As some of you know… Jack(?) has been acting strange ever since the Antipocalypse.

So I wanted to write down all of the odd stuff. (I’ll probably add to here when something else happens)

~ His vlog saying the Anti stuff is over wasn’t on schedule (so far only Anti messed up the schedule THAT much)… no way it can be trusted.

~ The things he said in that vlog, are a complete repeat of what Jack said back in october… He sounds like a broken record, repeating himself, trying to act “normal” and like what is expected of him… (A good comparison of those vlogs by @hbpencil1990 - here)

~ “SO MUCH FANART” 8:19 He’s looking at fanart of all the egos and he talks alot about the other egos but once he reaches Anti he doesn’t do anything other than adress Anti as “Jack” for unknown reasons and the video cuts to a different subject, while he’s still looking at this fanart… He never found the need to correct himself. (Also people noted that he says “Jack” instead of “me” a lot… to which he anwered he doesn’t like saying “me me me” on everything)

~ “WE GOT OUT!” 9:50 He’s saying. “Maybe I should get one of my own characters. Maybe I should get Jack and beat the shit out of him.” I know he’s just talking about his two Jacks in the game but I found it a funny thing to say after everything that happened… Also a lot of stuff like “we escaped” and “we got out” but that’s related to the game so nevermind.

~ “IS THIS ALLOWED??” 10:54 We can hear Jack saying “I wanna die” In a creepy voice. Yeah, I know “this is just Jack messing with us!”… But lets be real, the whole Anti thing is just Jack messing with us. What’s the difference?? In the PUBG stream with Felix around 1:49:55 he talks in that voice again, but then corrects Felix that it what Anti and giggles. (Thank you @anti-brxxdgee for the time stamp)

~ Also in “IS THIS ALLOWED??” 15:52 When he says “I’m bleeding everywhere.” the Anti merch appears on screen because… of reasons…(?)

~ You know how Jack’s videos end with a Sam bouncing around and Jack’s icon appearing on top of it so people dont forget to subscribe?… Yeah, Anti’s face have been there since then. I find it a wierd placment, as if Jack has been disposed of and we don’t need to remember him anylonger… (Thank you @quinn-and-kin for pointing that out here)

~ The first 3 (/4?) videos he uploaded since then were with his neck hidden in the thumbnails… It was strange but looks like he stopped doing that.

 ~ Even now he keeps reblogging stuff about Anti without captions (Just like Anti loves doing)

~ He still, till this day has the Anti banner in twitter. He cheekily said he doesn’t know what to change it to… But normally he would first go to his old one and then think about putting something new… No reason to leave Anti there.

~ During a stream with Felix “It’s very damaged, just like my dark persona.” he makes sure to talk after Felix is done so we’ll hear him properly… Oh we sure know, Jack, we know.

~ “ESCAPING WITH FRIENDS“ The thumbnail says “Completely Innocent”… But who is? After combining it with the numbers in that picture, I think it’s either about Anti Or what is going to happen to Chase. (Or of course it’s just about the game… but he loves dropping those easter eggs)

~ Jack confirmed the background voice from Anti’s appearance to be from Pinocchio. I guess Anti’s a real boy now…(?)

~ Noticed how in the PUBG stream Jack referenced Anti quite a lot but none of it made it into his video?

Guys what Anti told us had meaning. We expect everything to go back to “Normality” after one video he appears. We expect a silly vlog with Jack saying how much fun he had. We expect everything Jack says to be jokes untill the next time Anti sufaces… We are stuck in a loop.

No wonder Anti is sick of those circles. He’s began another cycle, where everything is tailored according to what is expected of him, of “Jack”.

But now he’s sick of it, and little by little he makes mistakes. It’s not over yet, and next time we reach the “Anti part” of this cycle… We’ll be sorry for not realising this earlier…

We need to break this neverending cycle.

(thoughts on how to do it)

My Heart Will Go On

Title: My Heart Will Go On

Author: @spn-imagines-nation ; Gwen

Pairing: BalthazarXReader

Word Count: 1,326

Warnings: None exept intense fluff!!! 6x17 spoil

A/N: Requested by @axelwolf8109 !

