Unconventional & Affordable Ingredients for Spells
Here is a list of unconventional and affordable ingredients that can be used in spells and witchcraft along with their correspondences; good for witches “in the woods” and witches on a budget. Many of these can be easily found for inexpensive prices or at home.
Acorns/Acorn Caps: security, abundance, longevity, good luck, youth and brings good health
Animal toys/stickers: relates to correspondences of that animal
Recycle bottles, jars and medicine bottles for jar/bottle magic
Reuse tea bags (though not too long after use) in bath magic
If you do wish to use herbs, it is cheaper to order them online in bulk rather than the supermarket. Trust me, supermarkets and grocery stores really over price most herbs. You can get triple the amount for 2 dollars less online
Make up and toiletries are great for glamours
Its fine to use kitchen knives if you can’t afford am athame
Look at the ingredients in food you eat to see what is in it and determine that food’s correspondences, quick and easy kitchen magic
Crayons, colored pencils, markers and pens are good for easy sigil and color magic
Binders are cheaper than blank books and make great grimoires
1. Switch out coffee for tea. You still get your caffeine fix without compromising the calories, sugars, and fats. There are also various flavors and sugar/calorie free sweeteners for tea if you don’t like the taste.
2. Cut all sodas, energy drinks, and artificial juices out of your diet. Switching to just water is insanely beneficial for weight loss, nutrition, and to generally feel better.
3. Use mouthwash before your brush your teeth, not after. Mouthwash helps to break down colonies of bacteria in your mouth, and loosens them from your teeth and gum surfaces. Brushing your teeth is what completely gets the bacteria out of your mouth. Mouthwash before brushing=whiter, cleaner, healthier teeth.
4. Switch to unscented men’s deodorant. Women’s deodorant is generally weak af, stains clothes, and doesn’t last nearly as long as men’s.
5. Switch to men’s razors for shaving your legs/armpits/pussy. It has finer, sharper blades for a clean shave without nicking your skin.
6. Never ever ever use douches, scented pads/tampons, or strongly scented soap for your pussy. It fucks with your natural pH and can cause yeast infections, UTI’s, and just generally throws off your pussy ’s health.
7. Lotion/moisturize your skin (preferably with SPF) every single day. Aside from easing dry and dead skin, it helps you tan better and more evenly during the summer. Using SPF protects your skin from harmful UV rays and makes your skin younger, more radiant, and more flexible.
8. Do a mini workout in your bathroom right before your shower. I like to do 50 squats, and then 30 sec side planks on each side while waiting for my water to warm up. It kills any “no time to workout” excuses, and you can wash any sweat or grime right off immediately after.
9. Switch up your workouts every 3 months to avoid plateuing. Keep your body challenged and excited during your workout.
10. Eat at least 3 meals a day, each with a serving of protein and fiber. Don’t skimp on fruits and vegetables, and try to cut unnecessary starches and complex carbs.
11. Make some bomb ass workout playlists to keep you jamming and motivated when you exercise. Be sure to switch up playlists and songs to keep it interesting, too. I like to use songs I don’t know the lyrics to; I learn the lyrics through working out, and when I know the song word for word I switch it out for another song.
12. Stretch before bed every night for a better nights sleep and less soreness in the morning.
13. Be sure to have an even balance of weight training and cardio in your workouts, to strengthen your muscles, bones, and your heart without exhausting or neglecting any one part of your body.
14. If your insurance covers it, or you can afford to, go to a chiropractor every few months for a regular adjustment. It releases endorphins, fixes your posture, relieves any pent up spinal pressure, and feels just as satisfying as a massage.
15. I like to make sure my feet are smooth, soft, and pedicured at all times. Buy a small pumice stone to rub your heels and soles in the shower with soap and water. Always moisturize your feet after you shower, and avoid being barefoot in wet, populated surfaces (public bathrooms, showerhouses, etc)
16. Before brushing your teeth, dip a cotton swab in some diluted hydrogen peroxide and run it over the surface of your teeth and gums. Hydrogen peroxide kills many harmful bacteria in your mouth. This will leave your teeth cleaner, whiter, and stronger.
Limits Bucky Barnes x Reader by @emilyevanston tags not working Reader and Bucky decide to play a foreplay game that they got as a gift…
Confident Bucky Barnes x Reader by @belleetlabeast Sam Wilson is an old friend who you reunite with when you become the new War Machine after Rhodey retires. Luckily, taking that position also means meeting Bucky… Ongoing Series
I’ll Be With You Bucky Barnes x Reader by @belleetlabeast Reader is a nurse who happens to be a nurse and the daughter of one of Bucky’s old flings. When they run into each other, literally, a relationship begins to bloom between the two of them. Completed Series
For Your Convenience Bucky Barnes x Reader by @brighterlights Reader works in a department store and a love triangle-esque relationship forms between her, Bucky, and Steve. Completed Series
Liberty Pirate!Bucky Barnes x Reader by @softwintersoldier Reader is the daughter of a governor and sneaks aboard Captain Barnes ship in search of adventure. Ongoing Series
Captain Steve Rogers x Reader by @callingmrsbarnes Reader kisses Steve while on a mission, almost blowing their cover, which leads to some smutty smut smut.
Ink Chris Evans x Reader by @fvckingbuchanan Chris has a kink for tattoos, which is a good thing because reader has two in some NFSW places…
Splash Steve Rogers x Reader by @atari-writes Some very smutty bathtub sex amiright or amiright?
Slow Burn Dean Winchester x Reader by @dancingalone21 A friend sets you up with Sam on a blind date, but things you guys just don’t hit it off. When Sam sets you up his brother, Dean, there is definitely a spark. And guys, Firefighter!Dean?! Completed Series
What Are The Odds Dean Winchester x Reader by @dancingalone21 Before the reader left for college, she had a one night stand with Dean. Eight years later, Dean learns that he has a daughter in an interesting way. Completed Series
Infatuated Steve Rogers x Reader by @theunholygrails When the reader turns to Steve after a break up, Steve finally takes a chance and expresses i=his feelings for the reader.
