surronded by people

So I have to rant

Okay, so right now and for the past four months I’ve been living in a dormitory in Jerusalem, taking intensive hebrew classes and generally being surronded by mostly religious people, which means that, even though I am not in the closet, I have chosen not to disclose the fact that I am lesbian to everyone.

So, there is this 30 year old man in my hebrew class, let’s call him Paul. Now Paul acts as if he has never seen a woman before in his life, he is always awkwardly flirting with us and just trying to *touch* us in everyway he can, he reminds me of a 13 year old to be honest.

(He interrupts the class to “flirt”, he says that so and so are really hot and pretends he is just practicing hebrew, he once stopped the class because one of the girls was really tired and started giving her a massage).  

Before this was evident, I mean before the classes even started, I tried to talk to him and he promptly invited me to his room to *watch* Game of Thrones, to which I said no. I had to decline invitations to Paul’s room for weeks, he even came uninvited to my room a couple of times.

I endend up inviting my gay friend to my room and leaving the door open so Paul could see there was a male in the room and infer that I was *taken*, after this he got a clue and stopped harrasing me. Mind you I still have to see him everyday for five hours, he lives on my floor and likes to smoke hooka in the window by my door.

Well recently, during a trip, Paul found out I was a lesbian and I swear it blew his mind, he started opening and closing his mouth like a fish, it was actually really funny.

But then he started *jokingly* telling me that I just needed to find the right man, he was joking so I rolled my eyes and tried to change the subject but he wouldn’t drop it, a friend of mine had to tell him that he was being insentive (Quote: “Are you seriously telling a lesbian that she needs to find a magical penis?”).

Well a couple of days later, in hebrew class, our teacher was asking us what our favourite season was and he goes: “I love summer because the women look hotter” and he turned to look at me and, I kid you not, he wiggled his eyebrows like a fucking cartoon! as if trying to get me to agree with him!

Sorry Paul, that is not how being a lesbian works, I don’t magically turn into your straight male friend with whom you can talk about girls! I respect women, I am a woman, I know how it feels to be objectified and I would never do it to anyone! I hate the way you treat women, have you forgotten you were doing the same thing to me a month ago? Seriously!!

He also brought the subject of lesbians and women through out the class several times and asking me my opinion, he was trying to out me to a room full of people I am not comfortable being outed to, a lot of them religious and most of them right winged and conservatives, and he just wouldn’t drop it.

I am just tired of his bullshit, and whenever someone else brings Paul up in conversation, everyone just says ohh he is a bit awkward and weird but he has good intentions, or: he is just trying to be funny, don’t take it too seriously, he is a good guy. 

Ok, rant over

Wrapped Around Your Finger pt.2 [Park Jihoon]

A/N: I’m an angsty teen writting shitty angst lol. // As I always say English is not my first language so this can contain some or a lot of mistakes (gramatical errors)// not proofread.

Warning: underage drinking/abussive family mentions/ a LOT of angst./ Swearing.

Pt1.

Not my pic, credits to the owner.

