How does sugaring work? Honey, let me take you by the hand ...
I received this message from a lovely
young woman who is “trying to do her research”:
Hey! I was wondering if you can let me
know how sugaring works exactly. Like I get the summary of it but I’m more so
curious as to how some women get sugar daddies who are fine w companionship etc
Oh also may you maybe add in what’s
best to start off? As a escort, spoiled girlfriend, sugar baby
(platonic/‘mentor) etc? j really
appreciate your help
Honey, let me take you by the hand as we go through the Looking Glass!
Experienced and successful SBs say that sugaring is a
lifestyle. And they are absolutely
right! In many respects, it is
completely different from the way you approach and live in your “vanilla”
world, and in other respects, the two overlap; for example, a good “sugar
hustle” can serve you well in a “vanilla career”, but the fact remains that
sugaring is a unique craft or skill.
Sugaring is about pleasing a man and providing him with an
experience that he cannot or does not get in his own “vanilla” life, but,
equally important, it is about making sure that you are pleased and satisfied
in return. For most SBs, this involves
meaningful financial support as the bedrock foundation of a good sugar
relationship, and that is the way it should be!
You can spin it anyway you want, but the truth is that a good SB is
providing a “service” first and foremost, and, in return for “services
rendered”, she should be compensated.
So, that, in my opinion, is the first rule of sugaring. It takes time to find the right “price point”
that is appropriate for you and there are myriad factors that come into play;
including your location (big or small “market”), your financial needs and
goals, the type of sugaring you want to do (platonic, long distance, skyping,
sexual, extended meetings or short dates), and your work/school/home situation.
Like any skill, work, career or profession, sugaring has a
learning curve; often a steep one at that!
There are no shortcuts, there are no “one size fits all” manuals that
are going to transform you from a newbie to an experienced SB overnight. It takes time to learn the craft of
sugaring. It takes commitment and
dedication. You will make mistakes, and
you have to learn from those mistakes.
You will encounter personality types that you have never dealt with
before – whether good, bad or even monstrous – and you will have to have or get
a “thick skin” if you are to succeed!
You can read the blogs of SBs all day long, which is very good and
important, but reading a blog (even mine! lol) is NOT going to transform you
into an experienced SB; you have to experience the bowl for yourself! Above all, always be careful, stay safe and
trust your instinct. I often say this,
and I’ll say it again, because it is TRUTH:
never let financial need cloud your judgment! Decisions made based on financial need are
almost always bad decisions! Do not put
yourself into unsafe situations; do not “trust” some guy that you have just met
(or are going to meet) and do not be intimidated or manipulated into doing
something that you know that you do not want to do!
Especially in the beginning, feel free to reach out your SB
sisters if you have questions; and, when possible, try to do that BEFORE you
make a decision or commitment. I always
feel bad for a SB that posts an “after action report” about a mistake that she
made; I think, damn, if she would have posted a question before she went on
that date, she could have avoided the entire mess!
I think the best way to start is to sign up on a sugaring
website. There are a lot of them out
there, and, believe me, at this point, since sugaring has achieved a
“mainstream” presence in our society and culture, every single sugaring website
is going to be loaded with guys who are salty, creepy, freaky, perverted,
childish, foolish, stupid and mean. One
of the true skills of sugaring is being able to weed those losers out without
wasting too much of your time and focus on real POTs. Again, that skill takes time to develop. No shortcuts there!
I have only used SA, and it has worked for me. I know that a lot of SBs don’t like it, but,
quite frankly, I think the same can be said for any sugaring website out
have posted my thoughts on various aspects of starting out as a new SB, and,
rather than repeating those points here at length, here are the links. Read them!
I think they will provide you with a good starting point on some of the
Dos and Don’ts that may actually save you some time and frustration.
