sugar bottoms

Christian Louboutin Masterpost

“People say I am the king of painful shoes. I don’t want to create painful shoes, but it is not my job to create something comfortable. I try to make high heels as comfortable as they can be, but my priority is design, beauty and sexiness. I’m not against them, but comfort is not my focus.”

The only man who has every really been honest about the extent of his downfall. This post is an update of an old post. Now, for some reason I picture Louboutins being every SB’s first go to pair of designer shoes. Why? Because they are sexy, gorgeous and the bottoms make any man want to bow down. That being said, they are the MOST painful pair of heels I have ever owned. So every little step to stretch/protect them has been worth it. 

How to Make Heels More Comfortable
As he said, louboutin’s will never be comfortable heels - they are not supposed to be. But, here are some tips and tricks you can use to make them a little less uncomfortable. Before we start, I have the So Kate that I wear to functions/dinners/events aka events where I can sit for long periods of time without looking out of place.

1. If your pair has a narrow front, you will need to stretch the leather. If you want to be a badass, then you can stuff your feet in and walk around for hours and eventually make them form - you will hate yourself. OR, you can use the extra help. Double up on some socks, stuff your feet in and shift all of your weight to the front of your feet. Using your blow dryer, apply high heat directly to the shoe. Make sure to relocate weight to the front of the shoe, the back will stretch as well! IF it stretches too much (that’s okay), then use fashion tape on the back to prevent sliding of your foot. I think it is better to stretch too much then not as all and with the tape, you’ll never notice the difference. 

2. Beauty is pain ladies and these epitomize both. Bandage your third and fourth toes with some medical tape, removes pressure from the nerves. You’ll hold out longer.

3. INSOLES for these brand of heels are a MUST. I didn’t realize how much of a difference they made until I did not wear them. HUGE HUGE HUGE difference.

4. When you are walking, be aware of your posture. If you’re an SB then your posture should always been good, in or out of heels. That being said, in these heels relocating your weight to your heel with an erect back makes it less painful. If you’re not used to this then this would feel awkward but you’ll get used to it - I promise. 

How to Protect Your Red Bottoms 

Yes, I like saving money. However, I chose not to go to the cobbler because they wanted to charge me 70 for the base. And, they would not have been able to protect my babies in time. You can do this for under $12, without any damage to the red after. 

Buy the ZAGG InvisibleShield Military Grade Screen Protector (I recommend this brand only because it’s the only one I know that will NOT damage the red.)  

You will want to buy the OG iPad case just in case you mess up, you can do it more than once. OK, so what you will do is clean the bottom of your shoes with a damp cloth and then outline them on the non-sticky part of the protector. DO NOT ACCIDENTALLY BUY THE GLASS PROTECTOR. Now, it is arts and craft time and you will cut out the base the outline of your shoes. Peel the plastic away, spray spray spray your shoes with the provided solution and slowly apply the sticky face, while being aware of air bubbles. You will want to use your windshield wiper thing to remove as many of the air bubbles as possible.

These are my protected So Kate that I have worn so many times and they still look perfect. It may have costed me more time but saved me a little bit of cash money. DISCLAIMER: If you are walking on floors in a kitchen/restaurant that could be greasy then you will want to be EXTRA careful. When you scruff the bottom, you get the real grip of these shoes. But when the bottom has the protector on then there is a little less traction. 

chocolate velvet cake

The Folklore & Superstition of Tea and Cake

The superstitions revolving around teas and their rituals, along with certain aspects of cake are at times forgotten.

