If captains and lieutenants did a three-legged race...
As requested by anon. :)
Captains and lieutenants have partnered up to do a three-legged race! How will that go?
1. Rose & Kira
Rose: Now remember, Izuru, my music will allow us to stay perfectly in sync!
Kira: Captain, I respect you, but I think you playing the guitar as we race will only slow us down.
Rose: Probably so.
Rose: But art is more important than winning!
Rose: Now let’s SING!
Kira: …still better than Captain Ichimaru.
2. Komamura & Iba
Komamura: Iba, I wish to apologize now if my massive wolf legs simply drag you along, seeing as they are taller than most of your body.
Iba: Captain, I am HONORED to be dragged along by your mighty wolf legs!
Iba: DRAG ME! DRAG ME FOR GLORY!!
Komamura: I will, Iba. I will!
3. Kurotsuchi & Nemu
Kurotsuchi: I can’t BELIEVE they dared to disqualify us!
Nemu: You were talking very loudly about how you were going to splatter my poisonous blood across the other contestants in order to take them out.
Kurotsuchi: The rules said nothing about that being illegal.
Kurotsuchi: This game is so rigged.
Nemu: Yes, Mayuri-sama.
4. Yamamoto & Sasakibe
Sasakibe: Using your beard to hold us tied together was brilliant, Head Captain.
Sasakibe: Its warm embrace inspires me to do my best!
Yamamoto: It was your idea, Sasakibe.
Yamamoto: I said it was a little weird.
Sasakibe: Your beard will lead us to victory!
5. Ukitake & Rukia
Ukitake: I-I have to warn you now, Kuchiki, there is every chance that I may collapse during the race.
Ukitake: If I do, you should leave me behind!
Rukia: Captain, no! I will drag you unconscious to victory!
Ukitake: Please don’t I think I would end up very sad.
Rukia: Y-yes, Captain!
6. Hitsugaya & Matsumoto
Matsumoto: Do you think our height difference will slow us down, Captain?
Hitsugaya: For when the race starts, I have a plan.
Matsumoto: Gonna go into bankai, huh?
Matsumoto: Bankai for a three-legged race?
Matsumoto: People say you overuse bankai, you know, Captain…
Hitsugaya: I JUST LIKE TO GIVE MY ALL
7. Shinji & Hinamori
Hinamori: Captain, I reeeaaallly don’t think we should try to do this race backwards.
Shinji: Momo, doing things in reverse is my specialty! I gotta reputation to uphold!
Hinamori: For losing all the time?
Shinji: That was cold.
Hinamori: I’M JUST SAYING
8. Unohana & Isane
Unohana: Simply follow my lead, Isane, and I believe that we will win.
Unohana: Especially since all the other teams are wasting their time squabbling.
Unohana: This is the Squad 4 way.
Unohana: When everyone else has fallen, we are there. Still standing.
Isane: Y-yes, Captain!
9. Kyoraku & Nanao
Nanao: Did you look over the strategy documents I gave you?
Nanao: Did you watch the videos I sent you of people doing this race?
Nanao: Did you prepare at all?
Kyoraku: I stuffed my pockets with rose petals to throw overhead when we cross the finish line!
Nanao: Is it too late to trade partners?
10. Byakuya & Renji
Byakuya: These ropes that they gave us to tie our legs together are ridiculously low-class.
Byakuya: We should use my scarf instead.
Renji: Y-you would use your scarf for that, Captain?
Byakuya: No. That was a joke.
Byakuya: Just some three-legged race humor.
Renji: …I can just never tell with you.
11. Soi Fon & Omaeda
Soi Fon: You had better not slow me down, Omaeda.
Soi Fon: I will kill you and then drag your dead body over the finish line.
Omaeda: You, uh, know I’m actually really fast, right, Captain?
Omaeda: In fact, I think it would work best for me to carry you!
Omaeda: OH GOD PUT YOUR ZANPAKUTO AWAY
12. Kenpachi & Yachiru
Kenpachi: So basically you’re just gonna cling to my leg as I run, huh?
Kenpachi: I have a very good feeling about this!
Yachiru: But the finish line is in the other direction, Ken-chan!
Kenpachi: …I have an okay feeling about this.
12. Kensei & Mashiro & Hisagi
Kensei: So here I am.
Kensei: One lieutenant tied to each leg.
Kensei: Do we now have four legs? Yes.
Kensei: Do the judges care? No.
Kensei: Because they say that it will be “so totally hilarious to watch.”
Mashiro: You better keep up, Shuhei! I’m SUPER at these races!
Hisagi: Yeah, well, I have LOTS of practice perfectly imitating Captain Muguruma’s walk, so I’m definitely gonna be more in sync!
Mashiro: Ha! No way!
Hisagi: Yes way!
Kensei: If only death would come.