survivor abandonment


“Why did you stay?”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

These are the questions that are fired at a survivor of gaslighting.

So what is gaslighting?

It is one of the most manipulative form of emotional abuse. It is when the victim blames themselves and has lost the faith in their own abilities. It is when you start to question your own ability to make decisions or even think. It is when someone that you are emotionally attached to becomes the person who causes you immense distress and pain.

The victims stay because they genuinely believe that they may be the cause for the distress. They stay because when it comes to someone you trust, it isn’t someone who you’d give up on that easily. They stay longer than they should because it is painful to watch someone that you love and care about (in any form be it friendship, relationship or otherwise) turn into someone that you hate. They stay out of genuine concern for the abuser’s well being.

As for why they don’t leave, it’s because they believe that they wouldn’t be able to make it without their abuser. To put it dramatically, they think that they wouldn’t be able to live without them. They believe (as they have been made to) that they are incapable of doing anything without the abuser.
Sometimes, they don’t leave out of fear of the abuser spreading false information about them or maybe because he/she has threatened to reveal the victim’s weaknesses.

They don’t tell anyone the full extent of damage being inflicted because isn’t it a human tendency to protect the people that you care about? Regardless of the type of behavior, when it comes to someone you trust, you’d tend to be protective of them and wouldn’t want anything that you say to hurt them.
So they don’t tell anyone about this sick form of demagoguery fearing whether they would even be believed or whether they would in turn be questioned about their willingness to submit to the oppressor’s wishes.

How did you let it get so bad?

What people don’t seem to understand is that the changes are so subtly done and the manipulation is so carefully implemented that the victims don’t even know what they’re falling into.
These are people you trust so at first they believe that maybe they have some hidden agenda which would lead to the betterment of themselves when in reality they are falling face flat into an emotional trap.

Then, the victims start questioning the very facts that have been presented to them because the oppressor would have made slight changes to the version of the truth which in turn would result everything being the fault of the victim.

They cut off the attachment with them only when it reaches a point where they have been hurt so badly or the abuser does something so morally wrong that no amount of excuses could pardon their behavior and they run out of instances to defend the manipulator.

This isn’t something that the survivor can “move on” from or just “get over”. It takes time to heal the wounds that have been cast on their minds.
They have been through a mental trauma, an emotional rollercoaster and a psychological assault on their very mind and these aren’t the type of scars that can be healed very soon.

It is a battle with themselves and their mind that follows in their path to recovery.

It is enough to drive anyone to the point of insanity and requires and immense amount of grit and emotional strength on their part to overcome such an ordeal.

These abusers may actually be someone who may have cared for them, or someone who may have been dealing with their own issues in such negative way or just a manipulative piece of shit who cares only themselves and don’t give a damn about how their words and actions have destroyed someone that they may have claimed to care for.

The process of healing is slow and painful. There may or may not be any physical injuries but the degree of hurt that has been cast on their minds takes a different duration for different people depending on the extent of trauma, the support from genuine well-wishers and their own strength.

survivor abandonment

has this phenomenon been named? i’ve met so many survivors who have had this experience. survivors may ultimately feel abandoned by radical communities who were initially eager to give their support because the community does not sustain support after the perpetrator is “dealt” with. 

[trigger warning for abuse]

what usually happens is something like this…

  • radical communities are made aware of a situation where someone has been abused, raped, or sexually assaulted.
  • there is an outpouring of support from people who want to know how they can help the survivor. they may contact the survivor and ask them what they can do to support them, but what they really mean is, “what do you want us to do with the perpetrator?”
  • the “accountability process” is the default framework used by radicals, although i actually think it is often extremely inappropriate in situations where a trauma bond has been formed (because of the way “hope” for the restoration of the abuser is used to keep a traumatized person bonded to their abuser).
  • the perpetrator is dealt with, either by being “restored” through an accountability process, removed from the community, etc.
  • individuals or the community feel like they have done something in the situation and that it is over. the survivor is forgotten.
  • but this is often just the beginning for the survivor. the survivor is now faced with the task of rebuilding their life, and the community or the radical individuals who were so concerned about the situation don’t seemed as concerned about this. the survivor is confused because everyone always said the whole process was about meeting their “needs” and that the process was for them.

i don’t exactly know why this happens, but it does. maybe it has something to do with the way care labor has been devalued in our communities, or the absence of any glory or radical cred in providing consistent support for survivors? whatever the cause, it feels shitty.

