A/N: Hiii, this is like my first ever Stuart fic. I’ve technically done one with the Hoes a while back but this is my first individual one. The title of this was based off a poem by Michael Faudet that is the bases for this fic. I want to thank @writing-obrien as usual for being my biggest motivator and helper, but I’m also going to thank her for any future help she will undoubtly lend me. This is really different than I’ve written before, but it was the best way I could think to give a good perspective from all sides instead of one. I also wanted to try this style of writing out, because I do plan on writing a Styida fic at some point. I hope you guys like this and thank you all for being wonderfully beautiful people.
Warning: Public Fingering and Alcohol Abuse (Because again, they’re drunk.)
Hey guys! This is kind of an au story, enjoy the bughead goodness, while we’re on hiatus!
Jughead was leaning against the vending machine in the student lounge, headphones resting around his neck as he watched his peers. High school was a nightmare, he’d been bullied ever since he was a kid but it got increasingly more brutal when he entered the higher grades.
When he was younger he had Archie and Betty and Dilton, even Moose had been his friend, but now he had no one. He was on his own. His family had abandoned him and he had abandoned his friends, it was a vicious cycle that seemed to never end.
His number one tormentor, Reggie Mantle, was lounging on the couch, Veronica lodge on one arm and Josie McCoy on the other, he was surrounded by his football minions and Archie was sitting on the lounge chair. Reggie had been eyeing him for a few minutes now and jughead just knew he was trying to come up with an insult.
Running his eyes over the rest of the room, he stopped on Betty Cooper. The beautiful blonde with the biggest heart he had ever seen, she was the definition of girl next door. Her wholesome all around nurturing personality was something he admired and he found himself staring at her soft smile and warm eyes as she listened to her best friend Kevin Keller ramble on about something.
Betty had been one of the best parts of his childhood. She was sunshine and vanilla frosting. Warm hugs and milkshakes. More often than not, being around her was the only bright spot in his day. But then he messed everything up.
When his mother and sister left him he distanced himself from everyone, he wasn’t going to let anyone else leave him, so he left. Left Archie and Betty. They had both tried to fix things, he remembered her bright green eyes shining with tears, asking him what she had done wrong? Why he didn’t want to be her friend anymore? Even at 11 years old he remembered his heart breaking.
Suddenly the annoyingly loud voice of Reggie Mantle broke him out of his thoughts.
“What’s up with that stupid beanie, Donnie Darko? Do you even take it off when you shower,? what does it protect you from something? You’re own weirdness maybe. You think you’re some kind of king of darkness? King of the loners maybe.” He snorted high fiving chuck Clayton as the others laughed, Veronica rolling her eyes.
As he opened his mouth to come back with a snappy retort, he was cut off by the sugary sweet soprano voice that was Betty Cooper.
“And who are you to talk reggie mantle? You haven’t taken off your letterman jacket in two years. You even wore it to the pool over the summer.” She raised a brow, rising from her seat next to Kevin.
Reggie seemed taken aback and the rest of the football jocks went quiet.
“Stay out of this Betty, it doesn’t concern you.” Reggie said stiffly.
“Actually it does concern me Reggie, I happen to remember you carrying around your green stuffed rabbit in your backpack all the way up to last year. Maybe you should look in the mirror before you cast judgement.”
Reggies jaw dropped and he stuttered as moose snickered beside him.
“I.. you don’t know what your talking about…”
Betty just shrugged her delicate shoulders, there wasn’t a hint of malice on her face, she wasn’t trying to be mean, she was just being fair.
“Maybe not, but you don’t know Jughead either. Maybe we all can learn something from one another.” With that Betty turned on her heel, walking from the room a smirking Kevin on her tail.
Jughead was standing there , the most confused expression on his face as the rest of the football team teased and taunted Reggie about being owned by a girl.
What had just happened? Betty Cooper had just stood up to the most popular boy in the school…. for him.
Okay. Yeah okay.
The day went by so slow, Jughead didn’t see Betty for the rest of the day, not until he stood outside the girls locker room after school, waiting for Betty to finish cheerleading practice.
He spotted her walking next to Veronica, her gym bag slung over her shoulders and the tiny little black shorts she wore were positively sinful. She threw a wave as Veronica headed the opposite direction. Betty’s eyes caught Jugheads and he smiled shyly, his hand going behind his neck, scratching nervously.
She made her way to him smiling
“Juggie.” She said softly
He felt his heart flutter at the nickname.
“Bets” he choked out nervously
She looked up at him
“Were you just in the neighborhood? Or were you coming to visit?” She giggled
Jughead rolled his eyes “I wanted to thank you, for today, ya know with Reggie. You didn’t have to stick up for me.”