Stand Down Bucky Barnes x Reader by @timeforsmut “Reader has been going through a bad depression and tony still has her fight. However, she throws her life on the line when Bucky wakes up and he tries killing her, but part of him recognizes his old girlfriend”
Swab Yer Decks Pirate!Bucky Barnes x Reader by @caplanbuckybarnes “When Bucky finds a childhood friend, will he risk everything to protect her? Or will he risk her life for a lost treasure?”
You Are Not My Mother No Pairing (Supernatural) Sister!Reader by @percussiongirl2017 Reader doesn’t trust Mary when she comes back from the dead and finds her dealing with the British Men Of Letters behind Sam and Dean’s back. Completed Series
Delta Bucky Barnes x Reader by @papi-chulo-bucky ABO!Universe: “Reader is a rare being in the a/b/o cycle and finds herself along side the Avengers. She manages to hide her true nature successfully until she catches the eye of a certain blue eyed super soldier.” Completed Series
The Ultimatum Dean Winchester x Reader by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes Reader wants to leave the hunter live and have a family after Dean almost dies on a job, but Dean wants to continue hunting.
Fault Bucky Barnes x Reader by @bxckyfxcknbxrnes “Bucky had never been held responsible for what he’d done, but you, oh god, everything that had happened had been your fault, and Bucky knew it too.” Ongoing Series
Mess With Them Steve Rogers x Reader by @redgillan Steve and the reader have a secret relationship that they are keeping rom the rest of the team. Completed Series
The Maid Dean Winchester x Reader by @super-slick-fanfic-chick Sam and Dean hire you as a maid for the bunker and give you a less than conservative uniform to wear ;))))))
Evermore Bucky Barnes x Reader by @snowyseba *Based off of “Evermore” from Beauty and the Beast* Bucky spends days planning his proposal, but on the night he’s about to do it, something comes up that brings you away.
In This Light Bucky Barnes x Reader by @bovaria Reader and Bucky were friends when they were kids, but were separated when Bucky moved away. When they run into each other on the set of a photoshoot where reader is the photographer and Bucky is the model, things get interesting… Ongoing Series
Summer is just under one month away and many of us who have been hibernating in all regards are elated to start the Summer ‘16 festivities. We’re taking the word of many fine people all over and saying if your hibernation includes a complete obliteration of the word “shaving” from your vocabulary, we have you covered. We’ve compiled our best kept secrets for the finest shave that you’ll ever know but we’d also like to give you a fair warning… you will not be able to stop feeling your legs, these tips leave your skin so soft, it’s almost unapproachable.
1) It’s a common myth that not shaving for a period of time until just prior to needing to shave, will result in maximum smoothness, this is entirely incorrect. The faster you get into the habit of shaving, the smoother your legs, arms, etc. will be. So if you have a date, party, seance, make sure you start several days before to ensure the smoothest shave when it is really necessary.
2) Shaving with Oil - yes, we fulllllllllyyy recommend shaving with oil but this needs to be expanded on just a tad. Per our experience and we’ve tried every oil under the sun (coconut, argan, rosehip, olive, castor, you name it!) Extra Virgin Olive Oil is the absolute crème de la crème of oils to shave with. Not only is EVOO the most hydrating for us but it also for some reason leaves us completely smooth longer. Our great Aunts to our best friends have aggrandized coconut oil for every use under the sun but we’re telling you; EVOO leaves us smooth for 3-4 days while coconut oil is a mere 1-2 days, tops!
ALSO, on the topic of oil, it’s extremely tricky to shave with but here’s a no frills account of how we do:
-Pour about 1/4c of EVOO in a container and place in shower with you.
-Allow the steam of the shower to soften your hair follicles for at least 5 minutes.
-Once your skin is feeling supple, take a quarter size amount of oil into your hands and massage it onto your leg for around 2 minutes (or whichever body part you’re shaving, just make sure to massage each body part in between shaves i.e. massage oil into left leg, shave left leg, then repeat steps for each body part of your choosing.)
- When the leg is coated, rinse your razor and begin shaving against hair growth, making sure to rinse the razor head completely every 2-3 swipes to prevent clogging.
MAKE SURE TO KEEP THE SKIN COMPLETELY MOISTURIZED WHILE SHAVING! IF YOU’RE NOT THE QUICKEST SHAVER, NO WORRIES. JUST MAKE SURE TO RINSE THE SKIN EVERY FEW SWIPES!
Skin that is not adequately dampened is the #1 cause for nicks while shaving.
Once done go ahead and massage the remaining oil into the skin, you’ll be a walking heart-eye emoji for the next couple of days. After leaving the shower, we like to moisturize again with our Leighis Butter for an absolute goddess radiance.
3) Ingrown Hairs and Itchiness after Shaving. To prevent ingrown hairs and itchiness after shaving, we recommend two things. One- Use a toner over shaved areas after shaving. We recommend Witch Hazel or your own DIY Sea Salt Toner or ACV toner, just send us an ask if you need the recipe. Two- Exfoliate! We dry brush 3 times a week at least to keep the dead skin at a minimum. We also whip up a quick Pineapple Mask that we use over our entire body as a chemical exfoliant which we prefer over scrubs. Shaving also helps to remove dead skin, so the more you do it (as long as it’s in a hygienic, safe fashion) the less issues you’ll have with ingrown hairs and itchiness.
4) Men razors give a closer shave than women razors. I believed this for so long! My absolute favorite razor was the Gilette Fusion, my step-dad had purchased a bulk of them from Sam’s Club and I was completely hooked for years until trying my favorite now, the Schick Hydro Silk which has the smoothest glide ever! We’ve done our research, Gilette uses the same razor blades for their men and women lines and we’ve read that it mostly comes down to the angle of blade, the curvature of the razor head, and the handle as a whole. Overall, we like that women’s razors are designed for the hair on our most commonly shaved areas (i.e. legs, bikini, and underarms) so we’re voting Women’s over men’s any day but we implore you to experiment for yourself. We just recommend a razor of quality with at least 4 blades, the Schick Hydro Silk and the Gilette Fusion both have 5 and that you change the razor head as soon as it dulls.
Here’s just a few more pointers:
- There’s no need to push down hard when shaving! Simply glide the razor over the skin in straight, controlled strokes.
- Shaving with oil is going to extend the life of your razor, which is great for your bank account and no more poisonous shaving creams but you’ll have to spend a few more minutes cleaning the razor. After each use, we rinse our razor head, soak it in an alcohol solution for a few minutes, then take a cotton swab with alcohol, and dab it clean. This is necessary and will prevent infection just in case of a nick.
- If you do happen to cut yourself while shaving, just rinse with cold water, cleanse with hydrogen peroxide, treat with Neosporin, and cover with a cool bandaid (recommend: Spongebob or the Simpsons [our aura is Yellow])
Lastly, if you’re feeling fancy, soak in a warm bath tub enchanted with a natural bath bomb, we use the Leighis Goddess Bath Velvets to start a really penetrative moisture. These bath velvets are no joke when comes to moisturizing so much so that the oil isn’t even necessary but we use it anyway. After daydreaming in the tub for around 20 minutes, we feel our legs, ascend to heaven, come back, shave, ascend again then moisturize once more. But this is almost lethal luxury! We reserve it for birthdays, Christmas, and every Thursday because Treat. Yo. Self.
We hope this helps! Thanks for reading, our ask is open for advice!
“I usually get stopped in the U.K. before I board a plane. What’s funny
is that Heathrow is in a heavily South Asian neighborhood, and the kids
working at the airport are fans of mine. So while they’re swabbing me
for explosives, they’re asking me for selfies. While they’re going
through my underwear, they’re quoting my raps back at me. It’s quite a
surreal experience that speaks to the insider/outsider status I’ve felt
all my life.”
For those of you that don’t make your own candles you can still do something a little special for the store bought ones.
I get my 7 day candles from the 99cent store. Before using them for any spell work you need to make sure that you clean and cleanse them. I like to make a solution of salt, water and lemon essential oil spray it on a cloth and clean the glass and the top of the candle. This part is extremely important. You don’t want some 99 cent store workers energy on the candle not forgetting all the 100′s of people that might have picked it up and put it back :-p
The candles that I made today are to be used on my altar for Hekate. This candle is pretty basic. If I was doing a spell candle I would write names, actions or something like that on the glass.
Remember, while you are dressing your candle concentrate on your intention for the candle. Thinking about what you’re gonna cook for dinner while making it will tarnish the affect.
What you need
Oils (I’m using homemade Hekate oil)
Screw or stick (For the holes)
Clean your candles and tools
Take the screw or stick and pierce holes into the top of the candle. I use a pretty big screw so that I can go all the way down to the bottom of the candle.
Use a dropper to put one drop of oil into the hole. Then use the cotton swab to spread the oil through-out by dipping it in the hole.
*If you don’t have a dropper you can cover the tip of the cotton swab and coat the inside that way*
*When working with oils, Less is more. The first time I ever used oil on a candle I covered the top with tons of it and it set on fire lol. So be careful!!!*
Place small amounts of your chosen herbs over the holes and then use the cotton swab to push them inside. You can add as much of the herbs as you wish, it’s just easier to push down if you do small amounts at a time. I have in the past put small chip crystals down the holes too.
*Some witches add a layer of herbs to the top of the candle. I don’t do that with these ones because I leave them burning for a while and I don’t want the herbs to catch fire while I’m in another room*
Once you have finished your candle it’s time to activate it. Some people write a spell or a blessing to say as they light it. Others say their intent for the candle out loud. Find the right way for you.
For this candle I say a little prayer (that I wrote) to Hekate and let her know that these candles are dedicated to her.
InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex
I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.
There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.
First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.
Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.
Now, on to the lesson!
InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.
If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex.
It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.
Trans guys can most often
be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan
women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.
TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
Up top: The most standard term for talking
about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are
really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’.
So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on
their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts
The pole:It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every
trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is
actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many
conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis
people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are
trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the
f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the
common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dudewriting about a trans
dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t
matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital
surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
The hole: There is no standard term
for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front.
I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy
hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally.
That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and
understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.
TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.
COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans
is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by
the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.
BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.
Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay
with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each
have different body boundaries.
I know guys who won’t get
shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched
and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
I know guys who love getting
blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.
I know guys who
don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things
in the front door.
I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and
guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.
I know guys who
exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of
strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!
These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man
will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).
BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.
CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more
limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes
breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
BODY HAIR:Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get
chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk
trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker
hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns.
DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.
FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet
since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really.
Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and
some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even
use an estrogen cream down there.
SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk™
within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick
knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on.
ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense.
HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis
women. Because they’re not
cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool
set in their tool belt.
Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our
bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs,
rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I
could go on for ages.
If a trans guy is
taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and
needs to be treated as such.
SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms
accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may
be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV.
Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
Some people think trans men can’t
get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this
for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two
forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known
as the ‘depo shot’.
MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty
until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws
& doctor’s discretion).
Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision
(’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs
and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery
which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical
scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple
Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want
one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if
you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty
(’phallo’). Tread carefully.
So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.
And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.
Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.
This prompt was sitting in my massive page of notes, and I don’t know what message it came from, but it was next in line to be written, so!
Neil would be worried that Andrew was cheating (even though he never would) and Andrew would have to reassure him.
There is a winter inside of Neil that he hadn’t had time to prepare for, like he’s living in a summer home that doesn’t know what to do with cold weather other than bow its head and take the damage.
He’s never been jealous before. He’s never been so willing to kill someone who hasn’t killed anybody first.