  • Three weeks passed since the last concert of your band and four weeks since Jihoon attended one of your concerts. After that day some fans asked for more dates to attend the concerts and even a mini tour around Korea. It felt like everything was changing in the blink of an eye. Yesterday you were jumping and singing around with your cousin Jaehwan, joking about forming a band and now you were taking photos with fans in the streets and practicing your autograph in case someone wanted it, and believe me, there were a lot of people who wanted a sign from you and your band mates.
  • Another thing that changed was your relationship with Jihoon. Before you both didn’t talk at all but now you were getting closer. He wanted to help you to catch some of your last classes because you didn’t attend them a lot because of the concerts, so at first you only talked about topics involving class but now he even go to your house to help you cook, clean or just to spend the day. You both discussing how funny an weird is that all of the people that used to make fun of you were now greeting you in class, smiling at you and offering pay your lunch.
  • “It’s not longer a rumour that you are a part of a famous rock band y/n” “they are so fake” “at least you have me”. And that was true. The difference between Jihoon and them is that he actually cared for you as a person, every time he asked how was your day was with genuine interest. He wasn’t getting closer to the vocalist of a band, he was getting closer with normal student who spend most of the time composing or reading books.
  • But of course, not everything was perfect. Jihoon and you were different and you both knew that from the start. He was white, you were black. It wasn’t because of different hobbies or taste in music, your dreams and ways to think were really different. Jihoon was like a safe path, loving his confort zone, doing everything calmly and trying to stay away from problems. Always paying attention to class, doing his homework, being the perfect son for his parents (thats what it seemed like). He wasn’t a rebel and he wasn’t a nerd, he just was confortable doing normal things and that was all. The only hobbie he had apart from studying and reading was dancing, and that was all. You, in the other hand, were always getting in trouble, never shutting your mouth, independent and searching for a new adventure every day. You just couldn’t imagine yourself as a normal student, you needed to change your routine every day. You grew bored easily and had constant mood swings. So for you Jihoon was more like a friend that acted like and adult, and for him you were just a child trapped in the body of a teenanger.
  • Despite that you got along well but sometimes when some of you talked about your perspective in a problem or something, you can feel a little tension in the room. Both of you scared of saying something that will make the other angry. And that night was one of those days when the tension appeared.
  • You were talking to Jihoon through the phone while searching for some clothes in your wardrobe. That night you and Jaehwan were invited to a small party in the town. It was more like a reunion of some old friends, just to talk, drink and remember good memories. And even if you were, in fact, still a minor, you were in a safe place surronded by people you know since diapers. They weren’t going to hurt you or judge you for drinking, nothing was going to happen to you there. But thats not what Jihoon thought when you told him about the party, he just sighed heavily and told you to pick him up in two hours with Jaehwan.
  • You were so confused, like didn’t he hated parties? Why was he coming? Nothing was going to happen to you there. Despite you being against the idea of Jihoon coming, you and jaehwan still picked him up and the three of you attended the party.
  • It was the most uncofortable time of your life. Jihoon acted weird all night, being overprotective. Not letting you drink anything and always looking bad at your friends. He didn’t laugh at their jokes or tried to start a small talk with them, he was just there, behind you, watching them cautious, as if they were going to do something to you.
  • At 4am you had enough. Jihoon catched you trying to drink some beer with one of your old friends while he was in the bathroom. He took the beer away from your hands and practically scold you infront of everyone. Having enough of him you went outside with the car keys from Jaehwan’s car in one of your hands. Another illegal thin you did and Jihoon didn’t know about: you knew how to drive.