Tea

The supernatural use of tea:

  • Protection - dry tea leaves were sometimes scattered on the front-door step of a new home to protect it from evil spirits.
  • Tea can be used to predict strangers - If a single stalk floats on top of a cup of tea, it means that a stranger is coming - a hard, woody stalk indicates a male visitor and a soft stalk, a female. The length of the stalk tells you whether he or she will be tall or short. To find out when they will come, lay the stalk on the back of the left hand and hit it with the right. However many hits it takes to knock it off tells the number of days before they will stand at your door.
  • Fortune telling with tea leaves - To tell fortunes from tea cups, the tea must be brewed with loose leaf tea and poured into the cup without using a tea strainer. The person whose future is to be divined must turn his or her cup three times in an anticlockwise direction. To do this the cup should be held in the left hand and turned by the handle. Then it is tipped upside down to drain off the last few drops of tea. It is a bad sign if there are a lot of leaves left in the bottom of the cup. But it is a good sign if the leaves are scattered evenly over the bottom and sides. The fortune teller then analyses the pictures and images that are visible in the leaves in order to foretell the tea drinker’s fate. If the leaves are deposited in the bottom foretell the distant future. The sides of the cup represent the not-too-distant future, and leaves that lie near the rim predict imminent events.

Common tea herbs & their properties:

  • Chamomile - It is connected to the element of water. It helps cleanse the throat chakra. It promotes calm and tranquil energies, as well as a peaceful sleep.
  • Vanilla - It is connected to the element of fire. It is used for confidence, love, and prosperity. 
  • Thyme - It is connected to the element of air. It is thought to help evoke the ability of clairvoyance, as well as psychic development.

Tea superstitions:

  • It is a bad omen if boiling water was poured into an empty pot - that is, if the tea-maker forgot to put in any tea-leaves.
  • If the tea was weaker than intended, a friend will turn away from you; but if it came out too strong, a new friendship was on the horizon.
  • It is unlucky to stir the pot prior to pouring - it will result in a quarrel. It is also ominous to stir tea with anything other than a spoon.
  • To spill a little tea while making it is a lucky omen.
  • To put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry.
  • Tea spilling from the spout of the teapot while being carried indicates a secret will be revealed.
  • Undissolved sugar in the bottom of your teacup means that there is someone sweet on you.
  • If the tag falls off the teabag while it’s in your cup, you will lose something within a week.

Cake


Birthday cakes:

  • The Ancient Greeks were the first to write Happy Birthday on a cake in edible writing - relating to the worship of the moon goddess ‘Artemis.’ Her birthday was celebrated by eating moon-shaped honey cakes with candles on the top. It was said that bad spirits were attracted to celebrations so it was very important to wish a person a 'happy birthday,’ blow out the candles and read any wishes inscribed on the cake as a kind of magical protection.
  • Many believe that candles blown in order to make a wish are only fulfilled if they areblown in one breath. It is said by some, that the smoke from blown out candles carries their wishes to the Heavens.

Wedding cakes:

  • The tradition of a wedding cake comes from ancient Rome, where revelers broke a loaf of bread over a bride’s head to increase the chances of fertility.
  • Legend says single women will dream of their future husbands if they sleep with a slice of groom’s cake under their pillows.
  • Eating the crumbs of a wedding cake will bring you good luck.
  • In the 18th century, newlywed couples would try to keep the cake until their first anniversary to prevent them from marriage problems in the future. This is one of the reasons why cakes in the 18th century were made of fruits and blended with wine.

Christmas cakes:

  • People tend to save a piece of Christmas cake for New Year because not doing so is said to bring bad luck in the subsequent year.
  • Cutting a Christmas cakes before Christmas Eve is said to cause bad luck.
  • The dumb-cake was made at midnight on Christmas Eve is prepared in complete silence by the bachelors and spinsters. One who made it left their initials on the upper surface of the cake. If the silence remained unbroken, the future partner was believed to come and leave their initials on the cake. If one walked backwards to bed after eating dumb-cake, a dream about a future spouse was sure to visit them.

Other cake superstitions:

  • A Victorian superstition states that placing a piece of fruit cake under one’s pillow will cause a dream of their future spouse.
  • If food is being served at tea-time, the person to take the last piece of cake from the plate will be the first to get married.
  • Tipping over a slice of cake while serving a guest is said to bring bad luck.
  • The ancients gave cakes away on days of new beginnings and celebrations, believing they had some magical way to guarantee fertility, good luck, riches and drive away evil.

