You can’t tell me that there aren’t conspiracy theories galore about Bruce Wayne being The Batman and you can’t tell me that his kids don’t fuel them like their life depends on it
•Tim has an entire fucking page dedicated to it
•"I found this sitting on the kitchen table this morning" *pulls out batarang*
•*a picture of what looks like a cape hanging off the back of the couch on Dick’s Instagram page* “mighty suspicious”
•"now that you mention it, Father is rarely home on nights batman is patrolling"
•"all I’m saying is that those old mine shafts go under the house"
•"you know, Jason did go missing right around the time Robin went missing" “it’s true. I could have been Robin and not remember it. Would explain the scars”
•"When Bruce is yelling it sounds a lot like Batman’s voice. It’s pretty freaky"
•*snapchat videos of what appears to be a super grainy batman entering the manor*
•"have you seen Alfred’s car? It’s totally the batmobile"
•"listen Linda, Bruce is the CEO of a technology company. One of the only company’s that has the same tech as batman" “he is always placing weird orders” “see, Damian knows”
•"I saw a bunch of bats fly out of the chimney this morning when I was coming home"
•*super bad candid of Bruce* “loOK HE TOTALLY HAS THE SAME FUCK OFF FACE AS BATMAN”
•*really detailed side by side comparisons of Bruce and Batman on Tims facebook*
•*super bad quality Snapchat video* “Alfred, is Bruce batman?” “Master Dick, you know the answer to that”
•"Bruce Wayne is rich as fuck what more do you need"
•"he had a grappling hook in his pants pocket once"
•"he’s always disappearing during galas right before batman shows up. Have you ever noticed that?“
•"the amount of sick days he uses is mighty suspicious” *side eyes Bruce*
•*video of Bruce coming into the kitchen at 4 in the morning looking like absolute shit* “where have you been young man?” “Fuck off Jason” “oh, so you can say fuck but I can’t–” “Jason I will throw this at you” “do it you coward–” *a scream and a crash as the phone falls as a metal object goes past Jason’s head*
•a shit ton of super blurry photos of things that look like Batman’s gadgets and costume keep popping up on the kids Instagram and twitter accounts
Or: my smol bean never had a childhood and kinda missed out on a lot of things.
But don’t worry. He’ll be a dad one day,… So he’ll be able to do all the awesome things like food wars, smearing peanut butter all over your face and hair, or playing “the floor is lava” with his smol bean.
Sorry for the bad quality by the way… I was super lazy today and couldn’t bring myself to drag my ass to the computer.