She looked up at him, adjusting the bag on her shoulder “ well of course I did? Why wouldn’t I?”
He didn’t really know what to say to that so he settled with “well we haven’t really spoken in six years.”
She continued staring at him with that confused smile on her face
“Well that doesn’t matter, you’re still my friend juggie. Think of it as payback for when you put bugs In Cheryl’s pudding cup because she called me fat when we were six.”
“Yeah well that was a lie. She was a liar.” He smiled sticking his tongue out.
Betty stopped walking and turned to him
“So is Reggie. There’s nothing wrong with you, your beanie is your security blanket, it makes you comfortable and confident. there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve got your hat and I’ve got my pony tail. Sometimes everyone needs something.”
He just stared at her with his slack jaw, could this girl get anymore perfect.
“But..” she continued a wicked smirk on her face “if you really wanna repay me, you can walk me home annnddddd carry my bag.” She sang
He rolled his eyes, trying to fight the smile that was creeping through
“No, plants are great. I just thought of you as, like, a cop. You’ve got the whole interrogation thing down.” - Maxwell Campion (or should I say Johnny Martin?)
Sometimes, all we need is a little fairytale. It starts with once upon a time and ends with they lived happily ever after but this story isn’t about the princess falling for a prince to break a curse. It’s about learning to accept yourself the way you are. To just love yourself.
The “Match Made in Hell (MMIH)” Division of
the Shadow World is in charge of pairing up villains. From time to time,
members of the council actually have to take human form and go to Earth in
order to take care of different issues. If it happens that they fall in love
with the villain assigned to them, they will be trapped alongside him or her
until that person dies. You just lost your assistant because it fell in love
with Jonny Frost and you are determined to change that. The sooner the better.
It was just brought to your attention
that Hkxcqd (that’s its
name, doesn’t have an equivalent in human language) fell in love with the
villain Jonny Frost, trusted right hand of the infamous Joker. You assistant
was supposed to stay on Earth for a little bit in order to smooth things out for the Frost guy
and his ex-girlfriend, this way they can be together again. Instead, the fool
fell in love and…here you are without your main helper. That can’t happen!!!
You are short on Shadows as it is.
You almost had a fit plus a meltdown,
but you managed to pull yourself together since you decided you will go and see
what you can do to bring back the poor lost soul. Well, Shadow. Whatever…
You float towards the “Body
Assignment” Division, which places your kind in mortal shells , thinking about
what rules you can bend or break in order to drag back Hkxcqd.
“Male or female?” you are asked by
the front desk.
“Male!” you kind of shout since
you’re in a bad mood.
“I’m so sorry, we are out of males,”
the shy answer comes.
If you would have a mouth, it would
be opened right now.
“Then why the hell did you offered me
the option ??!!!” you scream, more and more irritated.
“I’m so sorry, I’m new…”
“Goddammit, I hate newbies!!!!”
The entity wants to apologize again
but you don’t have patience for this aberration.
“Shut up! Give me what we have
“Ummm, younger female? Older?”
“Younger! I want the best body; I’m
in charge of my department, I can’t show up on Earth looking like crap, you
“I’m so sorry, yes, of course,” the
newbie opens the portal that leads towards your destination and…
“Oh my God boss!” your assistant
jumps off the couch when you materialize at The Joker’s penthouse right by the
You blink a few times to adjust to
the light and stretch so you can fit better in your body.
“You imbecile!” you start your tirade
and walk towards the guilty party that shrivels up, startled. “What are you
doing falling in love here, hm??!! Don’t you know I need you?! How can you do
this to me??!!!! ” and you push your subordinate against the wall, annoyed to
“I’m–I’m so terribly sorry, boss,”
Hkxcqd stutters, nervous at
“Do I have to remind you I hold the
record for the most consecutive years without falling in love with a mortal ?!
400 years !!! How come I can do it and you have to mess up, huh?! Shit, now I
will have to find a way to go around this problem and take you back with me!!”
“Ummm…” your assistant gulps, not
excited about the news you’re about to receive. “I marked myself with Jonny’s
name and now there is absolutely nothing we can do…”
“You did what????!!!!!!!!!!” you yell
so loud it hurts your own human ears.
Ahhh, the mark… If a Shadow tattoos their mortal skin with the villain’s
name, there is
nothing that can be done anymore. No rules to twist, no laws to alter, no
nothing. In one word: you are screwed right now.
lifts its shirt up
to show you the ink on its tummy: “Jonny Frost– Favorite Villain” with a heart
under it. A HEART !!!!!!!!