Self-love jar requested by anonymous

Ingredients:

  • a little bottle/jar
  • wax, pink if you can
  • sugar for peace
  • vanilla for tenderness
  • dried rose for love
  • dried mint for positivity
  • dried sage to keep negative thoughts away
  • lavender for calm and love
  • a love stone such as rose quartz (if you have one)

How to proceed:

  1. Take the time to light a candle, meditate if you wish to and focus on your intent:self love, feeling love to yourself, seeing your beauty, etc. Visualize it cleary and with as many details as possible.
  2. Add the sugar at the bottom of your jar, then all the other ingredients in layers. With each ingredient, repeat your wish for loving yourself.
  3. Finally, add the lid to your bottle and seal it with the wax (I used vanilla wax here), focusing on your intent one last time
  4. Add a pink ribbon if you wish.
  5. Keep the jar with you and don’t hestiate to pull it out everytime you feel self doubt overpowering you!

Note: you can also do the same thing as a charm bag, using a pink, red or golden fabric!

And of course, for any question, shoot me an ask!

Other self love ideas can be found here

Spells/charm bags/jars requests are OPEN

luminatinggalaxies  asked:

Since requests are open, do you think you guys can do one with the RFA+V+Saeran and their reactions to MC who is pregnant with their kid/kids? They can find out either from MC telling them or finding out by themselves. Thank you! Side note: I am absolutely in love with your blog, you guys are doing such a great job, I'm pretty sure you guys know this<3 Keep up the good work.

Anon said: for RFA + Saeran + V, they have been trying for a baby for awhile, Mc has wanted to surprise them but they find the pregnancy test first and you can take it from there~


These two were very similar so we kind of mixed them together. Hope you like them!


Zen:

  • You buy one of those mugs that has text written inside at the bottom
  • This one says, “Number #1, Dad!”
  • You fill it coffee one morning and tell him it’s a special mug
  • He thanks you and starts drinking it
  • It’s really hard for you to stay calm…because he’s really drinking it slowly
  • Then all of a sudden he jumps up and says he has to go
  • You look into his cup and literally he has one sip left that’s hiding the message
  • “You sure you don’t want to finish one sip?”
  • “No, thank you though. All the sugar is on the bottom so it’s too sweet. I never finish.”
  • You sigh as he rushes away to get ready
  • You’re trying to think of how to tell him again, when he bursts out of the bathroom and runs back to you
  • It takes him a few minutes to speak, but finally he stammers out
  • “Y-you’re pregnant?!”
  • You stare at the bottom of the cup confused
  • Did he just realize it?
  • He tells you that he saw the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter
  • You facepalm realizing you left it out
  • He’s so ecstatic that he lifts you up and spins you around

Yoosung:

  • He comes home after a really long day at the vet hospital
  • He says he’s so hungry
  • “You mentioned a special dinner earlier, honey,” he smiles while looking at the empty table.
  • You just smile and say you’ll serve it now
  • So he sits down at the dining room table and waits
  • You bring out jars of baby food one by one
  • He’s very confused as you set them all on the table
  • “Is this….some sort of new diet we’re starting?”
  • He doesn’t realize they’re baby food jars until he picks one up and examines it
  • You can see his eyes growing really wide as he picks up each jar
  • To finish off the whole thing, you just smile, “Hold on…I think I have a bun in the oven.”
  • He jumps out of his seat and gives you a huge hug
  • But then he steps back suddenly
  • “Oh no! Did I crush it? I can’t crush our baby…”

Jaehee: Gender Reveal

(She would’ve figured out you were pregnant way too quickly, so we decided to do a gender reveal instead…)

  • You two had spent the last few months debating on whether it was a boy or a girl
  • Jaehee insisted it was probably a boy
  • She said she had a feeling
  • Finally you found out, and decided to do a reveal
  • You place a cake in front of her
  • Jaehee smiles and says, “it’s a boy, isn’t it?”
  • You shrug and say, “Yeah…you were right. What can I say?”
  • You tell her to cut the cake anyway for a picture’s sake
  • But when she cuts it…it’s both blue and pink
  • She looks up at you really surprised, “You’re having twins!”
  • You’ve never heard Jaehee squeal in delight before
  • She keeps hugging you all day

