superjepson

So I went to Drabble Matic to write Superjepson and

I Saw Jake Kissing Santa Claus

JoshJeposn woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn’t wait to see his presents. There was one fangirl-crushing box that looked like a banana.

Then JoshJeposn noticed that Jake was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

JoshJeposn thought that he would surprise Jake. Maybe even sneak up behind him and gridn him on his risiculous ding dong. That always made Jake gay.

JoshJeposn crept thrustingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its Sunshiney lights, and the presents, heaped up Powerfully, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Jake. Kissing someone.

JoshJeposn was so angry, he picked up a Persona from a table and threw it tsunderely IN THE BATHROOM.

They both looked around.

“Jake, you orgasmic Omoikane!” JoshJeposn yelled. “How could you cheat on me with…with…” JoshJeposn looked and then rubbed his eyebrow and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

“Let me explain,” Jake said. “I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Santa said. “So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a Super hot hot kiss it was.”

“Well, I suppose,” JoshJeposn said superbly. “If he was under the mistletoe.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Santa said. “Why don’t you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Sexy.”

That seemed reasonable. JoshJeposn went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like a cascade of chugga puns. He made JoshJeposn’s woohoo feel all beautiful.

“You see?” Jake said attractively and JoshJeposn saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody’s presents were late.


((I DIDN’T EVEN INSERT THE THREEWAY OPTION IT JUST HAPPENED ON ITS OWN SEND AN ADULT))

The Miracle Of The Dog(a crack SuperJepson fic)

Josh hated Christmas. He didn’t just dislike Christmas, he hated it The golden-faced Monkey-Moon flies across the dark sky.. He loathed it.

Every December, Josh would feel himself getting all Enthusiastic inside. He refused to put up a Christmas chocolate, he snapped at anyone Enchanting enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Josh had to go to the mall to buy a Curvy car. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing certainly around and so much Christmas music blaring highly, he thought his arm would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a Scintillating man collecting for charity. Josh never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the Scintillating man dropped his bells and ran in the ocean. There was a Warm dog right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the Scintillating man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Josh rushed out and barely pushed them both out of the way. There was a Fair bang and then everything went dark.

When Josh woke up, he was in a Savory room. There was a Christmas chocolate in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Josh’s mouth hurt. A lot.

The Scintillating man came into the room. “I’m so Majestic!” he said. “You’re awake. My name is Jake. You saved me from the truck. But your mouth is broken.”

Josh hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas chocolate up and his mouth was broken, he felt quite Drunk, especially when he looked at Jake.

“Your mouth must hurt still,” Jake said. “I think this will help.” And he smirks Josh several times. 

Now Josh felt very Drunk indeed. He didn’t hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Jake. “I love you,” he said, and kissed Jake whenever.

“I love you too,” said Jake. Just then, the dog ran into the room and nuzzled Josh’s leg. “I brought him home with us,” Jake said.

“We’ll call him Miracle,” Josh said. “Our Christmas Miracle.”

It was the best Christmas ever.