If I could go back in time, I’d hug my younger self and impart wisdom I ended up learning the hard way. Like to pre-preteen me, I’d assure her Dad’s alcoholism is not a reflection on her. She is a good daughter and no, he doesn’t love drinking more than he loves her. I’d warn her to brace herself, because it’ll only worsen as she grows up; and watching helplessly will hurt but it’s not her fault, nor her battle to fight.
I’d tell preteen me that though her best friend will soon get in with the popular crowd, it doesn’t mean she has to fight for her attention; that sometimes the people we love most can become toxic to us, and she mustn’t be afraid to let go.
I’d tell myself at 19 that she is stronger than she thinks, and to enjoy those friends she has while they’re still around. That if she feels them starting to drift away now, just wait. People grow apart, and sometimes no amount of friendly outreach can stop that. It doesn’t mean we’re undeserving of friends.
I’d tell mid-20s me not to let being single so long make her disregard her intuition with the opposite sex. To follow it when the narcissist comes calling, not ignoring all those blazing red flags. Don’t brush off that voice inside warning her he’s bad news. Dispense with the niceties and tell him to go ahead and go away, saving us a few months of insidious mind games.
But there’s no way to return to then and there, no time machine to take like a red-eye flight. That is my past, and I must stay in the here and now, with the future before me. All I can do is remind my current self of these things. When I look back on those moments (which should be seldomly), it needs to be with more love and understanding towards the me I used to be.
— I’d like to speak likewise to others experiencing similar situations. Though you may feel like your world is crashing down around you, you’ll get through it, some way, somehow. Someday, you’ll stop losing sleep over it and breathe easier. You’ll survive, and more love is waiting on the other side