I want to feel the warmth that I have been craving for a long time. Ever since I went to this school
Ever since I met you.
“I know,” You suddenly grabbed my hand. It felt like the whole world was watching for a moment. I feel like the whole world is judging me by the time our hands clasped together.
But this is it. You held my hands. It felt so soft. Just like how I imagined how it was.
“There’s a place I know where the fireworks display would look better.”
We made our way to a cliff. There was a staircase that led led us to this place. It seemed to be an old shrine. “Me and a friend of mine used to jog her in the morning.” She held a reminiscing face while looking down. She seemed to be very close to that friend but…
Shrugging the entire stuff I looked at the end off the cliff and I was stunned from the view. The moon was directly faced towards us. The fireworks display was just infront of our eyes where we wouldn’t have to raise our heads to see the whole thing.
Just like what you said, it would look better. And right now, I’m alone with you.
The girl that I love.
Watanabe You, you’re my senior in our school. You started to sit down on the ground with the grasses that dances through the night’s breeze. You set your hands back to the ground and looked straight at the scene. The moonlight was brightly seen down the surface of the sea, towards the silver hair of yours. Your aquatic eyes was intently looking at the colors blasting off across the sky as if she was genuinely appreciating the beauty of it. And I, just looking at Your eyes, drowns me down because of color. As if it was the sea itself. It was beautiful as you might think.
“It’s beautiful as how it they should be.” I muttered unknowingly.
“Right?!” You exclaimed with a grin on her face. It gave me a shock of happiness and excitement. I didn’t know what to do, but my face is red all over right now. Maybe she thought that I meant the fireworks.
We started chatting all over while the fireworks started to work up in the background. You can’t hold the laughter when we talked about your close friend that really likes puns and starts explaining her jokes without her audience even asking for it. And me, as for myself, can’t help but smile about your stories. Your dad will be back soon from ship and you’re really excited about it. Of course, who wouldn’t be?
And me, as for myself, can’t help but smile about it.
And then you started to talk about a certain girl in a school. A girl that you seemed to be very excited to talk about. A girl that dedicatedly plays piano. You told me how the girl looks like. A girl in crimson red hair with a clip on the side. And by the looks of your face, you seemed to be very eager to talk more about her. Your face grows red as you thought that you felt weird knowing and telling stuffs about her.
And me, as for myself, can’t help but smile about it.
The fireworks started to become lesser and lesser than before. The night that I have been waiting for is starting to end and fade away as a memory for the both of us.
“Ah, the fireworks display seems to be ending.” You rose up from the ground shaking off the dirt from your shorts. You reached for my hand and I eagerly accepted it. Our hands met again and I think this hand of my don’t want to let go anymore. Because once I do, everything might change between us.
But… Is there anything between “us”?
As you started to walk away, I held gripped your wrist. Not too rough, but not too soft too. Just enough to let you know to tell you not to leave yet.
“Yoshi- Yohane? What’s wrong?” You asked. Calling me with that name.
It makes me happy.
These feelings inside me, I don’t want to lock them up. I don’t want to end up hurting myself in the end.
But I thought,
It’s better if I held these emotions. Because…
Because I was scared that your response might affect me for my entire life. “I-it’s nothing.”
I slowly released the grip on your wrist and you gave me a skeptical look. “Are you sure? Is there anything you want?”
“I-I told you it’s nothing!” Ah, I let the chance slip.
“O-okay then.” You’re turning away from me now, and it felt like you’re not gonna turn back again.
Yes. There is something that I want.
We are both surprised for the big explosion. Fireworks were sent across the sky. It wasn’t blue, red, nor green.
It was white, just like how the stars look as we look upon them.
“W-wait!” I quickly grabbed your hand again as your face looked shocked. I don’t know if it’s from the fireworks or from my sudden movement but it doesn’t matter anymore.
“E-ever since…” I can’t stop now. “I-I’ve always wanted to tell you.”
“I really, really love you, Watanabe You.”
You were dumbfounded at first. I don’t know if you were shocked but as it turns out,
You knew it well.
You were just waiting the whole time.
How foolish of me to think that you weren’t.
And as expected, you gave me a gentle smile that shone perfectly paired with the moonlight.
