suffocatin

Heartbreak

You pounded your fist against the door to Jack’s house, battling to make yourself heard over the sound of heavy Scottish rain. It was late, and the world was asleep. You were soaked to the bone, desperate, partly to get into the warm, but mostly to see your best friend. You needed his comfort.

“Jack!” you called, making as much noise as your weak voice could, raw as it was from crying.

After a minute of ramming the door with all your might, you heard footsteps approach, and the door opened to reveal Jack standing in the doorway. His face carried years of comfort and laughter, affection oozing from soft eyes. Even though the rain masked your tears, he instantly recognised your distress.

“Y/N! What in Christ’s name are ye doing out at this time of night, and in this weather? Come in before ye catch yer death!”

Without another word he bundled you inside, instantly leading you to the bathroom to have a hot bath. “Here’s a towel, I’ll find ye some dry clothes and have a cup o’ tea waiting for ye.”

You soaked your cold skin in the hot water, trying to let the heat permeate through your body. There was a gentle knock after a few minutes, as Jack poked his head round the door. You sunk a little lower beneath the porcelain rim, hiding your nudity.

“Ye left yer fluffy pyjamas bottoms last time ye stayed the night, and ye can borrow a jumper.” He left the items in a neat pile on the floor, and edged out. You lay in the water for a little while, but you really craved the warmth of Jack’s embrace, and his gentle voice to lull you into calm acceptance of your situation. You were fuming, desperately sad, confused, and afraid. You got out of the water, dried yourself off and changed into the clothes Jack had left you, which excluded underwear. Yours was still too wet to wear, so you went without. The jumper hung off you, but it was soft and smelled like Jack. You took a deep breath and filled your lungs with his scent, hugging the fabric against your bare flesh. You wandered into the living room where Jack was sat on the sofa and two mugs sat side by side on the coffee table. You snuggled up beside him, curling your legs up beside you and leaning your head onto his chest. You hummed gratefully as he handed you your tea, cradling it in still slightly numb hands. The heat tingled as it spread up your fingers, but it was the feeling of Jack wrapping a long arm around your shoulders that made you shiver.

“Are ye feelin’ a little better now?” he asked. You shrugged noncommittally.  

“What’s goin’ on love? What made ye walk here in the rain?”. He spoke so tenderly, and you were so fragile.

“Darren broke up with me.”

“Oh hen,” he cooed, pulling your body in closer to his, “What happened?”

“He missed date night again this week, and I’d made such an effort. I made dinner, and bought new lingerie and all. He didn’t even tell me he was going to be back late from the office. I was sat in his flat like a lemon for three hours waiting for him. When he eventually showed up he barely apologised and we got into this big fight. Long story short he said he didn’t have time for me anymore and I wasn’t worth the effort. I ran straight here,” you finished with a sigh.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Are you?” you retorted with more venom in your voice than you had intended. Your emotions were all over the place. “You never liked him, you’ve wanted me to break up with him for months.”

“I dinnae think he was good enough for ye, but that doesn’t make me less sorry that he hurt ye.”
“He wasn’t good enough? He was a lawyer Jack!”
“So?” he said, his temper rising to match yours. “Tha’ makes him worthy of ye then? What about respecting ye and the things ye love. How many times did you try and take him to that art gallery? Did ye ever go? And what about making time to be with ye? What about making ye his priority every once in a while? What about showing ye how much ye mean to him, not just apologising fer cancelling a date again by buying ye some expensive present, huh? He took advantage of yer good heart. Ye forgive too easily and ye let him walk all over ye!”

You stared at him blankly, not knowing how to respond to his sudden outburst. He huffed before continuing, “I don’ understand ye Y/N. Ye have so much determination, ye won’t let anyone mess ye about, yer tough and strong and bright, but as soon as you’ve got a fella ye turn into some wet puppy dog and show yer belly any time he comes near.”

His words hit you hard; you were vulnerable from the breakup, feeling unworthy and unlovable as it was. Hearing your best friend berate you like that left you completely shattered.

“I didn’t come here for a lecture, Jack,” you said meekly, battling against the tears that were welling in your eyes. “I feel shitty enough without you telling me I’m weak. I know, okay?”

When Jack saw how he’d affected you he stood up, running a hand through his long hair, and pacing in front of you.

“Yer no’ weak, I just don’t understand how ye can be so blind about love.” He knelt before you. “Ye go looking in all the wrong places. You deserve someone who knows how precious ye are, who understands ye, and knows how to make ye feel better when yer down; when ye need him to tell ye how well yer doing and when to just hold ye tight and kiss ye.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear, still wet from the rain, letting his fingers linger on your cheek for just a second too long. You started at each other for an eternal moment, your eyes darting rapidly between his. You were invaded by blue and suddenly it was all you could see.

“And where do I find such a superman?” you whispered, the tension hanging thick in the air between you.

Jack laughed gingerly and shook his head, all that tension dissipating as swiftly as it had appeared. He looked down, no longer able to make eye contact.