[They said they could save us. That they would be our salvation. But look where that’s gotten us… we’re one step closer to the grand exit of life. The grave. The disease that has taken over this world. We’re dying because of them. They’re killing us]
[Not my photo]

please consider:

Guzma and Plumeria take in anyone who “doesn’t belong.” Abuse survivors, queer kids abandoned by their families, the mentally ill, kids on the run, the homeless, anyone that’s looking for somewhere to call home, somewhere where they’re equal and safe and taken care of. Even if they don’t want to become a part of Team Skull, the two still offer safe haven in their headquarters, for as long or short a period as people need. They may be a bunch of heathens (whom I love very much, every single one of them), but they’ll give a home to anyone who needs it.

Okay but how do I deal with the fact that nobody wants me? I’m perceived as too much to deal with just because I bring to people’s awareness that there are horribly cruel people around, and how badly damaged and traumatized their victims are, and people don’t want to know about any of this taking place. So they’ll reject me and throw me out of their life to not have to be reminded of the truth.

That moment when nobody likes looking at the camera

An adventure-walk to the abandoned zoo with the boyfriend,the deathclaw and the dogs.

This would be after the ending,with both the Institute and BOS gone.Just a casual adventure into the unknown.

Dogmeat looks heroic in that third picture,which is amazing.

Princess (The auburn husky),being the older of the pups,likes watching after her younger siblings…and the pug.

More screenshots on the way,including the deathclaws of both Sanctuary and some from Deathclaw island,as well as the Black Pearl bar,on Deathclaw island,which I’m working on {I was almost finished when the game crashed…i didn’t save and had to rebuild.}

anonymous asked:

My friend is in a relationship with a 17 year old. She's 13, he pressures her for nudes and is very emotionally abusive to her, often telling her that she doesn't matter, etc. She's a CSA survivor and has huge abandonment issues, and she lives in constant fear of him breaking up with her. I'm really worried. I've tried as hard as possible to get her to break up with him, but she's too scared he might kill himself or share her photos online. Is there anything else I can do? I'm terrified for her.

Ask her if she is willing to bring it to her parents. With law enforcement involved they can make sure her photos are not uploaded and he will be kept from killing himself. I understand this is very scary for both you ad her. He can be tried for statutory rape as well. If you can convince her to do that then go that route. If you can’t then please try to increase her confidence, let her know that you will stand by her no matter what. Maybe she will gain the courage to break it off. If you have any further questions we will be here -mod sparks

theowelman  asked:

companions reaction when they tried skydiving for the first time (thank you! :))

So, just to set the context: Sole Survivor finds an abandoned Vertibird at an old Paramilitary outpost. With Sturges or someone else’s help, they get it back to fully functioning order, and put (way too much) faith in the old parachutes they found lying around. Skydiving ensues!

Cait: Cait curses her ass off, until eventually going quiet and pale as the Vertibird ascends “pretty damn high!”. She peeks out of the open door as the pilot begins to hover, and immediately jerks back, a tinge of green now on her ghostly face. Sole whips out a bottle of brandy they brought up, and pours two doubles. Cait stares between them and the glass. “Oh, fuck it!” She yells. They clink glasses, shot, link arms, and jump!

Codsworth: Due to how old Codsworth is, and the lack of surviving General Atomics maintenance staff, both he and Sole decide not to risk it. Much to Codsworth’s relief. He waits on the ground, helping to salvage the spent parachutes as the other companions touch down.

Curie: The minute Sole informs her about the Vertibird being restored to working order, she begs for a skyline tour of the Wasteland. Sole happily accepts, and offers a parachute, insisting she can get an even more exciting view. Curie hesitates for all of 0.5 seconds before accepting, a massive grin on her face during the flight, the jump, and the landing. She’s positively bouncing with joy for the rest of the day, surprising Sole with hugs and bursts of laughter afterward.

Danse: Danse gives Sole’s request a shrug and a slight frown. “That Vertibird could very well help the Brotherhood, Soldier,” He begins, but seeing Sole’s adamant glare he relents, shifting awkwardly. “But considering all of the hard work you put into it.. Well, I suppose you deserve some use.”
“You’re damn right I do,” Sole agrees loudly, folding their arms. “So are you gonna jump or what, Paladin?”

Deacon: Deacon is the pilot. Sole had assumed he was talking his usual nonsense when he claimed ten years of aviation skills, but once the Railroad agent donned his Flight Captain hat and jumped in the cockpit, he flew smoother than trips Sole had taken before the War. Screaming and horror occurs when Deacon appears in the crew area just before they’re about to jump. He shrugs. “What? Autopilot is there for a reason.”