Summary: Balthazar unsank the Titanic. As the boys realized it his excuse is that he hated Celine Dion’s song from the movie. But the real reason is slightly different.

Feedback is always appreciated ! ❤ English isn’t our first language, sorry for that !

Sam and Dean decided to summon the angel Balthazar after finding him in a picture of the Titanic’s crew. They were working on a case where the boat’s passenger’s offspring were being killed, they carried a table to the middle of the room they were in. Then Dean put a bowl and candles on it and drew some sigills in chalk, as Sam closed the curtains to avoid any curious eyes to watch their private ceremony. Afterwards Dean lighted a match and droped it into the bowl, the lights flickered as the summoned creature answered the call. The Winchesters started to look around as they doubt their rital worked. Until they could finally hear the angel’s familiar teasing voice. He told them, after serving himself a drink, how the boat was supposed to sink by hurting an iceberg and how he hated the movie and the song made for it by the not so famous anymore, in this new reality, Celine Dion. All of this just made the bothers more and more confused as they were now supposed to save undreds of people because of him.

“But now somebody is killing the descndants of the survivors. 
– And ?
– And that’s maybe like 50,000 people. 
– And ?
– And we need to save as many as we can, but we need to know who’s after ‘em. 
– Oh, uh, sorry, uh. You have me confused with the other angel, you know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you. I… don’t care. Goodbye, boys.” 

He left right after saying these words leaving the brothers speachless by his arrogance and selfishness. But in reality the angel was not only leaving, but returning directly in the past, where he had something important for him to do. He didn’t un-sank the Titanic for the reason he evoked but for something even his pride couldn’t admit for a long time.

Back in the old, old days each angels looked after humans, all equally shared among them. After God’s vanishing they denied their mission. But denial didn’t prevent them from hearing the calls of their protégés. Balthazar ignored them as he always did until a voice ringed in a really peculiar way in his hears.

It was in 1890 when Y/N was born, at this time he knew she would be a very unique person. And he was right in her 20′s Y/N was a beautiful and strong woman. She was unique, independant, fierce, and most of all she was pure, so pure that she shined in the eyes of heaven. At first the angel tried to ignore the voice, this inner voice telling him to protect her at all cost, the urge to always watch after her. He thought that it was his mission punshing him right in the face after all this time but it was way more than that. The others started to worry about the attention growing from their brother.

They were in their right since love between angels and humans was prohibited because of the result of their union, nephilims. Nephilims whom God erased from the suface of the earth when he decided they were not meant to be in either world of his creation. Since that day it was clear that their love for humans was their biggest weakness. So they decided to look away from earth and to somehow forget all about those stories.

“That’s nothing just some kind of nostalgic feeling for the good old times.”

He assured to his borthers, they trusted him for this time. But he realized that humans were everything, in fact he realized that she was everything. Another kind of love was born inside of him just by watching this pure soul helplessly calling for him. And that was it, the decision was made by his clostest brothers to end this masquarade a way or another.

A day of 1912 the young and beautiful lady Y/N took a trip to the US throught the incredible boat everyone was talking about, the Titanic. At first he was enjoying the trip just like she was. The feeling of the unknown and of infinite possibilities, a whole new horizon for the adventurous Y/N who was as exited as ever. But the exitment was short for Balthazar as he learned the ship was planed to sink a few days later, taking this pure and blessed soul he cherished so much with it. In the end he could only watch this beautiful woman he loved so much going to the bottom of the ocean as he desperatly cried, and he cried for a long time. The worst part was that she didn’t find her way to Heaven or Hell, she was just gone, forever.

Until the gorvernor of heaven fell into the pit letting chaos invade the kingdom of the lord. He never forgot her and what was 100 years in the life of an angel? It was finally time for him to have a chance to say good bye to Y/N. But things changed when he saw her stading in the line to get into the ship. He couldn’t just let her go again.