“He’s closer than ye think. Ye wouldnae have to look far.”

“So you’ve got someone in mind?”. You leaned in closer, some invisible force pulling you towards him.

“Yeah.”

“Who?” you prompted, already sure of the answer but longing to hear the words, see them form on his tongue, let them inhabit you.

He took a deep breath, seemingly setting himself. He looked up to meet your eyes again, and the words came tumbling out.

“I’m in love with ye, Y/N. I have been for so long. I cannae even remember when it happened, I just realised one day that all these feelings I have for ye, that swirl around in my head like a snowstorm, are more than just friendship. I love you. It hurt to see ye happy with Darren, but it hurts more that he broke yer heart. Ye see, I would never do that ‘cause it would kill me to know I’d hurt ye. Seeing ye pass me by again and again… it’s suffocatin’ me. I care about ye, more than I know what to do with. I just-”.

All of a sudden he stood up, unable to go on, unable to let himself be so vulnerable in front of you. He walked over to the window; on the glass the street lights and the raindrops danced together, chased each other.

You stood up and walked over to him, needing to be near him. You slid your arms over his shoulders and onto his chest, pressing yourself into him. The tears that had been threatening for so long finally spilled over. This confession, this declaration of love, was so unexpected that you didn’t know what to feel. You were shocked and excited and frightened. He had opened something within you, a box that had been locked away for as long as you’d known him, a desire that had been forbidden until now. But still, you were newly out of a relationship which had left you wounded. You were damaged, tired, frail, but you knew you could have something with Jack more special than anything you’d ever experienced. You fit together, snug and comfortable, and you wanted that desperately.

“I want you, Jack. I didn’t know it until now but I do.” He turned his head, his shoulders still closed off but a little more open to you now. You leant up on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek.

“But I’m still hurting. He hurt me. I can’t rush into something with you and risk ruining what we have, even what we could potentially have.”

He turned to face you fully now, and you cradled his jaw in your hands. He looked down as he played with the hem of your jumper, until you guided his eye line towards your face.

“Give me time Jackie.”

He nodded, slightly glum but mostly excited; like a little boy who’s been told he’s getting a puppy but not till Christmas. You smiled, already feeling better, and stroked the hair at the back of his neck.

He bent down and, with barely a touch, pecked your lips. You smiled as he rested his forehead against yours.

“I can wait,” he whispered.

youtube

[Intro: G-Eazy]
G, Bebe I got you

[Verse 1]
Friends come and go, friends come and go
Go like the seasons
I never know, I never know
What to believe in
And It’s getting old, it’s getting old
But no hard feelings
‘Cause friends come and go, friends come and go
Without a reason
And I, I’ve been in L.A. for way too long
Can’t get this air inside my lungs
It feels like I’m suffocatin’ from
All the lack of the realness here
[Pre-Chorus: Bebe Rexha]
Is there anybody real out here?
Got my middle middle up
While I’m singing

[Chorus: Bebe Rexha]
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
Only thing they’re good for is leaving
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
I’ve had it up to the ceiling
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
Only thing they’re good for is leaving
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends

[Verse 2: G-Eazy]
And lately I’ve been dealin’ with mad stress
Comes with the territory of a Hollywood address
Is anybody real here, I need some fact checks
I need more realness, need you to act less
'Cause they deserve Oscars, so many imposters
What’s up with guest lists, can I come to your concerts?
We all got demons, I’m dealin’ with monsters
But at the same time I know I’m blessed to be here
So let’s just be clear, how many kids wish they had this spot
Be careful with the people you meet here, I’m sayin’
Uh, yeah

[Pre-Chorus: Bebe Rexha & (G-Eazy)]
Is there anybody real out here? (G)
Got my middle middle up
While I’m singing (Uh)

[Chorus: Bebe Rexha]
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
Only thing they’re good for is leaving
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
I’ve had it up to the ceiling
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
Only thing they’re good for is leaving
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends
(We don’t need 'em)

[Bridge]
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
Say it to my face, don’t pretend
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
Say it to my face, don’t pretend
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends

[Pre-Chorus: Bebe Rexha]
Is there anybody real out here?
Got my middle middle up
While I’m singing

[Chorus: Bebe Rexha]
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
Only thing they’re good for is leaving
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
I’ve had it up to the ceiling
Fuck fake friends, we don’t need 'em
Only thing they’re good for is leaving
And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind
I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends

alfietheblogger-deactivated2016  asked:

OMG YOU GUYS SCARING THE POOR GUY. GIVE HIM TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OR SOMETHING TO CALM DOWN SHEESH.

Alfred obviously meant me.

Yeh’re suffocatin’ ‘im! Hell, yeh’re suffocatin’ ME, an’ I wus jus’ watchin’!

Oh… Oh thank God. I thought he wus gonna start cryin’ again. Maybe you can calm.. him.. ah…?

Bbbhh. How do mums do that. I wanna learn how t’ flick the off switch on a baby.