Dogmeat: Dogmeat is strapped to Sole for every jump they take. He looks adorable, aviator goggles keeping his warm brown eyes safe and a harness keeping him snug with his master. His ears and tongue flap wildly in the rushing wind, slapping Sole in the face more than once. As soon as the jump finishes, he runs back to the Vertibird, ready for the next trip!

Hancock: Hancock loads up on jet beforehand, and is totally chill the entire process. Only when he leans out to examine just where they’re jumping does he react with more than a lazy smile. “Whoa. We’re throwing ourselves out there?” He turns to Sole next to him, tugging on his parachute straps. “Yeah. You ready?” Sole says excitedly, swinging from the metal bar on the ceiling. Hancock gawps for a moment, then grins. “Yeah.” He says, the end of his word trailing off as he takes a single step, falling out into the sky. Sole stares, wide-eyed for a moment before launching out after him.

MacCready: MacCready has terrible motion sickness for the entire flight and can’t jump. Sole sits next to him, rubbing his back as he proceeds to vomit into his hat, the only thing available. He grumbles the whole time. “That was a good hat..”. “I know, Mac,” Sole resists the urge to laugh, signalling Deacon to take the Vertibird back down. “My favourite hat..”

Maxson: Maxson does the jump in his specially modified power armor, keen to set the new Brotherhood record for highest freefall. Sole is still checking all their parachute straps and goggles when they hear the whoosh of hydraulics. They rush to the edge of the Vertibird, squinting to the ground below. Maxson drops like a stone, and Sole gasps as they see a massive cloud of dust erupt with his landing. They wait with baited breath, then sag with relief as they see the triumphant fire of Maxson’s laser gatling into the sky.

Nick: Nick shakes his head, chuckling at the way Sole pleads him to join for a jump. “Just one,” They say. “C’mon Nicky, even Dogmeat jumps!”. “Dogmeat would jump into a live volcano if it was with you, Sole,” He snorts, puffing away on his cigarette. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Nick begins. “Well actually, I don’t want to, but also, look at me, pal,” Nick gestures to his metal hand, and the wearing plates of his synthetic body. “I jump out of that thing? You’ll be picking me up in pieces.”

Piper: Piper is nervous at first, but warms to the idea once she takes a tour in the Vertibird. The view is breathtaking, and the steady comfort of Sole’s arm around her shoulders during the flight keeps a smile on her face. “Alright, Blue. I’ll do it.” Sole leaps up from their spot next to her, grabbing out two parachutes they’d stowed away. Piper rolls her eyes, but laughs all the same. They jump holding hands, and when they land, Piper has the biggest, brightest grin on her face. She joins Sole on several other jumps.

Preston: Preston’s leg jostles as the Vertibird ascends. His hand picks at a frayed thread on his pants, and his jaw clenches. Sole reaches over and squeezes his hand, firing him a reassuring smile. Preston lets out a low, whistling breath, then moves to the edge of the Vertibird, preparing to jump. He turns to Sole. “If I die,” He begins, prompting a chuckle from Sole. “I’m coming back to haunt your ass.”

Strong: Strong is too bulky for both the Vertibird and the parachute. Instead, he roars with laughter at the sickly look on the weak human’s faces as they board the Vertibird, and how goofy they look, stumbling around upon landing.

Travis: Tandem jump with Sole. Travis faints on the flight up. He faints as they jump. When he comes to mid-dive? He faints again. As they come to a gentle landing, he dazes awake, confused as to why he’s strapped to Sole and where they are. He doesn’t remember a thing.

X6-88: X6 denies the request, dismissing it as an unnecessary diversion from their main goal. “What if we drop over our objective?” Sole suggests, not to be dissuaded. X6 considers it for a while, then nods. “It could be an excellent stealth approach. Very well.” He and Sole plan the jump for late in the evening, and ascend higher than any of their other dives. Sole peers out into the dark sky, breaths coming quick into their lungs from the sheer altitude they are at. This is the only jump in which they are nervous.

I’ve actually been skydiving in real-life. Its one of my fondest memories and best experiences. If any of you guys get the opportunity, do it! The flight is nervewracking but the jump is a rush of adrenaline like nothing else. 