  • You walked to the car and get into it, putting the key in the ignition but before you could actually start driving Jihoon appeared infront of the car, almost being hit by it. “WHAT THE FUCK JIHOON?” “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD Y/N YOU CANT DRIVE” “YES I CAN, NOW GO AWAY I WANT TO DRIVE TO MY HOUSE” “NO BEFORE WE TALK” “WE DONT HAVE NOTHING TO TALK BUT STILL, GET INTO THE CAR I HAVE TO DRIVE YOU HOME, PARK”. Jihoon rolled his eyes but still get into the car and slammed the door. It took you 30 minutes to get into his house and those 30 minutes were filled with silence and death glares from Jihoon. When you both were infront of his house he didn’t say goodbye and slammed the door again. “FUCK YOU TOO JIHOON” you said before disappearing with jaehwans car.
  • It took you another hour to get into your house and 15 minutes to get yourself in a cute pyjama ready to go to sleep. Just when you were going to close your eyes, finally, you received three messages, two from jaehwan telling you he was going to pick his car tomorrow after lunch and one from Jihoon, it simply said: I’m sorry.
  • The next day went by pretty normal, Jaehwan came to your house with his friend Minhyun and both of them stayed some time with you but then they had to go back to Minhyun’s house to work in some projects from university. The rest of the day you stayed in the house, cleaning, reading and watching movies in netflix. The house was really calm when your father wasn’t there and since he was away because of work, you were alone there.
  • At midnight you decided to go to sleep, tired and still thinking if it was okay to reply to Jihoon message or not. You get into your room ready to ignore that text for at least the rest of the night when you heard a sound coming from your window, it was like a “clap” sound, repeatedly so you walked to the window and opened just to get hit by a rock. “OH SHIT IM SORRY” “FUCK YOU JUST HIT ME IN THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING STONE JIHOON” you said clearly angry. One of your hands pressing the forming scar in your cheek and the other one raising a middle finger towards the boy in the middle of your garden with blushed cheeks.
  • Without waiting for a response you ran to the bathroom leaving the window open so Jihoon climbed to your room, using the big tree infront of the window to help him. When he got inside he took a look of your room. It was clearly what he expected from you, rock bands posters in the wall, a lot if cds, big wardrobe, polaroids in one of the walls and a big portrait of yourself being younger and a man, both of you smiling with a race car behind your backs.
  • “Getting tired of admiring myself in the photo?” You murmured emerging from the bathroom in your room. Jihoon turned back and looked at you worried, there was a small cut in one if your cheeks and it was bleeding. You rolled your eyes and pressed the cut with a wet little towell. “What do you want?” You walked to your bed to sit there. “I wanted to say sorry” “cool, that was all? Then go”.
  • Jihoon sighed, it was okay for you to be acting like this and he knew that it was going to be difficult to actually talk to you properly about what happened that night at the party, but he regretted everything he did. That wasn’t him, yeah of course he liked to take care of you and make sure to keep you safe but that night he was more than protective, he was acting possessive and that wasn’t okay. “I’m really really sorry sweetie, it wasn’t my intention”
  • You laughed a little bit. “You know what the problem is? Is that we are both different and thats okay but you can’t just try to change or control me Jihoon. I don’t go to your house and ask you to like what I like and to act like I act, I accept you as who you are, even if I don’t think its okay for you to be in your confort zone all the time, and in return I just want you to accept me too.” Jihoon kneeled infront of you taking one of your hands between his and giving a quick peck to your knuckles. “I…I accept you okay? I’m just worried about you, I don’t want you to risk your life in one of those extreme sports you always like to try or to drive because the cops can get you arrested or even drink. I’m just worried because you have a lot of attention and that is a lot if pleasure for someone like you, i don’t want you to lose yourself.” “I’m not going to lose myself because what you are seeing is what I am. Okay? Just don’t try to change me”.
  • And Jihoon nodded.
  • That night was special for the both of you. After that you decided it was time to get some sleep but Jihoon didn’t want to go back to his house, not at least at that hour in the night so you offered the guest’s room to him and he thanked you.
  • But actually he didn’t use it at all. He stayed up all night talking to you about everything with some music in the background.
  • And in the next day you both had breakfast and you drop him home, promising to meet each other at the entrance of the school.
