oh my god
as a barista at a damn coffee hut in the parking lot of a store called “SPURLINE - food feed + fashion” I get a lot of fucking weird customers
I have never
in my life
this was SURREAL IT REALLY WAS I HAVEN’T RECOVERED?
so fuckin I’m there and this rusty old pick up pulled up which in and of itself not weird bc there’s a lot of farmers around even moreso in the parking lot of a store that has a sign that reads “KEEP UR SPURS SPINNIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
and fuckin I slide my damn window open and am met…with a sight….
this old ass man….
I say “hi!!” like I do to damn everyone like a NORMAL. HUMAN BEING.
this man…jesus christ…he DEADASS drops his mouth open, in which I could see maybe ONE lone tooth, and SCREAMS!!! deadass SCREAMS
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!” I swaer it lasted forever I JUMPED in surprise “Y'ALL GOT ANY COFFEE?!?!?!”
dead silence. for a full FIVE seconds. I stood there, my mouth fuckin AGAPE I’m shocked lmao I am shocked. I didn’t even NOTICE there was someone in the passenger seat until she sticks her head around this fuckin man and CACKLES. she has most of her teeth and like bright red hair in a ponytail I look inside their truck and there’s HAY in there?? inexplicably HAY in the cab of their TRUCK???
I have a fuckin thought then and there…I was like “these have got to be the two most western white trash ppl I’ve ever seen”
A debate fuckin begins in the cabin of the truck wherein the girl knows she wants a damn iced coconut milk hazelnut latte and she keeps saying “and HE wants a REGULAR!! COFFEE!!” and he keeps SCREAMING “I WANNA TRY SOMETHING ELSE!! I WANNA TRY SOMETHING ELSE!!” so I’m standing there like 0_0 and finally the girl is like “damn okay get a regular latte with hazelnut”
she turns to me and says “mine a large but his a medium bc I’m worried he won’t like it”
he turns to me and SCREAMS “WHAT YOU GOT?!?!?!?!” I was like UM U M M?? WHAT ??? SPECIFLCALY?? wE HAVE TWO PERCENT MILK?!?! LMAO?!?!?! WHAT!!!
he was like “TWO PERCENT?!?!?!” LIKE HE’D NEVER FUCKIN HEARD THOSE TWO WORDS PUT TOGETHER BEFORE
AND THE GIRL CACKLES AGAIN AND IS LIKE “JUST GIVE HIM NORMAL MILK LMAO” I WAS LIKE….OKAY…..LMAO…………and then she fuckin…I swEAR this was the moment my soul died…..she reaches over…and….strokes….what little hair…this man had…..and went….. “honey, stop asking q’s Idon’t want u to get confused”
1.) this man is seventy EASILY. EASILY HE’S SEVENTY….HE’S GOT NO AHIR AND ONE FUCKIN TOOTH. AND THIS GIRL IS STROKING HIS HAIR AND CALLIN HIM HONEY I THOUGHT IT WAS HER FATHRE??!?!? I LITERALLY FELT LIKE RUNNING AWAY I FELT LIKE LEAPING OUT OF MY CAR AND MAKING A BEELINE FOR THE HIGHWAY TO GET RUN OVER I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SEEING INTIMACY BETWEEN A 25 YEAR OLD AND A SVENTY YEAR OLD WITH ONE TOOTH
i DON’T FUCKIN run away though I make their damn drinks
they paid with a HUNDRED dollar bill do you know how bizarre it is to pay for coffee at a random hut with a hundred??? WEIRD lmao. I barely had enouh change. It was…SO….bizarre…..I literally….