“I’ve missed you.
– Wh-who are you? Do I know you ? 
– Oh. Right. Let me introduce myself. I’m Balthazar.”

In some way she could only smile at him as she was shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.
– I know.”

He smiled back as she looked quite puzzled at first. But a familiar feeling invaded her, like she always knew him, and she did. He stayed the whole trip with her during his free time as he was a member of the crew, pretending his was learning about her like she was about him. But he already knew everything, and he already loved her a love that even the sky wouldn’t be able to supress. The boat avoided the iceberg and she avoided a tormented and agonising death. That was the moment he sined. And quickly the hardness of reality came back at him when the Winchesters called for him. He made a choice, the one to kill Atropos, one of the fates, and all the ones that would get in the way. And as he found the good timing to kill the first one, he got stoped by Castiel. At that real instant he understood, the past belongs to the past. The reality was heartbroken, it happened a century ago and it was still so hurtfull to him that he denided her death and lived with the only hope of her coming back in any way possible. But he knew the rules, rules that even the rebells won’t even dare to break. Anyone but him, and he saw his mistake, his sin: it was to think he could ever change that.

“Uh, sweetie, before we go, um, I could remove that stick from your.
– Don’t try me.
– Oh. We’ll leave it inserted, then. All right, then. Let’s sink the Titanic.”

He returned back and his heart was teared appart as he saw the smile Y/N formed for him with her perfect red lips as they gazed into each other’s eyes. If he could he would have her by his side forever. But that’s not the law of nature and angels were not meant to love humans the way he loved her. He had to finally let her go after all this time. Castiel and Atropos were there too, only watching from the distance as the angel walk to the love of his eternity of a life. He embraced her with all the strenght and the gentleness of his love.

My heart will go on.
– What?
– I will miss you, I am the worst guardian of the history of Heaven. Oh, I will miss you so much.”

Tears flowed from the corner of his eyes as he captured her lips for the very first and last time.

Something’s Gotta give. ( Taehyung / OC) Chapter One

Eight years.

At first thought , it seemed like a long time.  Technically it isn’t. People celebrate 25 years and 50 years of being together and eight years is pretty meager by comparison. Love is timeless, after all? 

 And honestly , some days, i look at Taehyung and it feels like just yesterday, we were standing in the rain and taking our vows.  I’d met him for the first time, at a dinner hosted by a mutual friend, the popular idol with the too wide smile and the beautiful face. We had sneaked out to pet the hostess’ dog, in one of the secluded rooms and I’d realized how incredibly down to earth and sweet this man was. 

He’d been the same age as me but so innocent and happy and so kind. So beautiful. So beautiful that whenever we walked together in public, people would stop short and stare. His beauty was just so arresting, so dazzling and I didn’t even mind the looks that came my way… the looks that said, “ How did someone like her land someone like  him?” 

i loved him and he loved me and that’s more than what a lot of people get in their life, so i was grateful . 

But still , Eight years meant a lot of things. A lot of changes and arguments and broken promises and forgotten dates. apologies not made right, forgiveness not given . Words spat out in a moment of anger, only to be regretted for months. Hurting, being hurt. 

Realizing that it’s not always easy to like someone always, just because you’re in love with them. Realizing that sex isn’t enjoyable when you have to shut your eyes because you’re still mad about the fight you had last week. Realizing that re-heating dinner after waiting for your husband for three hours makes you feel like you failed at life. 

Taehyung and I have been married for eight years. 

I gently lifted the small framed photograph off his desk, wiping down on the glass surface with the small cleaning rag, spraying some cleaner and then rubbing it again till the suface sparkled. The light from the window bounced off the reflective glass, tossing patterns on the wall and it was bright. But not as bright as our smiles in the photo. We were both young, then : Twenty one.  

Young and in love and so confident in our own immortality.

  Let’s get married. Have babies. Buy that pretty house with the white picket fence and three dogs and two cats and let’s just make everyone else jealous … Make them years for a love like ours. So much love I have for you , baby girl. i love you so much.  

It didn’t really work out that way. You see, sometimes love is enough. Sometimes it isn’t. 