Jumin:

  • You gave him a big scare when one day you nearly passed out and started throwing up
  • He called the doctor right away
  • While you were resting, he pulled the doctor aside and asked if everything was okay
  • The doctor told him that you were just pregnant, so it was a side effect and just to be careful
  • Jumin is very shocked…but he was also worried about you
  • In the midst of you recovering and him thinking you would tell him when you’re ready, he forgot to mention that he knew
  • A week later, you brought out a wine bottle for dinner
  • He assumes you didn’t know you were pregnant yet and gets worried
  • “You really shouldn’t be drinking that in your state.”
  • Your response is a mix of surprise and admonition
  • Finally, you turn the bottle around to reveal the label
  • “Drink this for me. I’ll join you soon. Baby Han coming in April.”
  • He just hugs you softly, apologizing for finding out first
  • But you both are too happy to care
  • Bonus: He also suspected when Elizabeth had been very clingy to you lately

Seven:

  • You had insisted that he go for a drive since he’d been working a lot lately
  • He did, and he got some coffee on the way
  • It hits him and he really has to use the bathroom, so he rushes back home earlier than you expected
  • When he walks in the door, you’re…in a crop top
  • You never wear crop tops, so it’s strange for him
  • Besides that, your back is turned and you seem to be writing something on your stomach
  • The whole situation is strange, but his bladder is about to burst so he just brushes it off and runs into the bathroom
  • He was looking for soap under the sink when he saw the pregnancy test
  • He couldn’t contain his excitement and rushed out to you
  • Before he could say anything, you had turned around
  • You were midway drawing a loading bar onto your stomach, so all it read was “Load”
  • By the way he was crying a little, you knew he already saw
  • He just wraps you in a hug and bends down to kiss your stomach
  • Only the sharpie was still fresh and he got some on his face

Saeran:

  • It had taken him awhile to warm up to the idea of having kids
  • So, when you found out you were pregnant, you wanted to announce it in a special way
  • You replaced all the clothes in his closet with baby clothes
  • But he didn’t get it
  • You weren’t home when he opened his closet
  • He saw the clothes and thought it was a prank from Saeyoung
  • Despite his brother insisting he didn’t do it, Saeran grabs the nearest pillows and starts beating him down for it
  • You return home and find the two in a brawl, and you ask what in the world happened
  • He glares at Saeyoung, “Someone pulled a childish prank on me.”
  • He pauses, realizing what he said, “NO I didn’t mean that.”
  • But it’s too late and you and Saeyoung are giggling
  • You manage to calm yourself and tell him that it was you
  • At first, he’s confused, but then he realizes
  • He makes you do like five more pregnancy test just to make sure
  • You’re a little worried because he’s silent for a long time
  • But then he quietly confesses that he’s so happy and pulls you into his arms
  • While you’re hugging, he just mumbles, “You’re gonna put my clothes back though, right?”

V:

  • You two had been trying for kids for awhile, but nothing came up
  • So when the pregnancy test finally came positive, you were in shock
  • Your first instinct was to tell him right away, but you wanted to do something special
  • So you tell him casually that you haven’t had a couple’s photoshoot in awhile
  • He agrees and you two plan it
  • During one shot, you tell him to turn his back while you hold a chalkboard
  • He thinks it’s an inspirational quote or something so he goes along with it
  • On the board, you had written, “You’re going to be a dad!”
  • He goes to check how the photo came out and you can see his eyes light up
  • A few tears slip from his eyes as he stumbles towards you
  • He hugs you tightly and just says how thankful he is for you…and the baby
  • You can’t help but cry with him