“Don’t you have any dignity
left ??!!!” you lash out, losing your marbles. “ You do the most stupid thing and
then you tattoo a heart by his name too ?!!!! I wish I could kill you right now
but we don’t die so you’re lucky!!!!”
You hear the elevator and turn around when the doors open. The Joker steps inside first, followed by
Jonny Frost. The enemy and his employer !!! But dammit, you can’t harm them
since you’re on their side. But you sooooo want to!!!
While distancing a bit from your
assistant, you take a quick glance to analyze their glowing halos: each villain has their personality type
embedded above their heads that only Shadows can see.
Jonny Frost’s personality type is “Lethal
Teddy Bear.” I guess that makes sense since your assistant specializes
in this field. Still, doesn’t count for an excuse!
The Joker’s personality type reads “Jerk”.
Oh, you are an expert in this personality trait, it’s your favorite!
Anyway, that’s not the point.
“Hey, sunshine,” Frost smiles at his
“girlfriend,” coming over towards you two. “Did you miss me, Ellie? And… who is
this?” he frowns noticing the woman he’s never seen before.
Ellie ?! Hkxcqdcould have picked
“Yeah, who might you be, Doll?” The
Joker stares you up and down, interesting in finding out the answer. He approaches
slowly, inspecting the view.
what a beautiful creature and she looks completely bitchy, he huffs to
“Well, this is my cousin Y/N,” your
assistant introduces you.
What?! Y/N ?! Couldn’t she find another name?!
“I didn’t know you have a cousin,”
Jonny kisses his girl and reaches his hand for yours; you want to punch his
lights out but can’t.
“Hi there,” you mutter, your eyes
throwing spikes at him and grab his palm, shaking it.
“Yes, I do, from my mother’s side. I
thought I mentioned before,” Ellie playfully shoves herself in Frost’s arms.
Wowwww, how embarrassing to see Hkxcqdin this state ! Completely smitten with the mortal. Jeez!
“Maybe you did,” the henchman slaps
Ellie’s butt and she squeals, forgetting you are right there.
I’ll be damned, no trace of pride left in my subordinate !!! I’m just
“I’m The Joker, pretty Doll,” he
interrupts your train of thought, kissing your hand.
What’s with the smirk, Casanova? you want to say but instead you utter
all bitter and crabby:
He winks and you lift your eyebrows.
“My reputation precedes me. So you’re new in town?” J licks his lips
while you let go of his hand, confused on the experience.
“You could say that,” the vague reply keeps him interested.
“Wanna go for a ride?” he blurs out
and he doesn’t even know why. There’s
something about you that’s hypnotizing.
“No!” you cut him off and J
maliciously chuckles, passing his fingers through the perfectly styled green
“Ahhhh, you’re feisty, I love that. I
never back out from a challenge!”
“Huh?!” you crinkle your nose, not
getting the point.
One of the few things that’s not
known about in The Shadow World: The Joker
is an expert in bitchy type, his favorite.
Frost and Ellie keep on whispering,
prisoners in their own little world and the notorious villain offers his arm,
“Come on, Daddy will show you around,
“I think I’m good,” you refuse and he
yanks you away, dragging you after him.
“I wasn’t asking, woman! Move it!”
“Let go!!!” you try to escape but he
has this sinister aura when he pushes you in the elevator so you give up. J
presses the button for lobby and your
stupid assistant doesn’t even bother to glance your way. You are one step away
from firing her even if she’s needed !!!
He traps you in a corner, purring:
“Do you bite and scratch, you bad
Jesus, you remember his nonsense from
reading his file: in the matter of fact, he has no partner for the moment, he
was next on your Division’s list to take care of.
“You still don’t have a girlfriend?”
you directly ask, wishing for a positive reply.
“Why, you’re volunteering?” the
cockiness takes over.
“Nope,” you shiver which prompts
snarling from the recipient of the rejection.
“Don’t lie,” he pulls on your bottom
lip, surprised he doesn’t feel the urge to kill you after your remark.
“I’m not lying; since I’m here might
as well find you a match, that’s what I do!” you tell him the truth but The
Joker misunderstands, of course.
“Oh, you’re a matchmaker?” he
“U-hum, you could say that.”
“Lovely,” he plays along, thinking
it’s a joke. “Lay it on me, Princess: what does the expert advice?”
“First of all, I’m not a Princess,
I’m the head of my Department, OK?” you correct him and J inhales your scent,
dizzy from the outwordly fragrance emanating within your human body.
“Are you now?” he sighs and the
elevator finally stops for the lobby downstairs.
“Yes, I am!” you state with vehemence
and he gets distracted: the cell phone goes off and he backs out, this way he
can take a look at the screen.
“Seems I can’t show you Gotham for
the moment, emergency meeting just came up. I’ll return in the morning, then we
can have some fun, hm?”
You lift your shoulders up and
couldn’t care less. He exits the elevator and you press the button to go up to
the penthouse again, thinking:
What a jerk! ,
and you smile to yourself since you mean it as a compliment. Awesome villain, full of himself and arrogant
as they get. No wonder he’s a legend in the Shadow World.
Frost left also because he had to go
to that meeting. The Joker doesn’t do
anything without his right hand. Why?
A well-known fact in the Shadow
World: the “Lethal Teddy Bear” villain type and “Jerk” type have great
chemistry together, but they don’t even know it. Such a curse and a blessing in
the same time. That’s why the Joker trusts Jonny so much and didn’t kill him
yet even if he always threatens to do it. And that’s why Frost never quits his
job and moves on because he believes his boss is the best, even if he’s so
overbearing and demanding.
Too bad mortals can’t be aware of such
things. Oh, well… it’s their disadvantage and has nothing to do with you and the
”Match Made in Hell” Department.
After you scolded and screamed at
your foolish assistant for half an hour, you got tired and cooled down. Why?
A well-known fact in the Shadow World:
you are “The Dark Menace” kind of Shadow
and the so-called Ellie is “Easy- Breezy” Shadow type. Great chemistry between
the two. That’s why you can’t hate Hkxcqd for long periods of
time, no more than 10 years at once, which is nothing compared to eternity.
“I’m so sorry,” she sniffles, drinking
another cocktail. “But I really love this human, I want to stay here until he
“You’re a complete imbecile!” you
roll your eyes, also sipping from the alcohol she mixed for you. Hmm, not bad for being in a mortal body,
this stuff makes you relax and you need it after being on the edge all day. “I
hope he dies fast then, this way I can get you back.”
Ellie pouts, not happy about your
“Give me a break !” you scoff. “ Jonny
Frost is an excellent villain, but I don’t like him anymore!” and you signal
for another drink.
You finish it in silence and then she
fills up the glass again…and again… None of you want to speak anymore. Mostly
because you are wasted at this point. Your eyelids are heavy but you
continue to down drinks one after another until you finally fall asleep on the
“Oh, shit…my head,” you open your
eyes, the hangover settling in. You passed out and didn’t even move from your spot.
“Hi, boss,” Ellie salutes, handing
you a bottle of water.
“Yuuckk, I don’t miss being human,”
you groan in pain when you realize your shoulder hurts.
“Boss, please, please, please don’t get
mad at me…” she begs while you take a peek to see why your skin stings.
“OH.MY.GOD!” you manage to
There it is: “The Joker—Favorite Villain”
inked on your flesh.You have no words, you are appalled.
“Please don’t do anything reckless,”
your assistant pleads, realizing that this was maybe a catastrophic mistake. “I
really want to stay here and I am sure you would have found a way to take me away even
if I marked myself. So I marked you too, this way you’re stuck here with me…until
our villains die,” and she covers her mouth, scared of what just came out.
imbecile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” you scream, staring at the tattoo. “How dare you???!!!!
You tattooed me without my permission?! With The Joker’s name?! Are
you kidding me??!!”
“I’m so sorry, please forgive me,” Ellie whimpers and it’s so pathetic to hear because
Shadows never cry.
“I’m going to tear you to pieces, you’re
dead!!!!” you claw at your ink but it’s permanent and it won’t go away.
“I can’t die,” she starts bawling and
you want to squeeze the life out of
Hkxcqd but yeah, Shadows are immortal.
“I don’t care, I will still try!”
Before fulfilling your threat, you look
at your tattoo again.
Now you’re bound to The Joker; not
your favorite villain but the accursed ink says otherwise.
I want to be lost so I can find myself,
in pools of sunshine and not in frost,
so let me trace maps and dream,
about the sparkling ocean,
about forests with hidden secrets,
where I belong, where I thought I did.
I am on the ledge, somehow,
and I am an empty shell, again.
he claims I cannot love again,
so let me tear pages in half,
write my name a thousand times,
if I can still remember.
I have shredded motivation so,
let me burn down buildings,
let me scream,
help me lighten the blackness of my thinking,
tinge it yellow, orange instead of grey,
you turn me to winter’s fatal black ice,
I am cold and unforgiving
I am chaos in the calm
I am your mad girl,
a thunder storm, a hurricane
I am not yours, nobody owns me.
I will tear everything down
and finally smile
you tell me I am lovely
and only show me hate,
but I cling to you, I’m mad, mad.
Now there is pressure in my temples
where sadness forms and dissipates
as a loaded gun, safety off
a lit fuse.