And a marriage does not contain love. A marriage only contains what you put into it. If you don’t put love in marriage , and then try to draw love from it, it’s like drawing water from a dried up well. Just because you’re parched, desperate for a sip, doesn’t mean water is going to miraculously materialize. 

the same with love, really. 

But still, 

Eight years. 

The next photograph is from our rehearsal dinner, with the rest of his band. There’s Jung Kookie, bunny smile bright as he threads silly string through my hair, there’s Seokjin tugging on Taehyung’s arm and nuzzling his neck , There’s Jimin , arms around his fiancee , Yoojung but smiling fondly at his best buddy. There’s Namjoon bright, happy and so proud of Taehyung. There’s Hoseok, on his knees on the floor, carrying a grinning Taehyung who’s happily astride on his shoulders. 

And There’s Taehyung, happy. Smiling. His fingers linked with mine, his smile wide and boxy and uncaring. And There’s me, not gorgeous by their standards but pretty : bright pink skirt and ruffled white blouse, hair dyed a ridiculous burgundy . I looked happy. It was jarring, seeing the warmth in my smile. I hadn’t seen that face in a long time and in her place was a woman with grey tinged eye bags and lank hair. 

And the woman in the mirror had long turned into a stranger. A frowning, confused, lost stranger who didn’t know what was wrong with her marriage or how to fix it. A woman who went through the day in a trance, busy without getting anything done and in love with a phantom. 

i don’t know exactly when it started : this downward spiral. A year ago, he got a movie with Lalisa Manoban and began to work over time. 

Taehyung didn’t come home on most nights and even when he did, it was to awkward silences and cold food. We didn’t talk much, him perpetually tired from working and me perpetually worried about how tired he was. Any time i voiced my concern , he chewed me out .

 Someone has to pay the bills!

this is what i do, Raemi !!

You knew about my schedules when you married me!! 

i can’t drop years of hardwork, just because you’re feeling lonely, Raemi. why don’t you get a job? Why don’t you keep yourself busy. You can’t expect me to give you all the comfort you need!!

 “You should talk to him” Yoojung had said, when one day, I’d felt incredibly saturated with insecurities and fears and then the damning words had just spilled out of me like dirty water from an overflowing sink. 

“Yoojung what if he’s tired of me?” 

And for a brief moment i considered it. 

I had considered, talking to him. Maybe even taking a break.  Moving to my parent’s house, maybe. but i couldn’t. what if something awful happened. What if , me leaving , just convinced Taehyung that he could live without me? What if he realized that he didn’t need me after all? 

So I stayed. Even though we weren’t us, even though my husband was taking all the love from our marrage and putting nothing back in for me to receive, i stayed. 

One day, he asked me to dress for a dinner date. With friends, he said. But just as I got ready , just as we were about to leave, he stared at me, his face oddly calculatiove as he took in my dress and my hair and just me. 

“Maybe , we should hire a few maids.” He said softly. 

I had been so startled. 

“What, why?”

“The house looks like a trash can. What do you do here all day, anyway?”

I had been stunned speechless. He had never talked to me that way. Had never talked to anyone that way. Taehyung had a name for being kind and considerate. He stood there, staring at me, not a hint of playfulness or kindness or even affection on his face.

I couldn’t stop the tears that spilled over and I had turned on my heel and walked back into my work room and slammed the door shut. He didn’t even bother checking up on me, instead leaving for the dinner by himself. 

That night, for the first time in a long time, I slept in the guest bedroom. Turns out i didn’t even have to. He never came home. 

And then the rumors began. 

 Star Actor Kim Taehyung affair with Lalisa Manoban?Visual couple dazzle on the ramp but is there something going on behind the scenes and under the sheets?

 Tabloids. Sleazy words and sickening rumors. Because that’s what they were : rumors. Taehyung would never cheat on me. Lalisa may have perfect features, a lithe , lissom body and those slanted , gorgeous eyes but i had his name and that ought to mean something, right? 

i placed the photograph back and sighed. 

