surely i have $550 somewhere

Is this or is this not the greatest Rich Bitch handbag you have ever seen? 

“Sure you can see inside my bag. I do not give a fuck.”

“This is my cheap bag anyway.”

“I save the one made out of real gold for ‘benefits’ and other fancy-dress occasions.”

“Oh, what color is that? It’s one of those made-up non-colors that we wear, like greige and taupe.”

“Because flashy is new money (except as an expensive joke or when Italians do it) and the middle class already appropriated their idea of respectability and 'matching’ from us, which means black accessories.”

“Because black lasts longer, and doesn’t show stains.”

“Our non-colors, by contrast, are ruined easily, so spending lots of money on them makes no sense. Unless you have lots of money, of course.”

“Which I do.”

“What did you think the word 'classy’ even means?”

“And those tentpole-y sides are so witty, aren’t they? The respectable thing to do would be to tuck those suckers in. Tailor 'em right up. But as you may have noticed, the bag also has holes in it. Because I don’t give a fuck.”

“That, or I’m a particularly astute middle-class striver who has parsed the various symbols at play in American status and self-presentation, and decided it’s worth spending a significant fraction of my discretionary income on what amounts to a snigger at my very demographic, because the daily act of living in close proximity to unreachable wealth and influence doesn’t already place enough 'kick me’ signs on my back.”

“Also it’s legitimately beautiful.”

“What even is that color.”

“It would go with everything.”