I want to address one part of the question that you asked
me; i.e., whether it is possible to be a strictly platonic SB. I can tell you that I have never sought out
or been involved in a platonic arrangement; i.e., one that did not involve
sexual intimacy. I imagine that it is
possible, but there is a unique set of challenges that come with drawing the
line to exclude sex. I do think it is
more difficult to find a SD that is willing to pay you “top dollar” for just
social companionship and, as other SBs have posted, if the thought of having
sex with an older guy turns you off, maybe you should rethink whether sugaring
is “right for you”, if for no other reason than you still have to “compete”
with SBs who are willing to have sex with these guys. Now, I’m not saying that you have to “hop
into bed” with a guy on the “first date”, but, I do think that you will make
your sugaring life easier if you are willing to acknowledge and accept that sex
going to be “on the menu”.
Turning to your last question, i.e., the best way to “start
off” is difficult to answer because the escort, spoiled
girlfriend, sugar baby (platonic/'mentor) routes are so completely
different. Sure, they share certain
things in common, but, ultimately, they are very distinct approaches to
Again, it is all a matter of experience; some girls who start out as
escorts end up going the sugar daddy route and vice versa, because, at least in
part, they learn, over time, what sort of “vibe” and experience works best for
them. Again, there is no substitute for experience, dipping your toe into the
bowl, so to speak and finding out what works for you.
Finally, do not measure your success or progress by what
you read on blogs! Sugaring is very
personal and individual-specific. You
may find a SD that you think is absolutely perfect that someone else would say
is “splenda” or “salt”. The only thing
that matters is your own happiness and satisfaction!
Do you have info on what to eat when overcoming parasites? There are many conflicting opinions saying you should have little-no starch & consume a high fat/low sugar diet, or vice verser. I've trailed (separately) LF high veg/fruit diet & LF high-starch, to no success. Suffering from parasites (2yrs) is an awful experience & trying to find the perfect diet to overcome, is additionally stressful. Doing all recommended protocols, but believe my diet confusion is holding me back. Thank you kindly
so many people fall into that parasite nonsense. get a proper stool test from a reputable lab & they will test your parasites against popular natural and medicinal methods. I actually got them for real when I lived in China. I was so freaked out. My Dr told me the cure for parasites is living in developed countries. They require filth to complete their lifecycle. Butt to mouth. When you have running water and sanitation they don’t keep spreading. It depends on what type of course. Papaya Seeds (be careful) have plenty of pub med studies as being broadly effective. Don’t self treat, see a Dr, get a test, confirm that what you are going to take is effective. That is science. What people do on the internet with self diagnosis is mental illness & insanity when it comes to parasites and cleanses.
It’s been awhile since I posted anything and I thought I’d do a post on a question I’ve been getting a lot by potential sponsors - I don’t know if these men are all reading the same book or negging technique pamphlet but lately all these men have been asking me this question.
“ So what’s your vice? ”
Vice. Flaw. Weakness. It’s equivalent to the job interviewer asking you what your greatest weakness is. It’s meant to manipulate you and throw you off guard.
For awhile, it did. I didn’t know how to answer. I once said vanity, I like to always look good and sexy but that didn’t achieve the most positive reaction and afterward I think it came off insecure. So the next time I was asked (by a different man), I simply said lust, I always give into temptation but again, it made me seem easy to please and weak. All these answers put him at the upper hand.
Finally I was asked the question a third time by a particularly cocky POT who asks me so what’s your vice? I said, “I’m very competitive and constantly challenging myself to better myself and my life. Like if I go for run four days a week, the week after I might challenge myself to do five. I’m constantly improving and pushing myself to improve.”
And let me tell you - he really liked that, he start babbling about how I was so focused and driven and blah blah and it made for a great transition into why I need a sponsor in the first place.
So in case you babies have been asked this by a man or if you want to bring up vices yourself to find out his vice and put HIM on the spot, now you have the perfect answer.
