suffocate me please

Thoughts from a strictly patented child

Reminder; I’m almost 16, a junior in High school

I want the world to devour me.
I want life to consume me.
I want to know what it’s like being the one telling the story.
I want to feel the adrenaline rush flood through my veins and pour out of my laughing and smiling mouth from sneaking out once.
I want to know what it’s like to live.
I want to know what it’s like to not have anxiety screaming at me inside my thoughts daily.
I want to be able to talk to my mom about things.
I want to not lie to my parents.
I want to not feel like I’m having a panic attack when I hand over my phone to my mom even when I’m not hiding something.
I want squeal when I get a cute text from my crush.
I want to tell my mom about the boy I’m falling for.
I want to feel freedom.
I want to know what it’s like to breath without getting screamed at.
I want to know what it’s like to gaze at the stars at 2am after a hike up the mountain with my friends.
I want to know what it’s like to tell my friends yes without having to say sorry probably not.
I want to tell my mom the boy I think im falling for has just asked me out on a date.
I want to tell my mom everything going on in my life without being yelled qt.
I want to not feel terrible and cry over wanting to live.
I want to not punish myself for thinking maybe if I bend this rule I coukd do this.
I want to not cry myself to sleep at night bc my mother is literally refraining me from the outside world.
I want to know what it’s like to live.
I want to feel alive.
Please. that’s what I want. It sounds like at lot. But it really isnt, so please.

so we’ve got our family of four empty cups and i’m just thinking of the individual dynamics

  • like, samirah and magnus playing mario kart and her destroying him on rainbow road
  • blitzen being unable to stand the fact that magnus is incapable of wearing a cohesive outfit and starts helping him with his wardrobe
  • hearth signing ‘it’s easier to accept it than fight it’ to magnus who is making faces at the new clothes when blitz has his back turned 
  • tbh i can totally imagine hearth and samirah having hour-long card games bc neither of them will admit defeat
  • blitz asking for samirah’s input on a defensive hijab line hnnngggg yes
  • samirah and magnus asking hearth a question and getting ‘go ask your father’ in response lol
  • additionally, blitz saying to hearth ‘it was your kids fault!’
  • ‘why are they only my kids when they’ve done something wrong?’
  • empty cup family aaaaaaaaaah

Well, first year is about halfway done (material-wise) so here’s a bit of a recap for what’s happened so far!

Sonic and the Room of Requirement (first year)

  1. Sonic received his letter, Professor Vanilla Rabbit journeyed to Green Hill Zone to retrieve him, Sonic ventured through Diagon Alley with Professor Vanilla and her young daughter Cream, and he got lost once in a moment of sheer terror.
  2. Sonic traveled to the school on the Sylvania Express, with a shockingly wet surprise, and he was sorted into his house. To round out the evening, he met two of the ghosts that inhabit the castle, an angsty third year, and noticed a troubling connection between said third year and a professor by the name of Maria Robotnik.
  3. Toward the end of September, Sonic met Knuckles, creating a tenuous friendship through sheer happenstance.
  4. Sonic developed a healthy dose of suspicion about Shadow (well, it’s healthy in his opinion; Knuckles disagrees and sorta thinks that his new friend is crazy), and he vowed to figure out what the third year is up to.
  5. In the middle of October, Sonic stumbled on the Master Emerald (after pointedly following Knuckles, so he tripped over something he was looking for), and helped Knuckles find a permanent hiding place for it in the Room of Requirement. After that, Knuckles taught Sonic about Chaos and how it affected everything–including him.
  6. It was around this point that Sonic had a creeping realization that his magic wasn’t working like his classmates’. Professor Robotnik mentioned something about Chaos, but Sonic was far too preoccupied just trying to get wingardium leviosa to work.
  7. Halloween dawned as a welcome distraction, both with the mystery of the Secret Room and by allowing Sonic and Knuckles to get to know the ghosts Mighty and Ray better.
  8. In November, the first Quidditch match was Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin! Sonic was totally excited, but also distracted by Espio’s suspicious behavior right before the match. Later, they discovered why and helped Espio and Vector with a very large problem.
  9. December brought Little Planet to Never Lake, which the school was situated on, and along with it the End of the Year Ball. Sonic was too young to attend so he spent the evening staring up at the planet, contemplating his place in the world.
  10. After the winter break ended and the next term began in January, Sonic stumbled (actually stumbled this time) on the Mirror of Erised one night. It revealed a few shadowy figures standing around him, not that he knew who they were. It was only after dragging Knuckles there and the echidna revealing that he saw his long-dead parents in it that Sonic began to feel uneasy about the whole thing. Finally, Professor Pickle appeared on the third night to set Sonic straight and the mirror disappeared after that.
  11. March began the famed Echidna Lesson in History of Magic for second year Knuckles. He struggled to stay numb to the whole thing, even as his own history was told to him like a mythology, but an innocent question from a fellow student set him off. Later, Sonic found him sobbing in the Room of Requirement and he tried his best to help him through his grief.

[You can find all of this on the index for easier reading!]