[Continued from here]

Shit. Oh shit, okay. He kept his hand on Axis’ chest, held firmly in place by Axis’ not panicked grip and tapped his comm. “I need medical assistance to my location. Arra’s down, I repeat, Arra is down.” They’d better come. The fighting was over here, they couldn’t abandon the survivors. He kept his eyes on Axis’ face, watching him breathe.

“It’s going to be alright. I’m not going to let you go, ‘Berry. If you try to quit breathing I’ll just do it for you.”

[ARTICLE]160318-SHINee’s Onew Impresses Viewers With His Emotional Acting in “Descendants of the Sun”

SHINee member Onew is striking the hearts of viewers across the globe, earning praise for his emotional acting as his character in the ultra-popular drama “Descendants of the Sun” goes through emotional turmoil. 


In episode eight, Dr. Lee Chi Hoon (Onew) joins the crew of doctors and soldiers tasked with going into the rubble to look for the last remaining survivors three days after a devastating earthquake. Though Lee Chi Hoon finds one survivor, he is unable to pull him to safety before an aftershock hits. In his panic, Lee Chi Hoon flees, leaving the survivor behind.

What happens next shows just how far Onew has come, not just as the character Lee Chi Hoon, but also as an actor. Throughout the remainder of the episode, Lee Chi Hoon struggles with the consequences of the decision he made, most notably during the scene where he is confronted by the survivor he abandoned.

Onew is receiving much praise for his portrayal of Lee Chi Hoon, especially considering that “Descendants of the Sun” is his largest role to date, outside of musicals and sitcoms. Despite his lack of experience in drama acting, his depiction of Lee Chi Hoon’s transformation from the cheerful (if a bit naïve) resident to a true doctor and all the responsibility that job entails is a gripping one.

Cr: Soompi

Yesterday’s Wounds (part 3)

Title: Yesterday’s Wounds (part 3)
Characters: Papyrus (main), Undyne, Alphys, Sans
Wordcount: 1868
Warnings: Medical Experimentation/abuse, Child Abandonment, Restraint, survivor guilt
Summary: Many years ago, Papyrus was found in a dump. Now he is an adult who is about to find out a little more about his past when they find out the source of the barcode on his arm.
Notes: Baby Blaster AU + Rescue Dog!Papyrus, and of course Baby Blaster AU belongs to @Spacegate. Updates may start slowing down soon so I stop spamming the tag/make longer chapters. Also Hiiii.   


Keep reading

Dead Natural {28}

Reader x ?

Warnings: Swearing, Chick Flick Moments Haha

Words: 1,762

Previous Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 2526, 27

Thanks For being patient guys. Love you all!

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No words. Just tears.

This was the hardest goodbye he’s ever had to say. 

He thinks of all the promises he’s made her- how she never needed to worry about him because he was a survivor, how he wouldn’t abandon her. 

He thinks of all the memories they’ve made- from their very first beanstalk, to their first ball. 

He thinks of the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs at his jokes, how her nose scrunches when she gets annoyed. 

He thinks of every kiss they’ve shared. From their “one time” in Neverland to the immeasurable amount of kisses that have followed since then. 

He thinks of the first time she said she loved him- how his heart was torn between the joy of hearing her say the words he so longed to hear to the pain of watching her disappear into the darkness. 

As he makes her one promise he intends to keep, as he kisses her for one last time, as he holds her hand until they have no choice but to let go, he thinks, love is most certainly worth it.

@potentialheartofdarkness, @stunningcaptainswan, @captain-swan-love, @impossibleemmaswan

ok but instead of the white guy who has lost everything why don’t we make an apocalyptic video game about a woman with a lil baby….

she has to fight alone bc the other survivors wanted her to abandon her baby and she refused to do so and you have to not only make sure you don’t die but you obviously have to protect your babygirl too

and like over the course of the game you see the child slowly grow up, the protagonist is fighting zombies when she says her first word, she does her first steps in the abandoned building they’re using as a hideout… i promise you will get so invested in the story you will cry tears of blood when something happens to either of them

just two babes fighting their way through the zombie apocalypse yes

Small correction - finale

I answered a couple of inbox messages today about the identity of the person in the finale promo who was lying in the road when Rick’s group pulled up.  I said it was a survivor of the abandoned library camp that Carol is found in and that he was played by Duke Jackson.  The actor is actually Kevin Patrick Murphy.  Duke Jackson plays a Savior.  Either way, it’s still not Daryl. Sorry for the mistake!

From filming last November:

Kevin Patrick Murphy: