and now I’m trying hard to heal // sometimes I fantasize about faking my own death // just to see how it would make you feel 

are you ready for me // or purge my love // are you ready for me // oh ‘cause I’m dying to feel // what I have lost

why can’t I hear you // stay with me, don’t let me go // because there’s nothing left at all // stay with me, don’t let me go // until the ashes of eden fall

they say before you start a war // you better know what you’re fighting for // well baby, you are all that I adore // if love is what you need, a soldier I will be

my secret side i keep hid under lock and key // i keep it caged but i can’t control it // ‘cause if i let him out he’ll tear me up, break me down // why won’t somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

in my blood i feel the bubbles burst // there was a flash of fist, an eyebrow burst // you’ve a lazy laugh and a red white shirt // i fell to the floor fainting at the sight of blood

i paced around for hours on empty // i jumped at the slightest of sounds // and i couldn’t stand the person inside me // i turned all the mirrors around

i’m alive for you // i’m awake because of you // i’m alive i told you // i’m awake swallowing you

come doused in mud, soaked in bleach // as i want you to be // as a trend, as a friend // as a known enemy, yeah

i don’t know what you need // i’m scared of love, i’m scared of what it means to me // this empty house is burning down around me // so cold i don’t know why

it’s no surprise to me // i am my own worst enemy // ‘cause every now and then i kick the living shit out of me // the smoke alarm is going off, and there’s a cigarette // still burning

tremble little lion man // you’ll never settle any of your scores // your grace is wasted in your face // your boldness stands alone among the wreck // now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

tonight // take all the ghosts and all those skeletons // you hide // and bury them deep beneath the ground // let them rest // ‘cause you weren’t meant to bear that burden // look at the roses in your garden // you can breathe now and forget


Brothers in Arms ~ Dire Straits

These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you’ll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you’ll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
Ive witnessed all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There’s so many different worlds
So many differents Suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the suns gone to hell
And the moons riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But its written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
Were fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

Nesryn and Chaol Friendship Headcanons
  • Nesryn teaches Chaol archery and he’s horrible at it
  • “Westfall the target is over there” “idiot”
  • he’s not allowed near a bow and arrow after he almost shot Nesryn in the shoulder
  • they get drunk together and cause so much havoc (especially for Dorian)
  • Chaol is her friend as well as her dad’s friend
  • he never had a positive father figure so it makes sense
  • one day she gets home and sees Chaol and her dad baking cookies together
  • the kitchen is a mess and Chaol is just laughing while he’s covered in flour
  • her dad loves Chaol though
  • “Chaol you’re like my son, and it will be that way unless you try anything with my daughter”
  • Chaol and Nesryn sing songs together (neither one of them will admit it and it stays between them)
  • their voices sound really nice and Chaol plays the guitar
  • Dorian went over to Nesryns house to hang out with Nesryn and his boyfriend but he heard them singing from down the hall
  • he totally didn’t get Nesryn’s dad to listen too
  • and they totally didn’t die laughing over it
  • Chaol is one of the only people who can make Nesryn smile
  • they are very sarcastic and they think it’s hilarious when other people don’t catch on
  • Nesryn is the pun master
  • they help children without a home by bringing them food and clothes
  • they usually end up playing games with the kids
  • imagine Chaol and Nesryn battling to see who can jump rope for the longest (Chaol can)
  • they love playing pranks on Dorian 
  • when Dorian was going to an important meeting, they put a fake snake on his chair and they could her Dorian cursing and screaming from where they were hiding
  • Chaol is the ultimate wingman
  • if anyone wants to date Nesryn they have the go through the Chaol Test though, and if they don’t pass they aren’t worthy 
  • if anyone looks at Nesryn the wrong way he will tell them off or just stare at them with burning rage as hot as ten thousand suns
  • and if someone is hitting on Chaol, Nesryn will pretend to be his girlfriend and be very touchy 
  • ”Nes, get off me!”
  • ”you shouldn’t be complaining, anyone would be lucky to have all this” *wink*
  • he just walks away shaking his head
  • they’re very trusting of each other and have late night talks, where they just talk about their lives and fears 
  • they just want the best for each other and they both know that they’ll be there for each other until the end
(34) the sun balloon

we all have our images
(it seems like)
that we come back to
our beloved metaphor
the same theme
over and over 

if you ever see a picture
about cycles in water
the sun waxing as the moon wanes
the sun waning as the moon waxes
empires and kings and people’s lives 
in cycles
painted in the style i’m pretty sure
anyone reading this on tumblr
knows i like by now
send it my way

for this picture:

i know of / about someone who
writes about balloons
that tugging force
yearning to go but held back
the drifting balloon.
the bright red balloon.
the white balloon,
the sun balloon.

i think she’d
really like
this picture.

…Whoops, sorry
let me actually write poetry
instead of musing
in verses…

on the footsteps of skulls
we climb up staircases
structures fallow and empty
barbed wire lost in the sand
little grits of unbound time
hourglass sand
time sand
lost sand

yellowing staircases
in childhood homes
cobwebs on rollercoasters

staircases unwound with lines and veins
of tick-tock dry-hot hearts
a desert of skeletons
metal-hot against the light years of time
hourglass sand
blood sand
black sand

climbing staircases
in childhood homes
sketching balloons

the blue, blue sky
we yellow under the scorching sun
sand under our bones
grinding against each other
hoping not to become skulls
like everyone else does in time
blue sand
sky sand
sun sand

leaving staircases’
foundations to strain against
we have become suns

something that tugs hard
on a cord
but cannot quite leave
and cannot quite stay
radiant, scorching, dying, becoming skulls
shells of ourselves
we have become sun balloons 

skull sand
staircase sand
sun-balloon sand

A field in the night
Beauty, wonder, and the sky
A voice touched my ears
Speaking from the trees
The earth, the stones and air
“Why do you wonder, little creature?
Why do you dream?”
Are my dreams so offensive? I thought.
Is my wonder an affront?
“Annoying,” said the voice
“That a speck of dust so small
should be so powerful.
For Hope is a multitude of suns
And Wonder vast beyond imagining.
And Dreams, lovely dreams,
Dreams are their own universe
Space and time
Oblivion and infinity all at once.”
Then the cosmos fell silent
Leaving me alone,
And the song of its words died
In the hush of the night.

(57) a chinese wonderland

someone was talking to me today
about a different kind of 
alice in wonderland
and the first thing my mind jumped to 
eris in wonderland
because i’m self-appropriating
like that

but, yes, eris…
chaos, discord, in wonderland
with a cheshire panda
with an umbrella;
where the only thing left fading
is his black-and-white grin snout
and the Caterpillar is a Carp
and the Mad Hatter is a dragon
with his whiskers curled up to form
a beard; jewelry on his beard
and the Mouse is an Archer
who once jumped across cliffs
to shoot the suns
and they are all having 
oolong tea, thank you
and the Turtle is still the Turtle
except his back flickers trigrams
every time he says something new

And the Queen of Hearts
is the maiden from the 
Star-Crossed Bridge
or perhaps an immortal maiden
daughter of the rock
who simply wants to test


A Chinese Wonderland
done right.

and the snicker-snack
of the Jabberwock is