He looks up from the breathe in breathe out of day to day life and Andrew is there like the respirator he’s hooked into. If someone looks at Andrew, Neil feels it like a hitch in the machinery of his breathing — what if Andrew looks back? What if he gets enough distance from the bad things in his life that he realizes Neil is just another bad thing in disguise? What if he understands, as Neil does, that he deserves someone who isn’t violent and shaky and dishonest by nature?
He takes Marshall down to the floor of the court, hard. His head spills back in such a way that Neil can tell he’s been concussed, brain pitched back against skull. He scrabbles with Neil’s wrists but Neil pins his hands down on his own throat, pushing in just so. Marshall’s hands flex away from his windpipe. He thinks his own face might be screwed up into a snarl but he’s too numb to tell.
“Did you fuck him?”
“What… the fuck, Josten, no, do you think he would let me—“
A lift and a slam back into the floor, and Marshall gurgles. “I didn’t ask if he let you. I asked if you fucked him.”
“No, no, I didn’t, Neil, come on.” His voice is garbled, Neil’s hands on his hands on his throat are a sweaty stack. “I know you’re together,” he says quietly, “and I wasn’t… I mean I flirt—I hit on everyone.”
“Not him,” Neil says icily. His fingers curl, Marshall makes a small, wet sound. He thinks about the way that Andrew let Marshall sit next to him on the bench. Neil had been playing, and he’d seen Andrew’s mouth move, talking to another teammate for the first time since they’d signed together. Marshall had thrown his head back and laughed.
Neil had taken a ball to the abdomen and reeled into another striker, been shoved back, started a slurry of violence that ended in a yellow card. When Andrew finally looked at him, it had been with disappointment.
Neil blinks and feels the padding of Marshall’s gear under his thighs, the wheezing rise of his chest. He lets go of his neck and he coughs and gasps.
“You can’t—“ he tries. “He wouldn’t want—“ He hates the ugly way he’s trying to convince himself out loud, the tremor in his voice. “He didn’t come home until morning. He smelled like your shitty menthols.”
SM: Okay you boys have all been called here because I’m forming a super group that will be the new face in fashion, media and the foreign markets.
Staff: *ahem* And don’t you mean in music as well sir?
SM: Sure, if that’s a side effect of fame we’ll go that route too. So! I have brought in 12 of the finest boys here to audition to show me if they are worth a place in EXO! Who’s first?
Baekhyun: Hello I’m Baekhyun. Some call me Baek you can call me “Bank” I have enough personality for even the slower ones in the room *eyes Kai* andddd enough charisma to become the center of all fanfictions.
SM: You’re arrogant, rude and demeaning…..I like you! You’re in! Okay who else is next?
Kris: Honestly I think you should be the one asking me if I want to be in this “boy band” not the other way around..
SM: We need you here to cash in on the Chinese babes weekly allowances, just lose the smirk and promise to stick around for the next 10 years.
Kris: *pulls out 2014 calendar and smiles to himself*
Suho: I’m Junmyeon, Um I’m really nice and I like everyone and I-
SM: You’ve been skulking these halls since ‘98 why should I let you debut??
Suho: *pulls out black visa*
SM: You’re in! NExt!
SM: A man of few words….reminds me of myself! You’re in!
Luhan: I’m really attractive.
SM: LEave this DEER boii ALONE! Being attractive is a talent! I’m not YG, I hire with my eyes.
Chanyeol: Please let me in. Yes I know I look like a cotton swab after it’s been in an ear-
Chanyeol: -But just give me a few years and I’ll be the face of this amazing group!
Baek: Um first I called dibs on being “Exo” and second you’ll only ever be the face of the group if for some reason we only had 8 people performing instead of 12 and that’ll never happen so-
Kris: Ummm I’m just asking for a friend but is this contract null in China?
SM: Channie you’re in! Moving on… who’s the panda looking guy on the verge of tears?
Tao: Hi!!! I’m Zitaaoooooo! *claps for himself* I can do martial arts!
SM: Hmm…I need people who can bend over backwards for me…okay you’re through.
Lay: I’m Yixing.
Staff: COME ON ARE YOU SERIOUSLY NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE????
Yixing: You’re the Staff.
Staff: I don’t get paid enough for this.
SM: He’s in.
Xiumin: I’m Minseok, I’m really good at being a level headed middle of the road type. I make girls say “awh” by only breathing.
SM: Sure you’re in let’s wrap this up I have an appointment at “I Have Better Things To Do” who are you three?
Chen: *sings nervously in 8 octaves*
Kai: I don’t really know.
Staff: Taemin said he could dance, but to not ask him any difficult questions.
SM: Poor boy…in!
Sehun: I’m just here because there’s a real lack of visuals and you need a maknae…. and because my mom told me I had to leave my room and do something productive today…..
SM: I don’t even know how to respond. I’ll let you in on a 4 year “3 lines per song” basis.
Sehun: Sounds fair.
SM: You may leave.
*all trainees get up and exit*
Staff: So do I resign in person or can i turn it in by email??
SM: Shut up peon. We did a good thing today. I can almost smell the money in the air!
Staff: Really? I smelled at least 3 divas, a broken contract, and a badly pronounced potato.
SM: Don’t be so negative! Just wait in a few years we’ll make another supergroup with 50 members!
Working at The Continental isn’t at all what you thought it’d be.
SPOILER FREE FIC.
You smoothed out your shirt and looked in the mirror. It was
your first day on the job. You were decked out head to toe in brand new
clothes. All from a designer you’d never heard of. All custom made to fit you
perfectly. All completely free. On top
of that, you’d be making a salary that, at entry level, was six figures. And
all you had to do was deliver room service.
But there was a saying you’d heard since you were young: If
it’s too good to be true, then it probably is.
You should have suspected something was off when you had to
give a blood sample, a urine sample, a DNA swab, and answer a thirteen page
questionnaire that included things like “list the full names of your parents,
siblings, and grandparents” or “do you have any experience with sutures,
cauterization, or CPR?”