Past the framed photograph, there were things that i don’t usually touch. The huge file with all his movie scripts. it’s thick and big and it just served as yet another reminder that to Taehyung, his work would always come first. The past few years, he has been successful, not just in Korea but overseas as well. I was proud of him. Of course i was. Who wouldn’t be? He was handsome, successful and talented and respected : Koreas’s Treasure. 

His friends were all successful too, most of them married ( except for Yoongi and jung Kook ) They still have comebacks . They still do music. But they have their own families too. Once a month we  meet up at one of our houses for a day of bonding.  The kids would run around and play ( they all had kids. Except for me and Taehyung. A familiar pang. A pain that refused to be dulled by time. He loved kids. We both did. We had wanted them so badly but eight years is a long time , when you’re trying to have a kid and failing. Sometime after the sixth year, we had given up. ) and we would all talk about the old times, the new times. 

The future.

 It was odd, but Taehyung had long since  stopped talking about  us  as in me and him, when we were with our friends. 

it was always “ I’m going to take a script with…” or “ I’m going to Jeju Do to film” 

Like I was no longer a contributing factor in his future , short term or long term.  

I made to go back to our bedroom but suddenly the room looked too huge and empty and the bed looked massive. Too much for just me. Swallowing the dread that rose up inside me , I shut the door and crept back to the  living space, past the small hallway and onto the room that I used to paint and write. I grabbed the fluffy white throw before  curling on the carpet at the foot of the easel.. i was feeling a bit peaky the past few days. A steady sort of exhaustion that was creeping up on me .

the kind of bone weary tiredness that comes from everyday monotony. 

The phone rang and i jumped a bit. 


“Raemi?” His voice had always been  unique. Deep and slightly rough. Completely at odds with his face. Familiar as as my deepest secrets. 

“Are you back? When are you coming home?” I asked softly. 


“There are a few scenes i wanted to discuss with the Director. He’s invited me to his place tonight.” Taehyung sounded genuinely apologetic. 

What a fantastic actor he was.So much improv, no need for a script. 

 “ Okay. Will you come home tomorrow?” 

“I’ll try. Are you okay? Did you get some rest with me gone ? ” And the concern is not an act, i thought vaguely. Taehyung cared , even if he didn’t care enough. 

“Sure … I’m fine. Tae,  take good care of yourself. Come home soon, okay.”

“Okay, Rae.See you soon.”

“I Love you. “ It’s almost a reminder , at this point. To him and to me. Don’t forget i love you. Don’t forget you love me too.  We act like we don’t, but we do. 

A pause. 

“I love you too, baby.”

After eight years, Taehyung lies without missing a beat. 

 Author’s Note : Yup, i don’t know if i should even continue this.. It sounds so bad? Ugh. 

mistress92  asked:

Hey there new blog friend! To get you started here on the blog scene how about some romantic headcanons for the ut/uf/sf bros with their s/o?

UT sans 

♥Sans is a pretty lazy romantic so don’t expect anything to extravagant.

♥That doesn’t mean he’s not going to do things for, they are just going to be simpler. That mean things like: Lots of cuddling and late night movie marathons, picnics with food from Grillby’s and other things like that.

♥He find little ways to anonymously make your life a little better like, remember those ear rings you lost two weeks ago well bam they’re on your desk, or you have a busy day and don’t have time to eat breakfast, well guess what, now there is a bag chips in your purse out of nowhere.

♥Anytime your feeling down he’ll be there with tons of you favorite snacks and lots blankets. Prepare to spend a few hours being wrapped in a blanket burrito, eating snacks and being told puns and jokes until you feeling better.

♥You’re also one of the few people he’ll open up to, so be prepared to comfort him when he has a breakdown on occasion. To cheer him up just use the strategy he uses for you.

UT papyrus

♥This guy loves big romantic gestures so buckle in!