  • Since that night you grew closer and Jihoon started to show up at your house in the middle of the night more frequently. Most of the time he didn’t have an excuse to why he was there but you didn’t mind, you just kissed him in the cheek, talked a little bit and the accompany him to his designated room. It was a routine. Four of the seven days of the week he was at your house, sometimes the entire week.
  • And to be honest it started to worry you. Not like you hated him being there, or your dad hated him. He was aware of him showing at the door at random hours, and thought he was a good boy. (They actually talked privately once and since then your father allowed him to stay as much as he wanted, and now they were like friends. It was really strange because you weren’t even in the house when they talked, you just come home late, exhausted of practicing all day because of an important show, and they were talking in the kitchen and eating. Your father only told you that Jihoon was a really good boy and not to fuck up your friendship with him wTF).
  • But you started to worry when Jihoon started to show more frequently with bags under his eyes and those eyes being red and puffy like he had been crying. Those nights Jihoon didn’t say a word at all, he just colapsed in your bed and asked you to sleep next to him. At the next day you usually found yourself hugging him and him doing the same, legs tangled and little snorts coming from his mouth. If not then he was doing breakfast downstairs and acting like nothing happened the night before.
  • You decided to play along, when Jihoon was ready to talk about all of this you were more than ready to listen and help.
  • Till one of those nights Jihoon showed up at your house with bruises in his arms and messy appearence. He looked like he was beated by a bunch of people and you started to panic cause “hOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU WERE IS THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT WHEN WE NEED IT”. But Jihoon smiled, he freaking smiled like it was nothing and told you “do not worry sweetie I’m okay”.
  • And you had enough. You motioned him to sit down in your couch while you searched for the first aid kit and while you were treating his wounds, you asked, calmly what happened.
  • Jihoon couldn’t help but tell you the truth. After all you were the only one that was closer to him, more than the rest of his friends and there was no point on lying to you. You were always good at reading people and Jihoon wasn’t the exception. So with a deep breath he started to talk. He told you about his shitty family, how his dad beated him and his mother. How his mother was so deep in love with that bastard that she forgive him everytime he decided it was a good idea to beat them both. How everytime the things escaleted in that house he ran away and found confort in the security of your house. How sorry he was for that episode of him trying to control you, how it remind him of his father and he mentioned the fact of your own father knowing about this situation. “That was what we talked that nigh babe, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you but I begged him to keep the secret a little longer I…I want you to keep the secret now that you know it. Okay? I know it’s difficult but I’m going to get out of that house soon, I promise.” “What about your mother?” “I tried to talk to her about running away or just talk to the police. She…she loves him, she is in love with that monster. She doesn’t mind being beated and treated like shit everyday because at the end of the night he’s going to say sorry. I can’t do anything to help her, I don’t know what else to do” “It’s okay Jihoon, you are safe now, I promise you.”
  • Jihoon looked at you in the eyes, they were filled with tears, you seem genuinely worried about him and theres something more, theres something more in that look, it feels warm and cozy but powerful at the same time, something like…like home. And the he realises, he likes you, maybe he even loves you. It’s not just a crush or puppy love, no, he actually likes you for real. So he leans a bit closer, still looking at you in the eyes and says “can I?” And you don’t even answer, you just kiss him. Soft, slow and tenderly. Afraid of this being a dream, you search with your eyes, now, closed, trying to reach his hands, to touch him. He starts to cry and cup you face with his hands before you can interwine them. And when you end the kiss you both open your eyes.
  • Maybe he is still crying and maybe you are crying too but who cares, Jihoon smiles and for once that smile is genuinely, so you smile too.
  • “I’m here for you Jihoon, okay?”
  • “I know babe, I know. “