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

au#1

concept: harry (in early 20s) being a cutesy little waiter at this cute milkshake and bakery type shop that’s all frilly and pink and they wear roller skates and serve the people there and harry is in cute high waisted shorts and an adorable crop top with a cute little bow tie along with his knee high socks and he’s roller skating around to serve people their cute baked goods and stuff and one day louis’ little girl begs him to let her rent the entire place out and throw her seventh birthday party there and so fast forward to the day and it’s just Louis chaperoning all these little girls with Liam and they’re wearing silly feather boas and tiaras because that’s the attire for the party obviously and Harry comes rolling in with his pretty shorts and milky white skin and glitter eyeshadow and lipgloss and he’s all like “hi! I see we have a birthday girl today!” And Louis who obviously looks hella daddy and scruffy in this moment in his early 30s is staring at Harry like oh my god let me take you to the nearest bathroom stall and have my way with you and Harry KNOWS it can feel it and God he’s being extra giggling and lingering around the party more and smiling at Louis and batting his eyelashes even bending over a bit too slowly to pick up that empty cupcake wrapper to show off his cute little ass and the party is fairly nice until one of the kids spills a drink on Harry’s thin little crop and Louis sees an outline of a lacy padless bra pressed against Harry’s chest and Louis is GONE
He shoots up immediately and darts for the bathroom to try to get himself together
Harry comes after to fix his shirt and possibly change but once the two are alone in the bathroom they stare at each other for a long while before Louis grabs Harry and yanks him over, Harry squealing and rolling over in his skates and then they’re kissing like mad, breathing heavily into each other mouths and groping each other. It gets so bad Louis practically grabs Harry’s thigh and lifts it up beside his hip as they’re just making out and getting more and more sexually frustrated and it’s so so hot and Louis is hella horny but hey there’s a party outside so no can do kiddo so they part after a while and Harry rolls back to grab his spare crop he’d brought with him and he changes his shirt while looking at Louis the entire time showing off the pretty real bra he had on before pulling the crop on Louis watching the entire time before Harry giggles and balls up the wet crop after fiddling with it for a while and playfully tosses it at Louis with a cute smile before skating out of the bathroom leaving Louis with a crop top with a little number written in sharpie at the very base of the shirt near the hem rip

anonymous asked:

Hi! I love your account and I would like to know if you had any Yoonmin fics with yoongs being Jimin sugar daddy? Preferably with smut as well :) thank you much love <4

Hiii! Thank you for liking this blog I really appreciate it :)))))))¨

Throw Sum ‘Mo by sungmin (anchoredPaws) [it’s a series with 2 works, rated E, 10k]

Keep Your Money (Give Me Your Love) by snowflakechim [rated E, 2.9k]

Show Me What You Got by baekb_ae [rated E, 2.2k]

The Sweetest Lie by aborescent [rated T, 2.5k]

That’s a lot less than I thought i had ;;

-Admin Nana

In A Heartbeat Love Jar

Ever since this short film came out I cry each and every time I watch it. It’s so pure and heartwarming. It is the best example for young gay children out there who still feel at lost about who they are or where they belong. I deiced to make this spell jar inspired by In A Heartbeat as a little protection trinket for LGBTQIA+ people. Hope you enjoy.

Keep reading

i’m still pretty fucking ticked off that literally NOWHERE in this goddamn state (Washington) has sweet iced tea. NOWHERE. for those who don’t know, I moved here from Florida a few months back, and i have been shocked and dismayed every single time I have gone into a restaurant and asked for sweet tea. “We have unsweet iced tea and sugar packets?” the bewildered waitstaff says to me every single time, staring at me like spooked animals. No. That is not what I want. I have to put a billion sugar packets in and it still never tastes the same and it’s always goddamn nasty because the sugar doesn’t dissolve and just sinks to the bottom of the glass and I end up with TEA-FLAVORED SUGAR SLUDGE at the bottom and BITTER DEATH WATER in the rest of the glass. I WANT SWEET ICED TEA, WASHINGTON. WHERE IS iT? WHY DON’T YOU FUCKERS LOVE HAPPINESS AND LIBERTY?! WHERE IS IT?!!?

anonymous asked:

Any fics with sugar baby yoongi??