♥He like making sure that your well fed so he loves to cook for you (mostly spaghetti, but he has learned some other great recipes since getting to the suface) so even if you don’t live together he most likely still find a way give you foot whether it be in Tupperware containers or run to you fresh straight from his house. ( Don’t worry, his cooking has gotton a LOT better since his time in the underground)

♥Dates with Papyrus couldn’t get any cheesier. Fallowing the instuctions of his dating rule book he goes for all the Classics, Dinner and a movie, roller skating, watching the sunset from his convertible, but no mater what you always have a great time.

♥He will easily pick you up and smother you in kisses when he feels like it.

♥He brings you flowers and chocolates a lot, and enjoys taking you shopping for clothes. It always makes him happy seeing how pretty you look in different outfits. Though he can be a little loud with his approval, so the there may be a few people staring when he jumps up on a chair to exclaim how well those boots compliment you eyes.

UF papyrus 

♥Boss also loves big romantic gesture, but it’s a little more of a pride thing for him then Papyrus. He likes showing that he can take care of you and may try to one-up any other couple that you run into, but Boss does care for you dearly and though he would never admit it he loves seeing you happy, especially if he is the one that made you happy.

♥Be prepare to hit the town with this skeleton! Only the best for him and his S/O! You two are going to the fanciest places around and somehow all of the staff somehow already know him.

♥Regardless of his love of fancy things, he also loves laser tag and paint ball and is awesome at both.

♥Boss also loves to cook for you, it makes him feel like you need him, and this guy is absolutely AMAZING and it. His specialty is lasagna, but he knows quite a few other dishes, all of which are delicious and some on the best crap you’ve ever eaten. Genuinely compliment him on his cooking and he will be a blushing mess.

♥He tends to be overprotective of you and doesn’t really like it when when you talk to other guys, he won’t stop you, but he always makes sure that they know you are his.

UF sans

♥This Guy is a totally tsundere but he tries.

♥Red has a tendency to make you think he’s not really interested, but please don’t take it the wrong way, he loves you he just isn’t good at showing.

♥When he see that his action are upsetting you he’ll apologize and reassure you that you are one of the most important things in his life and kisses you until you’re smiling again.

♥Dates will probably be very similar to that of his undertale counterpart, though he might put more effort into some things. Never tell him, but his cuddles are the best. You can hardy believe that such a mean looking skeleton could be so soft.

♥He might try to get you to wear a collar, but if you really don’t want to he won’t push.

♥Also super jealous, but he usually just stands behind you and glares at the competition.

♥He is attention starved so love him and don’t stop even when tells you to. He loves it, he just won’t say so.

SF sans

This guy!

♥Raspberry loves date be flamboyant and high class. So he’s gonna take you do things like Flamenco dancing (how is he so good!?!), and dining on top of a building while the sun sets, but then woops the next thing you know you are riding shotgun, racing in the World Grand Prix, going 270 mph in a Venom GT down a track with Raspberry cackling wildly behind the wheel as he zooms past the other contestants…yep.

♥Also a decent cook, not quite as good a Boss, but good. His specialty is spicy foods.

♥He is always sending you things like Flowers and chocolate covered strawberries and stuff along with different outfits he picked out.

♥Loves to be pet, but will act like he doesn’t. Do it while you two are watching a movie or something and he will become putty in your hand.

SF papyrus

♥Like Red, Rus is attention starved so he loves it when you kiss, cuddle or pet him. He won’t even deny it, he’ll cuddle up to you and purr.

♥The nickname puppy fits him well. He is extremely loyal and just loves you so much like seriously, you are perfect in his eyes.

♥If you’re scared of something, no mater how stupid, he will protect you.

♥He loves to pamper you, and he is really good at it.

♥All the cuddles, and good luck getting out, he has an iron hold when it comes to these things. You’re just so warm.

♥Dates usually involve doing whatever you want, but he doesn’t really like being around crowds so he would prefer to stay home and watch a movie or something.

♥He gets easily overwhelmed by genuine kindness, but in a good way.

