survival sheet

sorry @ all those who followed for fic only to get a big fat load of nothing. still working on the mistaken identity au, but in the meantime have this. tentatively titled “arena au”. it’s not finished, but the summary of what would’ve been the rest of the fic is at the bottom, if that helps.

warnings: non-con, dub-con, monster dong, isolation, unhealthy dependence etc, also, unfinished and unedited.

au where jack fused himself with the warrior somehow, absorbed it til he can shift into its form at will, like a werewolf. also, hyperion has an arena down on pandora, where those who have pissed off their superiors get sent to die against skags, threshers etc. after all, why kill someone when you can kill them and get entertainment? rhys gets sent down there, bc something in his plan to get promoted went wrong, and he pissed off the wrong people.


He could feel himself crying now, full on ugly crying. Nothing like the pretty reddened eyes and carefully welled tears that his superiors had liked so much as he’d choked on their cocks. The tears dripped down his face with every sob, mingling with the snot that he would have been mortified to let anyone see, in a previous life.

“Please,” he whimpered, shoulders digging into the reinforced glass of the cube. “Please, you can’t do this to me– I don’t want to die!”

The beast in front of him ignored his words. Possibly it couldn’t hear him through the glass cube. Possibly it didn’t understand. More likely, it didn’t care. The cube rocked as the beast slammed its giant claw-tipped hands against the side. Inside it, Rhys skidded and slid around, the force of the beast’s anger causing the cube to tip backwards.

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I am going to flip my shit at the ableism in the captain america fandom right now. The way they frame Steve’s chronic illness and physical weakness in his backstory is SO CREEPY (and… fetishized?!), especially when they try to frame Bucky as his Keeper.

My own girlfriend is chronically ill (in remission, thank god) and at this point in time, in a state of physical weakness due to being cooped up in an unhealthy environment that won’t let her eat the food she needs, get the exercise she deserves, and controls her ability to leave the house and travel just to just like, get some fresh fucking air.

When she last visited me, she struggled to walk up the 4-block hill to my house a lot, had to rest and go slow, needed to sit down many times when we went out to the city or into town.  She was scared of new foods and needed a safe place to try them because she’s unsure what will make her violently ill due to the actions of her family. She was overwhelmed and dazed (but also pleased and amazed, when she acclimated) by travel and transportation. She was tired a lot. She had to endure constant muscle aches and pains, and attacks of her chronic illness while she was with me.

Never infantilize someone with chronic illness. I did not watch her like some kind of creepy hawk. I did not prevent her from going outside. I did not shadow her movements beyond what was normal. I did not throw myself at her to be a crutch unless she asked me to, like to carry her bags when she got too tired, or to use the phone when she was too stressed.

People with chronic illnesses don’t need Keepers and to sexualize it is even creepier. They sometimes need assistance. But this weird gross ableist romanticization of chronic illness that results in people casually suggesting Bucky prevent Steve from doing things he wants to do because they’re “too dangerous” or even just joking about how fragile he is meaning he needs to put his whole life in someone else’s hands. That’s creepy. Imagine being prevented from seeing your friends or doing what you want because your significant other didn’t think you could handle it. That’s a really creepy dominance and control.

I just can barely deal with how offensive that is. Disabled people don’t exist so you can smother them with cooing and control their lives because they obviously are incapable. You want to know what’s amazing?

(caption: something super ableist from the photoset that’s making me mad)

According to this sheet, Steve survived catching scarlet fever and is living with asthma, high blood pressure, heart trouble in a time when medication and health care was only a fraction as effective as it is now, as guy without a bunch of money, an orphan. He survived contact with someone with TB and didn’t succumb. As far as I know, he wasn’t part of a union or a craftsman. He was a poor art student. Almost no social support.

Bucky probably wasn’t here all of these things. These are things Steve grappled with that he grappled with alone. Steve is hardcore as fuck and in that time period should have died like of half of these.

Stop fucking baby-fying Steve Rogers, he is a capable son of a bitch even when he wasn’t able-bodied.

The first time it happens you three are drunk and young and happy. Dean is a restless twenty-five. Yourself a vibrant twenty-three.  Sam at the tender age of twenty-two. 

First you are all fully clothed and drinking and smiling then suddenly you are all naked and kissing and moaning.

No one can fully remember who it is that starts it.

You doubt it is Sam because he is so clumsy and unsure of himself.

You assume it is Dean until you hold his gaze for too long and see the shimmer of insecurity in his eyes.

It might have been you.  

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Venus & Uranus Retrograde 2015: Breakups, Breakdowns and Breaking Free (Part 1)

Hey y’all! So for my first article I’m going to start off with something I’ve been helping many friends navigate lately while working my own way through it: the powerful combination of Venus going retrograde on July 25 and Uranus following suit just a day later. When two planets are in retrograde at the same time, the effects tend to be more powerful as more and more areas of our lives are being turned backwards and upside-down. Venus is the planet of love and beauty: it affects all our relationships, platonic or otherwise, as well as what we find attractive or beautiful. Uranus is a slow moving planet but it causes very quick flashes of inspiration and abrupt changes to appear in our lives. With both these planets going retrograde at the same time, you can bet that sudden fights, breakups (perhaps seemingly out of nowhere), drastic aesthetic changes, last-minute travel plans, and old routines trashed in favor of brand-new, upgraded ones are all on the menu. I’ve noticed that retrogrades tend to deal out their harshest effects within their very beginning and their very end, so it’s probably too late to prevent its effects in your life by now but it’s not too late to find out how to deal with the aftermath and its future challenges. The Venus retrograde lasts through September 6th and the Uranus one doesn’t end until around January 2016, so there is still plenty of action yet to come!

This article is going to be broken up into a 4-part series because there is a LOT of important information but I don’t wanna overwhelm anyone. In this first part I’m going to explain what exactly a retrograde is, what happens during a Venus retrograde and how to deal with it. 

In part 2, coming very soon, I’ll explain what happens during a Uranus retrograde and how to deal with that. 

In part 3, also coming very soon, I’ll explain what’s special about when the two occur simultaneously. I’ll also give you a checklist of things to look for in your chart that indicate this retrograde may affect you more than the average person. 

In part 4, I’ll end the series with some examples of behavior from celebrities (seems like nowadays everybody breaking up…) and from people I know personally that demonstrate both helpful and harmful ways to deal with this transit. I’ll even share my story about how I’ve been affected…it hit me harder than I expected but it actually is pushing me to grow and expand my horizons quite a lot. 

For those of you who want a short summary of all this, there will be a Retrograde Survival 101 cheat sheet at the end of each post that sums up the things I explained. But I really suggest you try to read each article in full since this is a particularly strong pair of retrogrades that’s very clearly affecting people all over the world.

Now let’s dive into the craziness…

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What the hell happened when Cooper went into the black hole?

Not a sex joke. (Not here, anyway.)

This post is my way of getting my head around the climax of Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar, at least in the sense of mathematical manifolds. (Did a lot of geometry in college, and I like thinking visually.) Third-act spoilers abound after the cut.

Okay, let’s get to it. This is the universe, represented as a 2D manifold of space crossed with time.

The universe doesn’t actually look like a sheet. At least, not to us living on that sheet. It might look like a sheet for entities living in a region with more dimensions than the three of space plus one of time, though.

This is Cooper heading into a black hole, the latter of which is deforming spacetime as per Einstein’s general relativity with its intense gravitational field.

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