Ahh, I love sugar baby Yoongi fics! I honestly hope I find a lot~~

5 times Jimin hated his sugar baby, and 1 time he loved him by  Yoongi_trash [rated M, 5.7k] - YoonMin

Mutually beneficial arrangement by TheAvatar [rated M, 3.4k] - YoonMin

Sugar Daddy by resonae [rated M, 3k] - YoonJin

you need him (i could be him) by hugeboymino [rated E, 11k] - SugaMon

his weekend by hobilu [rated E, 2.7k] - YoonSeok + side YoonJin, SugaMon, Taegi

Oh man oh man I’m sorry this is the only thing i could find :( :( 

-Admin Nana


An exhausted Evie was in such a hurry to just get back to her dorm and crash that she didn’t even notice the soft lamplight spilling out from the crack underneath the door, and as such, she was entirely surprised by Mal’s presence in the room when she unlocked the door and stepped inside.  Mal was on her bed, cozy in pajamas as she sat with her knees hugged to her chest.


“Hey,” she greeted.  The tv was on, and she absentmindedly watched.

Evie’s perfect eyebrows furrowed, very confused as to why she was seeing Mal here, already retired for the night.

“…Hi, M.  You’re back early,” she noted, shutting and locking the door behind her.  "What happened to your date?  Ben’s king stuff come up again?“

”…Not exactly.“

Evie lobbed her purse onto her bed, let the gears turn and whirl inside her head for a second, then turned back to Mal with folded arms.

"Why do you have Evasive Face?” she questioned.

“Okay, one, I don’t have a face specifically reserved for evading, and two—”

“Why do you have Evasive Face?”

A defeated smile glided into place on Mal’s expression accompanied by an equally defeated little laugh.  She couldn’t get anything over on that girl.

“…Ben and I broke up,” she announced.  "Or I broke up with Ben, whatever you want to call it.“

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

last year during english 10 my friend ate an entire bag of sour patch kids and then snorted the acidic sugar at the bottom of the package and it burnt the inside of his nose

Everyone please stop snorting things

oriannagod-deactivated20150613  asked:

hey molly i'm having a slow day and i was wondering if you were in the mood to tell another story because literally i have not laughed as hard at anybody else's anecdotes on this entire goddamn site and it would be pretty rad

when i lived in spain, i worked as a “bartender” in madrid. i put “bartender” in quotation marks because my boss fernando trusted me with literally nothing but cleaning glasses and occasionally a CLOSELY SUPERVISED mojito. the bar was called “la chocita sueca,” which basically means “the swedish hut,” but can also, as far as i can tell, mean something VERY DIFFERENT and vERY RUDE.

  • this led to a lot of general confusion from the patrons, who were always wondering whether i (the only super, super white person) was The Swede. 
  • “THIS BAR IS NOT NAMED AFTER ME,” i would shout, trying to be heard above the music and the huge portrait of elvis that hung behind the bar. “I AM LITERALLY JUST HERE TO WASH DISHES AND MAKE TERRIBLE MOJITOS.”
  • “OK BUT ARE YOU SWEDISH?” they would ask me. “LIKE ARE YOU SWEDISH, THOUGH?”
  • “nO.”
  • “ARE YOU SURE?”
  • “VERY SURE.”
  • “YOU LOOK SWEDISH.”
  • “I UNDERSTAND, BUT I AM NOT SWEDISH.”
  • “NOT EVEN A LITTLE SWEDISH?”
  • “NOT EVEN A LITTLE SWEDISH. AS I HAVE SAID.”
  • “BUT YOUR EYES ARE VERY BLUE?”
  • “I AM NOT FUCKING SWEDISH!!!!!!!!" 
  • at which point fernando would sweep in and say soothingly, “shhh, it’s okay. why don’t you go wipe down the vomit on the bar??”
  • rinse. rather. repeat.

anyway, on weeknights when the bar wasn’t busy, fernando always let me come in and talk to him and learn how to make drinks. as someone who hates hard liquor, i was very bad at it. my entire repertoire is a mimosa and a tequila sunrise. in my defense, fernando was aware of this going in. the entire hiring process went:

ME: can i work here?
FERNANDO: do you know how to make alcoholic beverages in exchange for money?
ME: no.
FERNANDO: come on wednesday.

so one day, my roommate bryan takes me out for a delicious fancy dinner, along with his little brother and his little brothers three friends, who were all visiting and sleeping on our floor. on the walk home i noticed that we were going to pass by la chocita (which was about a 5 minute walk from my house). so i separated from bryan and the boys to drop in and say hello to my old friend fernando. 

it’s a tuesday at 9:30p.m. so the bar was naturally empty, and fernando was just chillin’ with the elvis picture and the human-sized statue of liberty replica. 