And then the interview, itself, felt more like an
interrogation. The whole thing gave you this weird feeling in your gut, but
this was also the most exclusive hotel in New York City. Getting a room here
wasn’t about whether or not you had the money, but whether or not you knew the
right people, and even then, it was typically booked solid. You’d even heard a
rumor that The Queen of England was denied a room once. Of course they’d be
picky about their staff.
But after the lengthy interview process and dozen or so
signatures on papers you probably should have read, you found out the truth
about The Continental.
The manager’s name was Winston. He was nice enough, though
he had a very “no nonsense” attitude about him. The more you found out about
the place, though, the more you understood why. It was a safe haven for a
secret society of people. Assassins. Hit men. Gang Lords. The underground elite
of not only New York, but the entire world. The only currency accepted from
customers were gold coins. One gold coin was the equivalent to one favor. It
was a simple system, Winston explained, but complex to newcomers. You’d pick it
up over time. All you needed to know was that if you got a coin, you kept a
close eye on it.
Additionally, the hotel followed a strict set of rules, but
the two that most concerned you were that staff was never to ask questions, and
no business could ever be conducted on hotel grounds. The latter of the two
should have made you feel safer, but instead, it just made you more nervous.
Upon the conclusion of your meeting with Winston, he
presented you with a single gold coin. You looked at him curiously. He smiled,
and said simply:
A/N; Eeeeek! Here it is guys, chapter 1! This story has me so pumped and i’m so happy you guys liked the intro. I hope you guys like this chappie, cuz it’s a bit of a giant relief haha. ENJOY! - Delilah
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x POC Reader
Haunting Me: Y/N is a normal young adult living in New York, but little does she know that she’s a reincarnation of the long lost Bucky Barnes’ fiance from the 1940′s. What happens when she runs into Steve in 2012? Most importantly, what happens when she runs into The Winter Soldier?
You focused on the pencil in your hand, shading the paper as carefully as possible.
New York was beautiful in the summer time, especially once the sun hit the right spot in the sky. It wasn’t a cloudy day by any chance; in fact, there wasn’t a single cloud in sight. You sat in the metal chair, your legs crossed beneath you as you focused on the sketch in front of you. You reached for the pastry on the plate next to it and took a small bite out of it, chewing slowly.
You enjoyed your time alone, as you always did, especially when you got to sketch the totally gorgeous Calvin Klein model sitting two seats down from you.
Okay, he probably wasn’t a model, but he sure as hell looked like one. He was built like a brick house and those eyes. Jesus –you could get lost in those ocean blue orbs of his. From what it looked like, he was drawing as well. He could draw and look super-hot while doing it? He was a rare gem. However, as you cocked your head to the side, curiously studying his features, you couldn’t help but notice how sad he looked. It made your chest ache just seeing him brood like that.
“Another brownie ma’am?” the waitress asked with a smile. And by the grace of god, the total hottie looked over at you. You blushed, looking up at the waitress with a timid smile.
“Um. No thank you.” She gave you a quick nod before walking away.
When you looked back over at the mysterious blond, you expected him to give you a small smile and continue throughout his day, but boy were you wrong. You looked back over and to your surprise, he was openly staring at you, his blue eyes widened with an odd mixture of fear and shock. He blinked rapidly, his eyes focusing on your face shamelessly.
Immediately you felt so self-conscious. Was there something on your face? Did you creep him out? Oh god, did your eyeliner smudge. You had a habit of rubbing your face whilst drawing and you did forget you were wearing makeup sometimes.
After a few minutes of being stared down by the man, you had quite enough. You hastily packed your sketch book into your bag and placed a few dollar bills onto the table before standing. You swore you could feel the burning of eyes on your back as you stealthy maneuvered around the sea of people.
Before you could take another step, you felt a tight grip on your arm stop you.
“What are you doing?” you exclaimed, turning around with a scowl. You reached in your pocket for your pepper spray.
“I-I’m sorry!” The man sputtered, his eyes softened once he peered around at the many people watching the two of you. There was a small crowd surrounding you now and you felt so embarrassed, yet relieved. He wouldn’t dare try anything in public.
You yanked your arm back, holding it in your wrist. “Why are you following me? Do I know you or something?” your last question caused him to frown. You could practically see the wheels turning in the man’s head as he chose his words carefully. He sighed heavily, before his eyes travelled down to the bag in your hand.
“I uh…noticed you drawing earlier and I wanted to say how nice your shading technique was. That’s all.”
You blinked, your eyes widening. He did all that for a damn compliment? Who was this guy?
“Thank you,” you replied, which came out more as a question. Soon, the people around you began going about their day once they realized there was no harm being done to you. Leaving the two of you standing in the middle of the busy sidewalk.
“My name is Steve,” he smiled, holding out his hand for you. “Steve Rogers.” You raised your eyebrows. That was a bit of an older fashioned name, but you weren’t complaining. Your mom tried to name you Jane once before your birth.
“I’m Y/N,” you replied, gently taking his hand and shaking it.
As the next couple years went by, you and Steve became two peas in a pod.
Wherever you went, he went. At first, you found it sort of creepy that your best friend was following you around town all the time, showing up at your apartment in the middle of the night when the Stark tower got too much for him and he needed a place to sleep properly. After a while, you just assumed the man was a bit lonely, which was fine by you considering you were, too.
There were times where you two would just stay up all night watching old movies from his time. His favorite was My Darling Clementine, which you had seen so many times that you now knew the entire film’s script by memory.
Soon, Steve began accompanying you on your trips to art galleries for school. It was a win/win for you as he always attracted so much attention being the hot shot Captain America he was, also, he eased the storm of anxiety that you struggled with your entire life. Steve was your wing man.
But there were some times when you felt that maybe Steve wanted to be more than friends.