anonymous asked:

Do you have any headcanons about Enoch's (or any of the other kids) life before he knew he was peculiar?

Here’s a couple!

Horace

  • I like to believe that the reason behind his rich taste would be from the fact that he came from a very wealthy family
  • I mean very wealthy
  • His parents threw almost Gatsby-esque parties an awful lot
  • They were basically just a bunch of rich people in one room gathering together
  • Since he was almost always surronded by people with opulent clothing, he started to have a liking towards wearing grander clothes and would rather dress to the nines instead of the usual button up and slacks
  • He knows how to speak French, Italian and other romance languages since him and his parents would go and travel around alot.
  • Horace was an only child

Enoch

  • ok so I tried to calculate when Enoch was born, and it’s litterally 1894
  • this kid is old
  • anyway
  • He mostly spent his days helping his father make caskets and bury the dead, and helping the rest of his family on their farm
  • If he wasn’t doing that then he was taking care of his younger sister
  • He had alot of siblings growing up
  • six others to be precise
  • all of them were boys except for two of them; his younger sister Ethel, and his older sister Charlotte, who were probably his favorite siblings
  • A little before he found out his peculiarity, Ethel died

Claire

  • She’s orginally from France!
  • Claire had an older sister that she adored and looked up to immensely, they did everything together
  • Her family didn’t really have much, because of the depression, but they made do
  • very very loving family
  • Claire’s mother made her a teddy bear that she still keeps to this day
  • I like to think that Claire was kind of born with her peculiarity though, so I think one day everyone kind of decided that she had to go to a loop for her own safety
i feel like i dont matter. which is hard for to come to terms with because i felt like that for so long and surronded myself around people who became my friends, who i invested my time into and slowly fell in love with. now they don’t answer when i call because they got tired of me. or they’re with some guy who has her wrapped around his finger because she’s never tasted danger this strong in her life. everyone you once knew start to become other people and you start to see the evil in them and ask yourself why you even associate yourself with people like that. then everything consumes you, all the questions that make yourself ponder if you’re just as evil as them, or if you’re just being used, or if they even like you. and i think that’s what’s wrong with me tonight.
—  friends.
-dac (via @societymayeatmyass)

anonymous asked:

Gosh, thank you for drawing Reigen happy and surronded by people who care about him! It make me so happy! Thank you, thank you! Hope you are happy too!

SJKDFHKSD REIGEN IS SO GOOD AND I’M HAPPY HE’S SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE HE LOVES 😭😭 I’m still so emo about the ending and thank you very much ;;;;

at age 5, i was taken to a park to play with my friends. we played volleyball, football and we danced. we were happy. one girl suggested to play around like we were princess and that we have shiny dresses. i froze. i didn’t know why.

at age 7, my mom enrolled me in primary school and the teacher yelled: “boys and girls on opposite sides!!!” and i didn’t know what to do, i froze. i didn’t know why.

at age 9, a group of kids in my class teased me about my wide clothes and my unconventional behaviour. i turned my back on them. i didn’t realize why that was a problem. i didn’t understand what was their problem.

at age 11, i watched a movie with a group of people who were born differently and they didn’t feel like they belonged in their bodies. i asked my mom why. she said that those kind of people are okay, but the important thing is that i am not one of them and that that makes my life easier. she didn’t give me an answer and i cried that night.

at age 12, i suspected my mom’s words. i knew she was wrong. a boy approached me and said “you should wear clothes that suit you, that were made for you ” and that the opposite sex will love me because of that. i didn’t understand why. once again, i froze. and then i turned my back on him.

at age 15, i enrolled high school and i felt more mature than before but i still didn’t fully understand the world. there were so many things about me that i just didn’t know. i started to realize all of them but not fast enough. the catholic school i unfortunately attended made me realize how much hate there is in this world. i stopped. i froze and then i turned my back.

at age 17, i learned what “dsyphoria” meant and until then i didn’t really realize i had that. i went to my mostly acceptful friend and told her what i thought i was, what i actually was and she gave me a strange look. she didn’t believe me. she said “i wasn’t the type”. i didn’t understand what she meant? was there a type?

at age 18, i told my mom i wanted to cut my hair really short and wear clothes that are not “suited” for me. she gave me a strange look. even though i wanted to subtly hint it at her, she didn’t even give me a chance to say it. i was scared. i went back to my room

at age 19, i am writting this and i realize that i still have hope. i am still locked away from everyone else but i am here, alive and breathing and i have hope for the future. i am not surronded by open minded people but i know there are a few of those kind in the world. maybe, at some age i will be able to write that hey, i survived and so can you but until then, the only thing i can do is hope. and live.

—  at the age of…

My hopes for 2018:

- Love myself more

- Travel to a new place

- Not take life too seriously

- Try to laugh everyday

- Get a second job and actually save money

- Surrond myself with people who will help me grow as a person and cut off people who hinder my happiness and who are egotistical

- Not worry about finding someone because I really don’t care about love right now

- Be as gay as possible (rainbows and shit, ya know)

- Attempt to find a rich human that will fund my life through the exchange of sexual favors 🤷🏻‍♀️

but imagine jason knows that nicos about to propose and so he books a table with piper and then percy comes to know so percy books a table in the same place and then nico and will sit across each other in this expensive place and theyre both wearing suits and surronded by all the people of camp half blood and reyna and then nico just facepalms