"maya!!” he said. he called me maya, as did most of my friends in madrid, because it was easier and because i hate the way “molly” sounds when it is breaking up a spanish sentence. “molly” in any language that isn’t english literally sounds like a fart on a first date.

  • “molly” when said in an english sentence: what a cute, rosy-cheeked young lady, probably looking to cuddle a dog and have a good laugh!!
  • “molly” when said in literally any other language: WHAT IS THIS GROSS PIECE OF WOOD IN MY MOUTH?? IT TASTES OF TODDLERS AND THE ASHES OF YOUTHFUL DREAMS.

so in i pop, and there is fernando, who immediately sets to telling me all about his son and how handsome he is and how he’s about my age and fernando’s not saying anything but he’s JUST SAYING—

“here, have some of this,” fernando said, and handed me a glass of kalimotxo.

  • WHAT IS KALIMOTXO, you ask? PRETTY EASY:
  • 1. get some cheap-ass wine, like hella cheap, like the CHEAPEST WINE YOU CAN FIND, PROBABLY IN A BOX, PROBABLY CALLED “CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP WINE FOR POOR COLLEGE STUDENTS.”
  • 2. get some diet coke.
  • 3. get some ice
  • 4. combine.
  • 5. “WHAT IS HAPPENING????” - your body, horrified and delighted.

“idk, fernando,” i said. “it’s a tuesday? i have class tomorrow?”

“WHO EVER GOT DRUNK ON A LITTLE KALIMOXTO,” fernando said.

i took the drink.

  • “WHAT IS HAPPENING????” - my body, horrified and delighted.

“try this, too,” fernando told me after a moment, pushing a bright green glass in my direction. “it’s new. i’m trying it out.”

“idk, fernando,” i said. “it’s a tuesday? i have class tomorrow?”

“WHO EVER GOT DRUNK ON A LITTLE BRIGHT GREEN BOOZE?” fernando said.

i took the drink.

  • “THIS IS DANCING A SAMBA IN MY MOUTH!!” - my actual words to my actual boss.

“wait wait, try this one,” fernando added, now pushing a tiny shot glass toward me with gold-colored liquid and sugar at the bottom.

“idk, fernando,” i said. “it’s a tuesday? my lips are tingly?”

“WHO EVER GOT TINGLY LIPS FROM A LITTLE GOLD-COLORED LIQUID WITH SUGAR AT THE BOTTOM?” fernando said.

i took the drink.

  • “it tastes like i already regret it!!!” - me, giving the statue of liberty replica a kiss.

“I FUCKING LOVE YOUR BAR NUTS,” i said. “THEY’RE THE BEST BAR NUTS I HAVE EVER HAD. CAN I HAVE A POUND OF THEM?”

“okay,” fernando said, and handed me a bag of bar nuts as big as my torso. it was very heavy. it was a tuesday at about 11p.m. and i opened the bag, dipped my hand in, and shoved a whole handful into my mouth.

  • IN MY DEFENSE: these were the best bar nuts in the world.
  • i stand by that.

“you should go home,” fernando told me, looking suddenly doubtful. “you have class on wednesday.”

“WHO EVER HEARD OF CLASS ON A WEDNESDAY?” i said. “GIVE ME SOME MORE OF THE TINGLY LIPS STUFF.” it was probably hard to hear me around the bar nuts.

fernando, now very alarmed, called me a taxi. i should remind you that my apartment was a five minute walk from the bar, but with my hands full of a full 3-lb bag of bar nuts that i refused to give back and a my fist closed tightly around the neck of a bottle of tinto de verano, there was really no way i was going to make it that far.

