F, who wanted to hear good things,

A few months ago my mom, my sister and I were out and we saved a kitten from getting run over. Now he gets treats daily, his favorite food every evening, he has an abundance of toys that are scattered all over the downstairs area and he sleeps on my pillow above my head when it’s bedtime.

When I was little, my aunt had a bad time with her health. She came to find out that her kidneys were shutting down on her and she needed a transfer. She was going to be put on the waiting list but my mother was tested and she was a match. She gave her one of her kidneys and the procedure went perfectly. It’s been over a decade now and she hasn’t had any health problems since then.

The same aunt always wanted children but she was married to a man who kept finding excuses. He always put himself before her. Even throughout the health scare. A few years ago they got a divorce. Recently she started dating another man. He buys her anti-rejection medicine when he is able to despite her protests and he always cooks for her and waits on her the way she did her ex. When mother’s day came his two kids from a previous marriage bought her a necklace and a card.

I met someone online when I was twelve or so. We were best friends for four years. We eventually exchanged email addresses and then phone numbers after we got our parent’s permission. A few years ago her family packed up and drove nine hours to spent a few days with us and I finally got to meet the person who had always been there for me.

My grandparents weren’t looking for a dog but one day a stray wandered up. She wasn’t vicious, but afraid. It was easy to see that she wanted love but perhaps at one point she had been abused because she would shake and pee out of fear when you petted her Now she comes running to people and licks their faces. She has annual checkups with the vets and a very expensive dog house on their porch and they let her in at nights when it’s cold. My grandpa actually goes out of his way to buy her hamburgers and breakfast sandwiches when he’s out.

I know that these are personal stories and you don’t know me and they don’t mean anything to you but they are little things that make me feel better when I’m having one of those days so I hope that sharing will bring a smile to your face at the very least. They just remind me there is always hope. There are always miracles and in the darkness, there is light too.

I’m sending you love. I truly hope tomorrow is easier.

- A.

Scene: An anti-sjw takes the stage to do some stand-up

“Hey guys, my name is Ben, and I’m an attack helicopter.”

The crowd is silent, watching him with a mix of caution and sympathy. A few people cover their eyes to avoid the trainwreck that they can already see unfolding in front of them. Ben’s hands start to sweat. B-but badsjw reblogged my post! They tagged it as ‘lmao’! How can these guys not find it funny? he thought to himself.

Then, he improvised; Going off script, he started setting the scene.

“I mean like, tumblr, yeah? They got kids on there who… they’re kids and they’re like, ykno, angels. I mean, they think they’re angels”.

A woman in the front is texting her friend to come pick her up as soon as possible.

“They’re all ‘oh I’m an angel! My pronouns are angel / angels / angelself”

There’s a visible recoil in some of the audience members when they hear him say backslash out loud. The woman has silently crept out of her seat and is making her way towards the side entrance. She ducks so as to not block the view of the people sitting beside her, though they would have rather avoided seeing what was transpiring on stage.

Ben sees an opportunity. If there’s one thing he’d come prepared for, it was hecklers. While everyone else had stayed quiet for some reason, unexpected for a university campus, this woman was trying to slink away. He would not let some FEMALE escape his grip.

“Are you triggered? You, in the side.. are you triggered? Did I trigger you?”

The woman stops in her tracks and throws a glance back. He’s pointing. Nobody’s staring at her, they’re all sitting in stunned silence. At least it was free entry she murmured to herself as she pulled the handle on the door and dashed out.

“Trigglypuffs, am I right? SJWs can’t take logic.” Ben quips before he starts throwing his hands around, shouting something indistinct to the audience because the microphone was away from his face. The audience enjoyed the silence.

With the audience still silent, Ben had to pull out the big guns.

“So, I saw someone drop this kitkat on the ground, on the… in central park the other day. I picked it up and ate it because, hey, hashtag candy lives matter”

An audible gag was heard from the back of the room, though the rest of the crowd wasnt sure if it was because of the thought of this trembling puddle of sweat eating a kitkat off the floor or from them physically saying ‘hashtag’ like they were a 40 year old newsreader. This is it Ben thought. I’ve cracked the perfect joke. It’s topical! This will go viral and steven-universe-official and plebcomics will finally follow me back! I can see the copypasta now.

“You fucking suck dude.”

Ben’s daydream about KotakuInAction rallying behind him is dashed as he hears the cry from the left aisle. It was then that he realised he’d been daydreaming for 5 minutes, most everyone had left, and he’d pissed his pants.

As the warmth fell down his leg, all he could see in his mind was the angry post he was going to write up on his own tumblr tonight, about how university campuses are simply hug boxes, not accepting of REAL humour anymore.