Imagine Steve being obsessed with little kid shows and starts binge watching some
“Sunny day…sweeping’ the…clouds away…on my
way…to where the air…is…sweet…”
“Cap?” Bruce asks,
coming into the kitchen. Steve’s back is towards the door and he’s humming the Sesame Street theme song.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t
know anyone else was here.”
“No problem…uh what
were you singing?”
“Sesame Street theme song! Shouldn’t you
know that? Weren’t you on the show to talk about anger?”
sheepishly. “Yeah, I suppose…I just didn’t really watch it so much as a kid.”
expecting me to catch up on some of the greats of media since I was frozen, but
I really just like the kids shows. I must have watched a ton of Sesame Street, some Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, and Liberty’s
Kids. That one’s the best.”
Bruce gives him a
slightly weird look. “Okay, Steve…”
“You should watch
with me some time.”
replies, smiling softly. “Is there any coffee?”
She slowly lowers her head and stares at the ground with her foot playing with the grass and started speaking.
“I keep asking myself if you really deserve someone like me. But at the same time, I want to be the only one who’s the best for you. It’s weird, I’m weird. I always try to put you up but look at me, always putting myself down. But I can’t really blame myself sometimes for feeling this.. Yes, I’m paranoid. I’m more than that, I’m afraid, I’m scared, and I’m all the words that could describe me as a weak person. I may be all those words but, I can say, I’m just so afraid that I might lose you. Not in the fact that you won’t let that happen though, but I’m afraid of them. That they might catch your attention, they can do things that I can’t, they can take you away from me. I’m afraid of that thought, but I become more afraid what I feel while thinking about it. Just thinking of being without you kills me. It’s like my heart is being ripped into two, it strikes me. It hurts just thinking about it, what more if that really happened? I should not be saying stuff like this, but sorry if I couldn’t avoid it. I couldn’t let you know how much I have died drowning in these negative thoughts but I just really want to tell you how much I’m afraid of losing you. ”
She said in a cracked voice and tears starts falling from her eyes continuously.
My heart felt like it was stabbed a hundred times. I was taken back by this sudden confession, I said to myself “I didn’t know she feels this way.” I held up her chin and wiped her eyes. Holding her head against my chest. She turns up looking at me, with eyes streaming with tears.
“I’m sorry if you feel that way. I’m sorry if I didn’t make you feel secure enough that someone can’t take me away from you or steal me from you. I’m sorry if you’re paranoid that someone might catch my attention. I’m sorry that you feel that. I’m sorry that the things I tell you are not enough to make you feel secure or relieved that it will never happen. But, once again, I’ve said that none of it will ever happen right? Because I already gave you my heart as a whole without any doubts and second thoughts. No one has the ability to have their hands on my heart because you already own it, baby. It’s you who captivated my heart, it’s you who had the strength to turn down my guarded walls, it’s you who found the key to unlock the chains and doors to my heart and it’s you who my heart chose to fall in love with. You’re the only one I want and nothing and no one can ever change that. Mark my words, it’s you who I want to love and no one else. Why do you keep asking yourself if I deserve you? If you ask me, I don’t know if that’s the right question. But, for me you are more than enough. You’re the best person that was ever given to me. I would risk anything just for you to stay and be with me for a lifetime. You deserve all the love I give you because you deserve to receive unconditional love. You deserve to be loved. I’m sorry if you feel scared and afraid, but I already sworn that I will never leave and you will never lose me. Because I can’t take it being away from you too. I guess that will be the death of me. Let just say that someone did try to take me away from you, will I let that happen? No. Do their efforts to make me notice them worked? No. Everything they do will be nothing and meaningless to me because all I want is the love you provide to me since you’re the one I loveand not him/her. It’s you who can put a wide smile on my face, the one who can make these butterflies swirl on my stomach endlessly, the one who can make me laugh a lot, the one who can melt my heart without you trying to and the one who can make me happy anytime and anywhere. All of them are you, baby. So please don’t be scared. I will never leave you, no one can take me away from you and no one can change these feelings I have for you. I assure you that. What are those things that they can do that you don’t? You can do them too, baby. But do you know the things they can’t do that you’re the only one can? You can make me smile and laugh even when I don’t want to. You can make me feel uplifted everytime I feel down. You inspire me all the time. You make all the tiredness I feel go away just by talking to you and knowing you are there for me. You can make me stop from crying. You can sweep away all the negative clouds surrounding my mind. You give me strength all the time. You make me feel loved when I feel unlovable. You make me feel pretty even when I always feel ugly. Let me ask you again, can they do that? No. You’re the only one can, so never compare yourself to them because you can do a lot of things for me that they will never can. Okay? Please, never think that way ever again because none of it is possible to happen. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I love you so much.”