You always thought of him as a brother figure, but the way he would look at you whenever he thought you weren’t noticing, it had you a bit confused. It happened when you were watching the old movies. He would look at you from out the corner of his eye, watching your reactions closely. You figured it was because he had a thing for you, which you didn’t return.
You had a couple boyfriends here and there, but nothing special. And Steve, bless his heart, had completely unapproved of them all.
But whenever you would sing along to your favorite song, Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland, you would see the look even more. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but something about that song probably caused unpleasant memories for him. You wondered why.
Another time you got The Look, was when you smoked. It was a habit, yeah, one that you’ve had for far too long. Every time you would be out and about with him -which was always- and you lit up a cigarette, he would immediately scold you until you put it out. You loved Stevie, but you were a big girl. You could make your own decisions.
You were lounging on your couch, watching old reruns of Seinfeld, when a loud banging on your front door causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. You looked over at your phone.
Steve was currently on a mission, or so you thought. Who on earth could it be?
You sighed, standing up from the couch and made your way towards the front door. You flung the door open, expecting to see Steve standing there with a box of pizza like always, but instead you got something way, way more complicated.
“W-What is going on?” you asked, eyeing the two other Avengers beside your best friend.
Steve let out a sigh, giving you a guilty smile. “These are my uh…coworkers.”
You blinked, staring at him with wide eyes. Coworkers? Really?
“May we come inside?” Natasha asked as she clutched her shoulder tightly. Her face was twisted into a grimace as she tried to cover the obvious gunshot wound in her shoulder. Your eyes widened.
“Of course!” you jumped, reaching forward and gently placing your hand on her back, and guiding her into your apartment. She let out a groan when you touched her shoulder.
“I think I’m gonna need a new shoulder.” she said.
You placed the cotton swab on Natasha’s shoulder, gently dabbing the fresh stitches you had applied. She was lucky to be alive, the bullet barely missed a major artery. A couple more centimeters and she would’ve bled out in seconds.
“So are you guys gonna tell me what the hell happened?” you asked, turning around in your chair to face Steve, who was seated on your couch, his body bruised and battered from the obvious fight.
Whoever they ran into managed to put up on hell of a fight.
“His name is The Winter Soldier,” Natasha chimed from behind you. She avoided your eyes as she spoke “He’s Hydra’s top assassin. He’s killed over a dozen elected officials and other people as well. We ran into him earlier.”
Steve continued to stare down at the floor, his face in a distant frown.
“What does that have to do with Steve? What happened?” you asked eagerly.
“We just found out that this so called Winter Soldier is actually Steve’s best friend, Bucky Barnes.”
Your eyes widened. You were so confused. Steve never mentioned anyone else in his life except for his mother and father. He always told you he was on the lonely side, but…he had a best friend apparently. An old best friend from over seventy years ago.
“Who the hell is Bucky?” you chided, furrowing your brows at Steve. How could he have not told you? You and he told each other everything.
“Bucky Barnes was considered KIA in 1942 when he fell off a locomotive during a mission to capture the evil scientist Arnim Zola.” Sam informed as he reloaded his pistol.
“And now, he’s alive. And brainwashed, completely wiped of his memories of Steve.” Natasha finished, taking a sip of the glass of orange juice you poured her a few minutes ago.
You felt your chest ache.
Why couldn’t Steve feel like he could tell you about Barnes? You guys were so much closer than the average friends.
You turned back to Steve, only to find him on the couch with his face buried in his hands. His breaths coming out in short huffs.
You made your way over to the blond, bending down until you were eye level with him. He looked so broken, yet you had no idea what he was going through. You’ve never lost anyone before. You had no idea who this Winter Soldier was, but if it meant reconnecting two old friends, you were more than wiling to help Steve.
You gently pulled Steve’s hands from his hair and brought them down, revealing his tear stained face. You smiled up at him, hope shining in your eyes.
“Whoever this Bucky guy is,” you began, looking down at your entwined hands. “He must be a special kind of man for you to go these lengths. We’ll get your friend back, Steve. If it’s the last thing we do.”
Steve felt his heart shattering even more as you spoke. Nevertheless, he offered you a false smile, hoping to distract you from the internal pain he was facing. To his relief, you bought it.
He watched as you went back to Natasha and began placing the bandages onto her wound, your face set in a concerned frown.
I've seen you say a couple times that you don't see or that you're disabled. Do you mind talking about it? I ask because I am an aspiring writer and it is really hard for me. I wanted to know how you managed or what it was like?
I don’t mind talking about it. It’s something that made me who I am.
When I was about 12, my health sort of started to eat itself. I suddenly had a ton of allergies, and there were days I couldn’t get out of bed. I got sick all the time. In freshman year of high school, I suddenly couldn’t see. For a long time a thing had been going on in my eyes, but I guess I didn’t think it was abnormal until it made it impossible for me to see. Basically this hole was kind of growing in my eyes, but it was more like a rainbow.
When I started having trouble with colors and detail vision, my mom freaked out a bit, because at the time, I was an award winning artist who had ideas of going to college for art. Then I started tripping over things, hitting my head, having trouble with depth perception. Then I got sick, and I mean sick.
I spent about 23 hours a day in bed. I had almost constant migraines. I had pain in my entire body. My skin turned yellow. I went to every kind of doctor you can think of and was tested for everything there is. One day, I had about 12 vials of blood drawn. No one knew what was wrong. The eyes weren’t that big a deal at first, because it seemed like I might have something really serious. The first couple of eye doctors I went to kind of looked at me and said “Oh it’s nothing big.” I actually had one guy tell me that my brain was just shutting off my eyes because I wasn’t using them properly. Yeah.
Then finally, my mom took me to a friend of our family who happened to be an eye surgeon. She did a free exam. I’ll never forget it because it was the first time anyone believed me. I’d been told by doctor after doctor that there was nothing wrong with me. I’d been referred to therapists, told I needed depression meds, told I was just going through a phase or needed attention. Then this doctor put on her head gear, looked into my eyes…took off the head gear…got new head gear…looked into my eyes…took off the headgear…got hand held tools…looked into my eyes…and then stared at me with her mouth hanging open.
