Sundays With The Christianists: Home-Schooled Biology So Bad It Lost A Lawsuit

Our latest Christianist textbook, Biology For Christian Schools by William Pinkston (2nd Ed., Bob Jones University Press, 1994) is actually something of a classic, if by “classic” you mean “the focus of mockery and derision by professional biologists” and “so bad that students taught with it were deemed unprepared for college.” We were almost hesitant to address this book, considering it has been mocked for its young-earth creationism and insistence on Biblical inerrancy since it was first published. None of our previous textbook targets has its own Wikipedia entry, after all. We ultimately decided to go ahead and tackle Biology For Christian Schools (to save precious electrons, BioCrisco hereafter) anyway, because “someone else already wrote about that” is several steps lower than both “I was really hung over” and “it’s not even about cats” on the National Bloggers’ Guild’s list of reasons to NOT do a blog post.


Sundays With the Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook That Neither Trusts Nor Verifies

Our ongoing visit to Homeschool America continues – this week, we wrap up our 10th-grade textbook’s look at the Cold War, which Ronald Reagan personally won through deficit spending in the name of fiscal responsibility, scaring the Soviets with a missile shield that was never deployed, and yelling at a wall.

We also don’t learn a single thing about the  Iran-Contra scandal, which our textbook simply doesn’t mention at all.



Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Imperialist

Welcome back, time-tourists, for another visit to the strange world of the past as viewed through a couple of textbooks for the Christian school market. You might recall that last week, we were genuinely impressed to see that some actual history somehow sneaked into our 11th/12th-grade text, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), in its discussion of the USA’s treatment of Native Americans — it was actually critical of U.S. America! (No telling if the editor for that section has since been sent to the re-education camp.) This week, as we discuss turn-of the century imperialism, U.S. History is back to its usual place in this series: the slightly saner older brother to the completely unhinged 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, but still prone to weird proselytizing at the dinner table. Where Land I Love pretty much denies that there was anything “imperialistic” about U.S. expansion beyond North America — because we were just helping, you know — U.S. History at least makes a stab at nuance, acknowledging that

“even the history of American imperialism, probably better than average among imperialist nations, has its darker side of acquisition by conquest and duplicity.”

But on the whole, both books agree that it was a pretty sweet deal for the places America took over, because we brought those folks the chance to be brought to Jesus and a bunch of other blessings of civilization, even if they were bestowed at the point of a bayonet.



Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook For A Very Young Earth

Greetings, Science buffs! Get some pants on already! And maybe some hip boots, because we’re going to continue wading through our tenth-grade textbook from Bob Jones University Press, Biology For Christian Schools by William “Pinkie Pie” Pinkston. Last time, we learned how evolutionary theory fits into Satan’s plot to make Man reject God’s Word. This week, we’ll be looking at some of the completely evidence-based science facts about how Earth was created in six days, and how there was literally no such thing as rain before Noah’s Flood.

To start with, Pinkston would like to serve a healthy dose of STFU to you heathens who think that the sequence of events in Genesis 1 and 2 is “scientifically impossible.” But if you just give it some thought, problem solved!

Noting, for example, that plants were created before the sun, moon, and stars they ask how plants could have lived without the sun. Light, though, was created on the first day but simply had not been organized into the sun, moon, and stars as we know them.

See? There was light, and it’s only your limited human understanding of Bible Science that makes you think it had to come from something. Pinkston leaves aside the question of what exactly the earth was orbiting until the Sun was created on Day 4, because shut up, Satan, is why.


Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books To Shield Homeschoolers From Heresy

We have to admit that we are getting quite an education from our American History textbooks for Christian schools. Last week, for instance, we learned that slavery was unpleasant but had its benefits, like those pretty spirituals. This week, we’ll look at the Second Great Awakening, a period of evangelical growth in the early 19th century, and at other popular religious enthusiasms of the time, which were nothing but twisted heresies. Be sure to take notes, because your immortal soul will be on the quiz. READ MORE

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers In A House Divided

Break out the daguerreotypes and crank up the “Ashokan Farewell” (yes, we know it’s from 1982), because it’s time for some more Civil War in our Christian homeschooling textbooks. First off, a correction: Last week, we said that our 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, didn’t say anything about the causes of the Civil War. This is inaccurate! We simply missed the entire third of a page it devotes to the topic, because it comes at the end of the section, just before it jumps into Reconstruction. And where our other textbook, the 11th/12-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press), identified the central issue of the war as the question of whether “states that voluntarily joined the Union by ratifying the Constitution [could] voluntarily leave the Union,” Land I Love takes a broader view:

While Southerners were outraged by what they considered an abuse of their states’ rights, many Northerners were grieved and angered by the practice of human bondage in their land. Thus both sides fought for values they held dear — the North for national unity and freedom for all men, and the South for states’ rights and the defense of their homes and families.

And that’s about all the analysis the authors figure an eighth-grader can handle. On the other hand, they provide a full page on “Robert E. Lee: Great Christian General.” For this age group, you really have to emphasize the important factual stuff.


Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook That Explains Science Is Mostly Atheists Making Things Up

You know what’s compelling about creationists? They are awfully good at making incredulity seem like science: “Evolution is like believing that a tornado in a junkyard could build a 747″ and so on. Which means that we’re in for one last look at our tenth-grade science textbook, Biology for Christian Schools, by William S. “Stop Calling Me Pinkie Pie” Pinkston. Last time, we looked at the totally convincing scientific evidence for Noah’s Flood (review: God said it did), so now, let’s take a brief look at why most biologists are lying (it is because they hate God).