<b>Aries:</b> probably tries to convince u that they killed a person but fails miserably<p/><b>Taurus:</b> replaces all the salt with sugar and vice versa<p/><b>Gemini:</b> probably the best person to avoid<p/><b>Cancer:</b> probably crying<p/><b>Leo:</b> replaces all the salt with cocaine<p/><b>Virgo:</b> probably hiding in a bomb shelter<p/><b>Libra:</b> staying in their own lane<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> that one asshole that posts screamers probably<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> probably hunting down the asshole who put salt in the sugar<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> 2nd best person to avoid besides Gemini<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> tired with Capricorn for second person to avoid<p/><b>Pisces:</b> in the bomb shelter with Virgo<p/></p>
While not an update to the main story, for this OUATless Easter weekend here is part one of a three part fic set in my BH&H universe. It’s based on a comment I made a while ago that Emma always gives up seeing Killian for Lent. So let’s explore that a bit, shall we? I’m considering this basically a prequal, it takes place a year or two before Will Scarlet started working for Killian.
If you haven’t read BH&H, this probably won’t make much sense. The main fic is here.
Part I of III - Absolution
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Emma, are we seriously going to go through this EVERY YEAR?”
She ignored the grumbling coming from the bed and slipped her camisole over her head, pulling her hair out from the back and looking around for her sweater. She was sure she’d still been wearing it when they’d stumbled through the door and into the bedroom - Killian had been shirtless by then, and she’d been sucking eagerly on his neck, her tongue dipping into that hollow spot above his collarbone with her nails raking down his naked back, but she’d definitely been fully dressed.
“Forty fucking days. Every year. Like I’m coffee, or chocolate, or-”
“I’m giving up chocolate too this year,” she interrupted, and he propped himself up on his elbow and glared.
“So I’m on par with confectionary, then? Thanks a lot.”
Emma wished she hadn’t said anything, fussing with the twisted straps of her camisole and trying to ignore the tingling between her legs, the throb and echo from their evening of amorous activities. And they had been very active. In the bed, against the wall, on the floor, and in the armchair.
Her sweater was draped over the back of the chair and she picked it up, turning it over and frowning. There was a large black scorch mark down the back of it.
“Killian! Would you stop burning my clothes?”
She held up the sweater, pointing to the mark, and his glare dissolved into a knowing smirk.
“You do remember just who it is you’re sleeping with, darling, don’t you?”
Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa: Oikawa tries so hard to be all suave but how many times has he tried to hold the door open for Iwaizumi and ends up struggling while Iwaizumi laughs his ass off
Who doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside them: Oikawa - and it’s not even his desk. It’s Iwaizumi’s desk and Iwaizumi is ready to punch him (but he doesn’t bc he can’t help but think it’s cute)
Who starts the tickle fights: Iwaizumi - he gets a mischievous grin on his face and attacks with everything he’s got (bc Oikawa is a kicker so you must have tact)
Who starts the pillow fights: usually Oikawa pisses Iwaizumi off that he throws the pillow at him. Sometimes Oikawa picks up the pillow and hits him back. Usually this leads to a battle where there’s no more mercy.
Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile: Iwaizumi does this more often than he’d like to admit - only because Oikawa looks so peaceful when he sleeps
Who mistakes salt for sugar: Oikawa is so hopeless in cooking, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to make something for Iwaizumi. And even when he mistakes salt for sugar or vice versa, Iwaizumi still tries to eat it (he also makes Oikawa eat with him though)
Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning: Iwaizumi actually - when the boy is hungry he will stop at nothing
Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines: both!! Oikawa and Iwaizumi have this thing where they text each other cheesy pickup lines all the time
Who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order: Oikawa actually likes being super neat and tidy so he does~
Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies: they both fight over it and Iwaizumi usually wins
Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion: Oikawa bc he’s a hopeless romantic and no one can stop him
Who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen: Oikawa - much like he does with drawing hearts on Iwaizumi’s desk
Who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation: Iwaizumi actually loves bringing those home bc he likes keeping them as a memory
Who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines: Oikawa literally buys these magazines and on those lazy Sundays they both sit in their pjs on the floor doing these (and for some reason Iwaizumi doesn’t protest)