“I can’t see the back of your eye,” she said. And suddenly the world simultaneously healed itself and flipped upside-fucking-down for me.
Then it was all about my eyes, the one symptom we could see happening. The one that was the most dangerous. But by then it was too late.
What happened is pretty simple: I apparently have some weird recessive DNA. It triggers certain bizarre immune issues at puberty. My immune system decided to attack my body. The eyes are a delicately balanced system. They show symptoms first. My immune system attacked them with a vengeance. They swelled up like balloons. Normal eye pressure is about 14-17. Mine was at a 22 at its best. It put a tremendous amount of pressure on my Retina, specifically my macula, cutting off blood flow like when you sit on your foot. You know those little shadowy things that float across your eyes? They’re called protein floaters. My eyes had produced so many of those that the doctor could not see through them. It was a fog.
They had to find a way to map my eye, to track the damage. Cue the eye exam from hell. I have always been, even before my autoimmune disorder, deathly allergic to melon. Any kind of melon. But now I was allergic to all sorts of shit, fruits vegetables, all kinds of crap. My dad is allergic to contrast dyes. So when the retinologist suggested this dye-based eye exam that is kind of like a CAT scan, my mom said “no”. See, they inject you with this dye and then they flash this weird light in your eyes. It causes the dye to glow, and then they can see the things through the fog. My mom told them I was too sensitive to stuff for that to be safe. The doc assured her they’d put a butterfly in my arm, meaning the vein would be kept open, and a syringe of benedryl was set on the counter. They’d never had anyone react, and they needed the pictures or there was nowhere to go from there.
So they put this dye into me, and it was like I’d been injected with fire, but there was no way around it, and to me, I knew they only had about 90 seconds to get the images they needed. So I sucked it up. finally the burning began to spread. Suddenly my back felt like I was being stabbed, and I suddenly couldn’t speak. I tapped my hands on my mom, then began sneezing spontaneously. My mom lifted my shirt, and I had quarter-sized hives. The nurse said “Stop sneezing on the camera”. Yeah.
My mom went ballistic. The doctor flew up the stairs and gave me the emergency meds. I slid into a dissociation state and nearly out of my chair. They had to prop me against the camera for the next couple minutes and reinject the dye. No other way, you see.
They did this test every few months for a few years.
But then there was treatment. Not much they could do, except try to get the swelling under control. Only way to do that was corticosteroid injections in the eye. Yup. A needle in the eye. No, they don’t knock you out. They numb the surface of the eye with the same numbing drops they give you for the exams and then they come at you with a needle, tell you to look down and to hold still. And you fucking do.
I was 15 when that started.
I went to experimental clinics, labs, and joined studies. I dropped out of those. Why? It’s pretty simple. The first day I came to the exams, I was kept waiting for over two hours. I was taken into a room. I was left there. No information, no talking. Suddenly a man came in followed by a group of people, all in lab coats. He started moving me around like I was a doll and talking like, “The patient presents with…the patient this, the patient that…”
I shoved him back and said, “The patient’s name is Kristina, and she is 16.”
He finished his exam, and when he left, after the students had gone, he took two Q-tips, dipped them in that pink shit your dentist uses to swab your gums before an injection, and SHOVED them under my eyelids with a cocky smirk.
The patient will never be an snotty little bitch again, I guess.
So yeah. Fuck those guys. They gave me two injections in one day, which no one had ever done before, because it was almost impossible to function with two pimple-like bubbles on your eyeballs.
Still my health was bad. Then all of a sudden, when my mom had given up, It just wasn’t anymore. Suddenly, I was fine, and all that was left were the eyes. I went back to school, except now I was blind.
In a few months, I’d lost about 80% of my perfect vision. I was photophobic. I got horrible and constant headaches. I walked with a cane. And not a single fucking teacher believed me, except my civics teacher, who had gone blind at a young age due to some other weird eye disorder, and my physics teacher who was deaf. I had teachers send me to the office for wearing my sunglasses (with a note on file). I had teachers get on my case about having an audio recorder and CD player for my books. I had teachers call me names, make fun of me, make me leave class to photocopy their notes larger, so that I missed the lecture the notes were on. I had teachers take my medications which had to be in my possession because of their time-sensitive nature and constant administration and hide them in their desks as punishment for asking questions or demanding help. I had classmates pick on me, but luckily, I was well-liked, and I was an officer in the ROTC. I even excelled there in spite of my vision, because my Captain believed in my leadership skills.
