X-PILL:  Transforms user into random X-Men, X-Man, X-Force, X-Factor or X-Statics type mutant superhero

Side Effects:

1) May instill, regardless of gained powers, a needless inferiority complex that causes you to actually give a shit about what humans with no powers think about you as a mutant.

2) May cause you to be a follower or joiner, who only feels comfortable around other mutants, and who will lazily accept wearing any simple article of clothing, so long as it has a huge “X” on it.

3) May instill feelings of closeness with others of your kind. Beware: Long-term studies on this worry physicians that this may eventually lead to a desire for communal living conditions and eventually aristocratic type inbreeding.


SUPERPILL:  Transforms user into either Superman (if male).

Side effects:

1) May cause a Divaesque God-Complex, where you can’t help but let it show that you’re better than everyone else because you just are and you know it.

2) May become easily annoyed at others, who want to be like you but just can’t cut it …with their skin tight costume knock-offs, their wimpy little “skill-based” efforts, and their constant buddying up to every time there’s something they can’t handle.

3) May foster homicidal thoughts because your super-hearing allows you hear every damned thing others say about you behind your back, even if they’re 2000 miles away.

4) Fostered homicidal thoughts May occasionally, when your selective hearing fails, drive you to “pop” a human’s head when nobody else is around.