Heya everyone! Sorry for being so silent! I’ve been working super hard on the video and I’m almost done! I’ve gotten so much support and love in such a short time recently so I rushed to get it finished but unfortunately, it’s only a wip for that reason! I had a full video planned but I wanted to get half of it out to celebrate the followers milestone and save the rest of the video for the next one so that I can fully work on it! Thank you so much for 8000+ followers! I hope you’re all excited and again, I’m really happy you’re all here <3
I read something about flowers a long time ago and to this day, I still remember it. What does a flower need to grow? Sunlight– very, very important. All of the vitamins inside a condense ray of life. Water– balance. Different weather brings different clouds, different colored clouds, different wind, different rain. Fertile ground– something like a blank piece of paper, we need to have space to write, we need to have a spot to grow. Inside of a vase, near a windowsill. Outside in the yard, the garden of your heart. But there’s something missing. Every florist kinda knows, it needs love. Something that can’t be imitated. You can’t fake love, if you can kudos to you. I’m talking about real, all out warfare shoot me with cupid’s arrows several times into my chest if that is what it’s going to take in order for you to grow. Humans aren’t too different. We need to feel the sun rush into our skin. We want to have a thirst for life, so we kiss in the rain and run our excuses as to why it’s going to be totally worth getting sick. It’s not the notebook, but it can still be our book kind of story. We need middle ground, an environment that’s just right– nothing hostile. A high school teacher once told me that if a human goes a few days without human contact, she or he could possibly fall ill or become extremely disillusioned– love, light in its way, heavy in its attempts to stay, however you get this love– it’s important for growth. Sometimes self-love is more important than loving someone. Sometimes loving someone is more important than self-love. It goes to say, love… It’s magic.
Transparent clean sea water off the coast, a gradient of blue from the beach to the depth, buoy… Transparent clean sea water off the coast, a gradient of blue from the beach to the depth, buoy fences. by more_lena
And strangers definitely should not be kissing in dark alleys all alone at night. Not as long as one of those strangers was me.”
A/N: this is longer overdue and i know everybody is excited so !!!! there’s a part of this where it talks about boys not supposed to be flirting with other boys and i just want to clarify that this is because of the time period, not my personal views. other than that, enjoy this mess :)
It seemed that staying up all night was becoming a bad habit of mine. Truthfully, I had actually gotten a little bit of sleep, but with that came a nightmare that kept me up for the rest of the night. Due to this, there were very evident bags under my eyes. I knew this because Crutchie had noticed and pointed them out.
“You okay, Y/N?” He had asked. “You sleeping alright.” I was far too tired to come with a lie, so I let the truth slip from my mouth.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just had a nightmare is all. I woke up and I couldn’t go back to sleep.” As if on cue, a yawn escaped my lips. Crutchie nodded with a sympathetic look, placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing comfortingly. I gave him a small smile in return.
“The next time that happens just come over to my bunk, I’m sure I could tire you out.” I spun around to face a smirking Race, receiving a wink the minute I met his eyes. Crutchie rolled his eyes beside me, muttering an ‘oh brother’ under his breath before walking away. I raised an eyebrow at Race and his smirk grew. I couldn’t help the relief that flooded through me that he was acting normally - or at least, as normal as things got with Race. Deciding to test the waters, I took a step closer to him.
“And how do you suppose you’ll do that if you can’t even get me to kiss you?” I was blatantly teasing him, and, from the look on his face, he was enjoying it. He followed my lead, taking a step forward and almost entirely closing the distance between us.
“Well, maybe I’ll just have to try again.” The lack of distance made it all too obvious that his eyes were suddenly on my lips. But he didn’t lean in. He was waiting, I realized - waiting for some sort of sign that he was allowed to be doing this, allowed to be kissing me. The thought of him standing there, silently asking for permission, sent a spark of warmth spiraling through my chest. For a split second, I considered it. But there was no way I was letting him win this. I placed a finger on his lips as if I was shushing him, pushing him backwards.
“Nice try, but I’m not in the habit of kissing strangers,” I smiled sickly sweet at him. He raised his eyebrows, placing the cigar that had been in his hand between his lips.
“And what makes you think we’re strangers?” He asked, cocky as ever. “Ain’t we been spendin’ every day together for a while now?” I rolled my eyes at that, reaching up to fix my hat.
“We don’t know anything about each other, and you know if. You didn’t even know I was a girl until a few days ago.” He simply shrugged, moving toward the line of newsies waiting to get their papes. I sighed before following him, preparing myself for another day in the heat of New York.
At this point, I was fairly sure we were doing it to see who would break first rather than to actually flirt with each other. Race and I had been teasing each other back and forth all day. He had a slight advantage that he didn’t have to whisper his comments when no one was looking, but there was also the struggle of the majority of the public believing that we were both boys, and therefore shouldn’t be flirting at all.
There was a single moment when I almost let him win, purely on accident. We had stopped in a shaded area to escape the heat and it was empty of people besides us. He had come up behind me, his mouth close to my ear, his hands coming to rest on my hips. He hesitated, but I could tell it was only because he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t swat his hands away. I didn’t.
“It’ll start gettin’ colder soon,” he whispered, his voice sending chills down my spine. “When it does, my offer still stands. You can come over to my bunk if youse gets a little too cold, and I can warm you right up.” I didn’t respond. His breath was tickling my neck, and even though I wasn’t facing him I could tell he was smirking. His hands sent electricity through me, as light as feather, careful not to tighten his grip and push any boundaries. Without meaning to, I leaned into his touch - I leaned into him. My back was against his chest and his hands moved ever so slightly, pulling me a bit closer. It felt like we were both holding our breath, waiting for the other to make the first move.
“Warm me up, huh?” I whispered, somewhat breathless. “I didn’t think you’d be much of a cuddler, Race.” He laughed quietly into my hair.
“I was thinking of a more aggressive approach.” He was talking in my ear again, sending me into a trance. My eyes fluttered closed, my head falling back against his chest. He looked down at me as my eyes opened again, having composed myself.
“We’re still strangers, you know,” I grinned at him. A smile spread across his face in return.
“I ain’t never known no strangers who hold each this close,” He said. My grin quickly morphed into a smirk.
“Oh, you’re right, guess we should stop.” I gave a very obviously dramatic shrug as I stepped away from him. His hand feel from my waist, but he stayed rooted in his place. I turned so I was facing him, taking joy in his flustered appearance. “C'mon, we got papes to sell.” I turned around again and started to walk away. A heat that definitely wasn’t coming from the sun rushed to my face as I thought of the position we’d been in, and what would’ve happened in anybody had found us like that. I glanced behind me to check if Race was following me and I was met with a wink. I made a show of rolling my eyes before continuing on.
Once we sold our last paper, we made our way to our alley. We finished earlier than usual today, which was definitely because of Race. He had been a bit more aggressive in his selling today, seemingly eager to be done. I could understand if it was because of the sun beating down on us, but as far as I could tell that wasn’t the reason. Silently, I wondered (and, okay, kind of hoped) if it was because of the situation we’d found ourselves in earlier in the day.
Considering there hadn’t been a single moment since it had happened that I hadn’t thought about it, it would have been only fair if it was messing him up too. The entire thing was confusing - mindless flirting wasn’t supposed to have an affect like this. And yet I could still feel the ghost of his hands resting gently on my body, his mouth pressed against my ear.
As we took the shortcut through the alley and then walked back toward the lodge, I could feel it in the air between us. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but there was something there. With the lodge in view, I started to pick up my pace, desperate to escape the silence we had been walking in. Before I could get very far his hand was wrapped around my wrist, pulling me back to him. He turned me so I was facing him, our bodies close, but not as close as they had been earlier.
“Ya rethinking kissing a stranger yet?” He asked, a teasing grin on his face.
“Come back to me when we’re a little more acquainted, Higgins,” I laughed. He gave a small pout, but I could hear him following behind me when I started to walk again, this time with a bounce in his step.
I was awake again. I listened to the even breathing and occasional snoring coming from the boys, accompanied by the noises of the city outside. I tried to keep my breathing quiet, but I was having trouble catching my breath at all. It felt like there was smoke lingering in my lungs, causing me to heave and pant. I didn’t want to wake anyone, but at the same time I silently prayed that someone would hear me and come to help.
There were tears staining my face. I must’ve cried while I was asleep, while I had been trapped in yet another nightmare. I shivered as a sudden rush of chills raced through my body. Without thinking, I looked over in the direction of Race’s bunk. I could tell that he was fast asleep, and I almost considered waking him, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. I wasn’t looking for a to “warm up.”
As quietly as I could, I climbed out of my bunk and out the window. The cold metal of the fire escape against my bare feet sent a shock through me, but I climbed upwards anyway. I just needed some fresh air, I decided. I needed to get above it all, things had always seemed better when I put myself high above the city streets. I realized with a start that I could hear voices coming from above me, and climbed until I reached them. They stopped talking when I reached them, but I was greeted with warm smiles.
“Ya had another nightmare?” Crutchie asked, patting a space next to him for me to sit down. I nodded in response, sitting beside him so that I was facing Jack.
“You boys spend all your nights up here?” I asked, yawning.
“We can’t when it gets cold, but I like the fresh air,” Jack replied. “Crutchie sleeps in 'is bunk a lot, but he joins me sometimes.” There was a pause, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice, to sit with them and just forget everything for a little while. “Ya get nightmares often?” Jack finally asked, looking concerned.
“More than usual recently, but yeah, pretty often.” I was too tired to lie, and I didn’t see the point in it. I was sure half the boys in the lodge got nightmares on a daily basis.
“Youse can come up here anytime ya get 'em,” Crutchie spoke up. “We don’t mind the company.” He smiled softly at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. Just minutes ago I hadn’t been able to breathe, but it seemed that the fresh air had cleared the smoke from my lungs. The fire escape wasn’t very comfortable, but eventually I fell asleep comforted by Jack’s and Crutchie’s presence.