I always tell this story because I think it is funny. We had this special boot camp we got to go to if we were in the upper ranks of the ROTC. If you joined the military after high school (which I could never do) you got a higher paygrade for having gone through it. Almost like taking a couple JC classes in the military. It was grueling and all physical fitness, obstacle courses, PT, classes, guard duty…fucking blah. Our unit was allowed six participants. I sort of figured that it wasn’t really fair for me to go, even with my high rank (a company XO). To my complete fucking shock, my Captain recommended me to go, cutting out a classmate (and ex) of mine who was higher in rank. The boy went ape-shit. He went on and on about how unfair it was. He even went to the school board. My Captain made his reasons clear; he told them that the academy isn’t about military sponsorship. It’s about skills and quality. He didn’t care if I had a disability. In his eyes I had more innate ability than anyone there because I had worked so hard just to be where I was. The boy was angry. I told my Captain I appreciated the gesture, but honestly, we ought to make it fair. I told him that we should train to meet the PT standards, and that if this kid could make his, but i couldn’t make mine, he should go. I made mine. He didn’t. He complained about that too. At the last minute, we were told one extra person could come because another school had lost one. So he came anyway. The whole time he bitched about me being there. When I got there, the real military officers gave me shit like you wouldn’t believe, because they weren’t used to dealing with disabilities or recognizing that they can’t discriminate against high schoolers by law. The commander of the unit tried to dress me down in front of everybody for wearing sunglasses. I was pretty pleased with myself for telling him off but still sounding respectful. He kept saying “Take off my glasses”. I told him they weren’t his. They were mine, by law, and that if he had a problem with that, he could consult my attorney, the DOJ, and the doctor who prescribed them. He tried to fuck with me. I didn’t say anything except to ask him if he wanted me to have a migraine, because that’s what taking the glasses off means. He was so confused by me he walked away and called my Captain over. There were words. After that, he came up to me once or twice, almost like a test, to ask me if I needed him to slow down or if I was getting around alright. He wasn’t being nice. He was egging me in a condescending tone and with very bullying language. He’s a drill instructor, and you know what, that’s his job. I told him I was fine. But I made a decision: I wasn’t just going to make the female PT marks. I was going to test out of this fucking place at the male PT marks. And I fucking did. That boy…had an asthma attack on the track (I had asthma too, but I worked my ass off while he coasted on his “boyness”) and failed. At the certificate ceremony, the commander came up to me and said I had really impressed him, and that it was a shame I couldn’t enter the Navy. I thanked him, but what I wanted to say was, “Go fuck yourself and take the NAVY with you”. I ended up the Battalion XO Senior year. This would have given me a guaranteed spot in Westpoint if I could have taken it. My Captain cried when he told me he was sorry he had to give it to one of our Company XO’s. I told him that it was best for everyone, because I am not the type of person to enjoy taking orders. I had learned that about myself.
Around Junior year I got people to pay attention. My doctors got the DOJ and the Social Security people involved. A woman came to my school and enforced compliance in a tone of voice I’d never heard anyone but my mother use. She threatened to rain brimstone down on them if they didn’t give me what I needed, and things changed.
My parents wanted me to take a full scholarship to a local school, but I wanted to get away. So I did. I wanted to travel abroad, so i did. And when I was 19, they perfected one of the surgeries they had been working on the entire time I’d been struggling with this.
See, the injections had brought and kept the swelling down, but that meant that the fog was still there (since ocular fluid doesn’t replace), and the structures in the eye had been stretched all to shit, and were laying in my eye like melted plastic wrap. The old surgery was like a blind man hacking with a machete, but the new surgery used fluorescent dyes to track movement. Dyes that wouldn’t kill me. The old surgery had a 50-50 shot at complete loss of vision and made you lay on your face for three weeks. The new was fool proof and took 45 minutes. So, I got one eye done. They swapped out all the fluid and replaced it with saline. They peeled the distorted membrane off the macula. They stitched up my eyeball and gave me a sick metal eye patch. Looked like a fucking space pirate. It was rad.
But the blind spot is still there. The cataracts caused by the steroids are still there. The scars are there.
A few years later I had the other one done too.
My college was great. It took a lot of work getting all my reading done, about 500 pages minimum, per week, done via audio. I used to spend hours at the pool table in our residence hall, listening to my books and practicing. I got pret damn good too, at pool. It was difficult taking notes or working with a note taker. It was scary traveling by myself. It was hard to get people to understand there wasn’t anything WRONG with me. Just that my eyes don’t work even though it seems like I’m normal and fine, and like they should. People always think to be legally blind you have to be completely blind, and they think you’re not going to be able to defend yourself. I’ve been targeted by pickpockets. I’ve been followed by scary dudes. I’ve been treated like shit, laughed at, and accused by full grown adults of faking to get privileges, all because I can look at the place where their head should be and smile at the blank spot there. All because I can walk down a flight of stairs with a few neat tricks I know that have nothing to do with a cane.
But shit…you probably didn’t mean to ask for my life story. I’m going to get back to the point. My writing. What has it done for that? Like how can you be a writer if you can’t fucking see? Technology. It’s been amazing. I can use a computer same as anyone. The Kindle has been a fucking revolution for me because for the first time in a decade and a half I could read without pain and suffering. Just…all the things it does have made life so much easier than it used to be. It got me out of bad relationships with people who used my disability as a control. It gave me a little bit of confidence back. It helped me know I could handle myself.
And really, I think my vision loss had a lot to do with my writing. In some ways it gives me different perspective, sure, but it’s more than that. I was undeclared when I entered college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I thought about history or sociology. My mom had a degree in that and she was an English teacher. I wanted art history, but what the fuck was the point in that? Couldn’t see a damn thing. And then I had a class in poetry, and shit…That made sense. I’d always loved language and writing. Always been okay at it. Dorte stuff but never thought about doing it for a living. But then it was like yeah…yeah I’m gonna fucking do that. Just like when I decided to meet the male PT standards.
If it is in you. If you love it. If it defines you and possesses you, it does not matter how fucked up you are. You will find a way. You don’t have a choice. You are that thing. And you’ll adapt. You just have to let yourself. You have to keep pushing. You have to learn how to handle frustration. you have to train yourself into stamina. You just keep going. I’m nowhere near as successful as I want to be. I’m still going. I hope I get even better. I hope I can say things that make truth more obvious, or that help people put words to things they have always wanted to say.
I don’t need my eyes to be a fucking firestorm. That’s just me. Eyes don’t mean shit.
So keep going. Keep doing whatever you need to. Do it better and better. Bend yourself around it. People who see you struggle will think they’re lucky, but you and I know the truth: they’re not even close to the kind of strong you are. Not even a little bit.
Tony runs into a 14-year-old girl outside of a coffee shop and spills his coffee. When she freaks out and tries to run away, he stops her and asks her if she’s okay and notices that she looks very familiar. He takes her back to the tower to get cleaned up and Natasha points out that she looks just like him. So, Tony tests her DNA and finds out she’s his.
Requested by: Anon
Pairing: Tony x Daughter!Reader
Characters: Fem!Reader, Tony Stark, Harold “Happy” Hogan, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson. Peter Parker, Thor Odinson, James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Mentioned)