Good morning, class. Let’s open our history books to page 130: Smizing. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, cycle 13 is the cycle that started the smize. Tyra has been saying “smile with your eyes” for cycles upon cycles, but it isn’t the 13th that she comes up with a more creative term for it: the smize. To show us she’s really serious about using this word, Tyra dressing up as “Super Smize,” a model super hero who teaches the girls how to - not smile with their eyes, that is a phrase of the past - SMIZE.
This also marks the beginning of Top Model’s colorful vocabulary. Following smize, we get H2T, tooch, booch, pot ledom, and, most recently, boom boom boom/boom boom wow. Whatever the fuck that means.
Now that I’ve been a dad to a baby girl for a little more than two months, I have clearly become an Expert at Raising Baby Girls, obvs. Even though I ordinarily subscribe to the Girls and Boys Are Equally Awesome and Stuff School of Thought, if I’m being honest, I have to say that girls are probably more advanced than boys.
Like, when my baby girl isn’t practicing coding on her iPad mini or solving Really Hard Math Problems for shizz and giggz, she’s working on her super-model smize and stomping the mini-catwalk that we installed in the nursery.
Not to be braggy or nothin’, but my baby girl might be a genius or somethin’.