I said. And, kissed her lips passionately.
She cried harder and said “I love you so much too.”
notes | Okay, so I’ve been working on a project the last few weeks, which is why I haven’t been posting as frequently and now it is done! (minute some edits). I saw this post about 100 ways to say I love you and there were so many cutes ones, I decided to write them all as little Snowbarry snippets (250-300 words each). Some are random, some are tied to some of my other series, some may spawn new au’s of their own. I’ll be posting them in 5 installments over the next week or so, any tie-ins are linked in their # titles. I hope you enjoy the bits of fluff!
It’s late and
it’s dark and she can see the pad of his right hand tapping a quick rhythm
against his knee but he doesn’t say anything, just keeps driving at the same
steady speed of an hour ago. There’s a song trickling quietly from the radio,
something old and distant to fill the quiet, but neither of them are really
okay?” Her voice is rough; she has to swallow hard and clear her throat to
get the tiny question out but as soon as she does, Barry’s glancing over at her
with his over bright smile: one eye for the road and one for her.
fine.” His voice is steadier, enough that she hears when it drops,
“are you?” It’s impossible to miss the tremor of worry, the way it
wobbles through his sleepiness and she feels incredibly grateful for him: for
the way he dropped everything when she mentioned her grandmother was sick and
offered to head back home with her, packing and loading the car and insisting
on driving because she shouldn’t have to.
He’s one of
her best friends and he takes care of her like nobody else does, certainly like
she doesn’t. Caitlin smiles, nods. “I will be; thank you Barry.”
softer smile, a nod, and then his hand is tapping again, a solid beat she knows
he’s using to try and stay awake (because he cares and he’s doing it for her).
too: “Pull over Barry, let me drive for a while.”
Titanic hero-warrior (bogatyr’) in Russian mythology and folklore. A giant living in the Holy Mountains after which he is named (sviato- coming from the Slavic root for “holy” or “sacred,” gor meaning “mountain”), he and his mighty steed are so large that, when they ride forth, the crest of his helmet sweeps away the clouds. Svyatogor is the eldest of Russia’s bogatyri, and in many ways he is the saddest. His days of glory are long behind him, and he is depicted in most epic poems (byliny) as an old, tired warrior, doomed to fade away. The identification of Svyatogor with the mountains means that he can also be seen as an embodiment of natural, elemental forces from Russia’s pagan past.
The Keyhole Nebula is located within the larger Carina Nebula, which lies some 7,200 light years away in the southern constellation of Carina. This image shows just a portion of the Keyhole, and is a montage based on four separate pointings of the Hubble Space Telescope using the Wide Field and Planetary Camera 2 (WFPC2) back in April of 1999. Imaging the area with five different optical filters and one infrared filter, the final composition pulls out details in the complex structure that had never been seen before.
The large central feature that dominates this image is the roughly circular portion of the Keyhole Nebula. It spans about 7 light-years across, and is composed of brightly colored fields of hot gas and and darker, cooler molecular clouds. Some of these dense globules may yield new stars within the rich star-forming confines of the Carina Nebula.
Outside of the the frame of this image are some of the massive, hot stars of the Carina Nebula are helping to shape, sculpt and illuminate the region with their intense radiation. This effect is perhaps most noticeable in the upper left of this image. The oddly shaped dense dust cloud is being sculpted into pillars and knobs by the giant stars of Trumpler 16 (x),which includes some of the largest and most luminous stars in our galaxy. These powerful stars are just beyond the upper left corner of the image, and their potent solar winds are sweeping the material away from this cloud, blowing it in the direction of the Keyhole. Were it not for the intense radiation of Trumpler 16’s stars, this cloud itself might generate stars of its own, but it will likely dissipate under the unrelenting pressure instead.