There ya go!😸

Normally when you see his chest like this you were seconds away from being thrown into the nearest suface. Your fingers would lightly graze his abs or between his pecs. His muscles were as hard as concrete under your fingertips and the healed scars across his skin looked as sexy as the rest of him.
You just wished you didnt have to see his chest this way when you were dabbing a warm cloth over a huge gash with dripping blood.
You were standing in front of Jason while he leaned his back against the kitchen counter, fiddling with your hair watching you work. It amazed you, how he can take this much pain and still be able to look at you the way he was now. If he werent, you’d be close to breaking down the moment you saw him step into the apartment. But the look in his eyes told you he was okay, and that he just needed a few stitches then he can go right to bed.
You felt his breathing against your neck as you pressed the cloth against the wound.
“Please be careful, Jay”
He laughs, “I know.”
You stop for a while, “I’m serious. You could die out there.”
He holds your hand and brings it to his lips, “If you’re afraid I’ll leave you, I wont.”
You finish with his wound and smile at him as he kisses you in the lips.
“I know”

For some reason, people think I’m insecure because I’m quiet, as if there’s something wrong with being quiet and thinking to yourself. That’s not true at all. I love being my true self and carry it everywhere I go. Quiet is my nature. I like to listen and observe my surroundings. I only talk less because I don’t relate to surface talking and talking over others just to be heard.
—  TheLightWarrior

The year: 2015.  A world where, fifteen years before, over half the human population perished.  A world that has been miraculously revived: its economy, the production, circulation, consumption of material goods, so that even the shelves of convenience stores are filled.  A world where the people have gotten used to the ressurection-yet still feel the end of the world is destined to come.  A world where the number of children, the future leaders of the world, is few.  A world where Japan saw the original Tokyo destroyed, discarded and forgotten, and built a new capital in Nagano Prefecture.  They consructed a new capital, Tokyo-2, then left it to be a decoy-then constructed another new capital, Tokyo-3, and tried to make it safe from attack.  A world where some completely unknown enemy called the “Angels” comes to ravage the cities.

This is roughly the worldview for Neon Genesis Evangelion.   This is a worlview drenched in a vision of pessimism.  A worldview where the story starts only after any traces of optimism have been removed.

And in that world, a 14-year-old boy shrinks from human contact.   And he tries to live in a closed world where his behavior dooms him, and he has abandoned the attempt to understand himself.  A cowardly young man who feels that his father has abandoned him, and so he has convinced himself that he is a completely unnecessary person, so much so that he cannot even commit suicide.

And there is a 29-year-old woman who lives life so lightly as to barely allow the possibility of a human touch.  She protects herself by having suface level relationships, and running away.

Both are extremely afraid of being hurt.  Both are unsuitable-lacking the positive attitude-for what people call heroes of an adventure.   But in any case, they are the heroes of this story.

They say, “To live is to change.”  I started this production with the wish that once the production complete, the world, and the heroes would change.  That was my “true” desire.  I tried to include everything of myself in Neon Genesis Evangelion-myself, a broken man who could do nothing for four years.  A man who ran away for four years, one who was simply not dead.   Then one thought.  "You can’t run away,“ came to me, and I restarted this production.  It is a production where my only thought was to burn my feelings into film.  I know my behavior was thoughtless, troublesome, and arrogant.  But I tried.  I don’t know what the result will be.  That is because within me, the story is not yet finished.  I don’t know what will happen to Shinji, Misato or Rei.  I don’t know where life will take them.  Because I don’t know where life is taking the staff of the production.  I feel that I am being irresponsible.   But… But it’s only natural that we should synchronize ourselves with the world within the production.  I’ve taken on a risk: "It’s just an imitation.”   And for now I can only write this explanation.  But perhaps our “original” lies somewhere within there.

July 17, 1995,
In the studio, a cloudy, rainy day.


By the way, Shinji’s name came from a friend of mine.  Misato’s name came from the hero of a manga.  The name Ritsuko came from a friend of mine in middle school.  I borrowed from everywhere.  Even names that have no bearing on anything actually came from the countless rules that govern these things.  It might be fun if someone with free time could research them.


Hideaki Anno

Today is the 20th anniversary of the beginning of work on Neon Genesis Evangelion.