surgical letter

this seems like a timely post to make:

so, many may already know that planned parenthood provides HRT to transgender individuals. things that are also important to know, related to this.

-planned parenthood operates on an “informed consent” basis. rather than requiring that you go through months of therapy, they believe that if you are presenting for HRT, you have already considered the pros/cons and risk/benefits and are making an informed decision about your body. this saves trans people many months of therapy and expensive bills.

-planned parenthood works with you to figure out what’s best. if you want more frequent appointments, great, they will support that. if you want to get your prescription and check in every three months, great. it’s up to you and what you need.

-planned parenthood will complete the documentation you need to get your gender marker changed on your legal documentation AND provide you with letters for surgical procedures with no questions asked (obviously without there being some type of concern that would make them worry about this course of action). because, once again, they operate on the “your body, your decision” model.

they will also provide you with referrals to PCPs and therapists to support you in your transition but those are not required to receive treatment with them.

planned parenthood is so important to so many people and i know the majority of the services they provide is well-documented but i have heard much less on the lgbt side of things. because of that, i wanted to raise awareness because i have now been working with them for three months, almost four months, and they have been so supportive and so kind and it has meant everything to me as a transboy who thought i would never be able to transition. the services they provide are incredibly important.

I’ll start this piece by saying I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that you may not be alive. I don’t know anything about you except for one thing.

You loved to read poetry.

That is our connection.

You loved to read poetry, I’ll dissect that simple thought, I’ll surgically remove every letter from that simple string of words and I’ll come up with the why.

Why you loved to read poetry.
Why you loved to read mine.

Poetry is written by heartfelt souls who want nothing more but to help those in need to feel, feel more. So I’ve been writing to you, everyday, I write to you. I hope that you’ll get some of these poems, the day you send an ask that read;

“I’m going to be gone soon,
I can feel it in my bones.”

I tag every poem with reflected moonlight because when you told me about your leukemia, the moon was out and I wasn’t all the way there–

but the moon was, it danced on my eyes as I read your anonymous message.

I don’t know if you had beautiful brown hair that other girls would be jealous of–

I don’t know if you had stunning green eyes that made boys fall in love with spring–

I don’t know if you had a smile that could be used to replace the Mona Lisa–

I don’t know if you were kind to all people or if you were a sassy and sarcastic individual–

I don’t know if you had a personality that could spill happiness into the world or if you had little or close to no personality at all–

I just know one thing.

You loved to read my poetry.
You loved to dwell in my love poems.
You loved to read, that is our connection.

Poetry that helps us feel something,
the content and material runs deep–

death, life, love, hate, anger, happiness, depression, bitter, sweet, joyful, delighted, jealousy, repulsive, disgust, nature, space, stars like you and people we’ll always miss–

poetry like you, it’ll never be enough for this place we call home.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had your first kiss.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been in love.
I don’t know if someone held your hand as you slipped away into an endless sleep.
I don’t know if someone is missing you right now. I don’t know anything about you.

But I still write like I do.
I still write like I’ve loved you at some point.
I still miss you even though I’ve never met you. I still try to put you back into my constellations of never ever will I let you go.
I still write because I don’t know if anyone has ever cared about you to think about you every fucking day. I don’t know. So I’ve been writing.

Since you loved to read, it just so happens–

I love to write, maybe even more than you loves words that splattered all over a journal.

So as long as your memory lives within me–

As long as you exist within my mind palace,
as long as you’re willing to survive yourself into my terrible place, & as long as I’m fucking breathing… I’ll always write. I’ll keep you alive.

Until my heart stops beating red into roses.
Until my soul stops splashing paint all over my poetry, & until my apologies make it to you–

I’ll write forever back into you,
because you’re my always and forever
that I’ve never whispered into
such soft and calm ears–

My only listener worth writing for.

I love you until our next dance
of

“Will you write for me?”

—  Always and forever
3

I’m not sure exactly what the theme of tonight was, except “fun”. After my follow up appointment with Dr. Meltzer (which was full of good news about surgical outcomes, letters for gender change for the state, insurance coverage, and a 3 month move up for the GCS date for @oliviarium ), we went to a brewery for a great dinner, then went and played billiards, then went to a screening of the latest RiffTrax Live production. What an all around awesome night!