Keep reading

realizations after re-watching Doctor Who (from Rose) and not studying: 

  • billie piper is one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my entire life (let’s be honest every girl i’ve ever met fits that description) but CAN BILLIE PLEASE BE MY MOTHER 
  • how the frick frack diddly dack snick snack quarterback humpback crackerjacking F*CK do people not like Christopher Eccelson? he’s phenomenal?!?!?!?! please stick the sonic screwdriver down??? my??? throat??? suffocate me please???? 
  • once again, can Billie run me over with a steamroller and roll me into cookie dough 
  • rose is basically the british version of Hannah Montana but with bills to pay and a mom to take care of she is a grown-ass woman 
  • interracial, functioning, hilarious, wholesome, all-around brilliant relationship that NOBODY F*CKING TALKS ABOUT 
  • seriously mickey is my everything 
  • “What are you doing here?” “I live here” IM GOING TO SCREAM 
  • Nine deserves way more recognition than this bullshit fandom gives him 
  • also I love how the only discourse i have ever seen in the DW fandom is whether or not Nine is important and it just makes me think about that John Mulaney skit where he’s like “gay people are humans” “okay, we’ll think about that” 
  • the theme song is still rad as hell it has aged like fine wine *kisses fingertips you know in the stereotypical french way* 
  • rose’s mom is my favorite person to ever exist 
  • “i’m in my dressing gown” “yes, you are” canon ace doctor 
  • i’m kidding 
  • okay but what if the doctor really is ace 
    • *internal dialogue* there must be a drought because you are thirsty for that representation
    • indeed i am 
    • *cue theme song* 
  • jesus christ it’s 2 am i must be drunk good night 

anonymous asked:

Hello I'd like to have some relationship headcanons for Dazai,Chuuya and Kunikida,thank you very much!!


  • It takes a while for him to truly forge that emotional connection with you. It’s not just a “I like you, you like me, let’s get together” type of thing. It’s slow and long and involves both of you forging that connection. You never even intended to get together, but it just happened naturally.
  • His flirtation habits basically come to a stop, unless it’s for a mission (but he definitely makes it up to you afterwards). Sometimes he’ll make public flirtation gestures at you (”Would you please suffocate me with these beautiful hands?”), but your more seriously romantic habits are kept private.
  • A lot of your dates are jank, like breaking into a theme park or sneaking onto the roof of a private building. Your adventures never run out when you’re with Dazai. If you attempt to do something traditionally romantic, either it’ll be a mess or you’ll both get bored and ditch it to do something more fun along the beach.
  • Since it’s Dazai, you two are very sexually active. Lazy morning sex, good night sex, sex right before dinner, janitor closet sex, you name it. There doesn’t exist a single place in Yokohama where you and Dazai haven’t attempted to do the frick frack.


  • Chuuya is hella romantic. From the day that you meet to your 5-year anniversary, he will always be romantic. Wines and roses and fancy clothing is a must be if you’re going to date Chuuya.
  • Occasionally, you’ll take a more casual type of date, but most of your dates are in fancy settings (think cruise ships, restaurants, and long vacations in foreign countries). 
  • Chuuya will nearly always start off sex with lots and lots of foreplay to make sure that you’re enjoying it to the maximum level. Lots of kissing and neck-biting and whispering sweet nothings.
  • You two will be revered as the King and Queen of the Port Mafia. Although Chuuya’s not boss, his role as an executive puts you in a well-respected position. The subordinates treat you as their own.


  • You know how extra he is? Yeah, that applies to his relationships, too. His dates are very meticulously planned out and he needs at least two weeks for preparation. This also means that he does not react well to surprises.
  • He gets extremely flustered when one of his dates does not go exactly the way that he wants it to. It actually takes you having to comfort him that you don’t need him to be perfect to love him for him to sort of chill out.
  • He actually gets more chill once he starts dating you. Dazai gets beat up less and he’s less obsessive with staying on a schedule. You become the first person that people go to when Kunikida gets a little stir crazy.
  • Like Chuuya, he is also quite a romantic when it comes to sex. He’ll lead off and make sure you’re enjoying everything before anything gets started. 
maybe someday i’ll tell someone about you
how you made me feel like how broken glass looks
i sit in the back of the gym and write shitty poetry about you and how for a brief time you made me invincible and then ripped my heart out so i had to keep living with the pain of losing you
even afterwards you still wouldn’t let me go
you closed your sweaty hands around me like how Captain Hook closed his fist around Tinker Bell and tried to crush her fragile wings
didn’t you know fairies can’t live without their wings?
yet you still held me in that vice grip, crushing my lungs with the pressure
you know they say to carry salt to protect yourself from ghosts
my pockets are fucking overflowing with it
but your ghost is still closing his hands around my throat
please just let me fucking go you don’t own me anymore you never did but i let you control me because i just wanted to feel like i mattered and i thought you loved me like i loved you but you were just suffocating me so please leave this isn’t your home anymore and i can’t love you like i used to.
—  on abusive relationships//e.r.l.