“where to?” the taxista asked. i gave him my address. he blinked at me. “that’s… right there,” he said, and pointed.

“yes,” i agreed, taking another mouthful of bar nuts.

“we can see it,” the taxista said.

“yes,” i agreed again. “would you like some bar nuts?”

“….no,” the taxista said, and pulled forward toward my apartment, glancing nervously back at the chipmonked motherfucker doublefisting bar nuts and dessert wine in the back of his cab on a tuesday.

“DID YOU KNOW,” i said, “I AM NOT AT ALL SWEDISH?”

“okay,” the taxista said. “we’re here.”

i don’t remember what happened after that, but in the morning i woke up to the following three surprises:

  1. the tinto de verano was nowhere to be found. nowhere. did i give it to the taxista???? did i leave it on the stairs???? HAD THERE EVER BEEN A BOTTLE AT ALL???? WHO PUT SEVEN LEMONS IN MY FRIDGE?
  2. i was wearing socks on my hands.
  3. i woke up to bryan’s brother and his three friends asking loudly, “why the hell are there nuts everywhere?”

“NO REASON,” i said.

who wants to hear the story of fratboy harry with daddy louis? :~)

(AU#2)

There once was a fratboy named Harry Styles who was all stereotypical boy with the wild parties and sports and dumb jokes. At least that was his shell. Everyone adores him though they think he sleeps around with a bunch of girls because at house parties he’s always dragging them into a bedroom but little did they know it was only to give them water and crackers and let them sleep so they can sleep off their drunkenness and not get taken advantage of by gross boys. So he stays in the rooms with until they are sober enough to leave or something of the sort. Rumors spread and Harry is just the guy that loves to sleep with girls every chance he gets.

The week before spring break us pretty wild because Harry is so hectic and excited because his LOVE was coming to get him. Harry was very discrete about who his love was. He’d never specified the gender or anything. Simply kept having the biggest heart eyes and just going on and on about how excited he was to go to on a Spring trip with his love because they were finally free from work and and they both could be together for break.

Everyone is whispering and wondering which girl was lucky to be Harry’s love and why she didn’t attend the same Uni and who exactly was she.

The day Harry’s love was supposed to come, the boy was decked out in his jeans and v neck and flannel shirt and backwards snapback with converse looking so fratboy-like with all of his bags. There’s a going away party being held at the house but Harry has been cooped up in the corner reading text after text and sending texts and giggling and blushing like an idiot and boy this girl really has Harry gone.

Soon enough an expensive sports car rolls up in front of the house and Harry jumped up so fast and made his way through the crowd with his bags and everyone at the parties rushes over as well to see who the hell is this mysterious person

And there’s a sexy man with sunglasses and expensive but casual clothing and aviators leaning against the car with his arms folded and Harry drops his luggage outside and squeals out The biggest “DADDY!” And rushes over to Louis and Louis grins and hugs Harry just as tightly, spinning The boy around and kissing Harry all over.

“Hi princess. Missed you,” Louis mumbles Ito Harry’s cheek before pulling away and resting his hands on Harry’s bum all protectively and in love. “They’re staring.” He tells Harry as he sees everyone gaping and just surprised. Not only was Harry’s love NOT a girl but he was also someone’s sugar baby!

Harry simply giggles and shrugs. He doesn’t care. He has a pretty pair of panties on under his jeans that he’s ready for Louis to pull off with his teeth on the plane ride to their spring vacation.

L'art pour l'art

Pairing: Jimin/Taehyung
Rated: E
Author: MarionetteFtHJM
Length: 20k

Taehyung, high-school dropout at the young age of 15, is now 18 and in some deep shit. His supposed ‘team’ isn’t helping and it serves him right, he should have studied math.This is what he gets for pursuing a life of crime.

(Or: Taehyung tries to steal a painting and gets caught, cue fake it till you make it)

Read on AO3